GIRLHOOD.
Fifteen years have passed away, and around the old stone house there
is outwardly no change. The moss still clings to the damp, dark wall,
just as it clung there long ago, while the swaying branches of the
forest trees still cast their shadows across the floor, or scream to
the autumn blast, just as they did in years gone by, when Hagar Warren
breathed that prayer, "Lead us not into temptation." Madam Conway,
stiff and straight and cold as ever, moves with the same measured
tread through her gloomy rooms, which are not as noiseless now as they
were wont to be, for girlhood--joyous, merry girlhood--has a home in
those dark rooms, and their silence is broken by the sound of other
feet, not moving stealthily and slow, as if following in a funeral
train, but dancing down the stairs, tripping through the halls,
skipping across the floor, and bounding over the grass, they go, never
tiring, never ceasing, till the birds and the sun have gone to rest.
And do what she may, the good lady cannot check the gleeful mirth, or
hush the clear ringing laughter of one at least of the fair maidens,
who, since last we looked upon them, have grown up to womanhood.
Wondrously beautiful is Maggie Miller now, with her bright sunny face,
her soft dark eyes and raven hair, so glossy and smooth that her
sister, the pale-faced, blue-eyed Theo, likens it to a piece of
shining satin. Now, as ever, the pet and darling of the household, she
moves among them like a ray of sunshine; and the servants, when they
hear her bird-like voice waking the echoes of the weird old place,
pause in their work to listen, blessing Miss Margaret for the joy and
gladness her presence has brought them.
Old Hagar, in her cottage by the mine, has kept her secret well,
whispering it only to the rushing wind and the running brook, which
have told no tales to the gay, light-hearted girl, save to murmur
in her ear that a life untrammeled by etiquette and form would be a
blissful life indeed. And Maggie, listening to the voices which speak
to her so oft in the autumn wind, the running brook, the opening
flower, and the falling leaf, has learned a lesson different far from
those taught her daily by the prim, stiff governess, who, imported
from England six years ago, has drilled both Theo and Maggie in all
the prescribed rules of high life as practiced in the Old World. She
has taught them how to sit and how to stand, how to eat and how to
drink, as becomes young ladies of Conway blood and birth. And Madam
Conway, through her golden spectacles, looks each day to see some good
from all this teaching come to the bold, dashing, untamable Maggie,
who, spurning birth and blood alike, laughs at form and etiquette as
taught by Mrs. Jeffrey, and, winding her arms around her grandmother's
neck, crumples her rich lace ruffle with a most unladylike hug, and
then bounds away to the stables, pretending not to hear the distressed
Mrs. Jeffrey calling after her not to run, "it is so Yankeefied and
vulgar"; or if she did hear, answering back, "I am a Yankee, native
born, and shall run for all Johnny Bull!"
Greatly horrified at this evidence of total depravity, Mrs. Jeffrey
brushes down her black silk apron and goes back to Theo, her more
tractable pupil; while Maggie, emerging ere long from the stable,
clears the fence with one leap of her high-mettled pony, which John,
the coachman, had bought at an enormous price, of a traveling circus,
on purpose for his young mistress, who complained that grandma's
horses were all too lazy and aristocratic in their movements for her.
In perfect amazement Madam Conway looked out when first Gritty, as the
pony was called, was led up to the door, prancing, pawing, chafing at
the bit, and impatient to be off. "Margaret shall never mount that
animal," she said; but Margaret had ruled for sixteen years, and now,
at a sign from John, she sprang gayly upon the back of the fiery
steed, who, feeling instinctively that the rider he carried was a
stranger to fear, became under her training perfectly gentle, obeying
her slightest command, and following her ere long like a sagacious
dog. Not thus easily could Madam Conway manage Maggie, and with a
groan she saw her each day fly over the garden gate and out into the
woods, which she scoured in all directions.
"She'll break her neck, I know," the disturbed old lady would say, as
Maggie's flowing skirt and waving plumes disappeared in the shadow of
the trees. "She'll break her neck some day;" and thinking someone must
be in fault, her eyes would turn reprovingly upon Mrs. Jeffrey for
having failed in subduing Maggie, whom the old governess pronounced
the "veriest madcap" in the world. "There is nothing like her in all
England," she said; "and her low-bred ways must be the result of her
having been born on American soil."
If Maggie was to be censured, Madam Conway chose to do it herself; and
on such occasions she would answer: "'Low-bred,' Mrs. Jeffrey, is not
a proper term to apply to Margaret. She's a little wild, I admit, but
no one with my blood in their veins can be low-bred;" and, in her
indignation at the governess, Madam would usually forget to reprove
her granddaughter when she came back from her ride, her cheeks flushed
and her eyes shining like stars with the healthful exercise. Throwing
herself upon a stool at her grandmother's feet, Maggie would lay her
head upon the lap of the proud lady, who very lovingly would smooth
the soft, shining hair, "so much like her own," she said.
"Before you had to color it, you mean, don't you, grandma?" the
mischievous Maggie would rejoin, looking up archly to her grandmother,
who would call her a saucy child, and stroke still more fondly the
silken locks.
Wholly unlike Maggie was Theo, a pale-faced, fair-haired girl, who was
called pretty, when not overshadowed by the queenly presence of her
more gifted sister. And Theo was very proud of this sister, too; proud
of the beautiful Maggie, to whom, though two years her junior, she
looked for counsel, willing always to abide by her judgment; for what
Maggie did must of course be right, and grandma would not scold. So if
at any time Theo was led into error, Maggie stood ready to bear the
blame, which was never very severe, for Mrs. Jeffrey had learned
not to censure her too much, lest by so doing she should incur the
displeasure of her employer, who in turn loved Maggie, if it were
possible, better than the daughter whose name she bore, and whom
Maggie called her mother. Well kept and beautiful was the spot where
that mother lay, and the grave was marked by a costly marble which
gleamed clear and white through the surrounding evergreens. This was
Maggie's favorite resort, and here she often sat in the moonlight,
musing of one who slept there, and who, they said, had held her on her
bosom when she died.
At no great distance from this spot was another grave, where the grass
grew tall and green, and where the headstone, half sunken in the
earth, betokened that she who rested there was of humble origin. Here
Maggie seldom tarried long. The place had no attraction for her, for
rarely now was the name of Hester Hamilton heard at the old stone
house, and all save one seemed to have forgotten that such as she had
ever lived. This was Hagar Warren, who in her cottage by the mine has
grown older and more crazy-like since last we saw her. Her hair, once
so much like that which Madam Conway likens to her own, has bleached
as white as snow, and her tall form is shriveled now, and bent. The
secret is wearing her life away, and yet she does not regret what she
has done. She cannot, when she looks upon the beautiful girl who comes
each day to her lonely hut, and whom she worships with a species of
wild idolatry. Maggie knows not why it is, and yet to her there is a
peculiar fascination about that strange old woman, with her snow-white
hair, her wrinkled face, her bony hand, and wild, dark eyes, which,
when they rest on her, have in them a look of unutterable tenderness.
Regularly each day, when the sun nears the western horizon, Maggie
steals away to the cottage, and the lonely woman, waiting for her on
the rude bench by the door, can tell her bounding footstep from all
others which pass that way. She does not say much now herself; but the
sound of Maggie's voice, talking to her in the gathering twilight, is
the sweetest she has ever heard; and so she sits and listens, while
her hands work nervously together, and her whole body trembles with a
longing, intense desire to clasp the young girl to her bosom and claim
her as her own. But this she dare not do, for Madam Conway's training
has had its effect, and in Maggie's bearing there is ever a degree of
pride which forbids anything like undue familiarity. And it was this
very pride which Hagar liked to see, whispering often to herself,
"Warren blood and Conway airs--the two go well together."
Sometimes a word or a look would make her start, they reminded her so
forcibly of the dead; and once she said involuntarily: "You are like
your mother, Maggie. Exactly what she was at your age."
"My mother!" answered Maggie. "You never talked to me of her; tell me
of her now. I did not suppose I was like her in anything."
"Yes, in everything," said old Hagar; "the same dark eyes and hair,
the same bright red cheeks, the same--"
"Why, Hagar, what can you mean?" interrupted Maggie. "My mother had
light blue eyes and fair brown hair, like Theo. Grandma says I am
not like her at all, while old Hannah, the cook, when she feels
ill-natured and wishes to tease me, says I am the very image of Hester
Hamilton."
"And what if you are? What if you are?" eagerly rejoined old Hagar.
"Would you feel badly to know you looked like Hester?" and the old
woman bent anxiously forward to hear the answer: "Not for myself,
perhaps, provided Hester was handsome, for I think a good deal of
beauty, that's a fact; but it would annoy grandma terribly to have me
look like a servant. She might fancy I was Hester's daughter, for she
wonders every day where I get my low-bred ways, as she calls my liking
to sing and laugh and be natural."
"And s'posin' Hester was your mother, would you care?" persisted
Hagar.
"Of course I should," answered Maggie, her large eyes opening wide at
the strange question. "I wouldn't for the whole world be anybody
but Maggie Miller, just who I am. To be sure, I get awfully out of
patience with grandma and Mrs. Jeffrey for talking so much about birth
and blood and family, and all that sort of nonsense, but after all I
wouldn't for anything be poor and work as poor folks do."
"I'll never tell her, never," muttered Hagar; and Maggie continued:
"What a queer habit you have of talking to yourself. Did you always do
so?"
"Not always. It came upon me with the secret," Hagar answered
inadvertently; and eagerly catching at the last word, which to her
implied a world of romance and mystery, Maggie exclaimed: "The secret,
Hagar, the secret! If there's anything I delight in it's a secret!"
and, sliding down from the rude bench to the grass-plat at Hagar's
feet, she continued: "Tell it to me, Hagar, that's a dear old woman.
I'll never tell anybody as long as I live. I won't, upon my word,"
she continued, as she saw the look of horror resting on Hagar's face;
"I'll help you keep it, and we'll have such grand times talking it
over. Did it concern yourself?" and Maggie folded her arms upon the
lap of the old woman, who answered in a voice so hoarse and unnatural
that Maggie involuntarily shuddered, "Old Hagar would die inch by inch
sooner than tell you, Maggie Miller, her secret."
"Was it, then, so dreadful?" asked Maggie half fearfully, and casting
a stealthy glance at the dim woods, where the night shadows were
falling, and whose winding path she must traverse alone on her
homeward route. "Was it, then, so dreadful?"
"Yes, dreadful, dreadful; and yet, Maggie, I have sometimes wished
you knew it. You would forgive me, perhaps. If you knew how I was
tempted," said Hagar, and her voice was full of yearning tenderness,
while her bony fingers parted lovingly the shining hair from off the
white brow of the young girl, who pleaded again, "Tell it to me,
Hagar."
There was a fierce struggle in Hagar's bosom, but the night wind,
moving through the hemlock boughs, seemed to say, "Not yet--not yet";
and, remembering her vow, she answered: "Leave me, Maggie Miller, I
cannot tell you the secret. You of all others. You would hate me for
it, and that I could not bear. Leave me alone, or the sight of you, so
beautiful, pleading for my secret, will kill me dead."
There was command in the tones of her voice, and rising to her feet
Maggie walked away, with a dread feeling at her heart, a feeling which
whispered vaguely to her of a deed of blood--for what save this
could thus affect old Hagar? Her road home led near the little
burying-ground, and impelled by something she could not resist she
paused at her mother's grave. The moonlight was falling softly upon
it; and, seating herself within the shadow of the monument, she sat
a long time thinking, not of the dead, but of Hagar and the strange
words she had uttered. Suddenly, from the opposite side of the
graveyard, there came a sound as of someone walking; and, looking
up, Maggie saw approaching her the bent figure of the old woman, who
seemed unusually excited. Her first impulse was to fly, but knowing
how improbable it was that Hagar should seek to do her harm, and
thinking she might discover some clew to the mystery if she remained,
she sat still, while, kneeling on Hester's grave, old Hagar wept
bitterly, talking the while, but so incoherently that Maggie could
distinguish nothing save the words, "You, Hester, have forgiven me."
"Can it be that she has killed her own child!" thought Maggie, and
starting to her feet she stood face to face with Hagar, who screamed:
"You here, Maggie Miller!--here with the others who know my secret!
But you shan't wring it from me. You shall never know it, unless the
dead rise up to tell you."
"Hagar Warren," said Margaret sternly, "is murder your secret? Did
Hester Hamilton die at her mother's hands?"
With a short gasping moan, Hagar staggered backward a pace or two, and
then, standing far more erect than Margaret had ever seen her before,
she answered: "No, Maggie Miller, no; murder is not my secret. These
hands," and she tossed in the air her shriveled arms, "these hands are
as free from blood as yours. And now go. Leave me alone with my dead,
and see that you tell no tales. You like secrets, you say. Let what
you have heard to-night be _your_ secret. Go."
Maggie obeyed, and walked slowly homeward, feeling greatly relieved
that her suspicion was false, and experiencing a degree of
satisfaction in thinking that she too had a secret, which she would
guard most carefully from her grandmother and Theo. "She would never
tell them what she had seen and heard--never!"
Seated upon the piazza were Madam Conway and Theo, the former of whom
chided her for staying so late at the cottage, while Theo asked what
queer things the old witch-woman had said to-night.
With a very expressive look, which seemed to say, "I know, but I
shan't tell," Maggie seated herself at her grandmother's feet, and
asked how long Hagar had been crazy. "Did it come upon her when her
daughter died?" she inquired; and Madam Conway answered: "Yes, about
that time, or more particularly when the baby died. Then she began to
act so strangely that I removed you from her care, for, from something
she said, I fancied she meditated harm to you."
For a moment Maggie sat wrapped in thought--then clapping her hands
together she exclaimed: "I have it; I know now what ails her! She felt
so badly to see you happy with me that she tried to poison me. She
said she was sorely tempted--and that's the secret which is killing
her."
"Secret! What secret?" cried Theo; and, womanlike, forgetting her
resolution not to tell, Maggie told what she had seen and heard,
adding it as her firm belief that Hagar had made an attempt upon her
life.
"I would advise you for the future to keep away from her, then," said
Madam Conway, to whom the suggestion seemed a very probable one.
But Maggie knew full well that whatever Hagar might once have thought
to do, there was no danger to be apprehended from her now, and the
next day found her as usual on her way to the cottage. Bounding into
the room where the old woman sat at her knitting, she exclaimed: "I
know what it is! I know your secret!"
There was a gathering mist before Hagar's eyes, and her face was
deathly white, as she gasped: "You know the secret! How? Where? Have
the dead come back to tell? Did anybody see me do it?"
"Why, no," answered Maggie, beginning to grow a little mystified. "The
dead have nothing to do with it. You tried to poison me when I was a
baby, and that's what makes you crazy. Isn't it so? Grandma thought it
was, when I told her how you talked last night."
There was a heavy load lifted from Hagar's heart, and she answered
calmly, but somewhat indignantly, "So you told--I thought I could
trust you, Maggie."
Instantly the tears came to Maggie's eyes, and, coloring crimson, she
said: "I didn't mean to tell--indeed I didn't, but I forgot all about
your charge. Forgive me, Hagar, do," and, sinking on the floor,
she looked up in Hagar's face so pleadingly that the old woman was
softened, and answered gently: "You are like the rest of your sex,
Margaret. No woman but Hagar Warren ever kept a secret; and it's
killing her, you see!"
"Don't keep it, then," said Maggie. "Tell it to me. Confess that you
tried to poison me because you envied grandma," and the soft eyes
looked with an anxious, expectant expression into the dark, wild orbs
of Hagar, who replied: "Envy was at the bottom of it all, but I never
tried to harm you, Margaret, in any way. I only thought to do you
good. You have not guessed it. You cannot, and you must not try."
"Tell it to me, then. I want to know it so badly," persisted Maggie,
her curiosity each moment increasing.
"Maggie Miller," said old Hagar, and the knitting dropped from her
fingers, which moved slowly on till they reached and touched the
little snowflake of a hand resting on her knee--"Maggie Miller, if
you knew that the telling of that secret would make you perfectly
wretched, would you wish to hear it?"
For a moment Maggie was silent, and then, half laughingly, she
replied: "I'd risk it, Hagar, for I never wanted to know anything half
so bad in all my life. Tell it to me, won't you?"
Very beautiful looked Maggie Miller then--her straw flat set jauntily
on one side of her head, her glossy hair combed smoothly back, her
soft lustrous eyes shining with eager curiosity, and her cheeks
flushed with excitement. Very, very beautiful she seemed to the old
woman, who, in her intense longing to take the bright creature to her
bosom, was, for an instant, sorely tempted.
"Margaret!" she began, and at the sound of her voice the young girl
shuddered involuntarily. "Margaret!" she said again; but ere another
word was uttered the autumn wind, which for the last half-hour had
been rising rapidly, came roaring down the wide-mouthed chimney, and
the heavy fireboard fell upon the floor with a tremendous crash,
nearly crushing old Hagar's foot, and driving for a time all thoughts
of the secret from Maggie's mind. "Served me right," muttered Hagar,
as Maggie left the room for water with which to bathe the swollen
foot. "Served me right; and if ever I'm tempted to tell her again may
every bone in my body be smashed!"
The foot was carefully cared for, Maggie's own hands tenderly
bandaging it up; and then with redoubled zeal she returned to
the attack, pressing old Hagar so hard that the large drops of
perspiration gathered thickly about her forehead and lips, which were
white as ashes. Wearied at last, Maggie gave it up for the time being,
but her curiosity was thoroughly aroused, and for many days she
persisted in her importunity, until at last, in self-defense, old
Hagar, when she saw her coming, would steal away to the low-roofed
chamber, and, hiding behind a pile of rubbish, would listen
breathlessly while Margaret hunted for her in vain. Then when she was
gone she would crawl out from her hiding-place, covered with cobwebs
and dust, and mutter to herself: "I never expected this, and it's more
than I can bear. Why will she torment me so, when a knowledge of the
secret would drive her mad!"
This, however, Maggie Miller did not know. Blessed with an uncommon
degree of curiosity, which increased each time she saw old Hagar, she
resolved to solve the mystery, which she felt sure was connected with
herself, though in what manner she could not guess. "But I _will_
know," she would say to herself when returning from a fruitless
quizzing of old Hagar, whose hiding-place she had at last discovered;
"I _will_ know what 'tis about me. I shall never be quite happy till I
do."
Ah, Maggie, Maggie, be happy while you can, and leave the secret
alone! It will come to you soon enough--aye, soon enough!