"As for the messenger you dispatched to tell me of the death of my
little daughter, it seems he missed his way as he was going to Athens.
But when I came to Tanagra I heard of it by my niece. I suppose by
this time the funeral is over. I wish that whatever happens, as well
now as hereafter, may create you no dissatisfaction. But if you have
designedly let anything alone, depending upon my judgment, thinking
better to determine the point if I were with you, I pray let it be
without ceremony or timorous superstition, which I know are far from
you. Only, dear wife, let you and me bear our affliction with patience.
I know very well, and do comprehend what loss we have had; but if I
should find you grieve beyond measure, this would trouble me more than
the thing itself; for I had my birth neither from a stock nor stone,
and you know it full well; I having been assistant to you in the
education of so many children, which we brought up at home under our
own care.
"This much-lamented daughter was born after four sons, which made me
call her by your own name; therefore, I know she was dear to you, and
grief must have a peculiar pungency in a mind tenderly affectionate
to children, when you call to mind how naturally witty and innocent
she was, void of anger, and not querulous. She was naturally mild
and compassionate, to a miracle. And she showed delight in, and gave
a specimen of, her humanity and gratitude towards anything that had
obliged her, for she would pray her nurse to give suck, not only to
other children, but to her very playthings, as it were courteously
inviting them to her table, and making the best cheer for them she
could. Now, my dear wife, I see no reason why these and the like
things which delighted us so much when she was alive, should, upon
remembrance of them, afflict us when she is dead. But I also fear, lest
while we cease from sorrowing, we should forget her, as Clymene said:--
I hate the handy horned bow,
And banish youthful pastimes now,
because she would not be put in mind of her son, by the exercises
he had been used to. For nature always shuns such things as are
troublesome. But since our little daughter afforded all our senses
the sweetest and most charming pleasure, so ought we to cherish her
memory, which will in many ways conduce more to our joy than grief. And
it is but just that the same arguments which we have ofttimes used to
others should prevail upon ourselves at this so seasonable a time, and
that we should not supinely sit down and overwhelm the joys which we
have tasted with a multiplicity of new griefs. Moreover, they who were
present at the funeral, report this with admiration, that you neither
put on mourning, nor disguised yourself, or any of your maids; neither
were there any costly preparations, nor magnificent pomp, but that all
things were managed with prudence and moderation. And it seemed not
strange to me, that you, who never used richly to dress yourself, for
the theatre or other public solemnities, esteeming such magnificence
vain and useless, even in matters of delight, have now practised
frugality on this finest occasion.... There is no philosopher of your
acquaintance who is not in love with your frugality, both in apparel
and diet; nor a citizen, to whom the simplicity and plainness of your
dress is not conspicuous, both at religious sacrifices and public shows
in the theatre. Formerly, also, you discovered on a like occasion, a
great constancy of mind when you lost your eldest son. And again, when
the lovely Charon left us. For I remember when the news was brought me
of my son's death, as I was returning home with some friends and guests
who accompanied me to my house, that when they beheld all things in
order, and observed a profound silence everywhere (as they afterwards
declared to others), they thought no such calamity had happened, but
that the report was false. So discreetly had you settled the affairs of
the house at that time, when no small confusion and disorder might have
been expected. And yet you gave this son suck yourself, and endured
the lancing of your breast to prevent the ill effects of a contusion.
These are things worthy of a generous woman, and one that loves her
children....
"Moreover, I would have you endeavor to call often to mind that time
when our daughter was not as yet born to us, then we had no cause to
complain of fortune. Then, joining that time with this, argue thus with
yourself, that we are in the same condition as then. Otherwise, dear
wife, we shall seem discontented at the birth of our little daughter
if we own that our circumstances were better before her birth. But
the two years of her life are by no means to be forgotten by us, but
to be numbered amongst our blessings, in that they afforded us an
agreeable pleasure. Nor must we esteem a small good for a great evil,
nor ungratefully complain of fortune for what she has actually given
us, because she has not added what we wished for. Certainly, to speak
reverently of the gods, and to bear our lot with an even mind, without
accusing fortune, always brings with it a fair reward....
"But if you lament the poor girl because she died unmarried and without
offspring, you have wherewithal to comfort yourself, in that you are
defective in none of these things, having had your share. And those are
not small benefits where they are enjoyed. But so long as she is gone
to a place where she feels no pain, she has no need of our grief. For
what harm can befall us from her when she is free from all hurt? And
surely, the loss of great things abates its grief when it is come to
this, that there is no more ground of grief, or care for them. But thy
Timoxena was deprived but of small matters, for she had no knowledge
but of such, neither took she delight but in such small things. But for
that which she never was sensible of, nor so much as once did enter her
thoughts, how can you say it is taken from you?
"As for what you hear others say, who persuade the vulgar that the
soul when once freed from the body, suffers no inconvenience or evil,
nor is sensible at all, I know that you are better grounded in the
doctrines delivered down to us from our ancestors, as also in the
sacred mysteries of Bacchus, than to believe such stories, for the
religious symbols are well known to us who are of the fraternity.
Therefore, be assured that the soul, being incapable of death, suffers
in the same manner as birds that are kept in a cage. For if she has
been a long time educated and cherished in the body, and by long custom
has been made familiar with most things of this life, she will (though
separable) return to it again, and at length enters the body; nor
ceases it by new birth now and then to be entangled in the chances and
events of this life. For do not think that old age is therefore evil
spoken of and blamed, because it is accompanied with wrinkles, gray
hairs, and weakness of body; but this is the most troublesome thing in
old age, that it stains and corrupts the soul with the remembrances of
things relating to the body, to which she was too much addicted; thus
it bends and loves, retaining that form which it took of the body.
But that which is taken away in youth, being more soft and tractable,
soon returns to its native vigor and beauty, just like fire that is
quenched, which, if it be forthwith kindled again, sparkles and burns
out immediately.
As soon as e'er we take one breath
'T were good to pass the gates of death,
before too great love of bodily and earthly things be engendered in
the soul, and it become soft and tender by being used to the body,
and, as it were, by charms and portions incorporated with it. But the
truth of this will appear in the laws and traditions, received from
our ancestors; for when children die, no libations nor sacrifices are
made for them, nor any other of those ceremonies which are wont to be
performed for the dead. For infants have no part of earth or earthly
affections, nor do they hover or tarry about their sepulchres or
monuments, where their dead bodies are exposed. The religion of our
country teaches us otherwise, and it is an impious thing not to believe
what our laws and traditions assert, that the souls of infants pass
immediately into a better and more divine state; therefore, since it is
safer to give credit to our traditions than to call them in question,
let us comply with the custom in outward and public behavior, and let
our interior be more unpolluted, pure and holy."
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