O thou, the foe of comfort, heat,
O thou who hast the corner seat,
Facing the engine, as we say
(Although it is so far away,
And in between
So many coaches intervene,
The phrase partakes of foolishness);--
O thou who sittest there no less,
Keeping the window down
Though all the carriage frown,
Why dost thou so rejoice in air?
Not air that nourishes and braces,
Such as one finds in watering-places,
But air to chill a polar bear--
Malignant air at sixty miles an hour
That rakes the carriage fore and aft,
Wherein we cower;
Not air at all, but sheer revengeful draught!
How canst thou like it? Say! How canst thou do it?
Thou even read'st a paper through it!
Know'st thou no pain?
Sciatica or rheumatism
Leading to balm or sinapism?
Doth influenza pass thee by?
Hast never cold or bloodshot eye
Like ordinary Christian folk
Who sit in draughts against their will
And pray they'll not be ill?
Even in tunnels (this is past a joke)
Thou car'st no rap
Nor, as a decent man would, pull'st the strap,
But lett'st the carriage fill with smoke
Till all but thou must choke.
Why art thou anti-social thus,
Why dost thou differ so from us?
Thou pig! thou hippopotamus!
I don't pretend to be satisfied with these lines. They are not strong,
not complete. Mr. JOYNSON-HICKS would have done it more fittingly. Still
they might do a little good somewhere, and every little helps.
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