MY EARLY LIFE AND SCHOOLING
I was born in 1861, in Minnesota, of German parents, who had come from
Germany in quest of greater liberty and a home in a free land.
My mother was a most devout Roman Catholic, absolutely under priest
guidance, and by his instructions to her the children were reared and
schooled. My father was a broad-minded Roman Catholic, not very strong
in the faith. I have heard him speak of the teachings and superstitious
practices, as "priest foolishness." But, that there might be peace in
the family, he would leave matters regarding the children to mother, and
leaving these things with her was leaving them with the priest.
When I was five years old, we migrated to the State of Washington near
Walla Walla (then called Fort Walla Walla).
I was the eighth child of a large family, and as my parents could not
afford to send all of us to the convent or parochial school, it was my
lot to go to the public school a few weeks occasionally for three years.
This was when I was at the age of eight, nine and ten years. But, for
fear of imbibing the "Protestant godless spirit," as my mother called
it, I was given only a reader and speller. Nearly every day my mother
would question me as to what the Protestant children would say to me at
school. She cautioned me many, many times not to talk to them, as they
were the children of bad Protestants, that they would grow up bad and
wicked the same as their parents were, without belief in God and church,
as Protestants were people who fell away from God by leaving the true
church and following a very wicked man, named Luther, who became proud
and disobedient to the Pope.
These Protestant godless (public) schools were greatly deplored in my
home by my mother, and yet my father was a teacher and director in these
public schools for a great many years. Because the Roman Catholic people
had to pay taxes to keep these schools running, there was much murmuring
against that unjust government of an infidel people, as it was called.
With these contentions continually wrangling in my home, it did not
require serious excuses for my being kept out of school. I have heard my
mother make the statement many times that it would be better to have no
education than to have this Protestant godless public school education.
When I was eleven years old, my mother and the priest decided that it
was time for me to go to the convent school to learn my catechism,
confession, my first communion, the rosary--my religion. In fact, during
the three years I attended this school, that was about all I learned.
True, there were classes of reading, spelling and arithmetic, but the
books I used in these studies were of a lesser grade than those I used
during the short time I went to the public school. By the order of the
sister who taught arithmetic, I had to teach smaller children what
little arithmetic I learned from blackboard study in the public school,
having my class in the back of the room we occupied. The sister who
taught reading (Sister Agnes) told us that before she came to that
school to teach, she had been a cook in an Indian Mission. Well
qualified, wasn't she? The catechism teacher (Sister Mary Rosary) taught
sewing and catechism alternately, in that part of the building known as
the wash-house.
Three years of my life were wasted in this manner, learning practically
nothing but Roman Catholic catechism and pagan religion. Three years of
just that time of a child's life which should be spent laying the
foundation for something nobler and grander.
And now, after all is said and done, I was prepared to take my first
communion. This was administered to me on May 23d, 1875, by "Father"
Duffy, in the parish church of Walla Walla. I was confirmed the same
day, in the same church, by Bishop Blanchet, of Vancouver, Washington.
I thought that I now had religion, and as I thought that was the one
objective of the convent schooling, I took my few books home and told my
mother that I would not go to that school any longer. I wanted to return
to the public school, but mother said we were Catholics, and as such, we
had to go to the Catholic school. Finally, after a great deal of
persistence, I was permitted to go to the public school, but it was only
for a very short time again. Mother took sick, and regardless of the
fact that there were two sisters and a brother younger than I, and a
sister and brother older, at home, this was a very good excuse to get me
out of school.
From this time till I was twenty years old, six years, I did nothing but
idle away the most precious time of one's existence. Oh, what stupid,
lonely, sorrowful girlhood years they were. I knew in a dreamy way that
I was being cheated out of my right of education, but what was I to do?
I was tempted many times to leave home and work for schooling. I once
made mention of this intention to mother. I was threatened with all
sorts of punishments if I ever attempted a thing of this nature. She
told me that I could study the catechism at home, that that was enough
for me to know--that I would not forget the things that would take me to
heaven and keep me from going to that terrible hell-fire with the
devils. If there would have been any reasonable excuse for all this, I
would have nothing to say. But there the school was at our very door,
free to all, without price, with the exception of the few books that
were needed, and yet I was denied that privilege. And why? All in the
name of religion.
Oh, my American friends, can you not see the folly of it all? Can you
not see the folly of allowing this one-man power to continue building
these institutions all over this fair land of ours? Every time you see a
parochial school in the shadow of a cross, just think that there is the
institution taking the place of our public schools, and you can rest
assured that even the parochial schools would not be here if it were not
for the public schools. Institutions supposed to be educational, when in
reality they are institutions for the purpose of teaching Roman Catholic
paganism.
You may say that there are Roman Catholics who are well educated. Yes,
there are. But where you will see one who is well educated, there will
be hundreds and maybe thousands who have only a duped education, a
fooled education, so to speak. I have given you a fair example of Roman
Catholic education in my own life.
Six years before I entered the sisterhood, I had nothing to do outside
the few home chores, kept in inexcusable ignorance, deprived of every
opportunity for any enlightenment, even for my own future home life. I
could hear nothing but punishments, purgatory, hell-fire and everlasting
damnation. Prayer to the crucifix in honor of the five holy wounds, to
the holy Virgin Mary and her badge--the scapular--for protection;
confession, the church, the priest-Christ--these were my schooling. No
reading, no society, except one Catholic neighbor family, and I was
being continually cautioned to beware of them, as they had little of the
Roman Catholic religion, were too worldly and were given almost entirely
to dress and nice times.
Be assured that I had a real Roman Catholic raising, absolute ignorance,
steeped in Popery, superstition, idolatry filled with Roman fanaticism.
One of the Popes has said, "Ignorance is the mother of devotion." Yes,
superstition was the name of my Roman Catholic mother; indifference was
the name, in effect, of my Roman Catholic father. But the Lord God, the
pope, through the priest, the devil's hellish system, was the school I
was raised in. It was this cunningly devised, diabolical system which
was responsible for the ignorance and mental blindness of my good,
honest, but deluded parents, as it was to blame for the awful wrongs,
injustice and the wretched life of abject convent slavery I had to live
so many years.
So I had been compelled to hear and see nothing but the one sided
teaching of the Roman Catholic catechism, the priest's hell and
damnation preaching, had been held back and down in Roman Catholic
ignorance, darkness and superstition, until at length I became as one
deaf, dumb and blind, which very well explains the principle of the
teachings of the Roman Catholic system.
During the last few years of my home life, all home and priestly
influence was brought to bear on the convent life as the preferable
choice for a girl. I had a great ambition to be a teacher, and the
Jesuit priests (Father Jordan and Father Cathaldo) assured me that in
the convent the sisters taught everything a girl needed to know; music,
singing, needlework and the necessary education for teaching. The
beautiful, glowing picture of convent and a sister's life were
constantly being brought to my mind, till I could at last think of
nothing else.
The world was pictured as terrible and sinful; the people being educated
in the public schools, living under the influence of an unbelieving
government, parents having no religion, people of irresponsible
character and loose morals, caring for nothing but the material things
of this world and good times, which consisted of sinful pleasures. And,
living in this manner, there was no hope of eternal life for them, as
there was no one to whom they could confess their sins, and "nothing
defiled can enter heaven."
With these things constantly burdening my undeveloped mind, and the
thought of the great work I could do for the church and priests, and of
some day being a great sister-teacher, I at last consented to be a
sister for the Roman Catholic system.
Very natural, under this kind of home life and influence, when every
thing human, natural, ennobling, elevating and commonly decent and
Christian was withheld and kept out of my life, and all of nature's
endowments and rights distorted and put to my mind as something
deceptive and leading to sin and deplorable wrongs.