"I wonder, Bill, whether I shall ever go to heaven?"
"Why not?" replied the boatswain's mate.
"Why, the parson says it's good works; now, I certainly have been a
pretty many times in action, and I have killed plenty of Frenchmen in my
time."
"Well, that's sufficient, I should think; I hold my hopes upon just the
same claims. I've cut down fifty Frenchmen in my life, and if that
ain't good works, I don't know what is."
"I suppose Nelson's in heaven?"
"Of course; if so be he wishes to be there, I should like to know who
would keep him out, if he was determined on it; no, no; depend upon it
he walked _slap_ in."
On our return to Portsmouth, the captain went up to the Admiralty with
the despatches, the frigate remaining at Spithead, ready to sail at a
moment's notice.
I was now quite accustomed to the ship and officers; the conviction I
had of my peculiar position, together with the advice of Bob Cross, had
very much subdued my spirit; perhaps the respect created by discipline,
and the example of others, which produced in me a degree of awe of the
captain and the lieutenants, assisted a little--certain it is, that I
gained the goodwill of my messmates, and had not been in any scrape
during the whole cruise.
The first lieutenant was a stern, but not unkind man; he would blow you
up, as we termed it, when he scolded for half an hour without ceasing.
I never knew a man with such a flow of words; but if permitted to go on
without interruption, he was content, without proceeding to further
punishment. Any want of respect, however, was peculiarly offensive to
him, and any attempt to excuse yourself was immediately cut short with,
"No reply, sir."
The second day after our return to Spithead, I was sent on shore in the
cutter to bring off a youngster who was to join the ship; he had never
been to sea before; his name was Green, and he was as green as a
gooseberry. I took a dislike to him the moment that I saw him, because
he had a hooked nose and very small ferrety eyes. As we were pulling on
board he asked me a great many questions of all kinds, particularly
about the captain and officers, and to amuse myself and the boat's crew,
who were on the full titter, I exercised my peculiar genius for
invention.
At last, after I had given a character of the first lieutenant, which
made him appear a sort of marine ogre, he asked how it was I got on with
him:--
"O, very well," replied I; "but I'm a freemason, and so is he, and he's
never severe with a brother mason."
"But how did he know you were a mason?"
"I made the sign to him the very first time that he began to scold me,
and he left off almost immediately; that is, when I made the second
sign; he did not when I made the first."
"I should like to know these signs. Won't you tell them to me?"
"Tell them to you! oh no, that won't do," replied I. "I don't know you.
Here we are on board--in bow,--rowed of all, men. Now, Mr Green, I'll
show you the way up."
Mr Green was presented, and ushered into the service much in the same
way as I was; but he had not forgotten what I said to him relative to
the first lieutenant; and it so happened that, on the third day he
witnessed a jobation, delivered by the first lieutenant to one of the
midshipmen, who, venturing to reply, was ordered to the mast-head for
the remainder of the day; added to which, a few minutes afterwards, the
first lieutenant ordered two men to be put both legs in irons. Mr
Green trembled as he saw the men led away by the master-at-arms, and he
came to me:
"I do wish, Keene, you would tell me those signs," said he; "can't you
be persuaded to part with them? I'll give you any thing that I have
which you may like."
"Well," said I, "I should like to have that long spy-glass of yours, for
it's a very good one; and, as signal-midshipman, will be useful to me."
"I will give it you with all my heart," replied he, "if you will tell me
the signs."
"Well, then, come down below, give me the glass, and I will tell them to
you."
Mr Green and I went down to the berth, and I received the spy-glass as
a present in due form. I then led him to my chest in the steerage, and
in a low, confidential tone, told him as follows:--
"You see, Green, you must be very particular about making those signs,
for if you make a mistake, you will be worse off than if you never made
them at all, for the first lieutenant will suppose that you are trying
to persuade him that you are a mason, when you are not. Now, observe,
you must not attempt to make the first sign until he has scolded you
well; then, at any pause, you must make it; thus, you see, you must put
your thumb to the tip of your nose, and extend your hand straight out
from it, with all the fingers separated, as wide as you can. Now, do it
as I did it. Stop--wait a little, till that marine passes. Yes, that
is it. Well, that is considered the first proof of your being a mason,
but it requires a second. The first lieutenant will, I tell you
frankly, be or rather pretend to be, in a terrible rage, and will
continue to rail at you; you must, therefore, wait a little till he
pauses; and then, you observe, put up your thumb to your nose, with the
fingers of your hands spread out as before, and then add to it your
other hand, by joining your other thumb to the little finger of the hand
already up, and stretch your other hand and fingers out like the first.
Then you will see the effects of the second sign. Do you think you can
recollect all this? for, as I said before, you must make no mistake."
Green put his hands up as I told him, and after three or four essays
declared himself perfect, and I left him.
It was about three days afterwards that Mr Green upset a kid of dirty
water upon the lower deck which had been dry holystoned, and the mate of
the lower deck, when the first lieutenant went his round, reported the
circumstance to exculpate himself. Mr Green was consequently summoned
on the quarter-deck; and the first lieutenant, who was very angry,
commenced, as usual, a volley of abuse on the unfortunate youngster.
Green, recollecting my instructions, waited till the first lieutenant
had paused, and then made the first freemason sign, looking up very
boldly at the first lieutenant, who actually drew back with astonishment
at this contemptuous conduct, hitherto unwitnessed on board of a
man-at-war.
"What! sir," cried the first lieutenant. "Why, sir, are you mad?--you,
just come into the service, treating me in this manner! I can tell you,
sir, that you will not be three days longer in the service--no, sir, not
three days; for either you leave the service or I do. Of all the
impudence, of all the insolence, of all the contempt I have heard of,
this beats all--and from such a little animal as you. Consider yourself
as under an arrest, sir, till the captain comes on board, and your
conduct is reported; go down below, sir, immediately."
The lieutenant paused, and now Green gave him sign the second, as a
reply, thinking that they would then come to a right understanding--but
to his astonishment, the first lieutenant was more curious than ever;
and calling the sergeant of marines, ordered him to take Mr Green down,
and put him in irons, under the half-deck.
Poor Green was handed down, all astonishment, at the want of success of
his mason's signs. I, who stood abaft, was delighted at the success of
my joke, while the first lieutenant walked hastily up and down the deck,
as much astonished as enraged at such insulting and insolent conduct
from a lad who had not been a week in the service.
After a time the first lieutenant went down below, when Bob Cross, who
was on deck, and who had perceived my delight at the scene, which was to
him and all others so inexplicable, came up to me and said:--
"Master Keene, I'm sure, by your looks, you knew something about this.
That foolish lad never had dared do so, if he knew what it was he had
done. Now, don't look so demure, but tell me how it is."
I walked aft with Bob Cross, and confided my secret to him; he laughed
heartily, and said:--
"Well, Tommy Dott did say that you were up to any thing, and so I think
you are; but you see this is a very serious affair for poor Green, and,
like the fable of the frogs, what is sport to you is death to others.
The poor lad will be turned out of the service, and lose his chance of
being a post captain; so you must allow me to explain the matter so that
it gets to the ears of the first lieutenant as soon as possible."
"Well," replied I, "do as you like, Bob; if any one's to be turned out
of the service for such nonsense, it ought to be me, and not Green, poor
snob."
"No fear of your being turned out; the first lieutenant won't like you
the worse, and the other officers will like you better especially as I
shall say that it is by your wish that I explain all to get Mr Green
out of the scrape. I'll go to the surgeon and tell him--but, Master
Keene, don't you call such matters _nonsense_, or you'll find yourself
mistaken one of these days. I never saw such disrespect on a
quarter-deck in all my life--worse than mutiny a thousand times." Here
Bob Cross burst out into a fit of laughter, as he recalled Green's
extended fingers to his memory, and then he turned away and went down
below to speak to the surgeon.
As soon as Cross had quitted the deck, I could not restrain my curiosity
as to the situation of my friend Green; I therefore went down the ladder
to the half-deck, and there, on the starboard side between the guns, I
perceived the poor fellow, with his legs in irons, his hands firmly
clasped together, looking so woeful and woe-begone, every now and then
raising his eyes up to the beam of the upper deck, as if he would appeal
to heaven, that I scarcely could refrain from laughing. I went up to
him and said:--
"Why, Green, how is all this?--what has happened?"
"Happened?" said the poor fellow; "happened? see what has happened; here
I am."
"Did you make the freemason's signs?" replied I.
"Didn't I? Yes--I did: Oh, what will become of me?"
"You could not have made them right; you must have forgotten them."
"I'm sure I made them as you told me; I'm quite sure of that."
"Then perhaps I did not recollect them exactly myself: however, be of
good heart; I will have the whole matter explained to the first
lieutenant."
"Pray do; only get me out of this. I don't want the glass back."
"I'll have it done directly," replied I.
As I went away, Bob Cross came up, and said I was wanted by the first
lieutenant in the gun-room. "Don't be afraid," said he: "they've been
laughing at it already, and the first lieutenant is it a capital humour;
still he'll serve you out well; you must expect that."
"Shall I make him the sign, Cross?" replied I, laughing.
"No, no; you've gone far enough, and too far already; mind what I say to
you."
I went down into the gun-room, when a tittering ceased as the sentry
opened the door, and I walked in.
"Did you want me, sir?" said I to the first lieutenant, touching my hat,
and looking very demure.
"So, Mr Keene, I understand it was you who have been practising upon
Mr Green, and teaching him insult and disrespect to his superior
officers on the quarter-deck. Well, sir?"