"That was a brilliant charge of cavalry in which you so gallantly
participated, Mr. Seddon," said the Professor, when the three friends
had returned to Toney's room. "In promptness and impetuosity it will
compare with Colonel May's famous charge at the battle of Resaca de la
Palma."
"It was decisive," said Seddon. "Put an end to hostilities."
"And now, Toney, do not let these two doctors be instrumental in
bringing the life of M. T. Pate to an abrupt termination," said the
Professor.
"Two doctors are enough to bring any man's life to a termination," said
Seddon. "If the walls of the jail were not solid and strong, it would be
a very heavy premium which would induce me to insure the lives of their
patients in Colonel Hazlewood's house."
"It is not becoming in one of the Funny Philosophers to joke on such a
sad and serious subject," said the Professor. "Toney, proceed with the
reading of the biography of M. T. Pate."
Toney took up the manuscript and read as follows:
"The mighty oak, whose massive timbers entered into the construction of
the magnificent steamship, was once an insignificant acorn, and the
illustrious man whose wisdom and eloquence are the admiration of the
multitude was once a humble attorney practicing in the petty court of a
justice of the peace. A few miles from his residence was a village where
Justice Johnson held his court on every second and fourth Saturday in
each month. He had civil jurisdiction in actions of debt where the
amount involved did not exceed the sum of fifty dollars; to which were
superadded powers of adjudication in certain criminal causes, where the
slave population were accused of sundry peccadilloes, such as nocturnal
aggressions on the hen-roosts of the farmers in the neighborhood. From
the decisions of the justice in civil suits there was an appeal to the
county court.
"In the court of the learned and dignified Justice Johnson M. T. Pate
commenced his professional career; and here he continued to practice for
a number of years before he ventured upon a more extended field of
action. The fees were small, but with many cases and much economy his
accumulations might be considerable. And, besides, like many men of
merit, he was diffident of his abilities, and dreaded to meet a trained
adversary in the field of forensic controversy. He hoped that this
diffidence would wear off by degrees, and that he would not be like
Counselor Lamb, who said that the older he grew, the more sheepish he
became----"
"Stop, Toney, stop!" said the Professor. "Do you think that a pun is
allowable in the biography of a great man, which should be almost as
grave and dignified in its style as the history of a great nation?"
"It is not a pun," said Toney. "It is the serious remark of a very
learned lawyer. Lamb is a meek old lawyer in Mapleton, remarkable for
his modesty. For many years he contented himself with a lucrative
chamber practice, and never attempted to address a court or jury. But on
one occasion a favorite negro servant of the lawyer was indicted for
cutting off a bull's tail. Lamb undertook to defend him before a jury.
He arose with much trepidation; his voice faltered; he could not
articulate a word. A profuse perspiration bathed his brow, and he took
out his handkerchief and wiped his face. There was some ugly unguent on
the handkerchief, and it left a black spot on his brow.
"'Look at old Lamb's face,' said a young attorney, in a loud whisper.
"'It is--lam'black!' said another.
"The twelve jurors in the box grinned. Lamb shook from head to foot. He
grew desperate, and, in a loud voice, exclaimed, 'Gentlemen of the jury,
the prisoner is indicted for cutting off a bull's tail. What--what----'
There was an awkward pause.
"'He was going to ask what should be done with the bull,' whispered a
young limb of the law.
"'Sell him at wholesale--you can't retail him,' said another attorney,
in a whisper so loud as to be distinctly audible.
"The jury were convulsed with laughter, which so increased the agitation
of the advocate that he shook like an aspen, and finally dropped into
his seat and covered his face with his handkerchief. The judge rapped
with his gavel, and repressing the merriment which pervaded the
court-room, told the counselor to proceed with his argument. But he
could not utter another word. Some days afterwards as Lamb sat in his
office, lamenting his infirmity to a friend, he said that the older he
grew, the more sheepish he became."
"Your explanation is perfectly satisfactory," said the Professor,
gravely. "Resume the reading of Pate's biography."
Toney read on:
"But even in this quiet little court he had an adversary who was a thorn
in his side, often causing him great affliction, and sometimes intense
agony. This adversary was a carpenter with a hooked nose and a most
singular physiognomy, known by the name of Peter Piddler, and supposed
to be crazy on all subjects except those appertaining to the law. On
legal questions he exhibited great astuteness, and, having renounced the
jack-plane and procured an odd volume of Burn's Justice, he had been
practicing for some years before Justice Johnson, when M. T. Pate made
his debut. The carpenter considered himself the monarch of that bar, and
when his youthful antagonist entered the arena, the contest between them
was watched with nearly as much interest in the little village as was
the meeting of Pinkney and Webster on a more celebrated forum. Many
predicted that Piddler had now met with his match, and might even have
to succumb; but their vaticinations were not verified in every instance.
Extraordinary as it may seem, the carpenter usually came off victorious,
and the learned attorney frequently left the court and went home deeply
dejected by the humiliation of defeat.
"In that neighborhood many people still talk about those celebrated
trials, where Justice Johnson presided and Piddler and Pate contended
for victory. Most of these accounts are legendary, and no more reliable
than are those in relation to the early efforts of the eloquent orator
of the Old Dominion. One, however, we have ascertained to be strictly
authentic. A stout African, a slave named Sam, and an incorrigible
sinner, had been brought before Justice Johnson on the grave charge of
having purloined a hen, the property of a widow lady in that vicinity.
Pate was for the defense and Piddler for the prosecution. The widow's
son, a lad of twelve years, who was the principal witness, testified
that he had set the hen, putting twenty eggs under her, which was more
than she could conveniently cover. With an admonition to the patient
fowl to 'spread' herself, he left her, and, climbing a cherry-tree, was
eating the fruit, when he saw Sam carry off both the hen and the eggs.
The testimony was conclusive of the prisoner's guilt, and his counsel
had to assail the character of the witness. But he was ably vindicated
by Piddler, and the unfortunate Sam was convicted of petty larceny.
Justice Johnson, being a humane man, in passing sentence, said, with
tears in his eyes, 'Sam, it gives me great pain to order corporal
punishment to be indicted on any one, but my solemn duty must be
performed. The sentence of the court is, that you be taken hence to the
horse-rack, and have twelve lashes laid on your bare back, and may the
Lord have mercy on your soul!'
"Sam was taken to the place of execution, and having undergone his
punishment with heroic fortitude, was about to be released by the
constable, when his counsel appeared in court and moved for a new trial.
The court ordered the officer to keep a sharp lookout on Sam, and sent
for Piddler, who was celebrating his victory in a neighboring bar-room.
Pate argued his motion with much ability, and demonstrated that the hen
was worth so much, and that when the twenty eggs were hatched each
chicken would be worth so much, and that the aggregate would amount to a
sum sufficient to constitute the offense of grand larceny, over which
the court had no jurisdiction. Piddler was fuddled, and failing to
perceive any other weak point in his adversary's argument, contented
himself with saying that he did not think that his learned brother had
any right to count his chickens before they were hatched. Justice
Johnson very properly rebuked him for his levity; and firmly expressing
his determination to maintain the dignity of the court, finally granted
a new trial. So the case was again tried and with the same result. Sam
was convicted and sentenced to receive another installment of twelve
lashes on his bare back. Piddler always boasted of his success in this
prosecution, and said that if he was defeated on the motion for a new
trial, nevertheless he had got the curly-headed rascal twenty-four
lashes on his bare back instead of twelve. On the other hand, Mr. Pate,
after he had acquired more experience in his profession, candidly
acknowledged that the motion for a new trial was an error on his part,
as it could do his client no good under the circumstances, and actually
did him a deal of harm. But he said he was then young, and allowed
himself to be carried away by too eager a desire for the glory of a
victory over his vaunting antagonist.
"So frequently defeated before Justice Johnson, Mr. Pate had many
appeals to the county court. These were usually tried by other attorneys
whom he employed before the cases were called. But he was regular in his
attendance, and each morning, during the terms, might be seen mounted on
his favorite nag, Old Whitey, and traveling towards the metropolis of
the county. Although there were many stables in the town where hay and
oats could be had for hungry horses, he always fastened his steed to a
tree, where the animal remained from nine o'clock in the morning until
late in the afternoon, with nothing to satisfy his natural craving for
food. Thus did the lawyer not only save the expense of provender, but
also of whip and spur, for Whitey was always in a hurry to get home and
enjoy the luxury of the abundant pastures on the farm. The tree which
was thus used as a stable withered and died many years ago, having been
entirely stripped of its bark by the teeth of the hungry horse. Being an
object of great curiosity, it was cut down and manufactured into canes,
which were in great demand and sold at extravagant prices. One of these
walking-sticks was purchased by a gentleman from Louisiana, who carried
it home and presented it to General Taylor; at the same time giving him
a history of the lawyer and his horse. The old hero, who admired
simplicity of character, was much struck with the story, and named his
favorite war-horse Old Whitey. And thus did it happen that the gallant
charger which carried Old Rough and Ready through the glorious battle of
Buena Vista, had the honor of being named after the horse which had so
often carried this distinguished lawyer with all his learning to court."
"Is that all?" said the Professor, as Toney laid aside the manuscript.
"That ends the chapter," said Toney. "And it was more than enough for
Tom Seddon, for he has been asleep for the last fifteen minutes."
"Mr. Seddon," said the Professor, "has probably glided into a condition
of trance, and now has before him a beautiful vision of a bowl of
strawberries and cream. It would not be in accordance with the
principles of genuine philanthropy to awaken him to the unsavory
realities of ordinary existence. Shall we leave him to wander in the
land of Nod, and take a walk through the town?"
"Agreed," said Toney. And, putting on their hats, they left Tom Seddon
snoring on Toney's bed, and proceeded on a promenade.