General VILLA has now declared war on President CARRANZA. Everybody's
doing it.
* * *
Is there, we wonder, a single unfair weapon which the Germans have not
used? It is now said that not infrequently a German band is made to play
when the enemy's infantry advances to attack.
* * *
A regrettable mistake is reported from South London. A thoroughly
patriotic man was sat upon by a Cockney crowd for declaring that the
KAISER was a Nero.
* * *
Servia, _The Times_ announces, will in future be called Serbia in our
contemporary's columns. We would suggest that in the same way Bavaria
might be called Babaria.
* * *
All German soldiers are close-cropped. To show, apparently, that they
have the courage of the conviction they deserve.
* * *
The German officers in France are said to be extremely careful as to
what they eat, betraying a great fear of being poisoned. It is, of
course, a fact that one grain of vermin-killer would dispose of any one
of them.
* * *
It has been suggested that the explanation of the KAISER may be that he
is a "throw-back." His parents were gentlefolk, but his ancestor,
FREDERICK WILLIAM I., was a well-known undesirable.
* * *
It is now stated that the reason why the German troops destroyed the
historic edifices of Louvain and Rheims was the KAISER'S order that no
stone was to be left unturned to prove that the Germans are the apostles
of Culture.
* * *
It has been decided, after all, that SHAKSPEARE may be played in
Germany; and the proposal that the name of the bard should be changed to
Wilhelm Säbelschüttler has been dropped in deference to the wishes of
the KAISER, who thought it might lead to confusion.
* * *
It has, we are glad to see, been denied that CARPENTIER, the famous
boxer, has been wounded. This reminds us, by-the-by, of one more
miscalculation that the German War Party made. In choosing their date
for the outbreak of war they relied on the fact that CARPENTIER was not
yet liable for service.
* * *
The Germans have had a bright new idea, and are calling us a nation of
shopkeepers. Certainly we have been fairly successful so far in
repelling their counter attacks.
* * *
"GERMAN PIES SHOT." _Times._
Sound policy this. The enemy cannot fight without his commissariat.
* * *
A well-known Floor Polish firm has issued a notice declaring that it is
entirely a British concern. However, we shall not complain of their
dealing with an alien enemy if they care to supply a little of it for
the benefit of German manners.
* * *
Dr. KARL VOLLMÖLLER, who is chiefly notable for his spectacle "The
Miracle," has, _The Express_ tells us, been acting for the past month as
Germany's head Press agent in Rome, and has now sailed for New York. One
would have thought that there was greater need for him in Germany, where
only a miracle can save the situation.
* * *
Publishers seem to be realising that books, to sell nowadays, must have
warlike titles. Mrs. KATE DOUGLAS WIGGIN'S new volume is, we note,
called _A Summer in a Cañon_.
* * *
By the way, _The Price of Love_ is announced. It is six shillings.
* * * * *
Illustration: Hawker. "THIS AIN'T MY USUAL WAY O' GITTIN' A LIVIN',
LIDY; BUT, OWIN' TO THE WAR, I----"
_Housekeeper._ "THAT'S ALL NONSENSE! WHY, TO MY KNOWLEDGE YOU HAVE BEEN
ABOUT FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS."
Hawker. "YOU'LL PARDON ME, LIDY, BUT I'M REFERRIN' TO THE SOUF AFRIKIN
WAR."
* * * * *