The Lobster Quadrille
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one
flapper across his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak,
but for a minute or two sobs choked his voice. 'Same as if he had
a bone in his throat,' said the Gryphon: and it set to work
shaking him and punching him in the back. At last the Mock Turtle
recovered his voice, and, with tears running down his cheeks, he
went on again:--
'You may not have lived much under the sea--' ('I haven't,'
said Alice)-- 'and perhaps you were never even introduced to a
lobster--' (Alice began to say 'I once tasted--' but checked
herself hastily, and said 'No, never') '--so you can have no idea
what a delightful thing a Lobster Quadrille is!'
'No, indeed,' said Alice. 'What sort of a dance is it?'
'Why,' said the Gryphon, 'you first form into a line along the
sea-shore--'
'Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. 'Seals, turtles, salmon,
and so on; then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of
the way--'
'_That_ generally takes some time,' interrupted the
Gryphon.
'--you advance twice--'
'Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon.
'Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: 'advance twice, set to
partners--'
'--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the
Gryphon.
'Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, 'you throw
the--'
'The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the
air.
'--as far out to sea as you can--'
'Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon.
'Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle,
capering wildly about.
'Change lobster's again!' yelled the Gryphon at the top of its
voice.
'Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said
the Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two
creatures, who had been jumping about like mad things all this
time, sat down again very sadly and quietly, and looked at
Alice.
'It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly.
'Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock
Turtle.
'Very much indeed,' said Alice.
'Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to
the Gryphon. 'We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall
sing?'
'Oh, _you_ sing,' said the Gryphon. 'I've forgotten the
words.'
So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every
now and then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and
waving their forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle
sang this, very slowly and sadly:--
_'"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a
snail. "There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on
my tail. See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all
advance! They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join
the dance?_
_Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the
dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join
the dance?_
_"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to
sea!" But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look
askance-- Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not
join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, would
not join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not,
could not join the dance._
_'"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.
"There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. The
further off from England the nearer is to France-- Then turn not
pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance._
_Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the
dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join
the dance?"'_
'Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said
Alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last: 'and I do so
like that curious song about the whiting!'
'Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, 'they--you've
seen them, of course?'
'Yes,' said Alice, 'I've often seen them at dinn--' she
checked herself hastily.
'I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, 'but
if you've seen them so often, of course you know what they're
like.'
'I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully. 'They have their
tails in their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.'
'You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle: 'crumbs
would all wash off in the sea. But they _have_ their tails
in their mouths; and the reason is--' here the Mock Turtle yawned
and shut his eyes.--'Tell her about the reason and all that,' he
said to the Gryphon.
'The reason is,' said the Gryphon, 'that they _would_ go
with the lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So
they had to fall a long way. So they got their tails fast in
their mouths. So they couldn't get them out again. That's
all.'
'Thank you,' said Alice, 'it's very interesting. I never knew
so much about a whiting before.'
'I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the
Gryphon. 'Do you know why it's called a whiting?'
'I never thought about it,' said Alice. 'Why?'
_'It does the boots and shoes.'_ the Gryphon replied very
solemnly.
Alice was thoroughly puzzled. 'Does the boots and shoes!' she
repeated in a wondering tone.
'Why, what are _your_ shoes done with?' said the Gryphon.
'I mean, what makes them so shiny?'
Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she
gave her answer. 'They're done with blacking, I believe.'
'Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep
voice, 'are done with a whiting. Now you know.'
'And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great
curiosity.
'Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather
impatiently: 'any shrimp could have told you that.'
'If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were
still running on the song, 'I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep
back, please: we don't want _you_ with us!"'
'They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle
said: 'no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.'
'Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great
surprise.
'Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: 'why, if a fish came to
_me_, and told me he was going a journey, I should say "With
what porpoise?"'
'Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice.
'I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended
tone. And the Gryphon added 'Come, let's hear some of _your_
adventures.'
'I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,'
said Alice a little timidly: 'but it's no use going back to
yesterday, because I was a different person then.'
'Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle.
'No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an
impatient tone: 'explanations take such a dreadful time.'
So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when
she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it
just at first, the two creatures got so close to her, one on each
side, and opened their eyes and mouths so _very_ wide, but
she gained courage as she went on. Her listeners were perfectly
quiet till she got to the part about her repeating _'You are
old, Father William,'_ to the Caterpillar, and the words all
coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath,
and said 'That's very curious.'
'It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the
Gryphon.
'It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated
thoughtfully. 'I should like to hear her try and repeat something
now. Tell her to begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as if he
thought it had some kind of authority over Alice.
'Stand up and repeat _"'Tis the voice of the sluggard,"'_
said the Gryphon.
'How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat
lessons!' thought Alice; 'I might as well be at school at once.'
However, she got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so
full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was
saying, and the words came very queer indeed:--
''Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare, "You have
baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair." As a duck with its
eyelids, so he with his nose Trims his belt and his buttons, and
turns out his toes.'
[later editions continued as follows When the sands are all
dry, he is gay as a lark, And will talk in contemptuous tones of
the Shark, But, when the tide rises and sharks are around, His
voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]
'That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,'
said the Gryphon.
'Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; 'but it
sounds uncommon nonsense.'
Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her
hands, wondering if anything would _ever_ happen in a
natural way again.
'I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock
Turtle.
'She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. 'Go on with
the next verse.'
'But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. 'How
_could_ he turn them out with his nose, you know?'
'It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was
dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the
subject.
'Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently:
'it begins "I passed by his garden."'
Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would
all come wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:--
_'I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye, How the
Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--'_
[later editions continued as follows: _The Panther
took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat, While the Owl had the dish
as its share of the treat. When the pie was all finished, the
Owl, as a boon, Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon: While
the Panther received knife and fork with a growl, And concluded
the banquet--_]
'What _is_ the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle
interrupted, 'if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far
the most confusing thing I ever heard!'
'Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon: and
Alice was only too glad to do so.
'Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the
Gryphon went on. 'Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a
song?'
'Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,'
Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather
offended tone, 'Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her "Turtle
Soup," will you, old fellow?'
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes
choked with sobs, to sing this:--
_'Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, Waiting in a hot
tureen! Who for such dainties would not stoop? Soup of the
evening, beautiful Soup! Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! Soo--oop of the
e--e--evening, Beautiful, beautiful Soup!_
_'Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish, Game, or any other
dish? Who would not give all else for two pennyworth only of
beautiful Soup? Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? Beau--ootiful
Soo--oop! Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!'_
'Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had
just begun to repeat it, when a cry of 'The trial's beginning!'
was heard in the distance.
'Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand,
it hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song.
'What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon
only answered 'Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more
faintly came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the
melancholy words:--
_'Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, Beautiful, beautiful
Soup!'_