_House of Commons, Monday, August 7._--House brisked up to-day on
approaching Report Stage Home-Rule Bill; over three hundred Members
present, including JOSEPH, fresh from Birmingham; on whole, a
melancholy gathering. At outset every appearance of collapse.
Influence of Bank Holiday over it all. Ministers who should have been
in places to answer questions not arrived. Worse still when Home-Rule
Bill reached, and new Clauses called on. Turned out PRINCE ARTHUR was
still dallying at Dulwich, HENEAGE 'appy at 'Ampstead, WOLMER tarrying
by the giddy swing on Peckham Rye. BARTLEY, ever ready to sacrifice
himself in interests of Empire, proposed to move new Clauses for
absentees, but SPEAKER wouldn't have it; so passed on to PARKER SMITH.
P. S., as sometimes happens in correspondence, proved most important
part of letter. He had quite a cluster of Clauses; moved them in
succession through long and dreary night.
[Illustration: HOLIDAY TIME--AS SHOWN BY MEMBERS' DRESS IN THE HOUSE.]
Incidentally provided TIM HEALY with opportunity for making speech
quite in old (of late unfamiliar) form. One of P. S.'s clauses
designed for appointment of Boundary Commissioners, with view of
what T. W. RUSSELL described as "ojus jerrymandering." TIM declared
that scheme proposed by Bill would give Unionists a much larger
representation than they were entitled to, leaving them, with
exception of disfranchisement of Dublin University, in very much same
numbers as they now stand. Demonstrating this, TIM cited in detail
the constituencies affected. Totted them up to reach the total he had
affirmed--certainly eighteen, possibly twenty-one.
"There's Armagh two," he said, "and Antrim four. Four and two are
six," he added, turning with defiant look upon the placid figure of
T. W. RUSSELL. Paused for a moment to give full opportunity for anyone
getting up to deny this proposition. No response; TIM proceeded; "Very
well, six. There's Belfast four. Six and four are ten!" he shouted
triumphantly, looking across at JOSEPH. "Very well, ten," he added, in
low growl; evidently disappointed at lack of spirit in camp opposite.
"Down--North, East and West Down you'll have, I suppose? That's three.
Three and ten's thirteen. Thirteen!" he shouted, turning with quick
flush of hope in direction of seat of EDWARD OF ARMAGH. But Colonel
not there. In fact not been seen in House since he went out after the
great fight, holding bunch of keys to his bruised cheek.
Things looking desperate; still TIM plodded on. Surely age of
chivalry not so finally gone that there was not left in an Irish bosom
sufficient courage to deny to a political adversary that two and two
made four? Perhaps TIM had been piling on the units too high. He would
continue on a lower scale. "Very well, that's thirteen. Now North
Fermanagh's one. Thirteen and one's fourteen." No pen can describe the
acrimony TIM threw into this proposition. Still the craven blood did
not stir. "Londonderry, North, South, and City--I suppose you expect
to collar them all? That's three; fourteen and three are seventeen."
It was terrible. The SPEAKER, fearing bloodshed, interposed, ruling
TIM out of order; only just in time. One could see by flush on
MACARTNEY'S cheek that one step more would have been fatal, and that
the proposition "Seventeen and two are nineteen" would have led to
outbreak beside which the "regrettable incident" would have been
meretriciously mild.
_Business done._--Took up Report Stage of Home-Rule Bill.
[Illustration: "Bimetallism."]
_Tuesday._--The Squires had regular set-to to-night. He of Blankney
began it; SQUIRE OF MALWOOD, never loath for a tussle, cheerfully
stepping into the ring. Order of the day was Report Stage of Home-Rule
Bill. Members, though in languid mood, prepared once more to tread the
dreary round, to pass a summer night
In dropping buckets into empty wells,
And growing old in drawing nothing up.
SQUIRE OF BLANKNEY ordered matters otherwise. Has for some time had by
him paper on Bimetallism, which he desired to read to House. Thought
event might have come off on Vote on Account; ruled out of order;
would fit in equally well on Indian Budget. But when will Indian
Budget be taken? GORST and Echo answer "When?" SQUIRE, whilst willing
to sacrifice all personal considerations on the altar of public
interest, feels that duty to his Queen and country call him away for
an interval of rest. He might leave his paper for DICKY TEMPLE to
read; or he might have it printed and circulated with the votes.
Whilst pondering on these alternatives, happy thought came to him.
Why not move adjournment of House, and so work off speech? Of course
wouldn't do to put the matter bluntly, and "ask leave to move the
adjournment for the purpose of discussing a definite matter of urgent
public importance, namely, HARRY CHAPLIN'S desire to get out of town."
But for "HARRY CHAPLIN'S desire," &c., substitute "the closing of the
Indian mints to the free coinage of silver," and there you are.
[Illustration: The Government Humorist.]
There we were indeed. Opposition didn't show up with the enthusiasm
that might have been expected in such a cause. Question was indeed
raised whether the necessary forty Members had risen to support
application for leave. SPEAKER said it was all right, so SQUIRE OF
BLANKNEY brought out his treasured manuscript and reeled off his
speech. SQUIRE OF MALWOOD exceedingly angry that he should have
occupied nearly an hour for the purpose. So angry that he took almost
precisely same time in replying. Drew a lurid picture of the other
Squire going about "endeavouring to make mischief in Hindustan." The
poor SQUIRE OF BLANKNEY! No such fell design had filled his manly
breast. He was guilty of no more direful purpose than that of availing
himself of forms of the House to read a paper on Bimetallism prepared
for a lapsed occasion, which might have been out of date had he
kept it in his drawer till he came back from his holiday. It led to
appropriation of four hours of the sitting; but if they had not been
wasted in this way, they would have been squandered in some other,
and House would have lost spectacle of this set-to between the MALWOOD
MAULER and the BLANKNEY PET.
_Business done._--None to speak of.
_Thursday._--Seems BRODRICK didn't say at Farnham those naughty things
about Mr. G. 'Tis true he had referred to failure of a popular local
donkey to win a race owing to increasing infirmities, adding "it is
quite time some of us should be turned out to grass." But he was not
thinking of Mr. G. Of whom then was the Young Man thinking? Could it
have been ----? But no, a thousand times no.
Certainly nothing in Mr. G.'s appearance to-night suggestive of desire
or necessity for knocking-off work. Others may tire and turn fondly to
contemplation of moor, river, or sea. Mr. G. thinks there's no place
like London in mid-August, no scene so healthful or invigorating
as House of Commons. Plunged in to-night on one of the interminable
Amendments. A difficult job in hand. Had to accept Amendment which
SOLICITOR-GENERAL and ATTORNEY-GENERAL had an hour earlier been put up
to show was impossible. Began by pummelling PRINCE ARTHUR; proceeded
to make little of HENRY JAMES; turned aside to pink JOSEPH with
sarcastic reference to inveterate love with which he is cherished in
the bosom of his new friends the Tories; finished by throwing over
ATTORNEY-GENERAL with grace and dexterity that made experience
rather pleasant than otherwise; and at a quarter to eight accepted an
Amendment that had been moved at a quarter to six.
It was in conversation round this Debate that SOLICITOR-GENERAL,
accused by CARSON of knowing all about a certain point of law,
delighted House by taking off wig, pitching it ceiling-high, deftly
catching it, and observing with a wink at SPEAKER, "No, I'm hanged if
I do."
_Business done._--Report Stage Home-Rule Bill.
_Friday Night._--Grouse to-morrow, Home-Rule Bill to-night. As
BORTHWICK says, Home-Rule Bill is like partridge, at least to this
extent, that, in course of a few months, its daily appearance on the
table leads to sensation of palled palate. Truly, _toujours perdrix_
is endurable by comparison with Always Home Rule. Members who remain
bear up pretty bravely, but glance wistfully at the door through which
have disappeared so many friends and companions dear, bound Northward.
The holiday, even when it comes for us--the mere residuum, tasting
grouse only from the bounty of our friends, who are not dead but gone
before--will be but an interval in a prodigiously long Session.
"I suppose you find the Autumn Session very popular," I said
to MARJORIBANKS, who still wears a smile. "Yes," he said; "more
especially with Members who have paired up to Christmas."
_Business done._--Still harping on Home Rule.
* * * * *
Transcriber's Note:
Page 73: 'break' corrected to 'brake'. "I'm over before you have put
on the brake,"