TIFF'S PREPARATIONS.
The announcement of the expected camp-meeting produced a vast sensation
at Canema, in other circles beside the hall. In the servants'
department, everybody was full of the matter, from Aunt Katy down to
Tomtit. The women were thinking over their available finery; for these
gatherings furnish the negroes with the same opportunity of display that
Grace Church does to the Broadway belles. And so, before Old Tiff, who
had brought the first intelligence to the plantation, had time to
depart, Tomtit had trumpeted the news through all the cluster of
negro-houses that skirted the right side of the mansion, proclaiming
that "dere was gwine to be a camp-meeting, and tip-top work of grace,
and Miss Nina was going to let all de niggers go." Old Tiff, therefore,
found himself in a prominent position in a group of negro-women, among
whom Rose, the cook, was conspicuous.
"Law, Tiff, ye gwine? and gwine to take your chil'en? ha! ha! ha!" said
she. "Why, Miss Fanny, dey'll tink Tiff's yer mammy! Ho! ho! ho!"
"Yah! yah! Ho! ho! ho!" roared in a chorus of laughter on all sides,
doing honor to Aunt Rosy's wit; and Tomtit, who hung upon the skirts of
the crowd, threw up the fragment of a hat in the air, and kicked it in
an abandon of joy, regardless of the neglected dinner-knives. Old Tiff,
mindful of dignities, never failed to propitiate Rose, on his advents to
the plantation, with the gift which the "wise man saith maketh friends;"
and, on the present occasion he had enriched her own peculiar stock of
domestic fowl by the present of a pair of young partridge-chicks, a nest
of which he had just captured, intending to bring them up by hand, as he
did his children. By this discreet course, Tiff stood high where it was
of most vital consequence that he should so stand; and many a choice
morsel did Rose cook for him in secret, besides imparting to him most
invaluable recipes on the culture and raising of sucking babies. Old
Hundred, like many other persons, felt that general attention lavished
on any other celebrity was so much taken from his own merits, and,
therefore, on the present occasion, sat regarding Tiff's evident
popularity with a cynical eye. At last, coming up, like a wicked fellow
as he was, he launched his javelin at Old Tiff, by observing to his
wife,--
"I's 'stonished at you, Rose! _You_, cook to de Gordons, and making
youself so cheap--so familiar with de poor white folks' niggers!"
Had the slant fallen upon himself, personally, Old Tiff would probably
have given a jolly crow, and laughed as heartily as he generally did if
he happened to be caught out in a rain-storm; but the reflection on his
family connection fired him up like a torch, and his eyes flashed
through his big spectacles like firelight through windows.
"You go 'long, talking 'bout what you don' know nothing 'bout! I like to
know what you knows 'bout de old Virginny fam'lies? _Dem's_ de real old
stock! You Car'lina folks come from _dem_, stick and stock, every blest
one of you! De Gordons is a nice family--an't nothing to say agin de
Gordons--but whar was you raised, dat ye didn't hear 'bout de Peytons?
Why, old Gen'al Peyton, didn't he use to ride with six black horses
afore him, as if he'd been a king? Dere wan't one of dem horses dat
hadn't a tail as long as my arm. _You_ never see no such critters in
_your_ life!"
"I han't, han't I?" said Old Hundred, now, in his turn, touched in a
vital point. "Bless me, if I han't seen de Gordons riding out with der
eight horses, any time o' day!"
"Come, come, now, dere wasn't so many!" said Rose, who had her own
reasons for staying on Tiff's side. "Nobody never rode with eight
horses!"
"Did too! You say much more, I'll make sixteen on 'em! 'Fore my blessed
master, how dese yer old niggers will lie! Dey's always zaggerating der
families. Makes de very har rise on my head, to hear dese yer old
niggers talk, dey lie so!" said Old Hundred.
"You tink folks dat take to lying is using up your business, don't ye?"
said Tiff. "But, I tell you, any one dat says a word agin de Peytons got
me to set in with!"
"Laws, dem chil'en an't Peytons!" said Old Hundred; "dey's Crippses; and
I like to know who ever hearn of de Crippses? Go way! don't tell me
nothing about dem Crippses! Dey's poor white folks! A body may see _dat_
sticking out all over 'em!"
"You shut up!" said Tiff. "I don't b'lieve you was born on de Gordon
place, 'cause you an't got no manners. I spects you some old,
second-hand nigger, Colonel Gordon must a took for debt, some time, from
some of dese yer mean Tennessee families, dat don' know how to keep der
money when dey gets it. Der niggers is allers de meanest kind. 'Cause
all de real Gordon niggers is ladies and gen'lemen--every one of 'em!"
said Old Tiff, like a true orator, bent on carrying his audience along
with him.
A general shout chorused this compliment; and Tiff, under cover of the
applause, shook up his reins, and rode off in triumph.
"Dar, now, you aggravating old nigger," said Rose, turning to her bosom
lord, "I hope yer got it now! De plaguest old nigger dat ever I see! And
you, Tom, go 'long and clean your knives, if yer don't mean to be
cracked over!"
Meanwhile Tiff, restored to his usual tranquillity, ambled along
homeward behind his one-eyed horse, singing "I'm bound for the land of
Canaan," with some surprising variations.
At last Miss Fanny, as he constantly called her, interposed with a very
pregnant question.
"Uncle Tiff, where is the land of Canaan?"
"De Lord-a-mercy, chile, dat ar's what I'd like to know myself."
"Is it heaven?" said Fanny.
"Well, I reckon so," said Tiff, dubiously.
"Is it where ma is gone?" said Fanny.
"Chile, I reckon it is," said Tiff.
"Is it down under ground?" said Fanny.
"Why, no! ho! ho! honey!" said Tiff, laughing heartily. "What put dat ar
in your head, Miss Fanny?"
"Didn't ma go that way?" said Fanny, "down through the ground?"
"Lordy, no, chile! Heaven's up!" said Tiff, pointing up to the intense
blue sky which appeared through the fringy hollows of the pine-trees
above them.
"Is there any stairs anywhere? or any ladder to get up by?" said Fanny.
"Or do they walk to where the sky touches the ground, and get up?
Perhaps they climb up on the rainbow."
"I don' know, chile, how dey works it," said Uncle Tiff. "Dey gets dar
somehow. I's studdin' upon dat ar. I's gwine to camp-meeting to find
out. I's been to plenty of dem ar, and I never could quite see clar.
'Pears like dey talks about everything else more'n dey does about dat.
Dere's de Methodists, dey cuts up de Presbyter'ans; and de Presbyter'ans
pitches into de Methodists; and den both on 'em's down on de 'Piscopals.
My ole mist' was 'Piscopal, and I never seed no harm in't. And de
Baptists think dey an't none on 'em right; and, while dey's all a
blowing out at each other, dat ar way, I's a wondering whar's de way to
Canaan. It takes a mighty heap o' larning to know about dese yer things,
and I an't got no larning. I don' know nothing, only de Lord, he 'peared
to your ma, and he knows de way, and he took her. But, now, chile, I's
gwine to fix you up right smart, and take you, Teddy, and de baby, to
dis yer camp-meeting, so you can seek de Lord in yer youth."
"Tiff, if you please, I'd rather not go!" said Fanny, in an apprehensive
tone.
"Oh, bress de Lord, Miss Fanny, why not? Fust-rate times dere."
"There'll be too many people. I don't want them to see us."
The fact was, that Rose's slant speech about Tiff's maternal
relationship, united with the sneers of Old Hundred, had their effect
upon Fanny's mind. Naturally proud, and fearful of ridicule, she shrank
from the public display which would thus be made of their family
condition; yet she would not for the world have betrayed to her kind old
friend the real reason of her hesitation. But Old Tiff's keen eye had
noticed the expression of the child's countenance at the time. If
anybody supposes that the faithful old creature's heart was at all
wounded by the perception, they are greatly mistaken.
To Tiff it appeared a joke of the very richest quality; and, as he rode
along in silence for some time, he indulged himself in one of his
quiet, long laughs, actually shaking his old sides till the tears
streamed down his cheeks.
"What's the matter with you, Tiff?" said Fanny.
"Oh, Miss Fanny, Tiff knows!--Tiff knows de reason ye don't want to go
to camp-meeting. Tiff's seen it in yer face--ye ho! ho! ho! Miss Fanny,
is you 'fraid dey'll take Old Tiff for yer mammy?--ye ho! ho! ho!--for
yer mammy?--and Teddy's, and de baby's?--bless his little soul!" And the
amphibious old creature rollicked over the idea with infinite merriment.
"Don't I look like it, Miss Fanny? Lord, ye por dear lamb, can't folks
see ye's a born lady, with yer white, little hands? Don't ye be 'feared,
Miss Fanny!"
"I know it's silly," said Fanny; "but, beside, I don't like to be called
_poor white folksy_!"
"Oh, chile, it's only dem mean niggers! Miss Nina's allers good to ye,
an't she? Speaks to ye so handsome. Ye must memorize dat ar, Miss Fanny,
and talk like Miss Nina. I's feared, now yer ma's dead, ye'll fall into
some o' my nigger ways of talking. 'Member you mustn't talk like Old
Tiff, 'cause young ladies and gen'lemen mustn't talk like niggers. Now,
I says 'dis and dat, dis yer and dat ar.' Dat ar is nigger talk, and por
white folksy, too. Only de por white folks, dey's mis'able, 'cause
niggers _knows_ what's good talk, but dey doesn't. Lord, chile, Old Tiff
_knows_ what good talk is. An't he heard de greatest ladies and
gen'lemen in de land talk? But he don't want de trouble to talk dat ar
way, 'cause he's a nigger! Tiff likes his own talk--it's good enough for
Tiff. Tiff's talk sarves him mighty well, I tell yer. But, den, white
children mustn't talk so. Now, you see, Miss Nina has got de prettiest
way of saying her words. Dey drops out one after another, one after
another, so pretty! Now, you mind, 'cause she's coming to see us off and
on--she promised so. And den you keep a good lookout how she walks, and
how she holds her pocket-handkerchief. And when she sits down she kind
o' gives a little flirt to her clothes, so dey all set out round her
like ruffles. Dese yer little ways ladies have! Why, dese yer por white
folks, did yer ever mind der settin' down? Why, dey jist slaps down into
a chair like a spoonful o' mush, and der clothes all stick tight about
'em. I don't want nothing _poor white folksy_ 'bout you. Den, if you
don't understand what people's a saying to you, any time, you mustn't
star, like por white chil'en, and say, 'what?' but you must say 'I beg
pardon, sir,' or, 'I beg pardon, ma'am.' Dat ar's de way. And, Miss
Fanny, you and Teddy, you must study yer book; 'cause, if you can't
read, den dey'll be sure to say yer por white folks. And, den, Miss
Fanny, you see dat ladies don't demean demselves with sweeping and
scrubbing, and dem tings; and yet _dey does work_, honey! Dey sews, and
dey knits; and it would be good for you to larn how to sew and knit;
'cause, you know, I can't allers make up all de clothes; 'cause, you
see, young ladies haves ways wid 'em dat niggers can't get. Now, you
see, Miss Fanny, all dese yer tings I was telling you, you must 'bserve.
Now, you see, if you was one of dese yer por white folks, dere be no use
of your trying; 'cause dat ar 'scription o' people couldn't never be
ladies, if dey was waring themselves out a trying. But, you see, you's
got it in you; you was born to it, honey. It's in de blood; and what's
in de blood must come out--ho! ho! ho!" And with this final laugh, Tiff
drew up to his dwelling.
A busy day was before Old Tiff; for he was to set his house in order for
a week's campaign. There was his corn to be hoed, his parsley to be
weeded, there was his orphan family of young partridges to be cared for.
And Tiff, after some considerable consideration, resolved to take them
along with him in a basket; thinking, in the intervals of devotion, he
should have an abundant opportunity to minister to their wants, and
superintend their education. Then he went to one of his favorite
springes, and brought from thence, not a fatted calf, to be sure, but a
fatted coon, which he intended to take with him, to serve as the basis
of a savory stew on the camp-ground. Tiff had a thriving company of
pot-herbs, and a flourishing young colony of onions; so that, whatever
might be true of the sermons, it was evident that the stew would lack no
savor. Teddy's clothes, also, were to be passed in review; washing and
ironing to be done; the baby fitted up to do honor to his name, or
rather to the name of his grandfather. With all these cares upon his
mind, the old creature was even more than usually alert. The day was
warm, and he resolved, therefore, to perform his washing operations in
the magnificent kitchen of nature. He accordingly kindled a splendid
bonfire, which was soon crackling at a short distance from the house,
slung over it his kettle, and proceeded to some other necessary
avocations. The pine-wood, which had been imperfectly seasoned, served
him the ungracious trick that pine-wood is apt to do; it crackled and
roared merrily while he was present, but while he was down examining his
traps in the woods went entirely out, leaving only the blackened sticks.
"Uncle Tiff," said Teddy, "the fire is all gone out!"
"Ho! ho! ho!--Has it?" said Tiff, coming up. "Curus enough! Well, bress
de Lord, got all de wood left, any way; had a real bright fire, beside,"
said Tiff, intent on upholding the sunniest side of things. "Lord, it's
de sun dat puts de fire out o' countenance. Did you ever see fire dat
wouldn't go out when de sun's shining right in it's face? Dat ar is a
curus fact. I's minded it heaps o' times. Well, I'll jist have to come
out wid my light-wood kindlings, dat's all. Bress de Lord, ho! ho! ho!"
said Tiff, laughing to himself, "if dese yer an't the very sp'rit of de
camp-meeting professors! Dey blazes away at de camp-meeting, and den
dey's black all de year round! See 'em at de camp-meetings, you'd say
dey war gwine right into de kingdom, sure enough! Well, Lord have marcy
on us all! Our 'ligion's drefful poor stuff! We don' know but a despert
leetle, and what we does know we don' do. De good Mas'r above must have
his hands full, with us!"