_The Relater with the Scrivener and Bookseller and their Wenches being
merry in a Tavern, fall out with other Company, and are sent by an
Alderman to the Counter. The Relater in revenge cheats the Alderman of
his Scarlet Gown, which is converted into Petticoats for the three
Wenches._
I having thus gained an intimate acquaintance with all these my
Brother-Clubbers, did set forth my own good parts; and they having been
open with me in the discovery of their manner of living, and how they
furnished themselves with money even to superfluity, I was as free to
them in relating many actions of my forepassed life; by which means they
found me the more fit for their society: and I having passed through
variety of conditions, as having been of several Trades, and informing
them of several mysterious Cheats which I had performed in them, they
all took a very great liking to me; but there was none whom I so much
affected as the Scrivener and Bookseller, because I found them the best
stored with money; and I often accompanied them to their Wenches, where
we had extraordinary Treatments, and such Company as exceeded all the
rest; for I had my lass as well as they; and though I paid nothing of
the reckoning, yet my Wench was often as well provided for as theirs;
for I furnished her with Cloaths equal to any of them, and then the less
money served the turn. We three being one night at a Tavern with our
Wenches, where we passed a Winters evening in their pleasing society,
our spirits being raised with wine, and the harmony of Musick joyned to
our Ladies voyces, in which they all three were very excellent; It
happened that their harmony begot a desire in the people in the next
Room to be attentive to our Musick: the Scrivener desiring his Lady to
sing a particular new Song alone, she consented thereunto, and performed
it very well, with good applause: one person in the next room, who had
given attention thereto, and had lately been in company with the Singer,
knowing her Voyce, was resolved by one means or other to see and drink
with her; and thereupon leaving his Company, he came into our Room, and
civilly asking leave, saluted the Ladies, and took acquaintance with the
Scriveners Mistress: she being somewhat displeased thereat, in short
time took occasion to tell her friend the Scrivener that she was much
troubled at this accident, and desired his favourable interpretation of
this action, for she assured him, she only knew this person as a
retainer to the house where she lodged, he coming to another Lady there,
and not to her; and withal she desired him, if he thought fit, to
affront and chastise him for this his unmannerly intrusion. Her friend
the Scrivener being thus informed by his Lady, called me and the
Bookseller on one side, and acquainted us with the matter; so that we
suddenly resolved to rid ourselves of this bold intruder: when we
returned to the fire where we left our unwelcome guest and the women, we
found him toying with them, and a little more bold then either they or
we were willing to permit and allow of; wherefore we gave him some angry
words, which he being a bluff fellow retorted, and we striving to force
him out of the Room, he single as he was set upon us all, to the great
affrightment of the Women, who now beginning to squeak out, our noise
occasioned the rest of our guests Companions who were in the next Room
to come into ours, and there seeing their Friend set on by us three,
which indeed being odds, they fell on us to his assistance: many blows
were not enterchanged, before the Master of the house and others (being
called by the noise we made, and the clamours of the women) entred the
Room; but all they could do, could not part us, so eager we were in
defending, as we thought, the honour of our Ladies; so that the
Constable was sent for, and we all seized on; but refusing to be
obedient, he forthwith caused us to be conducted to the Justices, who
was an Alderman that lived not far off; we being brought before his
Worship, being as yet hot as well with Wine as anger, could not agree in
our story, nor the occasion of our quarrel; but glad we were when we saw
that our Ladies had slipt away, as indeed it was but time (for had they
gone with us, I doubt _Bridewel_ would have been their lodging, and they
should have had rapping cheer.) They having thus made their escapes who
were the cause of our difference, and we every one contradicting each
other in our Discourses, the Alderman made no more ado, but sent us all
to the Counter, both Plaintiffs and Defendants: by such time as we were
well settled in our Quarters, and had paid our Garnishes, we all
considering the matter, and at length conversing with our Adversaries,
put our quarrelsome business in a fair way to be ended; for the occasion
being a Whore, we all agreed upon one tale to tell the Alderman next
morning; when being brought before him, and he finding then no
difference between us, supposing that it was only a drunken quarrel, was
at length perswaded to release us; but before we went, he forced us to
pay our fees, and likewise some money to the poor for being drunk; all
which we made a shift to do, by borrowing of one another, and so we were
discharged.
Thus was this business overpassed: but though we made a shift to hide it
from our Masters, pretending some of our wonted excuses, yet the rest of
the Brethren of the Club were acquainted with it, and we were soundly
laught at, and our Wenches applauded for their wit in making their
timely escape, or else it would have fared worse with us as well as
them, and our business must have come to our Masters ears.
This disgrace stuck upon us a great while, for our Companions would
often ask us, when we would go and visit Master Alderman again:
wherefore I bethought my self of a trick how to be revenged of the
Alderman, and thereby cause the Discourse to cease: I often going by the
Aldermans house, saw him standing at his door, and he had a common
custome every afternoon to stand or sit there three or four hours
together. I waiting my opportunity, went to the Alderman, and asked if
his Maid-servant was within: which of them, said he, _Nan_ or _Suzan_?
_Suzan_, quoth I: yes, said the Alderman, What is your business with
her? May it please your Worship, said I, I was sent hither to take
measure of her for some new cloaths: What then thou art a Taylor, said
he; I replied, yes, and so he sent me in. I being acquainted with the
Maids name (and seeing the Alderman engaged at the door, still talking
with another person) asked for _Suzan_: when she came to me, I told her,
that her Master sent me in to her, and wished me to ask for his Skarlet
Gown, to mend it against a feasting-day then approaching: she knowing
her Master was at the door, and beleeving my story, went for it (I in
the mean time watching whether the Alderman still continued at the door,
for if I had seen him comming in, I would have made my excuses and
depart) but as good luck would have it, the Maid came and gave me the
Gown, and went about her other business; I wrapping it up under my
cloak, went again to the door where Master Alderman was sitting, who
asked me, whether I had taken measure of his Maid; I told him, yes: What
already? said he. Yes, and please your Worship: then thou hast made
haste, said he; make her Clothes handsome, she’s a good Wench, and make
haste with them too, and let me see that you work well, and thou mayst
do some work for me, and in time thou mayst have good of the Wench. I
(being troubled with Master Aldermans large discourse) only replied, I
shall, if it please your Worship; and so left him, and went my ways to
the next Alehouse, where I applauded my self for my so happy
contrivance, and safe deliverance from Master Aldermans impertinences.
After a little stay in this Alehouse, and night coming on, I being thus
fraughted with this rich Cargo, sailed to the Tavern where we used to
meet, and the Gown being wrapt up in a cloth, I delivered to the Drawer
to lay up, and went up into a Room, where calling for a faggot and pint
of Wine, I had not staid long ere some of our Club came, and in short
time all the rest; we fell to merry-making, and in our jollity some of
our Company nosed us with Master Alderman: well, said I, I suppose that
jobb might cost us twenty shillings a piece, and though Master Alderman
might put the most part of it into his pocket; yet how say you, if I can
propound a way how to be revenged on him? My two Companions, the
Scrivener and the Bookseller, told me, if I could do it, they would give
me twenty shillings a piece; a match, said I, I’le be judg’d by the
Company: and thereupon I told them the story, and how I had cheated
Master Alderman of his Skarlet-Gown; and to make good my word, caused it
to be brought up, and shew’d before them: very well pleased was the
Scrivener and Bookseller, and all the rest amazed at the boldness of my
adventure, which was by all applauded for a great piece of wit, and my
money was by them accordingly paid me; then after a cup or two of Wine,
consideration was had, what should be done with the Gown, and how it
should be disposed of, for we all knew it was hazardous and dangerous to
dispose of it as it was: so after many propositions and consultations,
it was at length generally agreed on, that I should cut it in pieces,
and out of Master Aldermans Gown I should make three Petticoats, which
should be bestowed on our three _Madonas_; and this adjudged very fit
and equitable, that they having endured part of the brunt, should
receive the whole prize: this I assented to; and the Scrivener and
Bookseller, in regard the Gown was mine, gave me each of them twenty
shillings a piece more, for their share of the cloath; and also they
between them furnisht me with a rich gold and silver Lace, to be put
upon my Ladies Petticoat, equal and alike to that which was put on
theirs: and this was an end of the adventure with Master Alderman, of
whom we never enquired how he and his maid _Suzan_ agreed about the
Gown.
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