_Enter Bullaker with a Torche_.
_Bullaker_. This is the Countesse _Eugenias_ house, I thinke. I can
never hit of theis same English City howses, tho I were borne here: if I
were in any City in _Fraunce_, I could find any house there at midnight.
_Enter Iack, and Will_.
_Iack_. Theis two strange hungry Knights (_Will_) make the leanest
trenchers that ever I waited on.
_Will_. A plague on them _Iack_; they leave us no fees at all, for our
attendance. I thinke they use to set their bones in silver they pick
them so cleane.--See, see, see, _Iack_, whats that.
_Iack_. A my word (_Will_) tis the great _Baboone_, that was to be seen
in _Southwarke_.
_Will_. Is this he? Gods my life what beastes were we, that we wood not
see him all this while, never trust me if he looke not somewhat like a
man: see how pretely he holds the torche in one of his forefeete: wheres
his keeper trowe, is he broke loose?
_Iack_. Hast ever an Apple about thee (_Will_)? Weele take him up; sure,
we shall get a monstrous deale of mony with him.
_Will_. That we shall yfath, boy! and looke thou here, heres a red
cheeckt apple to take him up with.
_Ia_. Excellent fit a my credit; lets lay downe our provant, and to him.
_Bul_. Ile let them alone a while.
_Ia_. Give me the apple to take up _Iack_, because my name is _Iack_.
_Will_. Hold thee, _Iack_, take it.
_Ia_. Come, _Iack_, come, _Iack_, come, _Iack_.
_Bul_. I will come to you sir, Ile _Iack_ ye a my word, Ile _Iack_ ye.
_Will_. Gods me he speakes, _Iack_. O pray pardon us, Sir.
_Bul_. Out, ye _mopede monckies_, can yee not knowe a man from a
_Marmasett_, in theis Frenchified dayes of ours? nay, ile _Iackefie_
you a little better yet.
_Both_. Nay good Sir, good Sir, pardon us.
_Bul_. Pardon us! out ye home-bred peasants, plain English, pardon us?
if you had parled, & not spoken, but said _Pardonne moy_, I wood have
pardon'd you, but since you speake and not parley, I will cudgell ye
better yet.
_Ambo_. _O pardonne moy, mounsieur_.
_Bul_. _Bien je vous remercy_; thers _pardonne four vous_, sir, now.
_Will_. Why I thanke ye for it, Sir; you seeme to bee a Squire of our
order Sir.
_Ia_. Whose page might you be Sir.
_Bul_. I am now the great French Travalers page.
_Will_. Or rather the _French_ Travalers great page, Sir; on, on.
_Bul_. Hight Captaine _Fowleweather_, alias Commendations; whose
valours within here at super with the Countes _Eugenia_, whose propper
eaters I take you two to be.
_Will_. You mistake us not Sir.
_Ia_. This Captaine _Fowleweather_, alias Commendations--
_Will_. Is the Gallant that will needs be a sutor to our Countes.
_Bul_.[1] Faith, and if Fouleweather be a welcome suter to a faire Lady,
has good lucke.
_Ia_. O Sir, beware of one that can showre into the lapps of Ladies.
Captaine Fowleweather? why hees a Captinado, or Captaine of Captaines,
and will lie in their joyntes that give him cause to worke uppon them so
heauylie, that he will make their hartes ake I warrant him. Captaine
Fowleweather? why he will make the cold stones sweate for feare of him,
a day or two before he come at them. Captaine Fowleweather? why he does
so dominere, and raigne over women.
_Will_. A plague of Captaine Fowleweather, I remember him now _Iack_,
and know him to be a dull moist-braind Asse.
_Ia_. A Southerne man I thinke.
_Will_. As fearefull as a Haire, and will lye like a Lapwing,[2] and I
know how he came to be a Captain, and to have his Surname of
Commendations.
_Ia_. How I preethee _Will_?
_Will_. Why Sir he served the great Lady Kingcob and was yeoman of her
wardroppe, & because a cood brush up her silkes lustely, she thought he
would curry the enemies coates as soundly, and so by her commendations,
he was made Captaine in the lowe Countries.
_Ia_. Then being made Captaine onely by his Ladies commendations,
without any worth also of his owne, he was ever after surnamd Captaine
Commendations?
_Will_. Right.
_Bul_. I, Sir right, but if he had not said right, my Captaine should
have taken no wrong at his handes, nor yours neyther, I can tell ye.
_Ia_. What are those two Knights names, that are thy Captaines
_Comrades_, and within at Supper with our Lady?
_Bul_. One of their names Sir, is, Sir _Gyles Goosecappe_, the others
Sir _Cutt Rudseby_.
_Will_. Sir _Gyles Goosecappe_? what's he? a gentleman?
_Bul_. I, that he is, at least if he be not a noble man; and his chiefe
house is in Essex.
_Ia_. In Essex? did not his Auncestors come out of London.
_Bul_. Yes that they did Sir, the best _Gosecappes_ in England, come out
of London I assure you.
_Will_. I, but, Sir, these must come into it before they come out ont I
hope; but what countriman is Sir _Cutt Rudesby_?
_Bul_. A Northern man, or a Westernman I take him, but my Captaine is the
Emphaticall man; and by that pretty word Emphaticall you shall partly
know him: for tis a very forcible word in troth, and yet he forces it
too much by his favour; mary no more then he does all the rest of his
wordes; with whose multiplicity often times he travailes himselfe out
of all good company.
_Iack_. Like enough; he travaild for nothing else.
_Will_. But what qualities haunt Sir _Gyles Goosecappe_ now Sir.
_Bul_. Sir _Gyles Goosecap_ has always a deathes head (as it were) in
his mouth, for his onely one reason for everything is, because we are
all mortall; and therefore he is generally cald the mortall Knight; then
hath he another pretty phrase too, and that is, he will "tickle the
vanity ant" still in everything; and this is your _Summa totalis_ of
both their virtues.
_Ia_. Tis enough, tis enough, as long as they have land enough, but now
muster your third person afore us I beseech you.
_Bul_. The third person and second Knight, blunt Sir _Cutt Rudesby_, is
indeed blunt at a sharpe wit, and sharpe at a blunt wit; a good bustling
Gallant, talkes well at Rovers; he is two parts souldier; as slovenlie
as a Switzer, and somewhat like one in face too; for he weares a bush
beard, will dead a Cannan shot better then a wool-packe: he will come
into the presence like yor _Frenchman_ in foule bootes, and dares eat
Garlike as a preparative to his Courtship. You shall know more of him
hereafter; but, good wags, let me winne you now for the Geographicall
parts of your Ladies in requitall.
_Will_. That you shall Sir, and the Hydrographicall too and you will;
first my Lady the widowe, and Countes _Eugenia_, is in earnest, a most
worthy Lady, and indeede can doe more than a thousand other Ladies can
doe I can tell you.
_Bul_. What's that I pray thee?
_Ia_. Mary Sir, he meanes she can doe more than sleepe, and eate, and
drinke; and play at noddy[3], and helpe to make hir selfe ready[4].
_Bul_. Can she so?
_Will_. She is the best scholler of any woman but one[5] in England; she
is wise and vertuous.
_Ia_. Nay she has one strange quality for a woman besides, tho these be
strange enough that he has rekoned.
_Bul_. For Gods sake whats that?
_Ia_. She can love reasonable constantly, for she loved her husband
only, almost a whole yeere together.
_Bul_. Thats strange indeed, but what is your faire Lady Sir?
_Ia_. My Lady Sir, the Lady _Hippolita_--
_Will_. That is as chast as ever was _Hippolitus_.
_Ia_. (True, my prety _Parenthesis_) is halfe a maid, halfe a wife, and
halfe a widdow.
_Bul_. Strange tale to tell; how canst thou make this good, my good
_Assumpsit_.
_Ia_. Thus Sir: she was betroathed to a gallant young gentleman that
loude hir with such passion, and admiration that he never thought he
could be so blessed as to enjoy her in full marriage, till the minister
was marrying them; and even then when he was saying I _Charles_ take
thee _Hippolita_ with extreame joy, he began to looke pale, then going
forwards saying, to my wedded wife, he lookt paler, and, then
pronouncing, for richer for poorer as long as we both shall live, he
lookt extreame pale. Now, sir, when she comes to speake her parte, and
said, I _Hippolyta_ take thee _Charles_, he began to faint for joy, then
saying to my wedded husband, he began to sinke, but then going forth too,
for better for worse, he could stand no longer, but with very conceit,
it seemd, that she whom he tendred as the best of all things, should
pronounce the worst, and for his sake too, he suncke down right, and
died sodenly: And thus being halfe married, and her halfe husband wholy
dead, I hope I may with discretion affirme her, halfe a maide, halfe a
wife, and halfe a widdowe: do ye conceive me Sir?
_Bul_. O Lord Sir, I devoure you quicke; and now Sir I beseech you open
unto me your tother Lady, what is shee?
_Will_. Ile answere for her, because I know her Ladiship to be a perfect
maide indeed.
_Bul_. How canst thou know that?
_Will_. Passing perfectly I warrant ye.
_Ia_. By measuring her necke twice, and trying if it will come about hir
forehead, and slip over her nose?
_Will_. No Sir no, by a rule that will not slip so I warrant you, which
for her honours sake I will let slip unto you. Gods so _Iack_, I thinke
they have supt.
_Ia_. Bir Lady we have waited well the while.
_Will_. Well though they have lost their attendance, let not us lose our
supper, _Iack_.
_Ia_. I doe not meane it; come Sir you shall goe in, and drinke with us
yfaith.
_Bul_. _Pardonne moy, mounsieur_.
_both_. No pardoning in truth Sir.
_Bul. Ie vous remercie de bon Ceur_.
[_Exeunt_.