I RECEIVE MY DIPLOMA FOR NURSING FROM ST. VINCENT'S HOSPITAL--TROUBLE
AMONG THE SISTERS.
Hundreds of people take trips like Sister Rita and I took in 1907 every
year and there is nothing said about it, for it is only a common trip
for the people of the world. But for two nuns in their garb to travel
from one side of the continent to the other, and from the north to the
south, on a trip like this, is extraordinary. In all my sisterhood life,
I have never known any other two sisters to go on such a trip. I have
known them to take longer trips, some of them to Europe, but always on
business.
Once more at the hospital where we had spent so many years in drudgery,
the smoldering pride and natural ambition which had been suppressed and
rudely beaten and forced into oblivion, came from the hiding place with
renewed vigor. We realized that a great _something_ had taken place
within us. We could not see things in the same light as before. The trip
had been educational for us, and the knowledge acquired had driven deep
into our hearts the conviction of the truth with such power that we
found a terrible battle raging within us--Romish convent "rot" on one
side and light on the other.
What were we to do? We had no homes, no place to go to live the
remainder of our earthly sojourn; we had served the best part of our
lives for the Roman institution and were no longer young; our health was
not the best; helpless from every point of view, it was a plain case of
go to work, "for better or for worse."
It was impossible for us to believe opened-eyed the foolishness of all
the silly superstitions we had so long lived, and yet from it there was
no escape, as it was by rule and practice and demand, compulsory. We
talked it over and realized that we stood in need of a remedy to
counteract the wiles of darkness--neither allopathic nor homeopathic
prescription could accomplish this for us, and we knew from experience
that the Romish priest could do nothing for us as he was the fountain
head of the darkness and ignorance, except perhaps administer a
spiritual emetic in the confessional. So we just took up our part of the
work as tools, grinding for the Roman machine.
Naturally, the conditions at the hospital were the same as they had
always been, but the great change that had taken place in my life caused
me to be more independent than I had ever been before. I saw that the
treatment accorded the sisters, doctors, nurses and patients was not
right, as well as they knew it. They soon realized the degree of
independence I had delegated to myself, and I was overburdened with
complaints of the wrongs that were going on. Not that I could directly
correct the irregularities, but that I might have some influence with
those in charge of the workings of the institution.
At St. Vincent's there were sixty sisters--simply women--in whose hearts
existed the same aspirations, cravings and desires inherent in all human
flesh. There were those sisters with their whole heart and soul
perfectly sincere in their religion. Others who were the schemers,
intriguing in the most cunningly devised plans imaginable, workers of
iniquity and the greatest injustices in the guise of religious show. To
your face this class would be so sanctified, always saying prayers and
looking to heaven, but when your back was turned, they would step on
you, trample you under their feet, or knife you to attain their end, and
that they might be glorified and exalted in the eyes of their companions
and superiors. The outside world will never know the real meaning of the
word "scheme" until they have the opportunity of seeing the hellish
plottings of a sister-schemer.
It is only natural that a sister will do her utmost to have work in
which she is interested and has some inclination toward, so that she can
see and hear those things pleasing to her. Then when she is in her
chosen work, she will do all in her power, just the same as other
people, to attain the best position possible that life might be brighter
and she do the most good, as well as to have a little more authority. In
order to gain her aspirations, a sister is compelled by the hell-bound
system to live in continual fire--the fire of fear and remorse--the fire
of fierce wrangling through pride, jealousy and ambition. Patients and
doctors have come to me many, many times, with proof of the awful
jealousy and inharmony among sisters. They could not understand that a
sister's world was so small and cramped by obedience that they could not
get away from their last scene of hell and latest oppression.
It was about this time, soon after my return from the East, that there
was a demand from the doctors and patients for more efficient nursing.
It had been public talk that the sisters did not train for the care of
the sick and consequently did not have diplomas. And yet, these sisters,
with only experimental knowledge of nursing, were head-nurses, as
superintendents and teachers in the training-school. Superiors were
appointed who never had any previous hospital experience, coming
directly from orphanages, schools or kitchen work. Others who came
direct from Canada, who could not speak a dozen words of English, would
be appointed to some high office. From these we would be compelled to
take orders which meant blind and military obedience under penalty for
the non-observance.
It was decided that some of the sisters should be given diplomas to show
their qualifications for nursing. I was one of the chosen few who
received a beautiful scroll of paper certifying that I had completed a
thorough course of training in medical and surgical nursing and had
undergone a satisfactory examination, in the branches taught in the
training school, before certain members of the hospital staff who had
attached their signatures. It was also signed by the Superior Provincial
and the local Superior. This diploma was a triple falsehood on the face
of it, as I had not taken a course of training, I had not taken an
examination before these doctors, or any other doctors, on the tenth day
of June, 1901, or any other time; and, moreover, I did not receive it
until after I had returned from my trip East, which was 1907, which
shows that it was either back-dated or had been kept in "cold storage"
for several years.
[Illustration: _Fac-simile of the Diploma I Received from St. Vincent's
Hospital._]
This was simply another delusion of the Roman Catholic Hierarchy to
hood-wink the public and cause them to think that the Roman institutions
were as efficient as other institutions. Personally, I was qualified to
nurse in nearly all branches, as I will prove to my readers before I
close this book, but what I knew was not learned by a "thorough
training" by any teacher other than the teacher of experience, and now,
with over fifteen years of hospital work to my credit, I was receiving
what the ordinary nurse receives after three years' training--the
diploma.
About 1910 the new addition to St. Vincent's was opened for occupancy
and it could then accommodate about four hundred patients.
The reports of the unfair treatment of the sisters and others as well,
were coming to me so fast that I decided to try to right them from
within the order. It was only the beginning of the end for me. I
appealed to all the women authorities, from the local superior to the
Mother General, but to no avail. It simply caused the sisters in
authority to look upon me with suspicion and disfavor, and from the very
first, reports were circulated about me losing my faith, and being a
"bad religious." Orders were given the sisters on my floor as to the
management and also as to the manner in which they were to treat me.
The reports of what was going on had reached the Mother House in
Montreal, and the assistant Mother General, who was a very good friend
of mine, and at the same time endeavoring to smooth matters over in the
community, asked me to take the office of superior at Astoria. It was
simply an attempt to get me out of St. Vincent's and I refused to take
the office, knowing that I could not treat the sisters as a superior had
to.
A letter soon came from the Mother House, which I will here copy, with
others, showing how the news of strife within the community travels.
Also how cautious a sister must be with her letters. The envelope was
addressed to me, and on the top of it had these words: "P. S. If not
there return to me unopened."
Providence Mother House,
Montreal, Feb. 11th, 1910.
(This letter is for yourself alone.)
Sr. Lucretia,
Portland, Oregon.
Dear Sister:
What's up? It seems people find you so very, very naughty--so naughty
that strong measures are required. Look out, the comet (Haley's Comet)
may play serious tricks! But nonsense apart, do write me what has
happened in that house? You cannot imagine how anxious I am, knowing
what injustice is sometimes meted out under the plea of good order and
merely for the sake of carrying out certain plans to attain ones end. Be
watchful. I love the community with all my soul, but I hate the iniquity
wrought by some of its members through jealousy and ambition. God help
the weak! I shall say no more today, but leave it all to the strong
right arm of the Almighty.
Good-bye and believe me,
Sincerely yours,
SISTER M. WILFRID.
This letter is proof that I was not the only sister who knew of the
wrongs and injustices that were going on under the plea of religion. And
believe me, I was very grateful to receive this letter from one so high
in the order as Sister Wilfrid. It braced me up for the coming battle.
My reply was as follows:
St. Vincent's Hospital,
Portland, Oregon, Feb. 20, 1910.
Rev. Mother Wilfrid, Asst. Gen.,
Montreal, Canada.
Dear Mother Wilfrid:
I am not aware of being so terribly naughty, and the same comet
(Haley's) that will play unfair tricks on me might get a few played on
it, when tricky cards will be played.
When these strange and strong measures will be put to me I will
certainly have to know of them and then it shall be my business to learn
the reason, and mine to employ whatever means I may require for justice
or peace of soul and body. Any grievous wrongs coming to me through
jealous and ambitious evil-doers will not be borne by me in a pent up
heart any more like in the past. Accusations, as also insinuations,
which falsify will have to come to light and proof. They can say all the
dirty, wicked remarks about me they please. I know but precious little
good has ever been said of me by the community representatives out here
in the past, and I do not expect better yet. If I am American in my
views and ways, it does not make me irreligious or disloyal. My faults
and shortcomings are not worse, nor of meaner character than those I am
with, and have lived with. With little effort I can produce plenty
comparisons.
I will not again suffer humiliating trials cast upon me without cause,
and worse, to no purpose, but to incur the displeasure of God and to
please deceitful, jealous, scheming spirits.
You ask me what has happened this house? It would take me six months to
put it in writing and make a nervous wreck of myself and then be
compelled to leave to others what I attempted to better. Time, and
sisters who will be trained by home religious, who will understand our
people and sisters, can only right things with us out here. Along these
lines the trouble lies in this house. We are even bad for knowing where
trouble lies, etc., etc., etc. You know as well as I do.
I work hard and know that I work well, and I do my duty the best I know.
The crime is, I haven't the "L'esprit de la religieuse," because I am
not French and they can't bake me over other than God made me. Amen.
With love in prayer, I am,
Yours very sincerely,
SISTER LUCRETIA,
S. C. S. P.
On March 10th, 1910, I wrote her again, further explaining what was
going on, as follows:
Dear Mother Wilfrid:
Another item which stands black against me is that I have been taking
care of Archbishop Christie this winter. Three weeks' special nurse and
for three months I went nearly every day to his residence to give his
arm massage treatment. I did my hospital work all but the entering of a
few names along with the extra work. I gave classes in nursing to the
sisters two evenings per week.
Now, of course, I should be made to feel very sorry that I have been
capable of giving agreeable service to such a distinguished patient. It
being out of the question to punish him for being pleased with my care
or an expression of a word of gratitude. So, it should behoove me to be
put through the expiatory system to atone for my sins of having done
well and more than the usual effort. I can't tell where the glory of
such Christ-like doings belong. No doubt it is the right spirit--too bad
I haven't it. What a grievous sin it must be to please, etc.
Another item, my name was cast a good many times in the ballot box on
election evening for the new superior. I suppose I might be called upon
to glorify God by expiating for this crime also, in some way or other.
Those brilliant gems are being added to other hallows, too. What
Paradise! minus innocence. Amen.
As ever.
Very truly yours,
SISTER LUCRETIA,
S. C. S. P.
Just a day or two after I mailed the foregoing letter, I received a note
from Mother Wilfrid asking me to write further, explaining more fully
the national hatred mentioned in my first letter--she not having
received this last one as yet. So on March 18th, 1910, I wrote at
length:
Dear Mother Wilfrid:
The only reason French sisters have no use for me, and would never give
me a sign of prestige is that I am not French. That is my awful crime. I
am liked and approved of by all that I have dealings with--the doctors,
the people, the sick--great and lowly--the nurses, the help of the
floor--all express happiness and pleasure on seeing me. The
English-speaking sisters find a few minutes' comfort of mind and a
little peace and enjoyment in my company. In the eyes of jealous, evil
minds it must be wicked to possess gifts which radiate peace, happiness
and harmony.
I even admit that I am not dead to approbation or condemnation. I
naturally like to give to everybody of the best I have, whatever it may
be--to receive people well and friendly, to serve someone a lunch, or to
do some little favor of whatever kind, or if it were only a few kind
words of encouragement. If anyone wishes my secret, I am not jealous to
give my recipe. I always made it a particular point to do everything as
well as I could and know that I do it with as pleasing and cheerful
disposition as possible. But that is poison to the other side. I am and
always have been successful in my office. I taught a class of sisters
(nursing) since the beginning of last September, and I know that I did
it right and successful the times I could get them.
Why such national prejudice and jealousy? Really what the last election
(superior's election) here showed, after all the talking of doing away
with the spirit of nationality, the prayers and conferences to the same
purpose, then the nationality spirit manifested itself with more force
than ever before, at least openly, so that one knows what to call it. It
shows clearly, too, that there will never be harmony, and it is obvious
that one kind will predominate as long as they can, and when they
cannot, the next majority will.
Our community has failed to prove, up to now, that it is a success to
have mixed nationalities. In time, of course, anyone can see that one
kind will give way to the other, but not by means of harmony--probably
by the same methods as of the past, the stronger or the majority shall
control the weaker or minority. "As it was in the beginning, is now, and
ever shall be, world without end. Amen." Said this time in truth and
effect.
First of all, our people, the English-speaking sisters, have no one to
go to for redress, who understands them in their troubles and trials and
difficulties of a business or social nature, simply silence and
obedience without a faint feeling of even a little sympathy in common.
The Jews did not understand our Lord and His suffering, but the Blessed
Virgin did. I believe He had a few other household members who were not
only loyal, faithful and devoted to Him, but harmonious, too. If there
was jealousy and disagreement, I do not believe that a good and generous
worker was taken out of office by the Master and put aside as an evil
spirit or put through humiliating and heart-rending trials till there
would be nothing left but a grimace and distorted body or an insensible
being, an object of pity and sadness.
Should religion, if it was the right kind, make people wish and sigh for
death to come and put an end to their misery? Why all this profession of
religion if it cannot grow a few flowers and plants of joy and
happiness, if it has to legislate people so stiff and cramped in body
and mind that they cannot bend without breaking, or breath enough left
in them without looking haggard or half dead?
Religion and church are not to blame for want of breadth, harmony and
strength amongst ourselves in organizations. It is up to the majority of
us sisters to make life part Paradise or all Purgatory on earth, and all
the sermons on charity that could be preached in the world and all the
good will and generosity put together will fail to produce peace and
harmony in a community which cannot organize and legislate just and fair
dealings to begin with. Man knows and appreciates this.
With the other letters I have sent you, you can see the situation. With
love as ever.
Sincerely yours,
SISTER LUCRETIA,
S. C. S. P.
The reply I received was as follows:
My dear Sister Lucretia:
Lest you worry about your letter of March 18th, I come,
although I have but a few moments to myself, to say it reached
me in due time. I have read and re-read it and find that what
you say is true. Oh! if trying to please and comfort (without
sacrificing one's religious principles) and succeeding therein
were crime, I earnestly wish there were more criminals among
us. In any case, I would urge you to continue to make other's
lives happy, and not allow the narrow-mindedness of some and
the unkindness of others to cast bitterness into your own life.
It is hard, sometimes, but there are enough beauties and
sweetnesses in life if we will only take them, and I am sure
you have proved until now you know where they are to be found
and how to make use of them. Continue, dear Sister Lucretia;
nothing that is good ever dies; we have often heard this and
perhaps so far have had occasions to experience its truth.
Allow me to quote a few lines I found not long ago and find
encouraging: "If you live the most devoted and disinterested
life possible, you will find people sneering at you and
imputing your actions to selfish motives and putting a cruel
construction on all you do or say. Well, it does not matter,
for we shall all be manifested at the Judgment seat of Christ,
before God and men and angels. Let us live to please Him, for
our integrity of motive will be known at the last, and put
beyond all dispute."
I have just learned that Sister Rita has been transferred to
Oakland. I hope she will like the South and make herself happy.
Believe me, dear Sister,
Sincerely yours,
SISTER M. WILFRID,
S. C. S. P.
You will observe from the foregoing letters that we, as sisters, do not
hold the system accountable for the wrongs we have to endure in the
convent. We believe that the sisters alone are at fault, as I have
stated in my letters to Mother Wilfrid. But the man or woman with
ordinary intelligence, who reads these conditions as they were at that
time can readily see the real source. The heads of the institution, who
had the sole power, instead of the bettering conditions, tolerated and
permitted them to remain. At that, I have my grave doubts if the convent
system could _ever_ be harmonious. Think of housing a large number of
women under one roof, bound by the ironclad, childish rules and
precepts. They are a barrier to "life, liberty and the pursuit of
happiness," which the Constitution of the United States guarantees every
citizen. They make progress an impossibility. The outside world thinks
the convent system is a success because they see the institutions grow
in size and number, which is due to the economic methods of free
sister-service. They never have the opportunity to see "success" from
within.
As a further proof that the system is the cause of discord, strife and
inharmony among the sisters I will copy another letter I wrote to
Mother Wilfrid. There is some repetition of portions of my former
letters, but I think the whole of the letter will interest my readers,
even though it is lengthy:
Dear Mother Wilfrid:
I will bring a few other points before you, Mother, which means
inharmony in our order. I do not intend to convey to you the
idea that I am an oracle of success. The intention being simply
to consider some of the principal essentials required for
success. Just a little mental view of things.
We all admit that experience is a great teacher--observation
its necessary accompaniment. Both are in vain unless a
practical application can be made of the lessons to be learned
from them.
One of the first essentials of success is common honesty. If
those who have had experience in one kind of work could only
dare to be sincere enough to express the difficulties they
meet, in such a manner as to better conditions. What's in the
way? Prejudice, the fear of not standing high as a perfect
religious, sisters, whether qualified for leadership or not,
ambitious for high offices. If the companion should be a little
more gifted in some things than the superior, she should make
herself so small and subservient that she can scarcely think.
If she cannot look scared, stand back and look perfectly mum.
She is proud, independent, trespassing on the superior's
rights, disloyal and rebelling against all rightful and lawful
authority. She is placed in a responsible position and not
permitted to be woman enough to be justified in her own
actions. She has to of necessity, due to inorganization, make a
blunder of herself and her work. We are constantly blundering
and straightening out after each other. Experience should have
taught some of us how to improve upon blundering ways. Take for
one thing, the frequent changing of the sisters without system
or method, often for no reason--then because some have put
their heads together to bare so-and-so out, they have to eat
"black bread." She has given offence--God alone knows for what
trifle. She must be punished and made unsuccessful even if the
house and place where she is will suffer the loss of her good
and successful work. This might be saying a good deal for a
subordinate, but it is the price paid for lessons taught by
experience. We will have better organization only when we will
have our sisters taught from the time they enter the work for
which they have aptitude, talent and inclination, and leave
them generally where they are contented and successful and not
shift them about from house to house, pillar to post, without
serious reason. We ought to know by this time that a work one
does not care anything about she will not put much effort or
interest in.
To stand the hardships in connection with every occupation, one
must have some liking for it and be qualified to succeed. And
then there will be plenty of room to love God and suffer for
Him, and any number of chances to practice the highest degree
of religious perfection--entire abnegation, if you will. Such a
one can be on the way to Gethsemane every day with greater
fervor rather than murmurs.
As a general rule, people who have worked the greater part of
their lives or years in certain works, particularly when they
reach the years of about forty, adapt themselves with great
difficulty to an entirely different kind. They need the
efforts and thoughts as well, of younger years to correspond
with their generosity and good will. First of all to grasp the
situation, and then a renewing of energy, as it were, they need
new thoughts to keep in progress with the changing conditions.
I cannot see that we have to be a misfit to be a good
religious, and to cripple every natural gift--physically or
intellectually.
It takes years of study, practice and experience to acquire the
knowledge to fit ones self for the proper and successful way of
handling any work or business. People who are every year, or
every few years, starting something new, are always beginners,
possessing a superficial or smattering knowledge of many
things, and thorough in none.
This is the way our house is largely represented here now--and
we wonder what is the matter! "What has happened, St.
Vincent's?" The greater wonder is that things go on as well as
they do.
Another mistake our people make is that of ousting out of
office those who do have the good will and energy to capacitate
themselves for their work and prove a success all round by
making a little more of themselves than the ordinary hum-drum
routine sisters. The spirit of the rule is one kind of
spirit--and there are other spirits. If I have not the spirit,
God forgive me. There are plenty of others who have not the
spirit. Is it the spirit when one is successful in an office
and in all her dealings with the people she comes in contact
with, to not even make an effort to have harmony and
understanding on the part of her superiors if misunderstanding
and discord exists? They are not able to face you with one
correction or complaint, but through the religious system,
under cover of all that is holy, to oust her and throw her
down and out, as it were, regardless of human feelings or sense
of righteousness--no, not even common civility. Anyone not made
of cast-iron is bound to break--body and spirit--under such
tremendous pressure.
Such is Sister Rita's case, for one.
Yours as ever,
SISTER LUCRETIA,
S. C. S. P.
I want it strictly understood by my readers that all the letters I have
here produced were written by me while I was yet a sister at St.
Vincent's Hospital, and superintendent of the third floor of that
institution. I could tell the same facts without the evidence of these
letters, and in a great many less words, but I wish to let the world
know that I knew while there that the governing heads of the institution
were doing nothing to better the then existing conditions of inharmony
and discord among the sisters; but, on the other hand, were making
matters worse for them by transferring older sisters who were acquainted
with the work and supplanting them with younger sisters who were
ignorant in the care of the sick.
In a few words the wrongs could be summed up as follows:
National hatred and jealousy;
The rule of the system compelling the sisters to report on the other
sisters to the superior, which means a great many false reports;
The employment of sisters who had no previous experience, and the
transferring of those who did know about the care of the sick;
Superiors who were absolutely unqualified for hospital work;
Non-care of sick sisters;
Ignorance and blind obedience;
The numberless religious practices which took us away from the sick,
very often when they needed the most careful attention;
Besides the taking care of the sick, the many other obligations which
the sisters were called upon to perform--such as laundry work, janitor
work, kitchen work, etc.
And no one to go to for redress in case of wrong.