Perhaps the Doctor wanted me to be able to prove myself to the first
party of Confederates I should meet. Yes; that is reasonable. I might
have been subjected to much embarrassing questioning--and to
detention--but for something on my person to give substance to my
statement. The Doctor was far-sighted. He had protected me.
But how could I make a statement? How could I know what to say to a
party of Confederates? I laughed at the question, and especially at the
thought which had caused it. I had actually forgotten, for the moment,
that I was a real Confederate, and had begun to imagine that I had been
a Federal trying to get into the Confederate lines, and whom the Doctor
was helping to do so.
But, was the Doctor a Confederate? He must have been a Confederate. If
so, what was he, too, doing in the Federal camp? He, too, a spy? He and
I were allies? Possibly.
But is it not more likely that he was deceived in me? Did he not think
me a Union soldier? If so, he thought that he was helping me to play the
spy in the interest of the Federals.
What, then? Why, then the Doctor was, after all, a surgeon in the Union
army.
But I knew that the Doctor was thoroughly opposed to war; he would not
fight; he took no side; he even argued with me ... God! what was it that
he argued? And what in me was he arguing against? He had contended--I
remember it--that the war would destroy slavery, and that was what he
wanted to be done; and I had contended that the Union was pledged by the
Constitution to protect slavery, and all I wanted was the preservation
of the Union.
A cold shudder came through me.
In an instant I could see better. Such talk had been part of my plan. I
had even succeeded in blinding the Doctor. Yet this thought gave little
pleasure. To have deceived the Doctor! I had thought him too wise to
allow himself to be deceived.
Yet any man may be cheated at times. But, had I lent myself to a course
which had cheated Dr. Khayme? This was hard to believe. I became
bewildered again. No matter which way I looked, there was a tangle. I
have not got to the bottom of this thing.
Of two things one must be true: first, Dr. Khayme is a Confederate and
my ally; second, I have been such a skilful spy that I have deceived him
with all his wisdom and all my reluctance to deceive him. Which of these
two things is true?
Let me look again at the first. I am sure that the Doctor was in some
way attached to the army. What army? I know. I know not only that it was
the Union army, but I know even that it was McClellan's army. I remember
now the Doctor's telling me about movements that McClellan would make.
These things happened in McClellan's army while I was a spy. To suppose
that the Doctor was my ally comports with his giving me information of
McClellan's movements. He was a surgeon, and, of course, a Confederate;
he certainly was from Charleston, and must have been a Confederate. But,
on the other hand, I remember clearly his great hostility to slavery,
and his hostility, no less great, to war. From this it seems that he
could not have been a Confederate.
Let me look at the second. I am sure that I was a spy and that I was in
McClellan's army. I am equally sure that the Doctor knew that I was a
spy. He had even argued in favour of my work as a spy. How, then, could
I deceive him? There is but one answer: he thought me a Union spy, and
that I was to go into the Confederate lines to get information, when the
opposite was true.
Now the first proposition seems clearly contradictory. The Doctor was
not a Confederate, and I feel sure that he did not know that I was a
Confederate spy. I give up the first proposition.
Since one of the two is true, and the first is not, then the second must
be the truth. I must have played the spy so well that even Dr. Khayme
had been deceived.
Yet I can remember no deceit in my mind. I was a spy, and my business
was deceit; yet in regard to the Doctor I feel sure that I was open and
frank. The second proposition, while possible, I reject, at least for
a time.
Can I decide that neither of two opposite things can be true? How
absurd! Yet I recall an utterance of the Doctor, "There is nothing false
absolutely;" and I recall another, "To examine a question thoroughly, be
not content with looking at two sides of it; look at three."
Let me try again, then, and see if by any possibility there be a third
alternative. The first, namely, that the Doctor is a Confederate, is
untrue; the second, namely, that I deceived him, is untrue: what is a
possible third?
I fail to see what else is possible ... wait ... let me put myself in
the Doctor's place. Let me consider his antislavery notions and his
invulnerability to deceit. He sends me, as he thinks, into the
Confederate lines as a Union spy. Why?
Because he believes I am a Union spy. Well, what does that show but that
he is deceived? The reasoning turns on itself. It will not do. Where is
the trouble? There is a way out, if I could but find it.
What is that third alternative? Can it be that the Doctor knew I was a
Confederate and wished to help me return to my people? He was opposed to
war, and would take no part in it; was he indifferent in regard to the
success of the Federals? No; he wished for the extinction of slavery.
Yet Captain Haskell was a Confederate, but he argued for a modification
of slavery, and for gradual emancipation.
Could Dr. Khayme have had such, affection for me that he would do
violence to his own sentiments for my sake? Was he willing for me to go
back to the Confederate army? Perhaps one man more or fewer does not
count. Possibly he helped me for the purpose of doing me good, knowing
that he was doing the Union cause no harm.
But would he not know that the information I should take to the
Confederates would be worth many men? He would be seriously injuring
his cause.
Perhaps he made me promise not to use my information. No; that could not
be true. He was above such conduct, and his affection for me was too
sincere to admit the purpose of degrading me; neither would I
have yielded.
And now I see other inconsistencies in all of these suppositions. For
the Doctor to know that I was a Confederate, and at the same time help
me to act the Union spy, would be deceit on his part. I am forced to
admit that he knew my true character and that I knew he knew me.
But, MY GOD! Willis did not know me!
An instant has shown me Willis's face, his form, his red hair, as he
attacked me at the close of the day at second Manassas! That look of
relenting, when his powerful arm refused to strike me; that look of
astonishment,--all now show that, in the supreme moment preceding death,
he knew my face and was thunderstruck to find me a Confederate!
Willis had never known me as a Confederate; then why should the Doctor
have known me as such?
Yet I am sure that Dr. Khayme has been to me much nearer than Willis
ever was, and much more important to my life. And, besides, I feel that
Willis could have been more easily deceived. I know that Willis did not
know me, but the Doctor knew me, for he helped me return to the
Confederates.
... Poor Willis! ... he refused to strike! ...
But why did Willis relent? Even after he knew that I was a rebel, he
had refused to strike! Refused to strike a traitor? Why? Why?