The Honourable Captain Delmar was now a frequent visitor to my mother,
and a good customer to the library. He did, however, generally contrive
that his visit should be paid late in the afternoon, just after the
marine officers had retired to dress for dinner; for he was a very
haughty personage, and did not think it proper for any officers of an
inferior grade to come "between the wind and his nobility."
I cannot say that I was partial to him; indeed, his pomposity, as I
considered it, was to me a source of ridicule and dislike. He took more
notice of me than he did of anybody else; but he appeared to consider
that his condescending patronage was all that was necessary; whereas,
had he occasionally given me a half-crown I should have cherished better
feelings towards him: not that I wanted money, for my mother supplied me
very liberally, considering my age: but although you may coax and
flatter a girl into loving you, you cannot a boy, who requires more
substantial proofs of your good-will.
There were a great many remarks not very flattering to my mother, made
behind her back, as to her former intimacy with Captain Delmar; for,
somehow or another, there always is somebody who knows something,
wherever doubts or surmises arise, and so it was in this case; but if
people indulged in ill-natured remarks when she was not there, they did
not in her presence; on the contrary, the friendship of so great a man
as the Honourable Captain Delmar appeared rather to make my mother a
person of more consequence.
She was continually pointing out to me the propriety of securing the
good will of this great personage, and the more she did so, the more I
felt inclined to do the reverse; indeed, I should have broke out into
open mutiny, if it had not been for Captain Bridgeman, who sided with my
mother, and when I went to him to propose playing another trick upon the
noble captain, not only refused to aid me, but told me, if I ever
thought of such a thing, he would never allow me to come to his rooms
again.
"Why, what good can he do to me?" inquired I.
"He may advance you properly in life--who knows?--he may put you on the
quarter-deck, and get you promoted in the service."
"What, make a middy of me?"
"Yes, and from a midshipman you may rise to be a post-captain, or
admiral,--a much greater rank than I shall ever obtain," said Captain
Bridgeman; "so take my advice, and do as your mother wishes; be very
civil and respectful to Captain Delmar, and he may be as good as a
father to you."
"That's not saying much," replied I, thinking of my father Ben; "I'd
rather have two mothers than two fathers." And here the conversation
ended.
I had contracted a great alliance with Mr Dott, the midshipman, who
followed Captain Delmar about, just as Bob used to follow me, and
generally remained in the shop or outside with me, when his captain
called upon my mother. He was a little wag, as full of mischief as
myself, and even his awe of his captain, which, as a youngster in the
service, was excessive, would not prevent him from occasionally breaking
out. My mother took great notice of him, and when he could obtain leave
(which, indeed, she often asked for him), invited him to come to our
house, when he became my companion during his stay; we would sally out
together, and vie with each other in producing confusion and mirth at
other people's expense; we became the abhorrence of every old
fruit-woman and beggar in the vicinity.
Captain Delmar heard occasionally of my pranks, and looked very majestic
and severe; but as I was not a middy, I cared little for his frowns. At
last an opportunity offered which I could not resist; and, not daring to
make known my scheme either to Captain Bridgeman or Aunt Milly, I
confided it to Tommy Dott, the little middy, who, regardless of the
consequences, joined me in it heart and soul.
The theatre had been opened at Chatham, and had met with indifferent
success. I went there once with my aunt Milly, and twice with Mr Dott;
I, therefore, knew my _locale_ well. It appeared that one of the female
performers, whose benefit was shortly to take place, was very anxious to
obtain the patronage of Captain Delmar, and, with the usual tact of
women, had applied to my mother in the most obsequious manner,
requesting her to espouse her cause with the gallant captain.
My mother, pleased with the idea of becoming, as it were, a patroness
under the rose, did so effectually exert her influence over the captain,
that, in a day or two afterwards, play-bills were posted all over the
town, announcing that the play of _The Stranger_, with the farce of
_Raising the Wind_, would be performed on Friday evening, for the
benefit of Miss Mortimer under the patronage of the Honourable Captain
Delmar, and the officers of his Majesty's ship Calliope. Of course the
grateful young lady sent my mother some tickets of admission, and two of
them I reserved for Tommy Dott and myself.
Captain Delmar had made a large party of ladies, and of course all the
officers of the ship attended: the house was as full as it could hold.
My mother and aunt were there in a retired part of the boxes; Tommy Dott
and I entered the theatre with them, and afterwards had gone up to what
is, at the theatres at seaports, usually denominated the slips, that is,
the sides of the theatre on the same range as the gallery. There was
Captain Delmar with all his ladies and all his officers, occupying
nearly the whole of the side of the dress circle below us, we having
taken our position above him, so that we might not be observed.
The performance commenced. Miss Mortimer, as _Mrs Haller_, was very
effective; and in the last scene was compelling the eyes of the company
to water, when we thought we would produce a still greater effect.
We had purchased a pound of the finest Scotch snuff, which we had
enclosed in two pasteboard cases, similar in form to those of squibs,
only about six times the size, and holding half a pound of snuff each.
Our object was, in doing this, that, by jerking it all out with a heave,
we might at once throw it right into the centre of the theatre above, so
that in its descent it might be fairly distributed among all parties.
There was no one in the slips with us, except midshipmen, and a
description of people who would consider it a good joke, and never would
peach if they perceived we were the culprits.
At a signal between us, just as _Mrs Haller_ was giving a paper to her
husband did we give our shower of snuff to the audience, jerking it
right across the theatre. In a few minutes the effect was prodigious;
Captain Delmar's party being right beneath us, probably received a
greater share, for they commenced sneezing fast, then the boxes on the
other side, the pit followed, and at last _Mr and Mrs Haller_ and the
_Stranger_ were taken with such a fit of sneezing that they could no
longer talk to each other.
The children were brought out to their parents to effect their
reconciliation, but they did nothing but sneeze, poor things; and at
last the uproar was tremendous, and the curtain was dropped, not to loud
plaudits, but to loud sneezings from every part of the theatre.
Never was there anything so ludicrous; the manager sent officers up to
discover the offenders but no one could tell who had played the trick;
he then came before the curtain to make a speech upon the occasion, but,
having sneezed seven or eight times, he was obliged to retire with his
handkerchief to his nose; and the audience, finding it impossible to
check the titillation of the olfactory nerves, abandoned the theatre as
fast as they could, leaving the farce of _Raising the Wind_ to be
performed to empty beaches.
I hardly need say, that as soon as we had thrown the snuff, Mr Dott and
I had gone down and taken our places very demurely in the box by the
side of my mother, and appeared just as astonished, and indeed added as
much as possible to the company of sneezers.
Captain Delmar was very furious at this want of respect of certain
parties unknown, and had we been discovered, whatever might have been my
fate, it would have gone hard with Tommy Dott; but we kept our own
counsel, and escaped.
That I was suspected by Aunt Milly and Captain Bridgeman is certain, and
my aunt taxed me with it, but I would not confess; my mother also had
her suspicions, but as Captain Delmar had none, that was of no
consequence.
The success of this trick was a great temptation to try another or two
upon the noble captain. He was, however saved by the simple fact of
H.M. ship Calliope being reported manned and ready for sea; orders were
sent down for his going round to Portsmouth to await the commands of the
Lords Commissioners of the Admiralty, and Captain Delmar came to pay his
farewell visit.
The report from the schoolmaster had been very favourable and Captain
Delmar then asked me, for the first time, if I would like to be a
sailor. As Captain Bridgeman had advised me not to reject any good
offer on the part of the honourable captain, I answered in the
affirmative; whereupon the captain replied, that if I paid attention to
my learning, in a year's time he would take me with him on board of his
frigate.
He then patted my head, forgot to give me half a crown, and, shaking
hands with my mother and aunt, quitted the house, followed by Tommy
Dott, who, as he went away, turned and laughed his adieu.
I have not mentioned my grandmother lately. The fact is, that when
Captain Delmar made his appearance, for some cause or another, which I
could not comprehend, she declared her intention of going away and
paying a visit to her old acquaintances at the Hall. She did so. As I
afterwards found out from what I overheard, she had a very great
aversion to the noble captain: but the cause of her aversion was never
communicated to me. Soon after the sailing of the Calliope, she again
made her appearance, took her old seat in the easy-chair, and resumed
her eternal knitting as before.