But is it not a confounded thing that I cannot fasten an obligation upon
this proud beauty? I have two motives in endeavouring to prevail upon
her to accept of money and raiment from me: one; the real pleasure I
should have in the accommodating of the haughty maid; and to think there
was something near her, and upon her, that I could call mine: the other,
in order to abate her severity and humble her a little.
Nothing more effectually brings down a proud spirit, than a sense of
lying under pecuniary obligations. This has always made me solicitous
to avoid laying myself under any such: yet, sometimes, formerly, have
I been put to it, and cursed the tardy resolution of the quarterly
periods. And yet I ever made shift to avoid anticipation: I never would
eat the calf in the cow's belly, as Lord M.'s phrase is: for what is
that, but to hold our lands upon tenant-courtesy, the vilest of all
tenures? To be denied a fox-chace, for breaking down a fence upon my own
grounds? To be clamoured at for repairs studied for, rather than really
wanted? To be prated to by a bumpkin with his hat on, and his arms
folded, as if he defied your expectations of that sort; his foot firmly
fixed, as if upon his own ground, and you forced to take his arch leers,
and stupid gybes; he intimating, by the whole of his conduct, that he
had had it in his power to oblige you, and, if you behave civilly, may
oblige you again? I, who think I have a right to break every man's head
I pass by, if I like not his looks, to bear this!--No more could I do
it, then I could borrow of an insolent uncle, or inquisitive aunt, who
would thence think themselves entitled to have an account of all my life
and actions laid before them for their review and censure.
My charmer, I see, has a pride like my own: but she has no distinction
in her pride: nor knows the pretty fool that there is nothing nobler,
nothing more delightful, than for loves to be conferring and receiving
obligations from each other. In this very farm-yard, to give thee a
familiar instance, I have more than once seen this remark illustrated. A
strutting rascal of a cock have I beheld chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck-ing
his mistress to him, when he has found a single barley-corn, taking it
up with his bill, and letting it drop five or six times, still repeating
his chucking invitation: and when two or three of his feathered ladies
strive who shall be the first for it [O Jack! a cock is a grand signor
of a bird!] he directs the bill of the foremost to it; and when she has
got the dirty pearl, he struts over her with an erected crest, cling
round her with dropt wings, sweeping the dust in humble courtship: while
the obliged she, half-shy, half-willing, by her cowering tail, prepared
wings, yet seemingly affrighted eyes, and contracted neck, lets one see
that she knows the barley-corn was not all he called her for.
When he comes to that part of his narrative, where he
mentions of the proposing of the Lady's maid Hannah, or one
of the young Sorlings, to attend her, thus he writes:
Now, Belford, canst thou imagine what I meant by proposing Hannah, or
one of the girls here, for her attendant? I'll give thee a month to
guess.
Thou wilt not pretend to guess, thou say'st.
Well, then I'll tell thee.
Believing she would certainly propose to have that favourite wench about
her, as soon as she was a little settled, I had caused the girl to be
inquired after, with an intent to make interest, some how or other, that
a month's warning should be insisted on by her master or mistress, or by
some other means, which I had not determined upon, to prevent her coming
to her. But fortune fights for me. The wench is luckily ill; a violent
rheumatic disorder, which has obliged her to leave her place, confines
her to her chamber. Poor Hannah! How I pity the girl! These things are
very hard upon industrious servants!--I intend to make the poor wench a
small present on the occasion--I know it will oblige my charmer.
And so, Jack, pretending not to know any thing of the matter, I pressed
her to send for Hannah. She knew I had always a regard for this servant,
because of her honest love to her lady: but now I have greater regard
for her than ever. Calamity, though a poor servant's calamity, will
rather increase than diminish good will, with a truly generous master or
mistress.
As to one of the young Sorling's attendance, there was nothing at all
in proposing that; for if either of them had been chosen by her, and
permitted by the mother [two chances in that!] it would have been only
till I had fixed upon another. And, if afterwards they had been loth to
part, I could easily have given my beloved to a jealousy, which would
have done the business; or to the girl, who would have quitted her
country dairy, such a relish for a London one, and as would have made
it very convenient for her to fall in love with Will; or perhaps I could
have done still better for her with Lord M.'s chaplain, who is very
desirous of standing well with his lord's presumptive heir.
A blessing on thy honest heart, Lovelace! thou'lt say; for thou art for
providing for every body!
He gives an account of the serious part of their
conversation, with no great variation from the Lady's
account of it: and when he comes to that part of it, where
he bids her remember, that reformation cannot be a sudden
thing, he asks his friend:
Is not this fair play? Is it not dealing ingenuously? Then the
observation, I will be bold to say, is founded in truth and nature. But
there was a little touch of policy in it besides; that the lady, if I
should fly out again, should not think me too gross an hypocrite: for,
as I plainly told her, I was afraid, that my fits of reformation were
but fits and sallies; but I hoped her example would fix them into
habits. But it is so discouraging a thing to have my monitress so
very good!--I protest I know not how to look up at her! Now, as I am
thinking, if I could pull her down a little nearer to my own level;
that is to say, could prevail upon her to do something that would
argue imperfection, something to repent of; we should jog on much
more equally, and be better able to comprehend one another: and so the
comfort would be mutual, and the remorse not all on one side.
He acknowledges that he was greatly affected and pleased
with the Lady's serious arguments at the time: but even then
was apprehensive that his temper would not hold. Thus he
writes:
This lady says serious things in so agreeable a manner (and then her
voice is all harmony when she touches a subject she is pleased with)
that I could have listened to her for half a day together. But yet I am
afraid, if she falls, as they call it, she will lose a good deal of that
pathos, of that noble self-confidence, which gives a good person, as I
now see, a visible superiority over one not so good.
But, after all, Belford, I would fain know why people call such
free-livers as you and me hypocrites.--That's a word I hate; and should
take it very ill to be called by it. For myself, I have as good motions,
and, perhaps, have them as frequently as any body: all the business is,
they don't hold; or, to speak more in character, I don't take the care
some do to conceal my lapses.