SIMPLE SIMON
_In the Trenchs, May 29._
FRIEND AL: Well Al we have been haveing a lot of fun with a bird name Jack
Simon only the boys calls him Simple Simon and if you seen him you wouldn't
ask why because you would know why as soon as you seen him without asking
why as he keeps his mouth open all the wile so as he will be ready to
swallow whatever you tell him as you can tell him anything and he eats it
up. So the boys has been stuffing him full of storys of all kinds and he
eats them all up and you could tell him the reason they had the bob wire
out in front was to scratch yourself on it when the cuties was useing you
for a race track and he would eat it up.
Well when we come in here and took over this section this bird was sick and
I don't know what ailed him only it couldn't of been brain fever but any
way he didn't join us in here till the day before yesterday but ever since
he joined us the boys has been stuffing him full and enjoying themself at
his expenses. Well the 1st. thing he asked me was if we had saw any actions
since we been here and I told him about a raid we was on the other night
before he come and we layed down a garage and then snuck over to the German
trenchs and jumped into them trying to get a hold of some prisoners but
we couldn't find head or tale of no Germans where our bunch jumped in as
they had ducked and hid somewheres when they found out we was comeing. So
he says he wished he could of been along as he might of picked up some
souvenirs over in their trenchs.
That's 1 of his bugs Al is getting souvenirs as he is 1 of these here
souvenir hounds that it don't make no differents to him who wins the war as
long as he can get a ship load of junk to carry it back home and show it
off. So I told Johnny Alcock and some of the other boys about Simon wishing
he could of got some souvenirs so they framed up on him and begin selling
him junk that they told him they had picked it up over in the German
trenchs and Alcock blowed some cigarette smoke in a bottle and corked it up
and told him it was German tear gas and Simon give him 8 franks for it and
Jack Brady showed him a couple of laths tied together with a peace of wire
and told him it was a part of the areoplane that belonged to Guy Meyer the
French ace that brought down so many Dutchmans before they finely got him
and Brady said he hated to part with it as he had took it off a German
prisoner that he brought in but if Simon thought it was worth 20 franks he
could have it. So Simon bought it of him and wanted to know all about how
Brady come to get the prisoner and of course Brady had to make it up as we
haven't saw a German let alone take them a prisoner since we was back in
the training arears and wouldn't know they was any only for their artillery
and throwing up rockets at night and snipping at a man every time you go
out on a wire party or something.
But any way Simon eats it up whatever you pull on him and some times I
feel sorry for him and feel like tipping him off but the boys fun would
be spoiled and believe me they need some kind of sport up here or pretty
soon we would all be worse off then Simon and we would be running around
fomenting at the mouth.
Well Al I wished you would write once in a wile if its only a line as a
man likes to get mail once in a wile and I haven't heard from Florrie
for pretty near a month and then all as she said was that the reason she
hadn't wrote was because she wasn't feeling the best and I suppose she got
something in her eye but anything for an excuse to not write and you would
think I had stepped outdoors to wash the windows instead of being away from
her since last December.
Your pal, JACK.
* * * * *
_In the Trenchs, June 4._
FRIEND AL: Well Al nothing doing as usual only patching things up once in a
wile and it would be as safe here as picking your teeth if our artillery
had a few brains as the Germans wouldn't never pay no tension to us if our
batterys would lay off them but we don't no sooner get a quite spell when
our guns cuts loose and remind Fritz that they's a war and then of course
the Dutchmens has got to pay for their board some way and they raise he--ll
for a wile and make everybody cross but as far as I can see they don't
nobody never get killed on 1 side or the other side but of course the
shells mess things up and keeps the boys busy makeing repairs where if our
artillery would keep their mouth shut why so would theirs and the boys
wouldn't never half to leave their dice game only for chow.
But from all as we hear I guess they's no dice game going on up on some of
the other sections but they's another kind of a game going on up there and
so far the Dutchmens has got all the best of it but some of the boys says
wait till the Allys gets ready to strike back and they will make them look
like a sucker and the best way to do is wait till the other side has wore
themself out before you go back at them. Well I told them I have had a lot
of experience in big league baseball where they's stragety the same like in
war but I never heard none of the big league managers tell their boys to
not try and score till the other side had all the runs they was going to
get and further and more it looked to me like when the Germans did get wore
out they could rest up again in the best hotel in Paris. So Johnny Alcock
says oh they won't never get inside of Paris because the military police
will stop them at the city limits and ask them for their pass and then
where would they be? So I says tell that to Simple Simon and he shut up.
Speaking about Simple Simon what do you think they have got him believeing
now. Well they told him Capt. Seeley had sent a patrol over the other
night to find out what ailed the Germans that they never showed themself
or started nothing against us and the patrol found out that Van Hindenburg
had took all the men out of the section opp. us and sent them up to the war
and left the trenchs opp. us empty so Simon asked him why we didn't go over
there and take them then and they told him because our trenchs was warmer
on acct. of being farther south. I suppose they will be telling him the
next thing that Capt. Seeley and Ludendorf married sisters and the 2 of
them has agreed to lay off each other.
Well Al I am glad they have got somebody else to pick on besides me and of
course they can have a lot more fun with Simon as they's nothing to raw
that he won't eat it up wile in my case I was to smart for them and just
pretended like I fell for their gags as they would of been disappointed if
I hadn't of and as I say somebody has got to furnish amusement in a he--ll
hole like this or we would all be squirrel meat.
Your pal, JACK.
* * * * *
_In the Trenchs, June 7._
FRIEND AL: Well Al here is a hot 1 that they pulled on this Simon bird
today and it was all as I could do to help from busting out laughing while
they was telling it to him.
Well it seems like he must of been thinking that over what they told him
about they not being no Germans in the trenchs over opp. to where we are at
and it finely downed on him that if they wasn't nobody over there why who
was throwing up them flares and rockets every night. So today he said to
Brady he says "Didn't you birds tell me them trenchs over across the way
was empty?" So Brady says yes what of it. So Simon says "Well I notice
they's somebody over there at night times or else who throws up them flares
as they don't throw themselfs up." So Brady says they had probably left a
flare thrower over there to do that for them. But Simon says they must of
left a lot of flare throwers because the flares come from different places
along the line.
So then Alcock cut in and says "Yes but you will notice they don't come
from different places at once and the bird that throws them gos from 1
place to another so as we will think the trenchs is full of Germans." So
Simon says "They couldn't nobody go from 1 place to another place as fast
as them flares shoots up from different places." So Alcock says "No they
couldn't nobody do it if they walked but the man that throws them flares
don't walk because he hasn't got only 1 leg as his other leg was shot off
early in the war. But Van Hindenburg is so hard up for men that even if you
get a leg shot off as soon as the Dr. mops up the mess and sticks on the
court plaster they send the bird back in the war and put him on a job where
you don't half to walk. So they stuck this old guy in the motorcycle dept.
and now all as he does is ride up and down some quite section like this
here all night and stop every so often and throw up a flare to make us
think the place is dirty with Germans."
Well Al Simon thought it over a wile and then asked Alcock how a man could
ride a motorcycle with only 1 leg and Alcock says "Why not because you
don't half to peddle a motorcycle as they run themself." So Simon says yes
but how about it when you want to get off? So Alcock says "What has a man's
legs got to do with him getting off of a motorcycle as long as you have got
your head to light on?"
That is what they handed him Al and they hadn't hardly no sooner then got
through with that dose when Brady begun on the souvenirs. First he asked
him if he had got a hold of any new ones lately and Simon says no he hadn't
seen nobody that had any for sale and besides his jack was low so Brady
asked him how much did he have and he says about 4 franks. So Brady says
"Well you can't expect anybody to come across with anything first class for
no such chicken's food as that." So Simon says well even if he had a pocket
full of jack he couldn't buy nothing with it when they wasn't nothing to
buy. Then Brady asked him if he had saw the German speegle Ted Phillips had
picked up and Simon says no so Brady went and got Phillips and after a wile
he come back with him and Phillips said he had the speegle in his pocket
and he would show it to us if we promised to be carefull and not jar it out
of his hands wile he was showing it as he wouldn't have it broke for the
world. So Simon stood there with his eyes popping out and Phillips pulled
the speegle out of his pocket and it wasn't nothing only a dirty little
looking glass that you could pretty near crall through the cracks in it
and all the boys remarked what a odd little speegle it was and they hadn't
never saw 1 like it before and etc. and finely Simon couldn't keep his clam
shut no longer so he asked Phillips how much he would take for it. Well
Phillips says it wasn't for sale as speegles was scarce in Germany on acct.
of the war and that was why the Dutchmens always looked like a bum when
you took them a prisoner. So Simon asked him what price he would set on it
suppose he would sell it and Phillips says about 8 franks. Well Simon got
out all his jack and they wasn't only 4 franks and he showed it to Phillips
and said if he would take 10 franks for the speegle he would give him
4 franks down and the other 6 franks when he got hold of some jack so
Phillips hummed and hawed a wile and finely said all right Simon could have
it but he wouldn't never sell it to him only that it kept worring him so
much to carry it in his pocket for the fear he would loose it or break it.
Well Al Phillips has got Simon's last 4 franks and Simon has got Phillips's
speegle and I suppose now that the boys sees how soft it is they will be
selling him stuff on credit and he will owe them his next months pay before
they get through with him and I suppose the next thing you know they will
keep their beard when they shave and sell it to him for German tobacco.
Well I would half to be pretty hard up before I went in on some skin game
like that and I would just as leave go up to 1 of them cripples that use to
spraddle all over the walk along 35 st. after the ball game and stick my
heel in their eye and romp off with their days receipts.
Your pal, JACK.
* * * * *
_In the Trenchs, June 11._
FRIEND AL: Well Al it seems like Capt. Seeley is up on his ear because they
haven't took our regt. out of here yet because it seems Gen. Pershing told
Gen. Foch that he was to help himself to any part of the U. S. army and
throw them in where ever they was needed and they's been a bunch of the
boys throwed in along the other parts of the front to try and stop the
Germans and Capt. Seeley is raveing because they keep us here and don't
take us where we can get some actions. Any way 1 of the lieuts. told some
of the boys that if we didn't get took out of here pretty quick Capt.
Seeley would start a war of our own on this section and all the officers
was sore because we hadn't done nothing or took no prisoners or nothing you
might say only make repairs in the wire and etc. Well Al how in the he--ll
can we show them anything when they don't never send us over the top or
nowheres else but just leave us here moldering you might say but at that I
guess we have showed as much life as the birds that's over there opp. us in
them other trenchs that hasn't hardly peeped since we come in here and the
boys says they are a Saxon regt. that comes from part of Germany where the
Kaiser is thought of the same as a gum boil so the Saxons feels kind of
friendly towards us and they will leave us alone as long as we leave them
alone and visa and versa. So I don't see where Capt. Seeley and them other
officers has got a right to pan us for not showing nothing but I don't
blame them for wishing they would take us out of here and show us the war
and from all as we hear they's plenty of places where we could do some good
or at lease as much good as the birds that has been there.
Well Al they have been stringing poor Simon along and today they give him
a song and dance about some bird name Joe in the regt. that was here ahead
of us that got a collection of souvenirs that makes Simon's look rotten and
they said the guy's pals called him Souvenir Joe on acct. of him haveing
such a fine collection. So Brady says to Simon "All you have got is 5 or
6 articles and the next thing you know they will be takeing us out of here
and you might maybe never get another chance to pick up any more rare
articles so if I was you I would either get busy and get a real collection
or throw away them things you have got and forget it."
So Simon says "How can I get any more souvenirs when I haven't no more jack
to buy them and besides you birds haven't no more to sell." So Brady says
"Souvenir Joe didn't buy his collection but he went out and got them." So
Simon asked him where at and Brady told him this here Joe use to crall out
in Nobody's Land every night and pick up something and Simon says it was a
wonder he didn't get killed. So Brady says "How would he get killed as the
trenchs over across the way was just as empty when he was here as they are
now and Old 1 Legged Mike and his motorcycle was on the job then to, so Joe
would wait till Mike had throwed a few flares on this section and then he
would sneak out and get his souvenirs before Mike come back again on his
rounds."
Well then Simon asked him where the souvenirs was out there and Brady says
they was in the different shell holes because most of Joe's souvenirs was
the insides of German shells that had exploded and they was the best kind
of souvenirs as they wasn't no chance of them being a fake.
Well Al I had a notion to take Simon to 1 side and tell him to not pay no
tension to these smart alex because the poor crum might go snooping out
there some night after the insides of a shell and get the outsides and
all and if something like that happened to him I would feel like a murder
though I haven't never took no part in makeing a monkey out of him, but I
thought well if the poor cheese don't know no more then that he is better
off dead let him go.
Your pal, JACK.
* * * * *
_In the Trenchs, June 13._
FRIEND AL: Just a line Al as I am to excited to write much but I knew you
would want to know the big news. Well Al I have got a daughter born the
18 of May. How is that for a supprise Al but I guess you won't be no more
supprised than I was when the news come as Florrie hadn't gave me no hint
and a man can't guess a thing like that when you are in France and the lady
in question is back in old Chi. But it sure is wonderfull news Al and I
only wished I was somewheres where I could celebrate it right but you can't
even whistle here or somebody would crown you with a shovle.
Well Al the news come today in a letter from Florrie's sister Marie Allen
and she has been down in Texas but I suppose Florrie got her to come up
and stay with her though as far as I can sec its bad enough to have a baby
without haveing that bird in the house to, but they's I consolation we
haven't got rm. in the apt. for more than 2 kids and 3 grown ups so when
I get home if sweet Marie is still there yet we will either half to get
rid of the Swede cook or she, and when it comes to a choice between a ski
jumper that will work and a sister that won't why Florrie won't be bothered
with no family ties.
Any way I haven't no time to worry about no Allen family now as I am
feeling to good and all as I wish is that somebody wins this war dam toot
sweet so as I can get home and see this little chick Al and I bet she is as
pretty as a picture and she couldn't be nothing else you might say and I
have wrote to Florrie to not name her or nothing till I have my say as you
turn a woman loose on nameing somebody all alone and they go nuts and look
through a seed catalog.
Well old pal I know you would congratulate me if you was here and I am only
sorry I can't return the complement and if I was you and Bertha I would
adopt 1 of these here Belgium orphans that's lost their parents as they's
nothing like it Al haveing a kid or 2 in the house and I bet little Al is
tickled to death with his little sister.
Well Al I have told all the boys about it and they have been haveing a lot
of fun with me but any way they call me Papa now which is a he--ll of a lot
better then Sammy Boy.
Your pal, JACK.
* * * * *
_In the Trenchs, June 14._
FRIEND AL: I am all most to nervous to write Al but anything is better then
setting around thinking and besides I want you to know what has came off so
as you will know what come off in the case something happens.
Well Al Simple Simon's gone. We don't know if he's dead or alive or what
the he--ll and all as we know is that he was here last night and he ain't
here today and they hasn't nobody seen or heard of him.
Of course Al that isn't all we know neither as we can just about guess what
happened. But I have gave my word to not spill nothing about what the boys
pulled on him or god knows what Capt. Seeley would do to them.
Well Al I got up this A. M. feeling fine as I had slept better then any
time for a wk. and I dreamt about the little gal back home that ain't never
seen her daddy or don't know if she's got 1 or not but in my dream she
knowed me O. K. as I dreamt I had just got home and Florrie wasn't there
to meet me as usual but I rung the bell and the ski jumper let me in and I
asked her where Florrie was and she said she had went out somewheres with
little Al so I was going out and look for them but the Swede says the baby
is here if you want to see her and I asked her what baby and she says why
your new little baby girl.
So then I heard a baby crying somewheres in the house and I went in the
bed rm. and this little mite jumped right up out of bed and all of a sudden
she was 3 yrs. old instead of a mo. and she come running to me and hollered
daddy. So then I grabbed her up and we begin danceing around but all of a
sudden it was I and Florrie that was danceing together and little Al and
the little gal was danceing around us and then I woke up Al and found I
was still in this he--ll hole but the dream was so happy that I was still
feeling good over it yet and besides it looked like the sun had forgot it
was in France and was going to shine for a while.
Well pretty soon along come Corp. Evans and called me to 1 side and asked
me what I knew about Simon. So I says what about him. So Corp. Evans says
he is missing and they hasn't nobody saw him since last night. So I says I
didn't know nothing about him but if anything had happened to him they was
a lot of birds in this Co. that ought to pay for it. So Corp. Evans asked
me what was I driveing at and I started in to tell him about Alcock and
Brady and them kidding this poor bird to death and Corp. Evans says yes he
knew all about that and the best thing to do was to shut up about it as it
would get everybody in bad. He says "Wait a couple days any way and maybe
he will show up O. K. and then they won't be no sence in spilling all this
stuff." So I says all right I would wait a couple days but these birds
ought to get theirs if something serious has happened and if he don't show
up by that time I won't make no promise to spill all I know. So Corp. Evans
says I didn't half to make no promise as he would spill the beans himself
if Simon isn't O. K.
Well Al of course all the boys had heard the news by the time I got to talk
to them and they's 2 or 3 of them that feels pretty sick over it and no
wonder and the bird that feels the sickest is Alcock and here is why. Well
it seems like yesterday while I was telling all the boys about the news
from home Simon was giveing Alcock a ear full of that junk Brady had been
slipping him about Souvenir Joe and Simon asked Alcock if he thought they
was still any of them souvenirs worth going after out in them shell holes.
So Alcock says of course they must be as some of the holes was made new
since we been here. But Alcock told him that if he was him he wouldn't
waist no time collecting the insides of German shells as the Germans was
so hard up for mettle and etc. now days that the shells they was sending
over was about 1/2 full of cheese and stuff that wouldn't keep. So Alcock
says to him "What you ought to go after is a Saxon because you can bet
that Souvenir Joe didn't get none and if you would get 1 all the boys would
begin calling you Souvenir Simon instead of Simple Simon and you would make
Souvenir Joe look like a dud."
Well Al Simon didn't know a Saxon from a hang nail so he asked Alcock what
they looked like and Alcock told him to never mind as he couldn't help from
knowing 1 if he ever seen it so then Simon asked him where they was libel
to be and Alcock told him probably over in some of the shell holes near the
German trench.
That's what come off yesterday wile I was busy telling everybody about the
little gal as you can bet I would of put Simon wise had I of been in on it
and now Al he's gone and they don't nobody know what's became of him but
they's a lot of us that's got a pretty good idear and as I say they's 2 or
3 feels pretty sick and one a specially. But I guess at that they don't no
one feel no worse then me though they can't nobody say I am to blame for
what's happened but still in all I might of interfered because I am the
only 1 of them that has got a heart Al and the only reason Alcock and Brady
is so sick now is that they are scared to death of what will happen to them
if they get found out. Because their smartness won't get them nothing up in
front of the Court Marshall as he has seen to many birds just like them.
Well Al I am on post duty tonight and maybe you don't know what that means.
Well old pal its no Elks carnivle at no time and just think what it will be
tonight with your ears straining for a cry from out there. And if the cry
comes Al they won't only be the 1 thing to do and I will be the 1 to do it.
So this may be the last time you will hear from me old pal and I wanted you
to know in the case anything come off just how it happened as I won't be
here to write it to you afterwards.
All as I can think about now Al is 2 things and 1 of them is that little
gal back home that won't never see her daddy but maybe when she gets 4 or
5 yrs. old she will ask her mother "Why haven't I got a daddy like other
little girls?" But maybe she will have 1 by that time Al. But what I am
thinking about the most is that poor 1/2 wit out there and as Brady says he
isn't nothing but a Mormon any way and ought never to of got in the army
but still and all he is a man and its our duty to fight and die for him if
needs to be.
Your pal, JACK.
* * * * *
_In the Hospital, July 20._
FRIEND AL: You will half to excuse this writeing as I am proped up in a
funny position in bed and its all as I can do to keep the paper steady as
my left arm ain't no more use then the Russian front.
Well Al yesterday was the 1st. time they left me set up and I wrote a
letter to Florrie and told her I was getting along O. K. as I didn't want
she should worry and this time I will try and write to you. I suppose you
got the note that the little nurse wrote for me about 2 wks. ago and told
you I was getting better. Well old pal the gal that wrote you that little
note is some baby and if you could see the kid that wrote you that little
note you would wished you was laying here in my place. No I guess you
wouldn't wished that Al as they's nobody that would want to go through what
I have been through and they's very few that could stand it like I have and
keep on smileing.
Well old pal they thought for a wile that it was Feeney for yrs. truly as
they say over here and believe me I was in such pain that I would of been
glad to die to get rid of the pain and the Dr. said it was a good thing I
was such a game bird and had such a physic or I couldn't of never stood it.
But I am not strong enough yet to set this way very long so if I am going
to tell you what happened I had better start in.
Well Al this is the 20 of July and that means I have been in here 5 wks.
as it was the 14 of June when all this come off. Well Al I can remember
writeing to you the day of the night it come off and I guess I told you
about this bird Simon getting lost that was always after the souvenirs and
some of the boys told him they wasn't no Germans over in the other trenchs
but just a bird name Motorcycle Mike that went up and down the section
throwing flares so as we would think they was Germans over there. So they
told him if he wanted to go out in Nobody's Land and spear souvenirs it was
safe if you went just after Mike had made his rounds so as the snippers
wouldn't get you.
Well old pal I was standing there looking out over Nobody's Land that night
and I couldn't think of nothing only poor Simon and listening to hear if I
couldn't maybe hear him call from somewheres out there and I don't know how
long I had been standing there when I heard a kind of a noise like somebody
scrunching and at the same time they was a flare throwed up from our side
and I seen a figure out there cralling on the ground quite a ways beyond
our wire. Well Al I didn't wait to look twice but I called Corp. Evans and
told him. So he says who did I think it was and I said it must be Simon. So
he says "Well Keefe its up to 1 of us to go get him." So I said "Well Corp.
I guess its my job." So he says "All right Keefe if you feel that way about
it." So I says all right and I'll say Al that he give up his claims without
a struggle.
Well I started and I was going without my riffle but the Corp. stopped me
and says take it along and I says "What for, do you think I am going to
pick Simon up with a bayonet." So he says who told me it was Simon out
there. Well Al that's the 1st. time I stopped to think it might maybe be
somebody else.
Well Florrie use to say that I couldn't get up in the night for a drink of
water without everybody in the bldg. thinking the world serious must of
started but I bet I didn't knock over no chairs on this trip. Well Al it
took me long enough to get out there as you can bet I wasn't trying for no
record and every time they was a noise I had to lay flat and not buge. But
I got there Al to where I thought I had saw this bird moveing around but
they hadn't no rockets went up since I started and it was like a troop ship
and I couldn't make out no figure of a man or nothing else and I was just
going to whisper Simon's name when I reached out my hand and touched him.
Well Al it wasn't Simon.
Well old pal we had some battle this bird and me and the both of us forgot
bayonets and guns and everything else. I would of killed him sure only he
got a hold of my left hand between his teeth and I couldn't pry it loose.
But believe me Al he took a awful beating with my free hand and I will half
to hand it to him for a game bird only what chance did he have? None Al and
the battle couldn't only end the 1 way and I was just getting ready to grab
his wind pipe and shut off the meter when he left go of my other hand and
let out a yell that you could hear all over the great lakes and then all
of a sudden it seemed like everybody was takeing a flash light and then the
bullets come whizzing from all sides it seemed like and they got me 3 times
Al and never pinked this other bird once. Well Al it wasn't till 2 wks. ago
that I found out that my opponent was Johnny Alcock.
Just 2 wks. ago yesterday Johnny come in and seen me and told me the whole
story and it was the 1st. day they left me see anybody only the Dr. and the
little nurse and was the 1st. day Johnny was able to be up and around. How
is that Al to put a man in the hospital for 3 wks. without useing no gun or
knife or nothing on him only 1 bear fist. Some fist eh Al.
Well it seems like he had been worring so about Simon that he finely went
out there snooping around all by himself looking for him and he was the 1 I
seen when that flare went up and of course we each thought the other 1 was
a German and finely it was him yelling and the rockets going up at the same
time that drawed the fire and I got all of it because I was the bird on
top.
But listen Al till you hear the funny part of it. Simple Simon the bird
that we was both out there looking for him showed up in our trench about a
1/2 hr. after we was brought in and he showed up with a Saxon all right but
the Saxon was dead. Well Al Simon told them that he had ran into this guy
over near their wire and that he was alive when he got him, but Alcock says
that Brady said Simon hadn't only been gone 24 hrs. and the Saxon had been
gone a he--ll of a lot longer than that.
Well they's no hard feeling between Alcock and I and I guess I more then
got even with him for eating out of my hand as they say but Johnny said it
was a shame I couldn't of used some of my strength on a German instead of
him but any way its all over now and the Dr. says my leg is pretty near O.
K. and I can walk on it in a couple wks. but my left arm won't be no use
for god knows how long and maybe never and I guess I'm lucky they didn't
half to clip it off. So I don't know when I will get out of here or where I
will go from here but I guess they's 1 little party that ain't in no hurry
to see me go and I wished you could see her look at me Al and you would say
its to bad I am a married man with 2 kids.
Your pal, JACK.
[Illustration: And I wished you could see her look at me, Al]
* * * * *
_Somwheres in France, Aug. 16._
FRIEND AL: Well Al I don't suppose this will reach you any sooner then if I
took it with me and mailed it when I get home but I haven't nothing to do
for a few hrs. so I might as well be writeing you the news.
Well old pal I am homewards bound as they say as the war is Feeney as far
as I am conserned and I am sailing tonight along with a lot of the other
boys that's being sent home for good and when I look at some of the rest of
them I guess I am lucky to be in as good a shape as I am. I am O. K. only
for my arm and wile it won't never be as good as it was I can probably get
to use it pretty good in a few months and all as I can say is thank god it
is my left arm and not the old souper that use to stand Cobb and them on
their head and it will stand them on their head again Al as soon as this
war is over and I guess I won't half to go begging to Comiskey to give me
another chance after what I have done as even if I couldn't pitch up a
alley I would be a money maker for them just setting on the bench and
showing myself after this.
Well we are saying good by to old France and I don't know how the rest
of the boys feels but I am not haveing no trouble controling myself and
when it comes down to cases Al the shoe is on the other ft. and what I am
getting at is that France ought to be the 1 that hates to see us leave as I
doubt if they will ever get a bunch of spenders like us over here again.
Well Al it certainly seems quite down here in this old sea port town after
what we have been through and it seems like I can still hear them big guns
roar and them riffles crack and etc. and I feel like I ought to keep my
head down all the wile and keep out of the snippers way and I could all
most shut my eyes and imagine I was back there again in that he--ll hole
but I know I'm not Al as I don't itch.
Well Al my wounds isn't the only reason I am comeing home but they's
another reason and that is that they want some of us poplar idles to help
rouse up the public on this here next Liberty Loan and I don't mind it as
they have promised to send me home to Chi and I can be with Florrie and
the kids. I will do what I can Al though I can't figure where the public
would need any rouseing up and they certainly wouldn't if they had of been
through what I have been through and maybe some of the other boys to. It
takes jack to run a war Al even if us boys don't get none of it or what we
do get they either send it home to our wife or take it away from us in a
crap game.
Well old pal I left the hospital the day before yesterday and that was the
only time I felt like crying since they told me I was going home and it
wasn't so much for myself Al but that poor little nurse and you would of
felt like crying to if you could of seen the look she give me. Her name is
Charlotte Warren and she lives in Minneapolis and expects to go right back
there after she is through over here but that don't do me no good as a
married man with a couple children has got something better to do besides
flirting with a pretty little nurse and besides I won't never pitch ball in
Minneapolis as I expect to quit the game when I am about 40.
Well Al some of the boys wants to say their farewells to the Vin Rouge and
the la la las and I will half to close and I will write again as soon as I
get home and tell you what the baby gal looks like though they's only the 1
way she could look and that's good.
Well here is good by to France and good luck to all the boys that's going
to stay over here and Simple Simon with the rest of them and I suppose I
ought to of got a few souvenirs off him to bring home with me. But I guess
at that I will be carrying a souvenir of this war for a long wile Al and
its better than any of them foney ones he has got as the 1 I have got shows
I was realy in it and done my bit for old Glory and the U. S. A.
Your pal, JACK.
* * * * *
_Chicago, Aug. 29._
FRIEND AL: Well Al here I am back in old Chi and feeling pretty good only
for my arm and my left leg is still stiff yet and I caught a mean cold
comeing across the old pond but what is a few little things like that as
the main thing is being home.
Well old pal they wasn't nothing happened on the trip across the old pond
only it took a whole lot to long and believe me old N. Y. looked good but
believe me I wouldn't waist no time in N. Y. only long enough to climb
outside a big steak and the waiter had to cut it up for me but even the
waiters treated us fine and everywheres we showed up the people was wild
about us and cheered and clapped and it sounded like old times when I use
to walk out there to warm up.
Well we hit N. Y. in the A. M. and left that night and got here last eve.
and I didn't leave Florrie know just when I was comeing as I wanted to
supprise her. Well Al I ought to of wired ahead and told her to go easy on
my poor old arm because when she opened the door and seen me she give a
running hop step and jump and dam near killed me. So then she seen my arm
in a sling and cried and cried and she says "Oh my poor boy what have you
been through." So I says "Well you have been through something yourself so
its 50 50 only I got this from a German."
Well Al little Al was the cutest thing you ever seen and he grabbed me by
the good hand and rushed me in to where the little stranger was laying and
she was asleep but we broke the rules for once and all and all it was some
party and she is some little gal Al and pretty as a picture and when you
can say that for a 3 mos. old its going some as the most of them looks like
a French breakfast.
Well I finely happened to think of Sister Marie and I asked where she was
at and Florrie says she went back to Texas so I says tough luck and Florrie
says I needn't get so gay the 1st. evening home and she says "Any way we
have still got a Marie in the house as that is what I call the baby."
So I says "Well you can think of her that way but her name ain't going
to be that as I don't like the name." So she says what name did I like
and I pretended like I was thinking a wile and finely I says what is the
matter with Charlotte. Well Al you will half to hand it to the women for
detectives as I hadn't no sooner said the name when she says "Oh no you
can't come home and name my baby after none of your French nurses." And I
hadn't told her nothing about a nurse.
Well any way I says I had met a whole lot more Maries then Charlottes in
France and she says had I met any Florries and I said no and that was realy
the name I had picked out for the kid. So she says well she didn't like the
name herself but it was the only name I could pick out that she wouldn't be
suspicious of it so the little gal is named after her mother Al and if she
only grows up 1/2 as pretty as her old lady it won't make no differents if
she has got a funny name.
Well Al have you noticed what direction the Dutchmens is makeing their
drive in now? They started going the other way the 18 of July and it was 2
days ahead of that time that our regt. was moved over to the war and now
they are running them ragged. Well Al I wished I was there to help but even
if I was worth a dam to fight I couldn't very well leave home just now.
Your pal, JACK.
THE END