[Illustration: _INTERESTING AND VALUABLE RESULT._]
[Illustration: _OLD BOYS._
_Old Boy_ (_loq._). "OH, SHE'S A CHARMING GYUIRL, AND, UPON MY SAUL! I
THINK SHE LIKES ME AMAZINGLY!"]
[Illustration: _VERY ALARMING, INDEED._
_Professional Man._--"AH! IT'S VERY LUCKY YOU CAME TO ME IN TIME.--YOU
SEE, MA'AM, YOU HAVE HAD INFLAMMATION OF THE BRONCHIAL TUBES, WHICH,
ACTING UPON THE FLEXOR LONGUS DIGITORUM PEDIS, HAS OCCASIONED AN
ABRASION OF THE DIGASTRICUS, OR, AS SOME CALL IT, THE BIVENTER MAXILLÆ
INFERIORIS; AND WHICH MIGHT HAVE ENDED IN CONFIRMED DELIRIUM TREMENS,
OR EVEN PREMATURE ELEPHANTIASIS. HOWEVER, I DARESAY, &c., &c., &c.
[_Old Lady gasps for breath._
]
[Illustration: _POLITENESS AS IN PARIS._
(_A Perfidious Misrepresentation, of course._)]
[Illustration: _IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FLATTERY._
_Jules_ (_who affects English manners and customs_). "GOOD--A--BY, OLE
BOY! I GO TO MAKE A PROMENADE IN MY TO-CAR."
(_Which being interpreted means that Jules is going for a drive in his
Dog-Cart._])
[Illustration: _VERY ODD!_
_Lecturer on Electro-Biology._ "NOW, SIR! YOU CAN'T JUMP OVER THAT
STICK! AHEM!"
_Subject._ "JUMP? EH! UGH! LOR BLESS ME, JUMP! NO, I KNOW I
CAN'T--NEVER COULD JUMP--UGH!"
[_Thunders of applause from the Gentlemen in the cane-bottom
chairs_--(_i.e. believers_).
]
[Illustration: _A TENDER POINT._
_Irish Jarvie_ (_with much excitement_). "NOT FAST ENOUGH! IS IT? OH
THIN, YER 'ONOR, JIST JUMP UP, TILL I TIRRIFY YE THE WAY I'LL ROWL
ALONG!"]
[Illustration: _STUMPED OUT._
_Apothecary's Boy_ (_to party rather proud of his Horsemanship_). "I
SAY, MISTER, MIND WHAT YOU'RE AT, OR YOU'LL BE OFF THE _SHOPBOARD_!"]
[Illustration: _A GENEROUS OFFER._
_Small Sweeper_ (_to Crimean Hero_). "NOW, CAPTAIN, GIVE US A COPPER,
AND I'LL SEE YER SAFE OVER THE CROSSING!"]
[Illustration: _NOT A BAD IDEA FOR WARM WEATHER._
_Frederick._ "NOW, GIRLS, PULL AWAY--DON'T BE IDLE!"]
[Illustration: _A QUIET LOOK AT THE COUNTRY._
_Frank._ "THERE, CHARLEY! WE HAVE A GOOD MANY OF THOSE LITTLE DOUBLES
HERE; BUT, BLESS YOU! OUR HORSES THINK NOTHING OF 'EM!"
_Charley_ (_who is not to be beaten_). "HA, I SEE!--NICE CLEAN JUMPING!
NOW, IN OUR COUNTRY THE FENCES ARE BIG AND CRAMPED!"]
[Illustration: _PATERFAMILIAS HAS HIS HOLIDAY AT THE SEA-SIDE_-- -- ]
[Illustration: -- -- _WHILE A RESPECTABLE ELDERLY FEMALE TAKES CARE OF
THE HOUSE IN TOWN._]
[Illustration: _PLEASING DELUSION. IN RE THE ROUND HATS._
_Female._ "WELL! THERE CAN BE NO QUESTION ABOUT ONE THING!--THEY
CERTAINLY DO MAKE YOU LOOK YOUNGER!"]
[Illustration: _THE ROUND HAT AGAIN._
_Mrs. Popps._ "WELL, WHAT I SAY IS, THEY ARE VERY BECOMING--AND
UNCOMMON COMFORTABLE?"]
[Illustration: _OH! WHAT A HUMBUG!_
_Amelia._ "MAMMA, DEAR! HERE'S A NOTE FROM DEAR WILLIAM, WITH A
BOX FOR THE OPERA, I SHOULDN'T WONDER." (_Reads_):--"_My darling
Amelia, Circumstances over which I have no control will take me as
far as Greenwich. I have left my Latch-key--please to get it from
the Waistcoat I took off, and send it by the Bearer to your ever
affectionate Kidums._"]
[Illustration: _A PEACE CONFERENCE._
_Flora._ "OH, I AM SO GLAD--DEAR HARRIET--THERE IS A CHANCE OF PEACE--I
AM MAKING THESE SLIPPERS AGAINST DEAR ALFRED COMES BACK!"
_Cousin Tom._ "HAH, WELL!--I AIN'T QUITE SO ANXIOUS ABOUT PEACE--FOR,
YOU SEE, SINCE THOSE SOLDIER CHAPS HAVE BEEN ABROAD, WE CIVILIANS HAVE
HAD IT PRETTY MUCH OUR OWN WAY WITH THE GURLS!"]
[Illustration: _A POSER._
_Darling._ "OH, MAMMA, DEAR! WHAT SPLENDID FLOWERS!"
_Mamma._ "YES, DEAR, PUT IT DOWN. THAT IS MY WREATH. I'M GOING TO THE
OPERA!"
_Darling._ "OH! AND WHEN I GROW A BIG LADY, MAY I WEAR A WREATH, AND GO
TO THE OPERA?"
_Mamma._ "WELL, DEAR, I HOPE SO!"
_Darling._ "WHAT, AND TAKE MY BEAUTIFUL VELVET AND GOLD CHURCH SERVICE
UNCLE CHARLES GAVE ME?"]
[Illustration: _THE PICNIC.--OVERTAKEN BY THE TIDE._]
[Illustration: _AN OBJECT OF ATTRACTION._
BOWKER, WHO IS FOND OF NICE THINGS FOR BREAKFAST, AND SOMETIMES MARKETS
FOR HIMSELF, BECOMES AN OBJECT OF INTEREST FROM HAVING LAID IN A FEW
BLOATERS, AND HALF-A-POUND OF FRESH CAMBRIDGE SAUSAGES, FROM BOND
STREET--AND WHICH SAUSAGES AND BLOATERS ARE IN HIS COAT-POCKET.]
[Illustration: _A STRONG-BACKED CAR. SCENE--IRELAND._
_Tourist._ "WELL, BUT MY GOOD FELLOW, YOU CAN'T CARRY US, AND ALL OUR
LUGGAGE!"
_Car Driver._ "OGH, NIVER FEAR, YER 'ONOUR, SHURE I'D CARRY _TWICED_ AS
MUCH!"]
[Illustration: _THE NEW PURCHASE._
_Mr. Muff._ "BUT--THEY SAID HE WAS WELL KNOWN IN THIS HUNT!"
_Farmer._ "OH, YES--AND SO HE IS VERY WELL KNOWN. HE'S BROKE MORE
COLLAR BONES THAN ALL THE 'OSSES IN ENGLAND."
[Illustration: _AQUATIC MANOEUVRES._
BY MUCH THE PLEASANTEST WAY OF SEA-BATHING IS TO TAKE A BOAT, AND HAVE
A GOOD SWIM IN THE CLEAR BLUE WATER--AND ISN'T IT NICE SCRAMBLING INTO
THE BOAT AGAIN! EH?]
[Illustration: _A PAINFUL SUBJECT._
_Lieutenant Fopson_ (_of the 121st, to his Elder Brother, who is home
for the Holidays_).--"A-SAY, OLD FELLAH!--DON'T YOU WISH YOU HAD LEFT
SCHOOL?--IT MUST BE SUCH A HORRID BAW TO BE FLOGGED FOR SMOKING!"]
[Illustration: _THE NEW REGULATION MESS._
_Swell Soldier._ "WHAT, DINE OFF WOAST AND BOILED, JUST LIKE
SNOBS--NO!--BY JOVE!--I SHALL CUT THE ARMY, AND GO INTO THE CHURCH!"]
[Illustration: _THE GREAT TOBACCO CONTROVERSY._
_Clara_ (_emphatically_). "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, FRANK--I SHALL
ALWAYS THINK IT A _NASTY_, _ODIOUS_, _DIRTY_, _FILTHY_, _DISGUSTING_,
AND _MOST OBJECTIONABLE_ HABIT!"
_Frank._ "HAW!--NOW, I'M REALLY SURPRISED, CLARA, TO HEAR SUCH A CLEVER
GIRL AS YOU ARE RUNNING DOWN SMOKING IN SUCH STRONG LANGUAGE--FOR IT'S
ADMITTED, BY ALL SENSIBLE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, THAT IT'S THE _ABUSE OF
TOBACCO_ THAT'S WRONG!"
[_Which little bit of sophistry completely vanquishes_ CLARA.
]
[Illustration: _AT PARIS._