A certain Southern railroad was in a wretched condition, and the trains
were consequently run at a phenomenally low rate of speed. When the
conductor was punching his ticket, the late Artemus Ward, who was one of
the passengers, remarked:
"Does this railroad company allow passengers to give it advice, if they do
so in a respectful manner?"
The conductor replied in gruff tones that he guessed so.
"Well," Artemus went on, "it occurred to me that it would be well to
detach the cowcatcher from the front of the engine and hitch it to the
rear of the train; for, you see, we are not liable to overtake a cow, but
what's to prevent a cow from strolling into this car and biting a
passenger?"--_Boston Herald._