Having not had the favour of an answer to a letter I took the liberty
to write to you on the 14th, I am in some hopes that it may have
miscarried: for I had much rather it should, than to have the
mortification to think that my aunt Hervey deemed me unworthy of the
honour of her notice.
In this hope, having kept a copy of it, and not become able to express
myself in terms better suited to the unhappy circumstances of things, I
transcribe and enclose what I then wrote.* And I humbly beseech you to
favour the contents of it with your interest.
* The contents of the Letter referred to are given in Letter XXIV. of
this volume.
Hitherto it is in my power to perform what I undertake for in this
letter; and it would be very grievous to me to be precipitated upon
measures, which may render the desirable reconciliation more difficult.
If, Madam, I were permitted to write to you with the hopes of being
answered, I could clear my intention with regard to the step I have
taken, although I could not perhaps acquit myself to some of my severest
judges, of an imprudence previous to it. You, I am sure, would pity me,
if you knew all I could say, and how miserable I am in the forfeiture of
the good opinion of all my friends.
I flatter myself, that their favour is yet retrievable: but, whatever be
the determination at Harlowe-place, do not you, my dearest Aunt, deny
me the favour of a few lines to inform me if there can be any hope of
a reconciliation upon terms less shocking than those heretofore
endeavoured to be imposed upon me; or if (which God forbid!) I am to be
for ever reprobated.
At least, my dear Aunt, procure for me the justice of my wearing
apparel, and the little money and other things which I wrote to my
sister for, and mention in the enclosed to you; that I may not be
destitute of common conveniencies, or be under a necessity to owe an
obligation for such, where, at present, however, I would least of all
owe it.
Allow me to say, that had I designed what happened, I might (as to the
money and jewels at least) have saved myself some of the mortification
which I have suffered, and which I still further apprehend, if my
request be not complied with.
If you are permitted to encourage an eclaircissment of what I hint, I
will open my whole heart to you, and inform you of every thing.
If it be any pleasure to have me mortified, be pleased to let it be
known, that I am extremely mortified. And yet it is entirely from my
own reflections that I am so, having nothing to find fault with in the
behaviour of the person from whom every evil was to be apprehended.
The bearer, having business your way, will bring me your answer on
Saturday morning, if you favour me according to my hopes. I knew not
that I should have this opportunity till I had written the above.