MILLY'S STORY.
Nina spent the evening in the drawing-room; and her brother, in the
animation of a new pursuit, forgetful of the difference of the morning,
exerted himself to be agreeable, and treated her with more consideration
and kindness than he had done any time since his arrival. He even made
some off-hand advances towards Clayton, which the latter received with
good-humor, and which went further than she supposed to raise the
spirits of Nina; and so, on the whole, she passed a more than usually
agreeable evening. On retiring to her room, she found Milly, who had
been for some time patiently waiting for her, having dispatched her
mistress to bed some time since.
"Well, Miss Nina, I am going on my travels in de morning. Thought I must
have a little time to see you, lamb, 'fore I goes."
"I can't bear to have you go, Milly! I don't like that man you are going
with."
"I 'spects he's a nice man," said Milly. "Of course he'll look me out a
nice place, because he has always took good care of Miss Loo's affairs.
So you never trouble yourself 'bout me! I tell you, chile, I never gets
where I can't find de Lord; and when I finds Him, I gets along. 'De Lord
is my shepherd, I shall not want.'"
"But you have never been used to living except in our family," said
Nina, "and, somehow, I feel afraid. If they don't treat you well, come
back Milly; will you?"
"Laws, chile, I isn't much feared but what I'll get along well enough.
When people keep about dere business, doing de best dey ken, folks
doesn't often trouble dem. I never yet seed de folks I couldn't suit,"
she added, with a glow of honest pride. "No, chile, it isn't for myself
I's fearing; it's just for you, chile. Chile, you don't know what it is
to live in dis yer world, and I wants you to get de Best Friend to go
with you. Why, dear lamb, you wants somebody to go to and open your
heart; somebody dat'll love you, and always stand by you; somebody
dat'll always lead you right, you know. You has more cares than such a
young thing ought for to have; great many looking to you, and 'pending
on you. Now, if your ma was alive, it would be different; but, just now,
I see how 'tis; dere'll be a hundred things you'll be thinking and
feeling, and nobody to say 'em to. And now, chile, you must learn to go
to de Lord. Why, chile, He loves you! Chile, He loves you _just as you
be_; if you only saw how much, it would melt your heart right down. I
told you I was going some time fur to tell you my sperience--how I first
found Jesus. Oh Lord, Lord! but it is along story."
Nina, whose quick sympathies were touched by the earnestness of her old
friend, and still more aroused by the allusion to her mother,
answered,--
"Oh, yes, come, tell me about it!" And, drawing a low ottoman, she sat
down, and laid her head on the lap of her humble friend.
"Well, well, you see, chile," said Milly, her large, dark eyes fixing
themselves on vacancy, and speaking in a slow and dreamy voice, "a
body's life, in dis yer world, is a mighty strange thing! You see,
chile, my mother--well, dey brought her from Africa; my father, too.
Heaps and heaps my mother has told me about dat ar. Dat ar was a mighty
fine country, where dey had gold in the rivers, and such great, big,
tall trees, with de strangest beautiful flowers on them you ever did
see! Laws, laws! well, dey brought my mother and my father into
Charleston, and dere Mr. Campbell,--dat was your ma's father, honey,--he
bought dem right out of de ship; but dey had five children, and dey was
all sold, and dey never knowed where dey went to. Father and mother
couldn't speak a word of English when dey come ashore; and she told me
often how she couldn't speak a word to nobody, to tell 'em how it hurt
her.
"Laws, when I was a chile, I 'member how often, when de day's work was
done, she used to come out and sit and look up at de stars, and groan,
groan, and groan! I was a little thing, playing round; and I used to
come up to her, dancing, and saying,--
"'Mammy, what makes you groan so? what's de matter of you?'
"'Matter enough, chile!' she used to say. 'I's a thinking of my poor
children. I likes to look at de stars, because dey sees de same stars
dat I do. 'Pears like we was in one room; but I don't know where dey is!
Dey don't know where I be!'
"Den she'd say to me,--
"'Now, chile, you may be sold away from your mammy. Der's no knowing
what may happen to you, chile; but, if you gets into any trouble, as I
does, you mind, chile, you ask God to help you.'
"'Who is God, mammy,' says I, 'anyhow?'
"'Why, chile,' says she, 'He made dese yer stars.'
"And den I wanted mammy to tell me more about it; only she says,--
"'He can do anything he likes; and, if ye are in any kind of trouble, He
can help you.'
"Well, to be sure, I didn't mind much about it--all dancing round,
because pretty well don't need much help. But she said dat ar to me so
many times, I couldn't help 'member it. 'Chile, troubles will come; and,
when dey does come, you ask God, and He will help you.'
"Well, sure enough, I wasn't sold from her, but she was took from me,
because Mr. Campbell's brother went off to live in Orleans, and parted
de hands. My father and mother was took to Orleans, and I was took to
Virginny. Well, you see, I growed up along with de young ladies,--your
ma, Miss Harrit, Miss Loo, and de rest on 'em,--and I had heaps of fun.
Dey all like Milly. Dey couldn't nobody run, nor jump, nor ride a horse,
nor row a boat, like Milly; and so it was Milly here, and Milly dere,
and whatever de young ladies wanted, it was Milly made de way for it.
"Well, dere was a great difference among dem young ladies. Dere was Miss
Loo--she was de prettiest, and she had a great many beaux; but, den,
dere was your ma--everybody loved her; and den dere was Miss Harrit--she
had right smart of life in her, and was always for _doing_
something--always right busy 'tending to something or other, and she
liked me because I'd always go in with her. Well, well! dem dar was
pleasant times enough; but when I got to be about fourteen or fifteen,
I began to feel kind o' bad--sort of strange and heavy. I really didn't
know why, but 'peared like's when I got older, I felt I was in bondage.
"'Member one day your ma came in, and seed me looking out of window, and
she says to me,--
"'Milly, what makes you so dull lately?'
"'Oh,' says I, 'I, somehow, I don't have good times.'
"'Why?' says she; 'why not? Don't everybody make much of you, and don't
you have everything that you want?'
"'Oh, well,' says I, 'missis, I's a poor slave-girl, for all dat.'
"Chile, your ma was a weety thing, like you. I 'member just how she
looked dat minute. I felt sorry, 'cause I thought I'd hurt her feelings.
But says she,--
"'Milly, I don't wonder you feel so. I know I should feel so myself, if
I was in your place.'
"Afterwards, she told Miss Loo and Miss Harrit; but dey laughed, and
said dey guessed der wasn't many girls who were as well off as Milly.
Well, den, Miss Harrit, she was married de first. She married Mr.
Charles Blair; and when she was married, nothing was to do but she must
have me to go with her. I liked Miss Harrit; but, den, honey, I'd liked
it much better if it had been your ma. I'd always counted that I wanted
to belong to your ma, and I think your ma wanted me; but, den, she was
still, and Miss Harrit she was one of de sort dat never lost nothing by
not asking for it. She was one of de sort dat always _got things_ by
hook or by crook. She always had more clothes, and more money, and more
everything, dan de rest of them, 'cause she was always wide awake, and
looking out for herself.
"Well, Mr. Blair's place was away off in another part of Virginny, and I
went dere with her. Well, she wan't very happy, no ways, she wan't;
because Mr. Blair, he was a high fellow. Laws, Miss Nina, when I tells
you dis yere one you've got here is a good one, and I 'vise you to take
him, it's because I knows what comes o' girls marrying high fellows.
Don't care how good-looking dey is, nor what dere manners is,--it's just
de ruin of girls that has them. Law, when he was a courting Miss Harrit,
it was all nobody but her. She was going to be his angel, and he was
going to give up all sorts of bad ways, and live _such_ a good life!
Ah! she married him; it all went to smoke! 'Fore de month was well over,
he got a going in his old ways; and den it was go, go, all de time,
carousing and drinking,--parties at home, parties abroad,--money flying
like de water.
"Well, dis made a great change in Miss Harrit. She didn't laugh no more;
she got sharp and cross, and she wan't good to me like what she used to
be. She took to be jealous of me and her husband. She might have saved
herself de trouble. I shouldn't have touched him with a pair of tongs.
But he was always running after everything that came in his way; so no
wonder. But, 'tween them both, I led a bad life of it.
"Well, things dragged kind along in this way. She had three children,
and, at last, he was killed, one day, falling off his horse when he was
too drunk to hold the bridle. Good riddance, too, I thought. And den,
after he's dead, Miss Harrit, she seemed to grow more quiet like, and
setting herself picking up what pieces and crumbs was left for her and
de children. And I 'member she had one of her uncles dere a good many
days helping her in counting up de debts. Well, dey was talking one day
in missis' room, and dere was a little light closet on one side, where I
got set down to do some fine stitching; but dey was too busy in their
'counts to think anything 'bout me. It seemed dat de place and de people
was all to be sold off to pay de debts,--all 'cept a few of us, who were
to go off with missis, and begin again on a small place,--and I heard
him telling her about it.
"'While your children are small,' he says, 'you can live small, and keep
things close, and raise enough on the place for ye all; and den you can
be making the most of your property. Niggers is rising in de market.
Since Missouri came in, they's worth double; and so you can just sell de
increase of 'em for a good sum. Now, there's that black girl Milly, of
yourn.'--You may be sure, now, I pricked up my ears, Miss Nina.--'You
don't often see a girl of finer breed than she is,' says he, just as if
I'd been a cow, you know. 'Have you got her a husband?'
"'No,' said Miss Harrit; and then says she, 'I believe Milly is
something of a coquette among the young men. She's never settled on
anybody yet,' says she.
"'Well,' says he, 'that must be attended to, 'cause that girl's
children will be an estate of themselves. Why, I've known women to have
twenty! and her children wouldn't any of 'em be worth less than eight
hundred dollars. There's a fortune at once. If dey's like her, dey'll be
as good as cash in the market, any day. You can send out and sell one,
if you happen to be in any straits, just as soon as you can draw a note
on the bank.'
"Oh, laws, Miss Nina, I tell you dis yer fell on me like so much lead.
'Cause, you see, I'd been keeping company with a very nice young man,
and I was going to ask Miss Harrit about it dat very day; but, dere--I
laid down my work dat minute, and thinks, says I, 'True as de Lord's in
heaven I won't never be married in dis world!' And I cried 'bout it, off
and on, all day, and at night I told Paul 'bout it. He was de one, you
know. But Paul, he tried to make it all smooth. He guessed it wouldn't
happen; he guessed missis would think better on't. At any rate, we loved
each other, and why shouldn't we take as much comfort as we could? Well,
I went to Miss Harrit, and told her just what I thought 'bout it. Allers
had spoke my mind to Miss Harrit 'bout everything, and I wan't going to
stop den. And she laughed at me, and told me not to cry 'fore I's hurt.
Well, things went on so two or three weeks, and finally Paul he
persuaded me. And so we was married. When our first child was born, Paul
was so pleased, he thought strange that I wan't.
"'Paul,' said I, 'dis yer child an't ourn; it may be took from us, and
sold, any day.'
"'Well, well,' says he, 'Milly, it may be God's child, any way, even if
it an't ourn.'
"'Cause, you see, Miss Nina, Paul, he was a Christian. Ah, well, honey,
I can't tell you; after dat I had a great many chil'en, girls and boys,
growing up round me. Well, I's had fourteen chil'en, dear, and dey's all
been sold from me, every single one of 'em. Lord, it's a heavy cross!
heavy, heavy! None knows but dem dat bears it!"
"What a shame!" said Nina. "How could Aunt Harriet be such a wicked
woman?--an aunt of mine do so!"
"Chile, chile," said Milly, "we doesn't none of us know what's in us.
When Miss Harrit and I was gals together, hunting hens' eggs and rowing
de boat in de river,--well, I wouldn't have thought it would have been
so, and she wouldn't have thought so, neither. But, den, what little's
bad in girls when dey's young and handsome, and all de world smiling on
'em--Oh, honey, it gets drefful strong when dey gets grown women, and de
wrinkles comes in der faces! Always, when she was a girl,--whether it
was eggs, or berries, or chincapins, or what,--it was Miss Harrit's
nature to _get_ and to _keep_; and when she got old, dat all turned to
money."
"Oh! but," said Nina, "it does seem impossible that a woman--a lady
born, too, and my aunt--could do such a thing!"
"Ah, ah, honey! ladies born have some bad stuff in dem, sometimes, like
de rest of us. But, den, honey, it was de most natural thing in de
world, come to look on't; for now, see here, honey, dere was your
aunt--she was poor, and she was pestered for money. Dere was Mas'r
George's bills and Peter's bills to pay, and Miss Susy's; and every one
of 'em must have everything, and dey was all calling for money, money;
and dere has been times she didn't know which way to turn. Now, you see,
when a woman is pestered to pay two hundred here and tree hundred dere,
and when she has got more niggers on her place dan she can keep, and den
a man calls in and lays down eight hundred dollars in gold and bills
before her, and says, 'I want dat ar Lucy or George of yourn,' why,
don't you see? Dese yer soul-drivers is always round, tempting folks dey
know is poor; and dey always have der money as handy as de devil has
his. But, den, I oughtn't fur to be hard upon dem poor soul-drivers,
neither, 'cause dey an't taught no better. It's dese yer Christians, dat
profess Christ, dat makes great talks 'bout religion, dat has der
Bibles, and turns der backs upon swearing soul-drivers, and tinks dey
an't fit to speak to--it's _dem_, honey, dat's de root of de whole
business. Now, dere was dat uncle of hern,--mighty great Christian he
was, with his prayer-meetings, and all dat!--he was always a putting her
up to it. Oh, dere's been times--dere was times 'long first, Miss Nina,
when my first chil'en was sold--dat, I tell you. I poured out my soul to
Miss Harrit, and I've seen dat ar woman cry so dat I was sorry for her.
And she said to me, 'Milly, I'll never do it again.' But, Lord! I
didn't trust her,--not a word on't,--'cause I knowed she would. I knowed
dere was dat in her heart dat de devil wouldn't let go of. I knowed he'd
no kind of objection to her 'musing herself with meetin's, and prayers,
and all dat; but he'd no notion to let go his grip on her heart.
"But, Lord! she wasn't _quite_ a bad woman,--poor Miss Harrit
wasn't,--and she wouldn't have done so bad, if it hadn't been for _him_.
But he'd come and have prayers, and exhort, and den come prowling round
my place like a wolf, looking at my chil'en.
"'And, Milly,' he'd say, 'how do you do now? Lucy is getting to be a
right smart girl, Milly. How old is she? Dere's a lady in Washington has
advertised for a maid,--a nice woman, a pious lady. I suppose you
wouldn't object, Milly? Your poor mistress is in great trouble for
money.'
"I never said nothing to that man. Only once, when he asked me what I
thought my Lucy would be worth, when she was fifteen years old, says I
to him:--
"'Sir, she is worth to me just what your daughter is worth to you.'
"Den I went in and shut de door. I didn't stay to see how he took it.
Den he'd go up to de house, and talk to Miss Harrit. 'Twas her duty,
he'd tell her, to take proper care of her goods. And dat ar meant
selling my chil'en. I 'member, when Miss Susy came home from
boarding-school, she was a pretty girl: but I didn't look on her very
kind, I tell you, 'cause three of my chil'en had been sold to keep her
at school. My Lucy,--ah, honey!--she went for a lady's maid. I knowed
what dat ar meant, well enough. De lady had a son grown, and he took
Lucy with him to Orleans, and dere was an end of dat. Dere don't no
letters go 'tween us. Once gone, we can't write, and it is good as being
dead. Ah, no, chile, not so good! Paul used to teach Lucy little hymns,
nights, 'fore she went to sleep. And if she'd a died right off after one
of dem, it would have been better for her. Oh, honey, 'long dem times I
used to rave and toss like a bull in a net--I did so!
"Well, honey, I wasn't what I was. I got cross and ugly. Miss Harrit,
she grew a great Christian, and joined de church, and used to have heaps
of ministers and elders at her house; and some on 'em used to try and
talk to me. I told 'em I'd seen enough of der old religion, and I didn't
want to hear no more. But Paul, he was a Christian; and when he talked
to me, I was quiet, like, though I couldn't be like what he was. Well,
last, my missis promised me one. She'd give me my youngest child, sure
and certain. His name was Alfred. Well, dat boy!--I loved dat child
better dan any of de rest of 'em. He was all I'd got left to love; for,
when he was a year old, Paul's master moved away down to Louisiana, and
took him off, and I never heard no more of him. So it 'peared as if dis
yer child was all I had left. Well, he _was_ a bright boy. Oh, he was
most uncommon! He was so handy to anything, and saved me so many steps!
Oh, honey, he had such ways with him--dat boy!--would always make me
laugh. He took after larnin' mighty, and he larned himself to read; and
he'd read de Bible to me, sometimes. I just brought him up and teached
him de best way I could. All dat made me 'fraid for him was, dat he was
so spirity. I's 'fraid 'twould get him into trouble.
"He wan't no more spirity dan white folks would like der chil'en fur to
be. When white chil'en holds up der heads, and answers back, den de
parents laugh, and say, 'He's got it in him! He's a bright one!' But, if
one of ourn does so, it's a drefful thing. I was allers talking to
Alfred 'bout it, and telled him to keep humble. It 'peared like there
was so much in him, you couldn't keep it down. Laws, Miss Nina, folks
may say what dey like about de black folks, dey'll never beat it out of
my head;--dere's some on 'em can be as smart as any white folks, if dey
could have de same chance. How many white boys did you ever see would
take de trouble for to teach theirselves to read? And dat's what my
Alfred did. Laws, I had a mighty heap of comfort in him, 'cause I was
thinkin' to get my missis to let me hire my time; den I was going to
work over hours, and get money, and buy him; because, you see, chile, I
knowed he was too spirity for a slave. You see he couldn't _learn to
stoop_; he wouldn't let nobody impose on him; and he always had a word
back again to give anybody as good as dey sent. Yet, for all dat, he was
a dear, good boy to me; and when I used to talk to him, and tell him
dese things was dangerous, he'd always promise fur to be kerful. Well,
things went on pretty well while he was little, and I kept him with me
till he got to be about twelve or thirteen years old. He used to wipe de
dishes, and scour de knives, and black de shoes, and such-like work.
But, by and by, dey said it was time dat he should go to de reg'lar
work; and dat ar was de time I felt feared. Missis had an overseer, and
he was real aggravating, and I felt feared dere'd be trouble; and sure
enough dere was, too. Dere was always somethin' brewing 'tween him and
Alfred; and he was always running to missis with tales, and I was
talking to Alfred. But 'peared like he aggravated de boy so, dat he
couldn't do right. Well, one day, when I had been up to town for an
errand, I come home at night, and I wondered Alfred didn't come home to
his supper. I thought something was wrong; and I went to de house, and
dere sat Miss Harrit by a table covered with rolls of money, and dere
she was a counting it.
"'Miss Harrit,' says I, 'I can't find Alfred. An't you seen him?' says
I.
"At first she didn't answer, but went on counting--fifty-one, fifty-two,
fifty-three. Finally I spoke again.
"'I hope there an't nothing happened to Alfred, Miss Harrit?'
"She looked up, and says she to me,--
"'Milly,' says she, 'de fact is, Alfred has got too much for me to
manage, and I had a great deal of money offered for him; and I sold
him.'
"I felt something strong coming up in my throat, and I just went up and
took hold of her shoulders, and said I,--
"'Miss Harrit, you took de money for thirteen of my chil'en, and you
promised me, sure enough, I should have dis yer one. You call dat being
a Christian?' says I.
"'Why,' says she, 'Milly, he an't a great way off; you can see him about
as much. It's only over to Mr. Jones's plantation. You can go and see
him, and he can come and see you. And you know you didn't like the man
who had the care of him here, and thought he was always getting him into
trouble.'
"'Miss Harrit,' says I, 'you may cheat yourself saying dem things; but
you don't cheat me, nor de Lord neither. You folks have de say all on
your side, with your ministers preaching us down out of de Bible; you
won't teach us to read. But I'm going straight to de Lord with dis yer
case. I tell you, if de Lord is to be found, I'll find him; and I'll ask
him to look on't,--de way you've been treating me,--selling _my_
chil'en, all de way 'long, to pay for _your_ chil'en, and now breaking
your word to me, and taking dis yer boy, de last drop of blood in my
heart! I'll pray de Lord to curse every cent of dat ar money to you and
your chil'en!'
"Dat ar was de way I spoke to her, child. I was poor, ignorant cretur,
and didn't know God, and my heart was like a red-hot coal. I turned and
walked right straight out from her. I didn't speak no more to her, and
she didn't speak no more to me. And when I went to bed at night, dar,
sure 'nough, was Alfred's bed in de corner, and his Sunday coat hanging
up over it, and his Sunday shoes I had bought for him with my own money;
'cause he was a handsome boy, and I wanted him always to look nice.
Well, so, come Sunday morning, I took his coat and his shoes, and made a
bundle of 'em, and I took my stick, and says I, 'I'll just go ever to
Jones's place and see what has 'come of Alfred.' All de time, I hadn't
said a word to missis, nor she to me. Well, I got about half-way over to
de place, and dere I stopped under a big hickory-tree to rest me a bit,
and I looked along and seed some one a coming; and pretty soon I knowed
it was Huldah. She was one that married Paul's cousin, and she lived on
Jones's place. And so I got up and went to meet her, and told her I was
going over to see 'bout Alfred.
"'Lord!' says she, 'Milly, haven't you heard dat Alfred's dead?'
"Well, Miss Nina, it seemed as if my heart and everything in it stopped
still. And said I, 'Huldah, has dey killed him?'
"And said she, 'Yes.' And she told me it was dis yer way: Dat Stiles--he
dat was Jones's overseer--had heard dat Alfred was dreadful spirity; and
when boys is so, sometimes dey aggravates 'em to get 'em riled, and den
dey whips 'em to break 'em in. So Stiles, when he was laying off
Alfred's task, was real aggravating to him; and dat boy--well, he
answered back, just as he allers would be doing, 'cause he was smart,
and it 'peared like he couldn't keep it in. And den dey all laughed
round dere, and den Stiles was mad, and swore he'd whip him; and den
Alfred, he cut and run. And den Stiles he swore awful at him, and he
told him to 'come here, and he'd give him hell, and pay him de cash.'
Dem is de very words he said to my boy. And Alfred said he wouldn't come
back; he wasn't going to be whipped. And just den young Master Bill come
along, and wanted to know what was de matter. So Stiles told him, and he
took out his pistol, and said, 'Here, young dog, if you don't come back
before I count five, I'll fire!'
"'Fire ahead!' says Alfred; 'cause, you see, dat boy never knowed what
fear was. And so he fired. And Huldah said he just jumped up and give
one scream, and fell flat. And dey run up to him, and he was dead;
'cause you see, de bullet went right through his heart. Well, dey took
off his jacket and looked, but it wan't of no use; his face settled down
still. And Huldah said dat dey just dug a hole and put him in. Nothing
on him--nothing round him--no coffin; like he'd been a dog. Huldah
showed me de jacket. Dere was de hole, cut right round in it, like it
was stamped, and his blood running out on it. I didn't say a word. I
took up de jacket, and wrapped it up with his Sunday clothes, and I
walked straight--straight home. I walked up into missis' room, and she
was dressed for church, sure enough, and sat dere reading her Bible. I
laid it right down under her face, dat jacket. 'You see dat _hole_!'
said I; 'you see dat blood! Alfred's killed! _You_ killed him; his blood
be on you and your chil'en! O Lord God in heaven, hear me, and _render
unto her double_!'"
Nina drew in her breath hard, with an instinctive shudder. Milly had
drawn herself up, in the vehemence of her narration, and sat leaning
forward, her black eyes dilated, her strong arms clenched before her,
and her powerful frame expanding and working with the violence of her
emotion. She might have looked, to one with mythological associations,
like the figure of a black marble Nemesis in a trance of wrath. She sat
so for a few minutes, and then her muscles relaxed, her eyes gradually
softened; she looked tenderly, but solemnly, down on Nina. "Dem was
awful words, chile; but I was in Egypt den. I was wandering in de
wilderness of Sinai. I had heard de sound of de trumpet, and de voice of
words; but, chile, I hadn't seen de Lord. Well--I went out, and I
didn't speak no more to Miss Harrit. Dere was a great gulf fixed 'tween
us; and dere didn't no words pass over it. I did my work--I scorned not
to do it; but I didn't speak to her. Den it was, chile, dat I thought of
what my mother told me, years ago; it came to me, all fresh--'Chile,
when trouble comes, you ask de Lord to help you;' and I saw dat I hadn't
asked de Lord to help me; and now, says I to myself, de Lord can't help
me; 'cause he couldn't bring back Alfred, no way you could fix it; and
yet I wanted to find de Lord, 'cause I was so tossed up and down. I
wanted just to go and say, 'Lord, you see what dis woman has done.' I
wanted to put it to him, if he'd stand up for such a thing as that.
Lord, how de world, and everything, looked to me in dem times!
Everything goin' on in de way it did; and dese yer Christians, dat said
dat dey was going into de kingdom, doing as dey did! I tell you, I
sought de Lord early and late. Many nights I have been out in de woods
and laid on de ground till morning, calling and crying, and 'peared like
nobody heerd me. Oh, how strange it used to look, when I looked up to de
stars! winking at me, so kind of still and solemn, but never saying a
word! Sometimes I got dat wild, it seemed as if I could tear a hole
through de sky, 'cause I must find God; I had an errand to him, and I
must find him.
"Den I heard 'em read out de Bible, 'bout how de Lord met a man on a
threshing-floor, and I thought maybe if I had a threshing-floor he would
come to me. So I threshed down a place just as hard as I could under de
trees; and den I prayed dere--but he didn't come. Den dere was coming a
great camp-meeting; and I thought I'd go and see if I could find de Lord
dere; because, you see, missis, she let her people go Sunday to de
camp-meeting. Well, I went into de tents and heerd dem sing; and I went
afore de altar, and I heerd preaching; but it 'peared like it was no
good. It didn't touch me nowhere; and I couldn't see nothing to it. I
heerd 'em read out of de Bible, 'Oh, dat I knew where I might find him.
I would come even to his seat. I would order my cause before him. I
would fill my mouth with arguments;' and I thought, sure enough, dat
ar's just what I want. Well, came on dark night, and dey had all de
camp-fires lighted up, and dey was singing de hymns round and round,
and I went for to hear de preaching. And dere was a man--pale, lean man
he was, with black eyes and black hair. Well, dat ar man, he preached a
sermon, to be sure, I never shall forget. His text was, 'He that spared
not his own Son, but freely delivered him up for us all, how shall he
not with him freely give us all things?' Well, you see, the first sound
of dis took me, because I'd lost my son. And the man, he told us who de
son of God was,--Jesus,--Oh, how sweet and beautiful he was! How he went
round doing for folks. O Lord, what a story dat ar was! And, den, how
dey took him, and put de crown of thorns on his head, and hung him up
bleeding, bleeding, and bleeding! God so loved us dat he let his own
dear Son suffer all dat for us. Chile, I got up, and I went to de altar,
and I kneeled down with de mourners; and I fell flat on my face, and dey
said I was in a trance. Maybe I was. Where I was, I don't know; but I
saw de Lord! Chile, it seemed as if my very heart was still. I saw him,
suffering, bearing with us, year in and year
out--bearing--bearing--bearing so patient! 'Peared like, it wan't just
on de cross; but, bearing always, everywhar! Oh, chile, I saw how he
loved us!--us _all_--all--every one on us!--we dat hated each other so!
'Peared like he was using his heart up for us, all de time--bleedin' for
us like he did on Calvary, and willin' to bleed! Oh, chile, I saw what
it was for me to be hatin', like I'd hated. 'O Lord,' says I, 'I give
up? O Lord, never see you afore; I didn't know. Lord, I's a poor sinner!
I won't hate no more!' And oh, chile, den dere come such a rush of love
in my soul! Says I, 'Lord, I ken love even de white folks!' And den came
another rush; and says I, 'Yes, Lord, I love poor Miss Harrit, dat's
sole all my chil'en, and been de death of my poor Alfred! I loves her.'
Chile, I overcome--I did so--I overcome by de blood of de _Lamb_--de
Lamb!--Yes, de Lamb, chile!--'cause if he'd been a lion I could a kept
in; 'twas de _Lamb_ dat overcome.
"When I come to, I felt like a chile. I went home to Miss Harrit; and I
hadn't spoke peaceable to her since Alfred died. I went in to her. She'd
been sick, and she was in her room, looking kinder pale and yaller, poor
thing; 'cause her son, honey, he got drunk and 'bused her awful. I went
in, and says I, 'Oh, Miss Harrit, I's seen de Lord! Miss Harrit, I an't
got no more hard feelin's; I forgive ye, and loves ye with all my heart,
just as de Lord does.' Honey, ye ought to see how dat woman cried! Says
she, 'Milly, I's a great sinner.' Says I, 'Miss Harrit, we's sinners,
both on us, but de Lord gives hisself for us both; and if he loves us
poor sinners, we mustn't be hard on each other. Ye was tempted, honey,'
says I (for you see I felt like makin' scuses for her); 'but de Lord
Jesus has got a pardon for both on us.'
"After dat, I didn't have no more trouble with Miss Harrit. Chile, we
was sisters in Jesus. I bore her burdens, and she bore mine. And, dear,
de burdens was heavy; for her son he was brought home a corpse; he shot
hisself right through de heart trying to load a gun when he was drunk.
Oh, chile, I thought den how I'd prayed de Lord to render unto her
double; but I had a better mind den. Ef I could have brought poor Mas'r
George to life, I'd a done it; and I held de poor woman's head on my arm
all dat ar night, and she a screamin' every hour. Well, dat ar took her
down to de grave. She didn't live much longer; but she was ready to die.
She sent and bought my daughter Lucy's son, dis here Tom, and gin him to
me. Poor thing! she did all she could.
"I watched with her de night she died. Oh, Miss Nina, if ever ye're
tempted to hate anybody, think how 't'll be with 'em when dey comes to
die.
"She died hard, poor thing! and she was cast down, 'bout her sins. 'Oh,
Milly,' says she, 'the Lord and you may forgive me, but I _can't_
forgive myself.'
"'And,' says I to her, 'Oh, missis, don't think of it no more! _de
Lord's hid it in his own heart!_' Oh, but she struggled long, honey; she
was all night dyin', and 'twas 'Milly! Milly!' all de time; 'Oh, Milly,
stay with me!'
"And, chile, I felt I loved her like my own soul; and when de day broke
de Lord set her free, and I laid her down like she'd been one o' my
babies. I took up her poor hand. It was warm, but the strength was all
gone out on't; and, 'Oh,' I thought, 'ye poor thing, how could I ever
have hated ye so?' Ah, chile, we mustn't hate nobody; we's all poor
creaturs, and de dear Lord he loves us all."