And do I not see that I shall need nothing but patience, in order to
have all power with me? For what shall we say, if all these complaints
of a character wounded; these declarations of increasing regrets for
meeting me; of resentments never to be got over for my seducing her
away; these angry commands to leaver her:--What shall we say, if all
were to mean nothing but MATRIMONY? And what if my forbearing to enter
upon that subject come out to be the true cause of their petulance and
uneasiness!
I had once before played about the skirts of the irrevocable obligation;
but thought myself obliged to speak in clouds, and to run away from the
subject, as soon as she took my meaning, lest she should imagine it to
be ungenerously urged, now she was in some sort in my power, as she
had forbid me beforehand, to touch upon it, till I were in a state of
visible reformation, and till a reconciliation with her friends were
probable. But now, out-argued, out-talented, and pushed so vehemently to
leave one of whom I had no good pretence to hold, if she would go; and
who could so easily, if I had given her cause to doubt, have thrown
herself into other protection, or have returned to Harlowe-place and
Solmes; I spoke out upon the subject, and offered reasons, although
with infinite doubt and hesitation, [lest she should be offended at
me, Belford!] why she should assent to the legal tie, and make me the
happiest of men. And O how the mantle cheek, the downcast eye, the
silent yet trembling lip, and the heaving bosom, a sweet collection
of heightened beauties, gave evidence that the tender was not mortally
offensive!
Charming creature! thought I, [but I charge thee, that thou let not
any of the sex know my exultation,*] Is it so soon come to this? Am
I already lord of the destiny of a Clarissa Harlowe? Am I already
the reformed man thou resolvest I should be, before I had the least
encouragement given me? Is it thus, that the more thou knowest me, the
less thou seest reason to approve of me?--And can art and design
enter into a breast so celestial? To banish me from thee, to insist so
rigorously upon my absence, in order to bring me closer to thee, and
make the blessing dear? Well do thy arts justify mine; and encourage me
to let loose my plotting genius upon thee.
* Mr. Lovelace might have spared this caution on this occasion, since
many of the sex [we mention it with regret] who on the first publication
had read thus far, and even to the lady's first escape, have been
readier to censure her for over-niceness, as we have observed in a
former note, page 42, than him for artifices and exultations not less
cruel and ungrateful, than ungenerous and unmanly.
But let me tell thee, charming maid, if thy wishes are at all to be
answered, that thou hast yet to account to me for thy reluctance to go
off with me, at a crisis when thy going off was necessary to avoid being
forced into the nuptial fetters with a wretch, that, were he not thy
aversion, thou wert no more honest to thy own merit than to me.
I am accustomed to be preferred, let me tell thee, by thy equals in rank
too, though thy inferiors in merit: But who is not so? And shall I marry
a woman, who has given me reason to doubt the preference she has for me?
No, my dearest love, I have too sacred a regard for thy injunctions, to
let them be broken through, even by thyself. Nor will I take in thy full
meaning by blushing silence only. Nor shalt thou give me room to doubt,
whether it be necessity or love, that inspires this condescending
impulse.
Upon these principles, what had I to do but to construe her silence into
contemptuous displeasure? And I begged her pardon for making a motion
which I had so much reason to fear would offend her: for the future I
would pay a sacred regard to her previous injunctions, and prove to
her by all my conduct the truth of that observation, That true love is
always fearful of offending.
And what could the lady say to this? methinks thou askest.
Say!--Why she looked vexed, disconcerted, teased; was at a loss, as I
thought, whether to be more angry with herself, or with me. She turned
about, however, as if to hide a starting tear; and drew a sigh into
two or three but just audible quavers, trying to suppress it, and
withdrew--leaving me master of the field.
Tell me not of politeness; tell me not of generosity; tell me not of
compassion--Is she not a match for me? More than a match? Does she not
outdo me at every fair weapon? Has she not made me doubt her love? Has
she not taken officious pains to declare that she was not averse to
Solmes for any respect she had to me? and her sorrow for putting herself
out of his reach, that is to say, for meeting me?
Then, what a triumph would it be to the Harlowe pride, were I now to
marry this lady? A family beneath my own! No one in it worthy of an
alliance with but her! My own estate not contemptible! Living within the
bounds of it, to avoid dependence upon their betters, and obliged to no
man living! My expectations still so much more considerable! My person,
my talents--not to be despised, surely--yet rejected by them with scorn.
Obliged to carry on an underhand address to their daughter, when two of
the most considerable families in the kingdom have made overtures, which
I have declined, partly for her sake, and partly because I never will
marry; if she be not the person. To be forced to steal her away, not
only from them, but from herself! And must I be brought to implore
forgiveness and reconciliation from the Harlowes?--Beg to be
acknowledged as the son of a gloomy tyrant, whose only boast is his
riches? As a brother to a wretch, who has conceived immortal hatred to
me; and to a sister who was beneath my attempts, or I would have had her
in my own way, and that with a tenth part of the trouble and pains that
her sister has cost me; and, finally, as a nephew to uncles, who value
themselves upon their acquired fortunes, would insult me as creeping
to them on that account?--Forbid it in the blood of the Lovelaces, that
your last, and, let me say, not the meanest of your stock, should thus
creep, thus fawn, thus lick the dust, for a WIFE--!
Proceed anon.