Modesty is a polite accomplishment, and generally an attendant upon
merit: It is engaging to the highest degree, and wins the heart of all
our acquaintance. On the contrary, none are more disgustful in company
than the impudent and presuming.
THE man who is, on all occasions, commending and speaking well of
himself, we naturally dislike. On the other hand, he who studies to
conceal his own defects, who does justice to the merit of others, who
talks but little of himself, and that with modesty, makes a favourable
impression on the persons he is conversing with, captivates their minds,
and gains their esteem.
MODESTY, however, widely differs from an awkward bashfulness, which is
as much to be condemned as the other is to be applauded. To appear
simple is as ill-bred as to be impudent. A young man ought to be able to
come into a room and address the company, without the least
embarrassment. To be out of countenance when spoken to, and not to have
an answer ready, is ridiculous to the last degree.
AN awkward country fellow, when he comes into company better than
himself, is exceedingly disconcerted. He knows not what to do with his
hands, or his hat, but either puts one of them in his pocket, and
dangles the other by his side; or perhaps twirls his hat on his fingers,
or fumbles with the button. If spoken to, he is in a much worse
situation, he answers with the utmost difficulty, and nearly stammers;
whereas a gentleman, who is acquainted with life, enters a room with
gracefulness and a modest assurance, addresses even persons he does not
know, in an easy and natural manner, and without the least
embarrassment. This is the characteristic of good-breeding, a very
necessary knowledge in our intercourse with men; for one of inferior
parts, with the behaviour of a gentleman, is frequently better received
than a man of sense, with the address and manners of a clown.
IGNORANCE and vice are the only things we need be ashamed of; steer
clear of these, and you may go into any company you will: Not that I
would have a young man throw off all dread of appearing abroad; as a
fear of offending, or being disesteemed, will make him observe a proper
decorum. Some persons from experiencing the inconveniencies of false
modesty, have run into the other extreme, and acquired the character of
impudent: This is as great a fault as the other. A well-bred man keeps
himself within the two, and steers the middle way. He is easy and firm
in every company, is modest but not bashful, steady but not impudent. He
copies the manners of the better people, and conforms to their customs
with ease and attention.
TILL we can present ourselves in all companies with coolness and
unconcern, we can never present ourselves well; nor will a man ever be
supposed to have kept good company, or ever be acceptable in such
company, if he cannot appear there easy and unembarrassed. A modest
assurance, in every part of life, is the most advantageous qualification
we can possibly acquire.
INSTEAD of becoming insolent, a man of sense, under a consciousness of
merit, is more modest. He behaves himself indeed with firmness, but
without the least presumption. The man who is ignorant of his own merit,
is no less a fool than he who is constantly displaying it. A man of
understanding avails himself of his abilities, but never boasts of them;
whereas the timid and bashful can never push himself in life, be his
merit as great as it will; he will be always kept behind by the forward
and bustling. A man of abilities, and acquainted with life, will stand
as firm in defence of his own rights, and pursue his plans as steadily
and unmoved, as the most impudent man alive; but then he does it with a
seeming modesty. Thus manner is every thing; what is impudence in one,
is proper assurance only in another; for firmness is commendable, but an
overbearing conduct is disgustful.
FORWARDNESS being the very reverse of modesty, follow rather than lead
the company; that is, join in discourse upon subjects, rather than start
one of your own: If you have parts, you will have opportunities enough
of shewing them on every topic of conversation, and if you have none, it
is better to expose yourself upon a subject of other people’s than of
your own.
BUT, be particularly careful not to speak of yourself, if you can help
it. An impudent fellow lugs in himself abruptly upon all occasions, and
is ever the hero of his own story. Others will colour their arrogance
with, ‘It may seem strange, indeed, that I should talk in this manner of
myself; it is what I by no means like, and should never do, if I had not
been cruelly and unjustly accused; but when my character is attacked, it
is a justice I owe to myself, to defend it.’ This veil is too thin not
to be seen through on the first inspection.
OTHERS again, with more art, will _modestly_ boast of all the principal
virtues, by calling those virtues weaknesses, and saying, they are so
unfortunate as to fall into weaknesses. ‘I cannot see persons suffer,’
says one of this cast, ‘without relieving them; though my circumstances
are very unable to afford it.’ ‘I cannot avoid speaking truth, though it
is often very imprudent,’ and so on.
THIS angling for praise is so prevailing a principle, that it frequently
stoops to the lowest objects. Men will often boast of doing that, which,
if true, would be rather a disgrace to them than otherwise. One man
affirms that he rode twenty miles within the hour; ’tis probably a lie;
but suppose he did, what then? He had a good horse under him, and is a
good jockey. Another swears he has often at a sitting, drank five or six
bottles to his own share. Out of respect to him, I will believe _him_ a
liar, for I would not wish to think him a beast.
THESE and many more are the follies of idle people, which, while they
think they procure them esteem, in reality make them despised.
TO avoid this contempt, therefore, never speak of yourself at all,
unless necessity obliges you; and even then, take care to do it in such
a manner, that it may not be construed in to fishing for applause.
Whatever perfections you may have, be assured, people will find them
out; but whether they do or not, nobody will take them upon your own
word. The less you say of yourself, the more the world will give you
credit for; and the more you say, the less they will believe you.