As I said in the beginning, it is time for this dark cloud of ignorance
and prejudice and fear which we call the sexual problem, to roll away.
This can only come about by a passionate realization of the principle
of _difference_. There are different kinds of people, and it takes
all kinds to make a world. We cannot legislate a sexual code, whether
the law we make says, “Thou shalt not,” or even “Thou shalt,” without
violating the natures and needs of large sections of the population.
What it comes down to, finally, is the individual. It is he who must be
studied, and it is he who must find his own path.
Doubtless we shall not come to a true sexual morality until our
education includes the psychological study of children. Until the child
is known, his hidden need is not apparent. If he is an introvert, he
should not be developed, as he is today, particularly in this country,
along extraverted lines that are against his bent. And if he is an
extraverted sensational, we cannot demand the same standard of him as
we could of an intuitive.
But even these type differences are insufficient for our study. The
child, after all, is himself, and therefore in some ways different from
all others. His problem is always unique, and must often be solved in
new and unique ways.
But since a change in our education which would include the technic of
modern psycho-analysis, is still far off; all that we can do in the
meantime is to spread the new knowledge and new insight, so as to break
down the old prejudices, shames and fears, and put new weapons into the
hands of parents.
It is often difficult for parents to be candid with their children
concerning sexuality, especially if their own attitude is vague or
prejudiced. Where the difficulty is too great, the child should be
turned over to a trusted friend or teacher for enlightenment and
guidance.
The first step in gaining the confidence of the child is to give him a
good attitude. Nothing that he tells will be used against him; there
will be an attempt to understand all. Besides that, he should be told
that the problem is practically universal, and the things that he does,
if at all, are not so much sins as bits of childishness which may, in
many cases, be overcome.
When he has learned to speak freely, he may, for instance, for the
problem is general, say that he practices auto-erotism. In this case,
if the child is still under the age of puberty, he can be told that it
may become a habit and later on give him considerable trouble, and that
it is something he should attempt to overcome. He is to report progress
and should not mind confessing a slip.
Most children are amenable to such treatment, and overcome the habit.
In a few cases, this appears impossible, and some deeper cause should
be looked for. For instance, the child is afraid of the dark, and
uses auto-erotism to quiet himself and soothe himself to sleep. In
that case, it would be better, of course, that there was a light in
his room, or someone remained near him while he was trying to sleep.
Or it may be found that he has contracted the habit as a substitution
for some other gratification. He may, for example, have a craving for
candy which a too-wise parent has entirely tabooed for him. The cure is
candy, by all means.
It will often be found that the hidden cause is as simple as the
foregoing, and that the cure is equally simple.
However, if the child is at puberty, if he is adolescing, the problem
is more difficult. In many cases, if the boy is shown that such a habit
may make it difficult later on to be normal sexually, he will break
it, and by a vigorous life avoid the problem. But there are cases which
refuse to yield to such common sense, and either such a child needs
an analysis, or, as one of our noted psychologists thinks, he may be
permitted a limited expression until he gets past the dangerous years.
In such a case, he must be warned against excess, to limiting himself
only to overwhelming desire.
This may seem like a poor way of handling the matter; but unfortunately
we have here “not a theory, but a condition.” Actually if the boy is
scared off, he may merely go on practicing the habit in private and
with no restraint; or if he has become afraid of that, may turn to
homosexuality or seek out a woman or a girl. Since this is not a mere
child’s problem, since it is known that the run of men who go off on
long expeditions, or sea voyages, or live in camps where there are no
women, resort to such practices, we can hardly expect highly-sexed boys
to observe a higher code.
The best thing, of course, would be a psycho-analysis at the hands of a
perfectly competent analyst. In that case a deep and hidden cause might
be found, such as those outlined in the earlier part of this booklet.
Where some boys find a kind of outlet in athletics and in general
activities, such a boy might, for example, find an outlet in creating
some form of art. He might be gifted as a painter or poet or writer of
fiction. In many cases, this is the cure, until he is old enough to
handle his sexual problem in the way best suited to him.
When it comes to adults, there is very little to be said. It would
seem, for instance, as though homosexuality ran counter to the best
tendencies of this age. Why this should be so is not apparent. When
Greece was at her height, and that height was great, homosexuality was
held in high esteem and practiced, along with normal sexuality, by the
most enlightened and developed men. The Greeks practiced bi-sexuality
and were a great nation, with production of marvelous ideas and
deathless art. Yet today homosexuality runs against the grain.
It may be, of course, that, in the end, no man completes himself,
except through woman. The rise of woman has made her all the more man’s
counterpart and complement. It is more or less through woman that man
is able to develop his true individuality. And it may be that man must
honor the symbol of woman, as well as the woman herself, by guiding his
desire toward her, and fulfilling himself also physically through her
love.
But, however true this may be, there is a certain percentage of men,
relatively small, who seem more like the victims, than the willing
practicers, of homosexuality. The overwhelming prejudice against them,
the fact that they are mocked or shunned like pariahs, the sense they
have that they cannot escape their doom, the often effeminate traits
which give them away, make them as a rule pitiable objects. It is true
that sometimes they turn, as a driven animal turns, and stand at bay,
flaunting their difference in the face of the world; but as a rule it
is the opposite.
Certainly, at least, such cases are for the psycho-analyst’s study,
rather than for the world’s contempt. There are cases which, as I have
noted, can be cured; since they are psychological in origin; but there
are other cases which still defy our insight.
But however reprehensible any given practice may be, when it comes to
adults there is very little legislation that can be done. They can, and
will, and do follow individual paths. One can only enlighten them on
the meaning of their acts. It is only in such excessive cases as that
of the seducer of young girls or the sadist who harms others that the
State can step in and put a stop to it.
Another aspect of the problem which must be included in this review
is that of prostitution and sexual disease. Is prostitution an evil,
or will its abolishment lead to more promiscuity? That, too, is a
difficult question, and by no means answerable in a simple way. It
does, however, seem apparent that prostitution is an evil, and that its
gradual elimination is leading to a greater promiscuity.
The obvious evil of prostitution is that, as a rule, it brings
sexuality down to its animal basis, and thus destroys one of the
beauties and joys of life. Its further evil is that it turns women
again into chattels. And finally, of course, it is a breeding ground
for disease.
Naturally, a part of the education in sexuality should include a
knowledge of the diseases of sex. This, in itself, especially among the
young, tends to curb the impulse toward promiscuity, or at least to
limit it to “petting” rather than to full sexuality.
Nevertheless, we must admit the fact that there is a growing
promiscuity, along with a change of attitude on the whole sexual
problem. Whether this is a passing phase, and due to the revolt of
youth against the old puritanism, or whether the future will look upon
sexuality with new eyes, we cannot really know. However, those who fear
that the institution of marriage will soon totter on its foundation
have not, I think, a very deep insight into man. Human nature has much
in it of restlessness, of desire for change, and for experiment, but
as a rule it has more on the side of inertia, with a deep craving for
security and comfort. Everything in man that loves to settle down and
be secure makes also for monogamous marriage. That, for most people, is
the only safe center in the world, the cave or retreat, the cavern of
comfort. Beside that, of course, so long as children are born into the
world, just so long will the run of people find much of the meaning of
life in their children’s growth and success. This is the powerful force
that keeps parents together, even where their tastes and their very
natures are incompatible.