He prefaced and paraded on; and then out came, with great diffidence,
and many apologies, and a bashfulness which sat very awkwardly upon him,
a proposal of speedy solemnization: which, he said, would put all right;
and make my first three or four months (which otherwise must be passed
in obscurity and apprehension) a round of visits and visitings to and
from all his relations; to Miss Howe; to whom I pleased: and would pave
the way to the reconciliation I had so much at heart.
Your advice had great weight with me just then, as well as his reasons,
and the consideration of my unhappy situation: But what could I say? I
wanted somebody to speak for me.
The man saw I was not angry at his motion. I only blushed; and that I am
sure I did up to the ears; and looked silly, and like a fool.
He wants not courage. Would he have had me catch at his first, at his
very first word?--I was silent too--and do not the bold sex take silence
for a mark of a favour!--Then, so lately in my father's house! Having
also declared to him in my letters, before I had your advice, that
I would not think of marriage till he had passed through a state of
probation, as I may call it--How was it possible I could encourage, with
very ready signs of approbation, such an early proposal? especially so
soon after the free treatment he had provoked from me. If I were to die,
I could not.
He looked at me with great confidence; as if (notwithstanding his
contradictory bashfulness) he would look me through; while my eye
but now-and-then could glance at him.--He begged my pardon with great
humility: he was afraid I would think he deserved no other answer, but
that of a contemptuous silence. True love was fearful of offending.
[Take care, Mr. Lovelace, thought I, how your's is tried by that
rule]. Indeed so sacred a regard [foolish man!] would he have to all my
declarations made before I honoured him--
I would hear him no further; but withdrew in a confusion too visible,
and left him to make his nonsensical flourishes to himself.
I will only add, that, if he really wishes for a speedy solemnization,
he never could have had a luckier time to press for my consent to it.
But he let it go off; and indignation has taken place of it. And now it
shall be a point with me, to get him at a distance from me.