Thou hast often reproached me, Jack, with my vanity, without
distinguishing the humourous turn that accompanies it; and for which, at
the same time that thou robbest me of the merit of it thou admirest
me highly. Envy gives thee the indistinction: Nature inspires the
admiration: unknown to thyself it inspires it. But thou art too clumsy
and too short-sighted a mortal, to know how to account even for the
impulses by which thou thyself art moved.
Well, but this acquits thee not of my charge of vanity, Lovelace,
methinks thou sayest.
And true thou sayest: for I have indeed a confounded parcel of it. But,
if men of parts may not be allowed to be in vain, who should! and yet,
upon second thoughts, men of parts have the least occasion of any to be
vain; since the world (so few of them are there in it) are ready to find
them out, and extol them. If a fool can be made sensible that there is
a man who has more understanding than himself, he is ready enough to
conclude, that such a man must be a very extraordinary creature.
And what, at this rate, is the general conclusion to be drawn from the
premises?--Is it not, That no man ought to be vain? But what if a man
can't help it!--This, perhaps, may be my case. But there is nothing upon
which I value myself so much as upon my inventions. And for the soul of
me, I cannot help letting it be seen, that I do. Yet this vanity may be
a mean, perhaps, to overthrow me with this sagacious lady.
She is very apprehensive of me I see. I have studied before her and Miss
Howe, as often as I have been with them, to pass for a giddy thoughtless
creature. What a folly then to be so expatiatingly sincere, in my answer
to her home put, upon the noises within the garden?--But such success
having attended that contrivance [success, Jack, has blown many a man
up!] my cursed vanity got uppermost, and kept down my caution. The
menace to have secreted Solmes, and that other, that I had thoughts to
run away with her foolish brother, and of my project to revenge her upon
the two servants, so much terrified the dear creature, that I was forced
to sit down to muse after means to put myself right in her opinion.
Some favourable incidents, at the time, tumbled in from my agent in
her family; at least such as I was determined to make favourable: and
therefore I desired admittance; and this before she could resolve any
thing against me; that is to say, while her admiration of my intrepidity
kept resolution in suspense.
Accordingly, I prepared myself to be all gentleness, all obligingness,
all serenity; and as I have now and then, and always had, more or less,
good motions pop up in my mind, I encouraged and collected every thing
of this sort that I had ever had from novicehood to maturity, [not long
in recollecting, Jack,] in order to bring the dear creature into
good humour with me:* And who knows, thought I, if I can hold it, and
proceed, but I may be able to lay a foundation fit to build my grand
scheme upon!--LOVE, thought I, is not naturally a doubter: FEAR is,
I will try to banish the latter: nothing then but love will remain.
CREDULITY is the God of Love's prime minister, and they never are
asunder.
* He had said, Letter XVIII. that he would make reformation
his stalking-horse, &c.
He then acquaints his friend with what passed between him
and the Lady, in relation to his advices from Harlowe-
place, and to his proposal about lodgings, pretty much to
the same purpose as in her preceding Letter.
When he cones to mention his proposal of the Windsor
lodgings, thus heexpresses himself:
Now, Belford, can it enter into thy leaden head, what I meant by this
proposal!--I know it cannot. And so I'll tell thee.
To leave her for a day or two, with a view to serve her by my absence,
would, as I thought, look like a confiding in her favour. I could not
think of leaving her, thou knowest, while I had reason to believe her
friends would pursue us; and I began to apprehend that she would suspect
that I made a pretence of that intentional pursuit to keep about her and
with her. But now that they had declared against it, and that they would
not receive her if she went back, (a declaration she had better hear
first from me, than from Miss Howe, or any other,) what should hinder me
from giving her this mark of my obedience; especially as I could leave
Will, who is a clever fellow, and can do any thing but write and spell,
and Lord M.'s Jonas (not as guards, to be sure, but as attendants only);
the latter to be dispatched to me occasionally by the former, whom I
could acquaint with my motions?
Then I wanted to inform myself, why I had not congratulatory letters
from Lady Sarah and Lady Betty, and from my cousins Montague, to whom I
had written, glorying in my beloved's escape; which letters, if properly
worded, might be made necessary to shew her as matters proceed.
As to Windsor, I had no design to carry her particularly thither: but
somewhere it was proper to name, as she condescended to ask my advice
about it. London, I durst not; but very cautiously; and so as to make it
her own option: for I must tell thee, that there is such a perverseness
in the sex, that when they ask your advice, they do it only to know your
opinion, that they may oppose it; though, had not the thing in question
been your choice, perhaps it had been theirs.
I could easily give reasons against Windsor, after I had pretended to
be there; and this would have looked the better, as it was a place of
my own nomination; and shewn her that I had no fixed scheme. Never was
there in woman such a sagacious, such an all-alive apprehension, as in
this. Yet it is a grievous thing to an honest man to be suspected.
Then, in my going or return, I can call upon Mrs. Greme. She and my
beloved had a great deal of talk together. If I knew what it was about;
and that either, upon their first acquaintance, was for benefiting
herself by the other; I might contrive to serve them both, without
hurting myself: for these are the most prudent ways of doing
friendships, and what are not followed by regrets, though the served
should prove ingrateful. Then Mrs. Greme corresponds by pen-and-ink with
her farmer-sister where we are: something may possibly arise that way,
either of a convenient nature, which I may pursue; or of an inconvenient
nature, which I may avoid.
Always be careful of back doors, is a maxim with me in all my exploits.
Whoever knows me, knows that I am no proud man. I can talk as familiarly
to servants as to principals, when I have a mind to make it worth their
while to oblige me in any thing. Then servants are but as the common
soldiers in an army, they do all the mischief frequently without malice,
and merely, good souls! for mischief-sake.
I am most apprehensive about Miss Howe. She has a confounded deal of
wit, and wants only a subject, to shew as much roguery: and should I
be outwitted with all my sententious boasting of conceit of my own
nostrum-mongership--[I love to plague thee, who art a pretender to
accuracy, and a surface-skimmer in learning, with out-of-the-way words
and phrases] I should certainly hang, drown, or shoot myself.
Poor Hickman! I pity him for the prospect he has with such a virago! But
the fellow's a fool, God wot! And now I think of it, it is absolutely
necessary for complete happiness in the married state, that one should
be a fool [an argument I once held with this very Miss Howe.] But then
the fool should know the other's superiority; otherwise the obstinate
one will disappoint the wise one.
But my agent Joseph has helped me to secure this quarter, as I have
hinted to thee more than once.