It was in the beginning of things, when the gunners of the new army
were very new indeed, and the 0000th Battery had just taken up
its first position on the Western Front. As soon as the guns were
satisfactorily placed the O.C. began a careful survey of the enemy
positions. Slowly he ran his field-glasses over the seemingly peaceful
landscape, and the first thing he noticed was a small, deserted,
half-ruined tower with ivy hanging in dark masses down its sides.
"We must have that removed at once," he said to the Captain. "It's the
very place for an observation post. Probably one of their best. How
long do you think it will take you to get it down?"
"Oh, we ought to do it in an hour," was the confident reply.
But the hour passed and the tower remained just as peaceful, just
as suitable for an O.P. as ever. The only change was that many other
features of the adjacent landscape had been resolved into their
component parts.
The battery was disappointed, but not unduly so. They knew what was
the matter; a couple of hours' work should give them the range, and
then--
But, when evening came and the tower still stood untouched, 0000th
Battery began to be worried indeed. A little more of this and
they might as well blow themselves up. They would be disgraced, a
laughing-stock to the whole Front. After hopeless arguments and bitter
recriminations they turned in with the intention of beginning again
bright and early in one last stupendous effort.
Great and shattering was their surprise when the dawn showed them no
tower at all, nothing but a heap of rubble in the midst of desolation.
The hated O.P. had disappeared in the night.
0000th Battery rubbed its eyes and wild surmise ran from man to man.
"An unexploded shell must 'ave gorn orf in the night."
"A mine may 'ave bin laid under 'er, and somethink's touched it off,
like."
But the real explanation, stranger still, was supplied later by a
letter dropped from a Taube flying over the Battery's position. It
ran thus:--
"Having noticed with regret that the enemy objected to the tower in
front of X position, the Ober-Kommando gave orders to have it removed,
in the interests of the surrounding country."
* * * * *
"Once or twice in the course of his speech Mr. Macdonald spoke
of himself and his Labour friends as 'we.' 'Who are "we"?'
sharply challenged Mr. Wardle, reviving a question familiar in
the annals of split parties. 'You knof perfectly wel thlat you
are not inclueddin the "we,"' was the retort."--_Manchester
Guardian_.
Pretty crushing, wasn't it?
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Betty_ (_after flash of lightning_). "COUNT QUICKLY,
JENNY! MAKE IT AS FAR AWAY AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN."]
* * * * *