_The Scrivener recounts the Waggeries he committed the first three years
of his Apprenticeship, and his Masters first Cheats by counterfeiting
a Seal._
When I first came to Prentice, my Master (by reason of the Wars, which
caused a general deadness in Trading) had but little to do: but he being
one of the confiding party, did thereby get acquaintance with several
rich men, and in short time by reason of the pretended sanctity, was
entrusted by a Usurer to put out five hundred pound, which he did to his
content; for he had a Lease of a City Companies which cost seven hundred
pound assigned for security. My Master never having dealt in money
before, and now finding the sweetness of _Procuration_, and making of
writings, longed to be at it again: but though he had moneys offered him
to put out, yet he could not meet with any security to content; for
personal security by reason of the casualty of the Wars, was generally
disliked, and Land in the Country was for the same reason refused, and
only Leases in _London_, or Lands about _London_, was counted sufficient
and approved of, wherefore this Companies Lease, on which he had
procured monies did run much in his head, wishing for such another
security, and projecting somewhat, which since he had put in execution,
as I will tell you by and by: but I will first acquaint you how I
behaved my self for the first three years of my time, whereby my Master
took so good a liking to me, as to communicate his secrets to me. My
Master was alwayes good natur’d, and kind to me: but on the contrary, my
Mistris was cross and froward, so that I could seldome get a good word
from her, and she would still employ me in several pieces of drudgery,
as to carry burthens from _London_ to our Countrey House, and then I
must bring back from thence fletten or skim’d Milk, on which we must
feed two or three daies in the week, when my Master would allow good
roast Beef, which she would send for away: but I was still even with her
for her niggardliness, and when I came to the Country House, I would
usually get my share of the Cream; and being a lover of the Pies and
Puddings, steal some from her. One time I being in the Larder, had a
great mind to a bak’d-pudding that was there, but at first durst not
meddle with it, because it was with other good cheer to be served up at
the Table to Dinner, where were some guests: but for all that, the
lovliness of the Pudding made me to take my knife, and turning it upside
down, cut out one half of it, and so turning it down again, left it to
be served hollow to the Table: but I departing for _London_ e're Dinner
was served, I know not how the Maides came off. At other times when I
came to the Countrey House, if the fruit of the Orchard were ripe, then
the gate was lock’d, and I was not admitted therein, but I would have my
share by day or night; for I once invited some of my Confederates to
Church thither on a Sunday, and in the Sermon time went with them and
rob’d our own Orchard, which no body else durst attempt because of our
Mastiff; nay, I went once from _London_ at midnight, and having some of
my Copesmates with me I entred the Orchard, and fetcht out the fruit
which I would be sure should be of the best, and choicest of all the
ground, and gave it to my Companions, and so we returned loaden to
_London_; and thus did I vex her for her niggardliness, and although my
Master did well enough suspect me, yet he would only laugh at my
Mistriss when she was most passionately angry, and say, she was but
rightly served. But at length my Master had a Son, who when I first came
to Prentice was at Boarding-School: but in time growing up, his Mother
had a great desire to have him live at home and be a Clerk: for my
Masters employment encreasing, I gained moneys, and bought me some fine
Cloathes, and wore a Watch in my pocket: at all which she was envious,
and desirous that her Son might enjoy what I did, and therefore bound he
was to his Father, and though this happened three years after I came,
yet such was the injustice that I had done me, that he was not only
placed before me in a seat, but I was commanded to make clean his
shooes, and attend him, as if he had not been a Servant. This though I
was forced to comply with, yet I was resolved to be revenged of, and
therefore set my wits to work; I did clean his shoos, but in the edges
instead of greazing them, I anointed them with _Aqua fortis_, and he
putting them on, and going to the further end of _London_, the soles of
the shoos fell from the Upper-leathers, they being so eaten by the _Aqua
fortis_, and he sate at the Coblers stall whilst they were randed
together again. He was of so covetous a disposition (like his Mother)
that though he had moneys in his pocket, yet he would seldom spend any
at the Ale-house, and therefore sate at the Coblers stall two hours,
whilst his shoos were made fit for him to walk with, and then he came
home and was soundly chidden by his Father, my Master, for his so long
stay, which pleased me very well that he should be blamed for that fault
whereof he had been so often guilty. He being of a sneaking peering
humor, I could not be quiet for complaints he made of me, and by his
applying himself close to his business, he would dispatch as much
writing as I did: though I could when I listed, do twice as much in the
time, and when he had done, he would be making and mending his Pens
ready against business came in, but I would spoil all his Pens by
cutting one neb of them away somewhat shorter than the other, so that
when he came to write, he had his Pens to mend or new make, and so
curious he was, that his Ink must be in a particular Standish by its
self, whereto I would often put Oyl, so that it would not write; and
then for his Parchment, he would choose the best skins, and give me the
worst being greasie: but I would in his absence greaze his Parchment by
rubbing it with a Candles end. Many other inventions I had to hinder and
cross him, I found two pair of his Gloves one time, and bestowed some
Cow-lich in all the seams on the inside of them, so that he putting them
on, his hands quickly fell to itching, and he to scratching, till they
were all bloudy, and so hot, that he was forced to put them in a pail of
water, and then he cut his Gloves in pieces, that he might see what was
in the inside, which was no small pleasure to me. He being a trouble and
vexation to my fellow-servants as well as to me, they assisted me in my
waggeries and contrivances against him. In his Mothers absence at the
Countrey House, he kept the key of the Cupboard and Buttery, to hinder
us from the better sort of Victuals, but I soon got another key, and had
my full share of every thing, and when missed any thing, perswaded him,
the Rats and Mice bereft him of it. When my Mistriss came to Town she
would have her Lodging in the Chamber over the Kitching, because she
would hear if we sit up after her; it was a good while er'e I could
think of a way to cause her to remove her Lodging, but understanding
that she could not endure Rats and Mice, I got a great dead Rat, and in
the daytime put it into her bed between the sheets, so that she opening
her bed to go into it, and seeing the Rat, was so extreamly affrighted,
that she immediately left her Lodging, and went into another Chamber:
but she doubting that we would sit up a nights after she was gone to
bed, as indeed we often did, in Company of her Daughter, who was
somewhat better condition’d than her Brother, and had many Junkets and
Collations; she called her Son to watch, and he being willing to catch
us, would come down part of the stairs softly in his shirt to listen:
but we discerning his practice, strewed the stairs with pease, and
nointed the edges with soap, so that one night down he fell backwards,
and almost brake his Rib with the fall, and gave us timely notice to
shift away for our selves: his Mother hearing the noise, comming down
her self to help him, was served in the same kind, I hearing of this,
and all being dark, ran in my shirt and Breeches as if newly awaked, and
instead of helping them, went to the stairs and wip’d and rub’d them,
and conveyed away most of the pease, so that my Master by this time
being likewise up, and having a candle, did not distrust how they had
been served, but helping them up, and I assisting my young Master to go
to his bed, the next day he concluded the House was haunted by Spirits:
By this means we were rid of his watchings; for after he was once in his
Chamber of a night, he seldom came out again to watch us. But he would
commonly stay in the Kitchin till he saw us all going to bed, neither
would he permit me to come to the fire, upon which account we had a
bussel, and I gave my Gentleman such a fall, that caused him to remember
a good while after: but his Mother remembred me the next morning, for he
having acquainted her with the matter, she took upon her to revenge it,
which she did in this manner. I according to custom coming to the
Cistern for water, to water the shop before I swept it, having one
finger of one hand in the hole at the bottom of the bottle, and my
t'other hand being employed in holding the bottle, and being stooping at
the Cock of the Cistern my Mistress came near me, and there standing by
me in a Tub a parcel of durty clouts wherewith the maids had newly
washed down the stairs, she takes them up and slaps them about my face,
so that I looked as durty as a Chimney-sweeper; and not contented
therewith, she jouled my head against the Cistern: I thereupon standing
upright, and feling my self wet, faced her, who now opening her mouth,
made a great noise with her passionate exclamations against me for
abusing her Son; I let her goe on in her discourse, and apprehending a
way to be even with her, coming very near her, let my finger go from the
bottom of the bottle, and holding it over her, it ran all upon her, so
that she then having a great belly soon felt her self to wet through,
and then she would have been at me again, but I shewed her a fair pair
of heels, and ran away. Thus was I still even with them both, and my
Master would seldom do any thing but laugh at what I did, taking much
notice of my unhappy wit; for let her and her Son do all they could, I
would be sure to have my share of the best sort of the Victuals; and she
was of that dirty humor, that at a _Christmas_ when she made a Feast,
and a great deal of good chear was drest for her guests, she would then
afford us nothing but a dish of stew’d Turneps, Milk, Pottage, or at the
best, a leg of Beef; and though much Victuals were left in Platters, and
on Trenchers, that she bestowed on the Water-bearer or Chair-woman, that
they might report what a brave House she kept, and not a bit was given
to us his Servants, unless she had kept it so long till it was mouldy or
worse. Once I remember she promised us some Plumb-Pottage, and at the
time she made two pots full, I asking the maid wherefore so much was
made? she informed me, that one pot-full was much better than the other;
I being told which was the best when my Master and Mistress were at
Dinner, got a good Bason full of the best, and set it by for my self,
and then mixed the rest so, so that we had all alike. But to lay aside
all these fooleries, and now to the purpose, my Master perceiving me of
a pretty smart wit, and fit for his purpose, he employed me in getting
of a Seal made, the which I did, and it was like unto the Companies,
which I told you was to the writing, upon which we lent 500_l._ He did
not tell me the use of it at present, but I soon found it out; for not
long after a Deed was made, and the Seal being put to it, my Master
caused one who was his Confederate to bring it to our shop at such a
time as he had a Usurer in his company who wanted security for moneys.
In comes our Gentleman, and calling my Master aside, asked him if he
could procure 500_l._ upon such a Companies Lease? Yes reply’d my Master
if it be a good one; whereupon the Lease was produced, and the Usurer
being there present look’d on it, and liked it so well, that he agreed
to lend 400_l._ upon it: This at first would not please the Gentleman,
because he pretended he was to pay 500_l._ but the value of the Lease
being counted and reckoned at no more than 600_l._ he was contented at
my Masters perswasions to accept of 400_l._ upon that security, and my
Master promised him to furnish him with a 100_l._ more on his Bond of
another person, a friend of his. Thus this business was made up, and
assignment or mortgage being made of this Lease, the money was paid, and
my Master as I soon understood, had 350_l._ thereof, and the Gentleman
50_l._ and I was likewise rewarded with twenty shillings, which the
Gentleman gave me. Thus said the Scrivener, was my Master first
beginnings in Cheating, which indeed was but small to these many great
ones, which he soon after acted; of which you shall have an account in
the next Chapter.
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