PERPLEXITY
Half in sorrow, half in joy, old Hagar listened to the story which
Henry told her, standing at her cottage door. In sorrow because she
had learned to like the young man, learned to think of him as Maggie's
husband, who would not wholly cast her oil, if her secret should
chance to be divulged; and in joy because her idol would be with her
yet a little longer.
"Maggie will be faithful quite as long as you," she said, when he
expressed his fears of her forgetfulness; and, trying to console
himself with this assurance, he sprang into the carriage in which he
had come, and was driven rapidly away.
He was too late for the night express, but taking the early morning
train he reached New York just as the sun was setting.
"Alone! my brother, alone?" queried Rose, as he entered the private
parlor of the hotel where she was staying with her aunt.
"Yes, alone; just as I expected," he answered somewhat bitterly.
Then very briefly he related to her the particulars of his adventure,
to which she listened eagerly, one moment chiding herself for the
faint, shadowy hope which whispered that possibly Maggie Miller would
never be his wife, and again sympathizing in his disappointment.
"A year will not be very long," she said, "and in the new scenes to
which you are going it will pass rapidly away;" and then, in her
childlike, guileless manner, she drew a glowing picture of the future,
when, her own health restored, they would return to their old home in
Leominster, where, after a few months more, he would bring to them his
bride.
"You are my comforting angel, Rose," he said, folding her lovingly in
his arms and kissing her smooth white cheek. "With such a treasure as
you for a sister, I ought not to repine, even though Maggie Miller
should never be mine."
The words were lightly spoken, and by him soon forgotten, but Rose
remembered them long, dwelling upon them in the wearisome nights, when
in her narrow berth she listened to the swelling sea as it dashed
against the vessel's side. Many a fond remembrance, too, she gave
to Maggie Miller, who, in her woodland home, thought often of the
travelers on the sea, never wishing that she was with them; but
experiencing always a feeling of pleasure in knowing that she was
Maggie Miller yet, and should be until next year's autumn leaves were
falling.
Of Arthur Carrollton she thought frequently, wishing she had not been
so rude that morning in the woods, and feeling vexed because in his
letters to her grandmother he merely said, "Remember me to Margaret."
"I wish he would write something besides that," she thought, "for I
remember him now altogether too much for my own good;" and then she
wondered what he would have said that morning, if she had not been so
cross.
Very little was said to her of him by Madam Conway, who, having
learned that he was not going to England, and would ere long return to
them, concluded for a time to let the matter rest, particularly as
she knew how much Maggie was already interested in one whom she had
resolved to hate. Feeling thus confident that all would yet end well,
Madam Conway was in unusually good spirits save when thoughts of Mrs.
Douglas, senior, obtruded themselves upon her. Then, indeed, in a most
unenviable state of mind, she repined at the disgrace which Theo had
brought upon them, and charged Maggie repeatedly to keep it a secret
from Mrs. Jeffrey and Anna, the first of whom made many inquiries
concerning the family, which she supposed of course was very
aristocratic.
One day towards the last of November there came to Madam Conway a
letter from Mrs. Douglas, senior, wonderful alike in composition and
appearance. Directed wrong side up, sealed with a wafer, and stamped
with a thimble, it bore an unmistakable resemblance to its writer, who
expressed many regrets that she had not known "in the time on't" who
her illustrious visitors were.
"If I had known [she wrote] I should have sot the table in the parlor
certing, for though I'm plain and homespun I know as well as the next
one what good manners is, and do my endeavors to practice it. But do
tell a body [she continued] where you was muster day in Wooster. I
knocked and pounded enough to raise the dead, and nobody answered. I
never noticed you was deaf when you was here, though Betsy Jane thinks
she did. If you be, I'll send you up a receipt for a kind of intment
which Miss Sam Babbit invented, and which cures everything.
"Theodoshy has been to see us, and though in my way of thinkin' she
aint as handsome as Margaret, she looks as well as the ginerality of
women. I liked her, too, and as soon as the men's winter clothes is
off my hands I calkerlate to have a quiltin', and finish up another
bed quilt to send her, for, man-like, George has furnished up his
rooms with all sorts of nicknacks, and got only two blankets, and two
Marsales spreads for his bed. So I've sent 'em down the herrin'-bone
and risin'-sun quilts for everyday wear, as I don't believe in usin'
your best things all the time. My old man says I'd better let 'em
alone; but he's got some queer ideas, thinks you'll sniff your nose at
my letter, and all that, but I've more charity for folks, and well I
might have, bein' that's my name.
"CHARITY DOUGLAS."
To this letter were appended three different postscripts. In the first
Madam Conway and Maggie were cordially invited to visit Charlton
again; in the second Betsy Jane sent her regrets; while in the third
Madam Conway was particularly requested to excuse haste and a bad pen.
"Disgusting creature!" was Madam Conway's exclamation as she finished
the letter, then tossing it into the fire without a passing thought,
she took up another one, which had come by the same mail, and was from
Theo herself.
After dwelling at length upon the numerous calls she made, the parties
she attended, the compliments she received, and her curiosity to know
why her grandmother came back that day, she spoke of her recent visit
in Charlton.
"You have been there, it seems [she wrote], so I need not
particularize, though I know how shocked and disappointed you must
have been; and I think it was kind in you to say nothing upon the
subject except that you had called there, for George reads all my
letters, and I would not have his feelings hurt. He had prepared me
in a measure for the visit, but the reality was even worse than I
anticipated. And still they are the kindest-hearted people in the
world, while Mr. Douglas is a man, they say, of excellent sense.
George never lived at home much, and their heathenish ways mortify
him, I know, though he never says a word except that they are his
parents.
"People here respect George, too, quite as much as if he were a
Conway, and I sometimes think they like him all the better for being
so kind to his old father, who comes frequently to the store. Grandma,
I begin to think differently of some things from what I did. Birth
and blood do not make much difference, in this country, at least; and
still I must acknowledge that I should feel dreadfully if I did not
love George and know that he is the kindest husband in the world."
The letter closed with a playful insinuation that as Henry Warner
had gone, Maggie might possibly marry Arthur Carrollton, and so make
amends for the disgrace which Theo had unwittingly brought upon the
Conway line.
For a long time after finishing the above, Madam Conway sat wrapped in
thought. Could it be possible that all her life she had labored under
a mistake? Were birth and family rank really of no consequence? Was
George just as worthy of respect as if he had descended directly from
the Scottish race of Douglas, instead of belonging to that vulgar
woman? "It may be so in America," she sighed, "but it is not true of
England," and, sincerely hoping that Theo's remark concerning Mr.
Carrollton might prove true, she laid aside the letter, and for the
remainder of the day busied herself with preparations for the return
of Arthur Carrollton, who had written that he should be with them on
the 1st of December.
The day came, and, unusually excited, Maggie flitted from room to
room, seeing that everything was in order, and wondering how he would
meet her and if he had forgiven her for having been so cross at their
last interview in the woods. The effect of every suitable dress in her
wardrobe was tried, and she decided at last upon a crimson and black
merino, which harmonized well with her dark eyes and hair. The dress
was singularly becoming, and feeling quite well satisfied with the
face and form reflected by her mirror she descended to the parlor,
where any doubts she might have had concerning her personal appearance
were put to flight by Anna Jeffrey, who, with a feeling of envy, asked
if she had the scarlet fever, referring to her bright color,
and saying she did not think too red a face becoming to anyone,
particularly to Margaret, to whom it gave a "blowsy" look, such as she
had more than once heard Mr. Carrollton say he did not like to see.
Margaret knew well that the dark-browed girl would give almost
anything for the roses blooming on her cheeks; so she made no reply,
but simply wished Anna would return to England, as for the last
two months she had talked of doing. It was not quite dark, and Mr.
Carrollton, if he came that night, would be with them soon. The car
whistle had sounded some time before, and Maggie's quick ear caught at
last the noise of the bells in the distance. Nearer and nearer they
came; the sleigh was at the door, and forgetting everything but her
own happiness Maggie ran out to meet their guest, nor turned her
glowing face away when he stooped down to kiss her. He had forgiven
her ill-nature, she was certain of that, and very joyfully she led the
way to the parlor, where as the full light of the lamp fell upon him
she started involuntarily, he seemed so changed.
"Are you sick?" she asked; and her voice expressed the deep anxiety
she felt.
Forcing back a slight cough, and smiling down upon her, he answered
cheerfully, "Oh, no, not sick! Canada air does not agree with me,
that's all. I took a severe cold soon after my arrival in Montreal,"
and the cough he had attempted to stifle now burst forth, sounding to
Maggie, who thought only of consumption, like an echo from the grave.
"Oh, I am so sorry!" she answered sadly, and her eyes filled with
tears, which she did not try to conceal, for looking through the
window across the snow-clad field, on which the winter moon was
shining, she saw instinctively another grave beside that of her
mother.
Madam Conway had not yet appeared, and, as Anna Jeffrey just then
left the room, Mr. Carrollton was for some moments alone with Maggie.
Winding his arm around her waist, and giving her a most expressive
look, he said, "Maggie, are those tears for me?"
Instantly the bright blushes stole over Maggie's face and neck, for
she remembered the time when once before he had asked her a similar
question. Not now, as then, did she turn away from 'him, but she
answered frankly: "Yes, they are. You look so pale and thin, I'm sure
you must be very ill."
Whether Mr. Carrollton liked "blowsy" complexions or not, he certainly
admired Maggie's at that moment, and drawing her closer to his side,
he said, half playfully, half earnestly: "To see you thus anxious for
me, Maggie, more than atones for your waywardness when last we parted.
You are forgiven, but you are unnecessarily alarmed. I shall be better
soon. Hillsdale air will do me good, and I intend remaining here until
I am well again. Will you nurse me, Maggie, just as my sister Helen
would do were she here?"
The right chord was touched, and all the soft, womanly qualities
of Maggie Miller's nature were called forth by Arthur Carrollton's
failing health. For several weeks after his arrival at Hillsdale he
was a confirmed invalid, lying all day upon the sofa in the parlor,
while Maggie read to him from books which he selected, partly for the
purpose of amusing himself, and more for the sake of benefiting her
and improving her taste for literature. At other times he would tell
her of his home beyond the sea, and Maggie, listening to him while
he described its airy halls, its noble parks, its shaded walks, and
musical fountains, would sometimes wish aloud that she might one day
see that spot which seemed to her so much like paradise. He wished
so too, and oftentimes when, with half-closed eyes, his mind was
wandering amid the scenes of his youth, he saw at his side a queenly
figure with features like those of Maggie Miller, who each day was
stealing more and more into his heart, where love for other than his
nearest friends had never before found entrance. She had many faults,
he knew, but these he possessed both the will and the power to
correct, and as day after day she sat reading at his side he watched
her bright, animated face, thinking what a splendid woman she
would make, and wondering if an American rose like her would bear
transplanting to English soil.
Very complacently Madam Conway looked on, reading aright the
admiration which Arthur Carrollton evinced for Margaret, who in turn
was far from being uninterested in him. Anna Jeffrey, too, watched
them jealously, pondering in her own mind some means by which she
could, if possible, annoy Margaret. Had she known how far matters
had gone with Henry Warner, she would unhesitatingly have told it to
Arthur Carrollton; but so quietly had the affair been managed that she
knew comparatively little. This little, however, she determined to
tell him, together with any embellishments she might see fit to use.
Accordingly, one afternoon, when he had been there two months or more,
and Maggie had gone with her grandmother to ride, she went down to the
parlor under pretense of getting a book to read. He was much better
now, but, feeling somewhat fatigued from a walk he had taken in the
yard, he was reclining upon the sofa. Leaning over the rocking-chair
which stood near by, Anna inquired for his health, and then asked how
long since he had heard from home.
He liked to talk of England, and as there was nothing to him
particularly disagreeable in Anna Jeffrey he bade her be seated. Very
willingly she complied with his request, and, after talking a while of
England, announced her intention of returning home the last of March.
"My aunt prefers remaining with Madam Conway, but I don't like
America," said she, "and I often wonder why I am here."
"I supposed you came to be with your aunt, who, I am told, has been to
you a second mother," answered Mr. Carrollton; and Anna replied: "You
are right. She could not be easy until she got me here, where I know I
am not wanted--at least not altogether."
Mr. Carrollton looked inquiringly at her, and Anna continued, "I fully
supposed I was to be a companion for Margaret; but instead of that she
treats me with the utmost coolness, making me feel keenly my position
as a dependent."
"That does not seem at all like Maggie," said Mr. Carrollton; and,
with a meaning smile far more expressive than words, Anna answered:
"She may not always be alike. But hush! don't I hear bells?" and she
ran to the window, saying as she resumed her seat: "I thought they had
come: but I was mistaken. I dare say Maggie has coaxed her grandmother
to drive by the post office, thinking there might be a letter from
Henry Warner."
Her manner affected Mr. Carrollton perceptibly, but he made no reply;
and Anna asked if he knew Mr. Warner.
"I saw him in Worcester, I believe," he said; and Anna continued, "Do
you think him a suitable husband for a girl like Maggie?"
There was a deep flush on Arthur Carrollton's cheek, and his lips were
whiter than their wont as he answered, "I know nothing of him, neither
did I suppose Miss Miller ever thought of him for a husband."
"I know she did at one time," said his tormentor, turning the leaves
of her book with well-feigned indifference. "It was not any secret, or
I should not speak of it; of course Madam Conway was greatly opposed
to it too, and forbade her writing to him; but how the matter is now I
do not positively know, though I am quite sure they are engaged."
"Isn't it very close here? Will you please to open the hall door?"
said Mr. Carrollton suddenly, panting for breath; and, satisfied with
her work, Anna did as desired and then left him alone.
"Maggie engaged!" he said; "engaged!--when I hoped to win her for
myself!" and a sharp pang shot through his heart as he thought of
giving to another the beautiful girl who had grown so into his love.
"But I am glad I learned it in time," he continued, hurriedly walking
the floor, "knew it ere I had done Henry Warner a wrong by telling her
of my love, and asking her to go with me to my English home, which
will be desolate without her. This is why she repulsed me in the
woods. She knew I ought not to speak of love to her. Why didn't I see
it before, or why has not Madam Conway told me the truth! She at
least has deceived me;" and with a feeling of keen disappointment he
continued to pace the floor, one moment resolving to leave Hillsdale
at once, and again thinking how impossible it was to tear himself
away.
Arthur Carrollton was a perfectly honorable man, and once assured of
Maggie's engagement he would neither by word nor deed do aught to
which the most fastidious lover could object, and Henry Warner's
rights were as safe with him as with the truest of friends. But was
Maggie really engaged? Might there not be some mistake? He hoped so at
least, and alternating between hope and fear he waited impatiently the
return of Maggie, who, with each thought of losing her, seemed tenfold
dearer to him than she had ever been before; and when at last she came
bounding in, he could scarcely refrain from folding her in his arms
and asking of her to think again ere she gave another than himself the
right of calling her his bride. But she is not mine, he thought; and
so he merely took her cold hands within his own, rubbing them until
they were warm. Then seating himself by her side upon the sofa he
spoke of her ride, asking casually if she called at the post office.
"No, we did not drive that way," she answered readily, adding that the
post office had few attractions for her now, as no one wrote to her
save Theo.
She evidently spoke the truth, and with a feeling of relief Mr.
Carrollton thought that possibly Miss Jeffrey might have been
mistaken; but he would know at all hazards, even though he ran the
risk of being thought extremely rude. Accordingly, that evening, after
Mrs. Jeffrey and Anna had retired to their room, and while Madam
Conway was giving some household directions in the kitchen, he asked
her to come and sit by him as he lay upon the sofa, himself placing
her chair where the lamplight would fall full upon her face and
reveal its every expression. Closing the piano, she complied with his
request, and then waited in silence for what he wanted to say.
"Maggie," he began, "you may think me bold, but there is something I
very much wish to know, and which you, if you choose, can tell me.
From what I have heard, I am led to think you are engaged. Will you
tell me if this is true?"
The bright color faded from Maggie's cheek, while her eyes grew darker
than before, and still she did not speak. Not that she was angry with
him for asking her that question; but because the answer, which, if
made at all, must be yes, was hard to utter. And yet why should she
hesitate to tell him the truth at once?
Alas, for thee, Maggie Miller! The fancied love you feel for Henry
Warner is fading fast away. Arthur Carrollton is a dangerous rival,
and even now you cannot meet the glance of his expressive eyes without
a blush! Your better judgment acknowledged his superiority to Henry
long ago, and now in your heart there is room for none save him.
"Maggie," he said, again stretching out his hand to take the
unresisting one which lay upon her lap, "you need not make me other
answer save that so plainly written on your face. You are engaged, and
may Heaven's blessing attend both you and yours!"
At this moment Madam Conway appeared, and fearing her inability to
control her feelings longer Maggie precipitately left the room. Going
to her chamber, she burst into a passionate fit of weeping, one moment
blaming Mr. Carrollton for having learned her secret, and the next
chiding herself for wishing to withhold from him a knowledge of her
engagement.
"It is not that I love Henry less, I am sure," she thought; and laying
her head upon her pillow she recalled everything which had passed
between herself and her affianced husband, trying to bring back the
olden happiness with which she had listened to his words of love. But
it would not come; there was a barrier in the way--Arthur Carrollton,
as he looked when he said so sadly, "You need not tell me, Maggie."
"Oh, I wish he had not asked me that question!" she sighed. "It has
put such dreadful thoughts into my head. And yet I love Henry as well
as ever--I know I do; I am sure of it, or if I do not, I will," and
repeating to herself again and again the words, "I will, I will," she
fell asleep.
Will, however, is not always subservient to one's wishes, and during
the first few days succeeding the incident of that night Maggie often
found herself wishing Arthur Carrollton had never come to Hillsdale,
he made her so wretched, so unhappy. Insensibly, too, she became
a very little unamiable, speaking pettishly to her grandmother,
disrespectfully to Mrs. Jeffrey, haughtily to Anna, and rarely to Mr.
Carrollton, who after the lapse of two or three weeks began to talk of
returning home in the same vessel with Anna Jeffrey, at which time his
health would be fully restored. Then, indeed, did Maggie awake to
the reality that while her hand was plighted to one, she loved
another--not as in days gone by she had loved Henry Warner, but with a
deeper, more absorbing love. With this knowledge, too, there came the
thought that Arthur Carrollton had once loved her, and but for the
engagement now so much regretted he would ere this have told her so.
But it was too late! too late! He would never feel toward her again as
he once had felt, and bitter tears she shed as she contemplated
the fast-coming future, when Arthur Carrollton would be gone, or
shudderingly thought of the time when Henry Warner would return to
claim her promise.
"I cannot, cannot marry him," she cried, "until I've torn that other
image from my heart!" and then for many days she strove to recall the
olden love in vain; for, planted on the sandy soil of childhood, as it
were, it had been outgrown, and would never again spring into life. "I
will write to him exactly how it is," she said at last; "will tell
him that the affection I felt for him could not have been what a wife
should feel for her husband. I was young, had seen nothing of the
world, knew nothing of gentlemen's society, and when he came with his
handsome face and winning ways my interest was awakened. Sympathy,
too, for his misfortune increased that interest, which grandma's
opposition tended in no wise to diminish. But it has died out, that
fancied love, and I cannot bring it back. Still, if he insists, I will
keep my word, and when he comes next autumn I will not tell him 'No.'"
Maggie was very calm when this decision was reached, and opening her
writing desk she wrote just as she said she would, begging him to
forgive her if she had done him wrong, and beseeching Rose to comfort
him as only a sister like her could do. "And remember," she wrote at
the close, "remember that sooner than see you very unhappy, I will
marry you, will try to be a faithful wife; though, Henry, I would
rather not--oh, so much rather not!"
The letter was finished, and then Maggie took it to her grandmother,
who read it eagerly, for in it she saw a fulfillment of her wishes.
Very closely had she watched both Mr. Carrollton and Maggie, readily
divining the truth that something was wrong between them. But from
past experience she deemed it wiser not to interfere directly. Mr.
Carrollton's avowed intention of returning to England, however,
startled her, and she was revolving some method of procedure when
Margaret brought to her the letter.
"I am happier than I can well express," she said, when she had
finished reading it. "Of course you have my permission to send it. But
what has changed you, Maggie? Has another taken the place of Henry
Warner?"
"Don't ask me, grandma," cried Maggie, covering her face with her
hands; "don't ask me, for indeed I can only tell you that I am very
unhappy."
A little skillful questioning on Madam Conway's part sufficed to
explain the whole--how constant association with Arthur Carrollton had
won for him a place in Maggie's heart which Henry Warner had never
filled; how the knowledge that she loved him as she could love no
other one had faintly revealed itself to her on the night when he
asked if she were engaged, and had burst upon her with overwhelming
power when she heard that he was going home.
"He will never think of me again, I know," she said; "but, with my
present feelings, I cannot marry Henry, unless he insists upon it."
"Men seldom wish to marry a woman who says she does not love them, and
Henry Warner will not prove an exception," answered Madam Conway; and,
comforted with this assurance, Maggie folded up her letter, which was
soon on its way to Cuba.
The next evening, as Madam Conway sat alone with Mr. Carrollton, she
spoke of his return to England, expressing her sorrow, and asking why
he did not remain with them longer.
"I will deal frankly with you, madam," said he, "and say that if I
followed my own inclination I should stay, for Hillsdale holds for
me an attraction which no other spot possesses. I refer to your
granddaughter, who, in the little time I have known her, has grown
very dear to me--so dear that I dare not stay longer where she is,
lest I should love her too well, and rebel against yielding her to
another."
For a moment Madam Conway hesitated; but, thinking the case demanded
her speaking, she said: "Possibly Mr. Carrollton, I can make an
explanation which will show some points in a different light from that
in which you now see them. Margaret is engaged to Henry Warner, I will
admit; but the engagement has become irksome, and yesterday she wrote
asking a release, which he will grant, of course."
Instantly the expression of Mr. Carrollton's face was changed, and
very intently he listened while Madam Conway frankly told him the
story of Margaret's engagement up to the present time, withholding
from him nothing, not even Maggie's confession of the interest she
felt in him, an interest which had weakened her girlish attachment for
Henry Warner.
"You have made me very happy," Mr. Carrollton said to Madam Conway,
as, at a late hour, he bade her good-night--"happier than I can well
express; for without Margaret life to me would be dreary indeed."
The next morning, at the breakfast table, Anna Jeffrey, who was
in high spirits with the prospect of having Mr. Carrollton for a
fellow-traveler, spoke of their intended voyage, saying she could
hardly wait for the time to come, and asking if he were not equally
impatient to leave so horrid a country as America.
"On the contrary," he replied, "I should be sorry to leave America
just yet. I have therefore decided to remain a little longer;" and his
eyes sought the face of Maggie, who, in her joyful surprise, dropped
the knife with which she was helping herself to butter; while Anna
Jeffrey, quite as much astonished, upset her coffee, exclaiming: "Not
going home! What has changed your mind?"
Mr. Carrollton made her no direct reply, and she continued her
breakfast in no very amiable mood; while Maggie, too much overjoyed
to eat, managed ere long to find an excuse for leaving the table. Mr.
Carrollton wished to do everything honorably, and so he decided to say
nothing to Maggie of the cause of this sudden change in his plan until
Henry Warner's answer was received, as she would then feel freer to
act as she felt. His resolution, however, was more easily made than
kept, and during the succeeding weeks, by actions, if not by words,
he more than once told Maggie Miller how much she was beloved; and
Maggie, trembling with fear lest the cup of happiness just within her
grasp should be rudely dashed aside, waited impatiently for the letter
which was to set her free. But weeks went by, and Maggie's heart grew
sick with hope deferred, for there came to her no message from the
distant Cuban shore, which in another chapter we shall visit.