At length your beloved young lady has consented to free herself from
the cruel treatment she has so long borne. She is to meet me without the
garden-door at about four o'clock on Monday afternoon. I told you she
had promised to do so. She has confirmed her promise. Thank Heaven she
has confirmed her promise!
I shall have a chariot-and-six ready in the by-road fronting the private
path to Harlowe-paddock; and several of my friends and servants not far
off, armed to protect her, if there be occasion: but every one charged
to avoid mischief. That, you know, has always been my principal care.
All my fear is, that, when she comes to the point, the over-niceness of
her principles will make her waver, and want to go back: although her
honour is my honour, you know, and mine is her's. If she should, and
should I be unable to prevail upon her, all your past services will
avail nothing, and she will be lost to me for ever: the prey then of
that cursed Solmes, whose vile stinginess will never permit him to do
good to any of the servants of the family.
I have no doubt of your fidelity, honest Joseph; nor of your zeal to
serve an injured gentleman, and an oppressed young lady. You see by the
confidence I repose in you, that I have not; more particularly, on this
very important occasion, in which your assistance may crown the work:
for, if she waver, a little innocent contrivance will be necessary.
Be very mindful, therefore, of the following directions; take them into
your heart. This will probably be your last trouble, until my beloved
and I are joined in holy wedlock: and then we will be sure to take care
of you. You know what I have promised. No man ever reproached me for
breach of word.
These, then, honest Joseph, are they:
Contrive to be in the garden, in disguise, if possible, and unseen by
your young lady. If you find the garden-door unbolted, you will know
that she and I are together, although you should not see her go out at
it. It will be locked, but my key shall be on the ground just without
the door, that you may open it with your's, as it may be needful.
If you hear our voices parleying, keep at the door till I cry Hem, hem,
twice: but be watchful for this signal; for I must not hem very loud,
lest she should take it for a signal. Perhaps, in struggling to prevail
upon the dear creature, I may have an opportunity to strike the door
hard with my elbow, or heel, to confirm you--then you are to make a
violent burst against the door, as if you would break it open, drawing
backward and forward the bolt in a hurry: then, with another push, but
with more noise than strength, lest the lock give way, cry out (as if
you saw some of the family) Come up, come up, instantly!--Here they
are! Here they are!--Hasten!--This instant! hasten! And mention swords,
pistols, guns, with as terrible a voice as you can cry out with. Then
shall I prevail upon her, no doubt, if loth before, to fly. If I cannot,
I will enter the garden with her, and the house too, be the consequence
what it will. But, so affrighted, these is no question but she will fly.
When you think us at a sufficient distance [and I shall raise my voice
urging her swifter flight, that you may guess at that] then open the
door with your key: but you must be sure to open it very cautiously,
lest we should not be far enough off. I would not have her know you have
a hand in this matter, out of my great regard to you.
When you have opened the door, take your key out of the lock, and put
it in your pocket: then, stooping for mine, put it in the lock on the
inside, that it may appear as if the door was opened by herself, with
a key, which they will suppose to be of my procuring (it being new) and
left open by us.
They should conclude she is gone off by her own consent, that they may
not pursue us: that they may see no hopes of tempting her back again. In
either case, mischief might happen, you know.
But you must take notice, that you are only to open the door with your
key, in case none of the family come up to interrupt us, and before we
are quite gone: for, if they do, you'll find by what follows, that you
must not open the door at all. Let them, on breaking it open, or by
getting over the wall, find my key on the ground, if they will.
If they do not come to interrupt us, and if you, by help of your key,
come out, follow us at a distance; and, with uplifted hands, and wild
impatient gestures, (running backward and forward, for fear you
should come up too near us, and as if you saw somebody coming to your
assistance,) cry out for help, help, and to hasten. Then shall we be
soon at the chariot.
Tell the family that you saw me enter a chariot with her: a dozen,
or more, men on horseback, attending us; all armed; some with
blunderbusses, as you believe; and that we took quite the contrary way
to that we should take.
You see, honest Joseph, how careful I am, as well as you, to avoid
mischief.
Observe to keep at such a distance that she may not discover who you
are. Take long strides, to alter your gait; and hold up your head,
honest Joseph; and she'll not know it to be you. Men's airs and gaits
are as various and peculiar as their faces. Pluck a stake out of one of
the hedges: and tug at it, though it may come easy: this, if she turn
back, will look terrible, and account for your not following us faster.
Then, returning with it, shouldered, to brag to the family what you
would have done, could you have overtaken us, rather than your young
lady should be carried off by such a ------ And you may call me names,
and curse me. And these airs will make you look valiant, and in earnest.
You see, honest Joseph, I am always contriving to give you reputation.
No man suffers by serving me.
But, if our parley should last longer than I wish; and if any of her
friends miss her before I cry, Hem, hem, twice; then, in order to save
yourself, (which is a very great point with me, I assure you,) make the
same noise as above: but as I directed before, open not the door with
your key. On the contrary, wish for a key with all your heart; but
for fear any of them should by accident have a key about them, keep in
readiness half a dozen little gravel-stones, no bigger than peas, and
thrust two or three slily into the key-hole; which will hinder their
key from turning round. It is good, you know, Joseph, to provide against
every accident in such an important case, as this. And let this be your
cry, instead of the other, if any of my enemies come in your sight, as
you seem to be trying to burst the door open, Sir! Sir! or Madam! Madam!
O Lord, hasten! O Lord, hasten! Mr. Lovelace! Mr. Lovelace!--And very
loud--and that shall quicken me more than it shall those you call
to.--If it be Betty, and only Betty, I shall think worse of your art
of making love* than of your fidelity, if you can't find a way to amuse
her, and put her upon a false scent.
* See Vol.II. Letter XXIX.
You must tell them that your young lady seemed to run as fast off with
me as I with her. This will also confirm to them that all pursuit is
in vain. An end will hereby be put to Solmes's hopes: and her friends,
after a while, will be more studious to be reconciled to her than to get
her back. So you will be a happy instrument of great good to all round.
And this will one day be acknowledged by both families. You will then be
every one's favourite; and every good servant, for the future, will be
proud to be likened to honest Joseph Leman.
If she should guess at you, or find you out, I have it already in my
head to write a letter for you to copy,* which, occasionally produced,
will set you right with her.
* See Vol.III. Letter XXI.
This one time be diligent, be careful: this will be the crown of all:
and once more, depend, for a recompense, upon the honour of
Your assured friend, R. LOVELACE.
You need not be so much afraid of going too far with Betty. If you
should make a match with her, she is a very likely creature, though
a vixen, as you say. I have an admirable receipt to cure a termagant
wife.--Never fear, Joseph, but thou shalt be master of thine house. If
she be very troublesome, I can teach thee how to break her heart in a
twelvemonth; and honestly too;--or the precept would not be mine.