In which our hero has to wait the issue of an argument.
The reader may observe that, in general, all my first chapters are
very short, and increase in length as the work advances. I mention
this as a proof of my modesty and diffidence. At first, I am like a
young bird just out of its mother's nest, pluming my little feathers
and taking short flights. By degrees I obtain more confidence, and
wing my course over hill and dale.
It is very difficult to throw any interest into a chapter on
childhood. There is the same uniformity in all children until they
develop. We cannot, therefore, say much relative to Jack Easy's
earliest days; he sucked and threw up his milk while the nurse blessed
it for a pretty dear, slept, and sucked again. He crowed in the
morning like a cock, screamed when he was washed, stared at the
candle, and made wry faces with the wind. Six months passed in these
innocent amusements, and then he was put into shorts. But I ought
here to have remarked, that Mrs Easy did not find herself equal to
nursing her own infant, and it was necessary to look out for a
substitute.
Now a common-place person would have been satisfied with the
recommendation of the medical man, who looks but to the one thing
needful, which is a sufficient and wholesome supply of nourishment for
the child; but Mr Easy was a philosopher, and had latterly taken to
craniology, and he descanted very learnedly with the Doctor upon the
effect of his only son obtaining his nutriment from an unknown source.
"Who knows," observed Mr Easy, "but that my son may not imbibe with
his milk the very worst passions of human nature."
"I have examined her," replied the Doctor, "and can safely recommend
her."
"That examination is only preliminary to one more important," replied
Mr Easy. "I must examine her."
"Examine who, Mr Easy?" exclaimed his wife, who had lain down again on
the bed.
"The nurse, my dear."
"Examine what, Mr Easy?" continued the lady.
"Her head, my dear," replied the husband. "I must ascertain what her
propensities are."
"I think you had better leave her alone, Mr Easy. She comes this
evening, and I shall question her pretty severely. Doctor Middleton,
what do you know of this young person?"
"I know, madam, that she is very healthy and strong, or I should not
have selected her."
"But is her character good?"
"Really, madam, I know little about her character; but you can make
any inquiries you please. But at the same time I ought to observe,
that if you are too particular in that point, you will have some
difficulty in providing yourself."
"Well, I shall see," replied Mrs Easy. "And I shall feel," rejoined
the husband.
This parleying was interrupted by the arrival of the very person in
question, who was announced by the housemaid, and was ushered in. She
was a handsome, florid, healthy-looking girl, awkward and naive in her
manner, and apparently not over wise; there was more of the dove than
of the serpent in her composition.
Mr Easy, who was very anxious to make his own discoveries, was the
first who spoke. "Young woman, come this way, I wish to examine your
head."
"Oh! dear me, sir, it's quite clean, I assure you,". cried the girl,
dropping a curtsey.
Doctor Middleton, who sat between the bed and Mr Easy's chair, rubbed
his hands and laughed.
In the meantime, Mr Easy had untied the string and taken off the cap
of the young woman, and was very busy putting his fingers through her
hair, during which the face of the young woman expressed fear and
astonishment.
"I am glad to perceive that you have a large portion of benevolence."
"Yes," replied the young woman, dropping a curtsey.
"And veneration also."
"Thanky, sir."
"And the organ of modesty is strongly developed."
"Yes, sir," replied the girl with a smile.
"That's quite a new organ," thought Dr Middleton.
"Philoprogenitiveness very powerful."
"If you please, sir, I don't know what that is," answered Sarah, with
a curtsey.
"Nevertheless you have given us a practical, illustration. Mrs Easy,
I am satisfied. Have you any questions to ask? But it is quite
unnecessary."
"To be sure I have, Mr Easy. Pray, young woman, what is your name?"
"Sarah, if you please, ma'am."
"How long have you been married?"
"Married, ma'am?"
"Yes, married."
"If you please, ma'am, I had a misfortune, ma'am," replied the girl,
casting down her eyes.
"What, have you not been married?"
"No, ma'am, not yet."
"Good heavens! Dr Middleton, what can you mean by bringing this
person here?" exclaimed Mrs Easy. "Not a married woman, and she has a
child!"
"If you please, ma'am," interrupted the young woman, dropping a
curtsey, "it was a very little one."
"A very little one!" exclaimed Mrs Easy.
"Yes, ma'am, very small, indeed, and died soon after it was born."
"Oh, Dr Middleton!--what could you mean, Dr Middleton?"
"My dear madam," exclaimed the Doctor, rising from his chair, "this is
the only person that I could find suited to the wants of your child,
and if you do not take her I cannot answer for its life. It is true,
that a married woman might be procured; but married women, who have a
proper feeling, will not desert their own children; and as Mr Easy
asserts, and you appear to imagine, the temper and disposition of your
child may be affected by the nourishment it receives, I think it more
likely to be injured by the milk of a married woman who will desert
her own child for the sake of gain. The misfortune which has happened
to this young woman is not always a proof of a bad heart, but of
strong attachment, and the overweening confidence of simplicity."
"You are correct, Doctor," replied Mr Easy, "and her head proves that
she is a modest young woman, with strong religious feeling, kindness
of disposition, and every other requisite."
"The head may prove it all for what I know, Mr Easy, but her conduct
tells another tale."
"She is well fitted for the situation, ma'am," continued the Doctor.
"And if you please, ma'am," rejoined Sarah, "it was such a little
one."
"Shall I try the baby, ma'am?" said the monthly nurse, who had
listened in silence. "It is fretting so, poor thing, and has its dear
little fist right down its throat."
Dr Middleton gave the signal of assent, and in a few seconds Master
John Easy was fixed to Sarah as tight as a leech.
"Lord love it, how hungry it is!--there, there, stop it a moment, it's
choking, poor thing!"
Mrs Easy, who was lying on her bed, rose up, and went to the child.
Her first feeling was that of envy, that another should have such a
pleasure which was denied to herself; the next, that of delight, at
the satisfaction expressed by the infant. In a few minutes the child
fell back in a deep sleep. Mrs Easy was satisfied; maternal feelings
conquered all others, and Sarah was duly installed.
To make short work of it, we have said that Jack Easy in six months
was in shorts. He soon afterwards began to crawl and show his legs;
indeed, so indecorously, that it was evident that he had imbibed no
modesty with Sarah's milk, neither did he appear to have gained
veneration or benevolence, for he snatched at everything, squeezed the
kitten to death, scratched his mother, and pulled his father by the
hair; notwithstanding all which, both his father and mother and the
whole household declared him to be the finest and sweetest child in
the universe. But if we were to narrate all the wonderful events of
Jack's childhood from the time of his birth up to the age of seven
years, as chronicled by Sarah, who continued his dry nurse after he
had been weaned, it would take at least three volumes folio. Jack was
brought up in the way that every only child usually is--that is, he
was allowed to have his own way.