As this subject was introduced by himself, and treated so lightly by
him, I was going on to tell him more of my mind; but he interrupted
me--Dear, dear Madam, spare me. I am sorry that I have lived to this
hour for nothing at all. But surely you could not have quitted a subject
so much more agreeable, and so much more suitable, I will say, to your
present situation, if you had not too cruel a pleasure in mortifying a
man, who the less needed to be mortified, as he before looked up to you
with a diffidence in his own merits too great to permit him to speak
half of his mind to you. Be pleased but to return to the subject we were
upon; and at another time I will gladly embrace correction from the only
lips in the world so qualified to give it.
You talk of reformation sometimes, Mr. Lovelace, and in so talking,
acknowledge errors. But I see you can very ill bear the reproof, for
which perhaps you are not solicitous to avoid giving occasion. Far be it
from me to take delight in finding fault; I should be glad for both our
sakes, since my situation is what it is, that I could do nothing but
praise you. But failures which affect a mind that need not be very
delicate to be affected by them, are too grating to be passed over in
silence by a person who wishes to be thought in earnest in her own duties.
I admire your delicacy, Madam, again interrupted he. Although I suffer
by it, yet would I not have it otherwise: indeed I would not, when I
consider of it. It is an angelic delicacy, which sets you above all our
sex, and even above your own. It is natural to you, Madam; so you may
think it extraordinary: but there is nothing like it on earth, said the
flatterer--What company has he kept!
But let us return to the former subject--You were so good as to ask me
what I would advise you to do: I want but to make you easy; I want but
to see you fixed to your liking: your faithful Hannah with you; your
reconciliation with those to whom you wish to be reconciled, set
on foot, and in a train. And now let me mention to you different
expedients; in hopes that some one of them may be acceptable to you.
'I will go to Mrs. Howe, or to Miss Howe, or to whomsoever you would
have me to go, and endeavour to prevail upon them to receive you.*
* The reader, perhaps, need not be reminded that he had taken care from
the first (see Vol. I. Letter XXXI.) to deprive her of any protection
from Mrs. Howe. See in his next letter, a repeated account of the same
artifices, and his exultations upon his inventions to impose upon the
two such watchful ladies as Clarissa and Miss Howe.
'Do you incline to go to Florence to your cousin Morden? I will furnish
you with an opportunity of going thither, either by sea to Leghorn,
or by land through France. Perhaps I may be able to procure one of
the ladies of my family to attend you. Either Charlotte or Patty would
rejoice in such an opportunity of seeing France and Italy. As for
myself, I will only be your escort, in disguise, if you will have it so,
even in your livery, that your punctilio may not receive offence by my
attendance.'
I told him, I would consider of all he had said: but that I hoped for a
line or two from my aunt Hervey, if not from my sister, to both of
whom I had written, which, if I were to be so favoured, might help to
determine me. Mean time, if he would withdraw, I would particularly
consider of this proposal of his, in relation to my cousin Morden. And
if it held its weight with me, so far as to write for your opinion upon
it, he should know my mind in an hour's time.
He withdrew with great respect: and in an hour's time returned. And I
then told him it was unnecessary to trouble you for your opinion about
it. My cousin Morden was soon expected. If he were not, I could not
admit him to accompany me to him upon any condition. It was highly
improbable that I should obtain the favour of either of his cousins'
company: and if that could be brought about, it would be the same thing
in the world's eye as if he went himself.
This led us into another conversation; which shall be the subject of my
next.