These are not very numerous, and occupy a comparatively small
portion of the note-book. Some of them have already appeared in
the "Life of Bishop Walsham How."
I once visited the Bishop of Bath and Wells, and was going on afterwards
for a week's fishing in Dorsetshire. It so happened that my portmanteau,
in which were my dress-clothes, was locked, but a carpet-bag containing
all my fishing things was not locked. When I went up to dress for dinner
at the Palace I found that the butler had put out all my fishing clothes
with wading stockings and wading boots for me to dress in for dinner.
I received the following letter during the time that I was Bishop of
Wakefield:
May it please your Lordship,
To inform me, my Lord, wether I have a legal right to a grave,
or not, supposing my granfather of my mother's side, my
Lordship, and the said granfather had no son, and my mother was
the eldest daughter, and I am my mother's eldest child and only
son, my Lordship, who would become in possession, of the said
grave, my Lordship, supposing my father, loeses my mother, my
Lordship, has he a legal right to bury my mother, in the said
grave, if it is not left, in the aforesaid,--granfather's Will,
my Lordship, hasn't the aforesaid granfather granson the Legal
Right of the said Grave, my Lordship, has a Son-in-law, a Legal
Right before a Granson, to the said Grave, my Lordship, has my
sister a Legal Right, to have my Father, buryed in the said
Grave, my Lordship, without the concent of her Brother, my
Lordship, is that Grave invested with Vicar's Right's, so that
no one can interfear with the said Grave, my Lordship, the said
Grave has a Head Stone to it and there was a certain amount of
Fee's to be paid, before, the said Vicar allows the said Stone
to be put over the Grave, my Lordship, would not that Grave
devolve and become Freehold Property, my Lordship, may it please
your Grace to send me a reply
from yours truly
----
This letter is perfect sense, and was "translated" by the
Bishop's legal secretary. Entire repunctuation will be found a
great assistance to any one whose curiosity leads them to
attempt to gather the meaning.
I have had a complaint from a layman to say that his rector in a sermon
recently preached explained the repetition of the Lord's Prayer in the
Church service by saying as follows: "The prayer occurs three times in
the morning service; one is for those who get to church in good time,
the second one is for the late, the third one is for the very late." My
correspondent did not think this profitable teaching.
A working man in East London being shown some photographs came to one of
the Bishop of Bedford (myself), and the clergyman who was showing the
photographs said, "That is the Bishop of Bedford, he is a total
abstainer you know." The man paused a moment and then said, "Ah, there's
reformed in all classes, no doubt."
A little girl at Eastbourne was at a church where I was preaching, and
in a whisper in the middle of the sermon begged her mother to let her
have a pair of sleeves like the bishop's.
An old woman, whom I confirmed lately in a Yorkshire parish, said to the
clergyman's wife at the end of the service, "A turned sick three times,
but a banged thro'."
I sent a curate to look at a church I wanted him to take charge of, and
he found a choirboy in the church who told him the Bishop had been there
the Sunday before. "And what did you think of him?" said the curate. The
boy replied, "A thought he'd a been a bigger mon."
I have received a letter from a man complaining that, having been
recommended to study "Daniel on the Book of Common Prayer," he had read
the book of Daniel all through, and could find no mention of the
Prayer-book in it.
Our forefathers seem to have had occasion for a curious instrument
called a scratchback, which consisted of a small ivory hand screwed on
to a long light handle. One of these is preserved as a curiosity at a
country house in this diocese. My domestic chaplain, when he first
called there, finding himself alone in the drawing-room, took up the
instrument, and never having enjoyed the experience proceeded to put it
down his back. At that moment the lady of the house entered, and my
chaplain hastily withdrawing the machine found the handle had separated
from the hand, which was left behind. He had to apologise, and ask
permission to retire that he might recover the missing hand.