When I had read this letter, it came upon me that it was strange,
especially in its abrupt ending. I looked at the Doctor and offered the
letter to him.
"No," said he; "keep it; put it in your pocket."
I did as he said, and waited. For a short time Dr. Khayme sat with the
amber mouthpiece of his pipe between his lips; his eyes were turned
from me.
He rose, and put his pipe back on the mantel; then turning toward me,
and yet standing, he looked upon me gravely, and said very slowly, "I do
not think it advisable to ask you to tell me what the mental experiences
are to which your father alludes; it may be best that you should not
speak of them; it may be best that you should not think of them. I am
sure that I can help you; I am sure that your telling me your history
could not cause me to help you more."
I was silent. The voice of the man was grave, and low, and sweet. I
could see no expression in his face. His dark eyes seemed fixed on me,
but I felt that he was looking through me at something beyond.
Again he spoke. "I think that what you need is to exert your will. I can
help you to do that. You are very receptive; you have great will-power
also, but you have not cultivated that power. This is a critical time in
your life. You are becoming a man. You must use your will. I can help
you by making you see that you _can_ use your will, and that the will is
very powerful--that _your_ will is very powerful. He who has confidence
in his own will-power will exert it. I can help you to have confidence.
But I cannot exert your will for you; you must do that. To begin with, I
shall give you a very simple task. I think I can understand a little
your present attitude toward me. You are in doubt. I wish you to be in
doubt, for the moment. I wish your curiosity and desires for and against
to be so evenly balanced that you will have no difficulty in choosing
for or against. You are just in that condition. You have feared and
mistrusted me; now your fear and suspicion are leaving you, and
curiosity is balancing against indolence. I do not bid you to make an
effort to will; I leave it entirely to you to determine now whether you
will struggle against weakness or submit to it; whether you will begin
to use your sleeping will-power or else continue to accept what comes."