"May I come in?" said Cecily, knocking at my study door.
"If you insist," said I.
"I only want to use the telephone," she explained, as if that made it
any better.
"You couldn't take it away and use it somewhere else?" I asked.
She was unmoved. "It needn't disturb you," she said. "I'll be as quiet
as a mouse."
"Won't that be rather dull for the people at the other end of the
line?" I ventured.
"Now, you go on with your writing," she said severely. So I went on.
_Herbert closed the door softly behind him and went out, leaving
Ermyntrude alone. She had let him go. He had gone. He had left her
alone. Her--Ermyntrude--alone. It has been truly said that women are
queer creatures. They do not like being left alone._
_CHAPTER LVII._
_Herbert picked up his hat and stick and passed out of the spacious hall
into the street, closing the door softly behind him. It was his habit
when angry to close doors softly behind him. He was frequently angry;
men often are, and with reason._
"There's something I want to ask you," said Cecily.
"Ask away," I said brusquely.
"Not _you_," said Cecily, frowning at me and then smiling at the
receiver.
_And so Herbert found himself in the street. Where should he go? What
should he do ... say ... think ... feel...? He was quite unable to
decide. Somehow he couldn't bring his mind to bear on the subject. He
could hardly recall the name of the lady with whom he had been
conversing, let alone what all the trouble was about. He paused and lit
a cigarette. Absolutely there was nothing else for it._
"How are you getting on?" I asked Cecily a little peevishly.
"Nicely, thanks," she answered. "And you?"
"Oh, nicely, too," said I, with a sigh.
_As for ~Whatshername~ Ermyntrude, she was in little better case. She felt
as if nothing was ever going to happen to her again; almost, she
thought, things had given up happening for good. She felt ... but she
hardly knew what she felt. ~After all, love wasn't~ ~Maybe love was~ She
could not bear to think of love. Engaged? That is what she had been but
wasn't any longer. Who was to blame? Was it Herbert? Was it she? Was it
~Exchange~ Providence? The more thought she gave to the matter the further
she seemed to be from a definite conclusion. ~At times it seemed as if~ ~At
one time it appeared as though~ ~At one time~ ~At times~ ~At 2284 Mayfair~
~Mayfair 2248~ ~2248 Mayfair~ ~Twice two is four, twice four is eight.~_
"Are you coming to the end of your friends?" I asked Cecily.
"If I'm not wanted I'll go," said she snappily.
"You're always wanted, of course," I apologised.
"Then I'll stay," said she brightly.
_CHAPTER LVIII._
_As Herbert turned his back on Kensington and walked towards ~Gerrard~
Piccadilly, he would, had he looked behind him, have seen a malevolent,
sinister man emerge from the shadow and follow him stealthily. ~But
Herbert did not look behind him.~ ~And why not?~ ~It is impossible to say.~
~Suffice it that he didn't.~ Nay, that is exactly what Herbert did see
when he looked behind him. "My God," said he, turning pale...._
"Can we dine with the Monroes on Tuesday?" asked Cecily.
"That depends a good deal on whether they invite us," I answered.
"It's only Jack trying to be funny," Cecily told the receiver.
_"As I was saying," continued Herbert, "it's James MacClure."_
_"No less," said the other, with a fiendish smile._
_It is necessary to go back a little in order ~to property~ properly to
appreciate the momentous importance of the arrival of this man at this
juncture. He was destined to play a large part in Herbert's future; the
manner of their acquaintance was this._
_~Many years ago McClure had~ ~James was the son of rich but~ ~Jas, as his
college friends used to call~ ~McClure~ ~James~ Producing a revolver from his
hip pocket, Herbert shot James McClure through the heart._
Cecily flapped about with the Directory.
"Trying to find a number that you haven't used already?" I enquired.
_~CHAPTER LIX.~_
_~Ermyntrude~_
_~CHAPTER LIX.~_
_~ERMYNTRUDE~_
_~CHAPTER LIX.~_
_~MINNIE~_
_CHAPTER LIX._
_On the whole it must be agreed that Herbert was well rid of this
Ermyntrude person. There was nothing particular against her except that
she was a woman, but surely to goodness that is enough. When Eve arrived
the trouble began; when telephones were invented it came to a head.
Think what literature might have achieved had it not always been
obsessed by its desire to find some brief definition good enough for
woman! I think it is our chief difficulty in appreciating the supposed
greatness of VERGIL that he couldn't do any better than "Varium et
mutabile semper." If VERGIL had been a butcher or a grocer or any other
unhappy shopkeeper liable to the daily insult of receiving household
orders, he must have expressed it more thoroughly. For my own part,
sitting here in my study and thinking the matter over to myself, I
cannot do better than adopt the phraseology of the telephone
instructions: "Intermittent Buzz."_
_And so Herbert didn't marry, but lived happily ever afterwards. After
all, Ermyntrude was essentially a woman; they all are, confound them,
but some of us are not so lucky as was Herbert in finding out in time._
And that, of course, was the chapter that Cecily suddenly chose to read
... nor was it less than an hour before peace was declared again. The
terms, however, were not unfavourable. I was partially forgiven, and,
what was better still, Cecily wholly departed. I then wrote a revised
version of
_CHAPTER LIX._
_Ermyntrude was still where we left her, but was beginning to collect
her scattered thoughts when Herbert re-entered. He closed the door
behind him, neither softly nor loudly, but just ordinarily, and without
more ado took Ermyntrude in his arms._
_"We will never again think of all that came between us," he murmured._
_She smiled up at him._
_"It shall be as nothing," he added._
_"It shall," said she._
"It shall indeed," say I.
* * * * *