"You seem to hesitate, Berwick," said the general; "what is wrong?"
Brought thus face to face with decision, I could hesitate no longer; "I
should like to confer with Dr. Khayme, General," I said.
He looked surprised. "What has Dr. Khayme to do with this?" he asked;
then, in a milder tone, he said, "I have no objection, however; Dr.
Khayme will help rather than hinder."
"The Doctor is my best friend," I said; "and he is much wiser than I am;
if I should undertake the duty you outline, he would, as you say,
General, help rather than hinder; he can be a very great help."
"We have little time to spare, Berwick. How long do you want with Dr.
Khayme?"
"Did you expect me to begin work to-night, General?"
"Yes; you ought to be within their lines by daylight."
"And what is the time now?"
"Ten o'clock."
"Can you wait my answer an hour?"
"What do you mean by your answer?" he said.
The question and the tone were not to my taste. If I was being treated
as a party to a possible agreement, well and good; if not--if the
general was merely commanding me to obey him, well and good--I would
obey without further delay or hesitation.
I rose and saluted. "General," I said, "if you order me to go into the
enemy's lines, I shall go. If you are asking me to go into the enemy's
lines, I inquire, in my turn, whether you can wait my answer an hour."
"Sit down, Berwick," said the general.
I obeyed. It was not strange that he should wish no unpleasantness.
Though scouts are under orders just as other men are, it is not hard to
understand that generals feel it necessary to be somewhat delicate in
their treatment of such peculiar servants. I suppose that, in the mind
of a general, there always exists some fear that his spies will not
prove as diligent and self-sacrificing as they could be. I had not, in
my treatment of General Morell, intentionally played upon this fear:
such a course would have been contemptible; yet I could see at once the
effect of my speech, and I endeavoured to set myself right in his mind.
"Perhaps, General," said I; "perhaps I have presumed too much upon the
apparent nature of our former relations; if so, I beg to apologize. Give
me a plain, direct order and I will try to obey it, and without mental
reservation."
"But, Berwick, my good fellow, you know as well as I do that any order
to a scout can only be of the most general nature; and you know, too,
that an unwilling scout is no scout at all."
"Then, to be plain with you, General, I should greatly prefer that you
send some other man on this expedition."
"Berwick," said he, "you are the best man available for this present
work."
"Then order me to go, General."
"No," said he; "I'll humour you. Go to Dr. Khayme and return in one hour
if possible--and no hard feelings," he added, giving me his hand.
As I went toward the Doctor's tent, my intense distaste for the work
offered me seemed to lessen. Perhaps the night air had some effect on
me; perhaps the general's parting words had soothed me; perhaps the
mystery attaching to the council of war, so to speak, had exaggerated my
fears at first, and now calmness had set in; at any rate, before I had
reached the Doctor I was beginning to sympathize with General Morell,
whose responsibility was so great, and whose evident desire to
conciliate had touched me, and was wishing that I could have served him.
Then, too, the question came to me what would General Morell do in case
my refusal was final? And I had little doubt that the correct reply was:
He will command me. And, in that case, our relationship would be
weakened unnecessarily; better go willingly than seem to go sullenly.
Yet, with all this, I had resolved that if any escape from this
frightful duty should be presented, if any possible substitute could
occur to the general's mind, or if, by any means, the bitter extreme of
mental suffering, and even--I admitted it to myself--of mental danger,
could be avoided, I should not consent to serve.
To speak of this subject to Dr. Khayme would give me no embarrassment;
I was sure of his full sympathy; but I was hampered by a doubt as to how
much I should tell him of the necessity which prompted the demand for my
work. The three generals had spoken of important matters before me, or
at least hinted at them, and General Morell had been still more
communicative. I made up my mind to say nothing of these matters to
the Doctor.
When I reached the tent I found my old master yet busy at his writing.
As I entered he looked up at me, and immediately rose from his seat.
"You have been tried," said he; "lie down and rest."
He sat by me and felt my pulse. Then he said, "You will do; it is only a
momentary unsteadiness."
Yet, if ever I saw alarm in any one's eyes, that feeling was then in Dr.
Khayme's.
I had said nothing; I now started to speak, but the Doctor placed a
finger on my lips, saying, "Not yet; I'll do the talking for both
of us."
He rose and brought me water, and I drank.
Then he sat by me again, and said, "The fight which one must make with
his will against impulse is not easy, especially with some natures; and
a single defeat makes the fight harder. To yield once is to become
weaker, and to make it easy to yield,"
I understood. He could read me. He knew my weakness. How he knew I could
not know; nor did I care. He was a profound soul; he knew the mind if
ever yet mere man knew mind; he could read what was going on in the mind
by the language of the features and the body. Especially did he know me.
But possibly his knowledge was only general; he might infer, from
apparent symptoms, that some mental trouble was now pressing hard upon
me, and, without knowing the special nature of the trouble, might be
prescribing the exercise of the will as a general remedy. Yet it
mattered nothing to me, at the moment, I thought, how he knew.
"You will not yield," said he.
I closed my eyes, and thought of Lydia, and of my father, and of
Willis, and of Jones, and of nothing connectedly.
"Do you remember," he asked, "the first time you came with me to the
little cottage in Charleston?"