"Look at that," I said.
It was opening, slowly and stealthily, without a sound.
We stared at it in amazement.
"Who's there?" called out Bruce sharply.
There was a moment's pause, and then, very quietly, Mrs. Jones
slipped into the room and shut the door behind her. She was
breathing quickly, and her face was curiously flushed.
For several seconds we all three stood facing each other. Then Bruce
spoke.
"What's the matter, Mrs. Jones? Are you ill?" he asked.
The woman made no reply. With her eyes half closed, she rocked
slowly from side to side as if about to fall.
"Look out!" I cried. "She's going to faint!"
We both sprang forward together, but Bruce got there first and caught
her by the shoulders. In a flash she had clutched him, winding her
arms round his waist, and burying her face in his coat with a little
cry, half-way between a laugh and a sob.
For a moment Bruce was too dumbfounded to resist. Then, with frantic
energy, he made a vain attempt to disentangle himself from her
embrace.
"Here, let me go!" he stammered. "What are you doing? What's the
matter? Pull her off, Bridges--pull her off!"
I hastened to his assistance, feeling as if I was taking part in some
exceptionally spirited nightmare.
To and fro we swayed, pulling, struggling, and banging against the
table. At last, with a mighty heave, I managed to unfasten one of
her hands, and, ducking down, Bruce tore himself free.
"She's mad!" he gasped. "Shove her outside, and lock the door,
quick!"
"Well, give us a hand, then!" I panted, for the woman was twisting
and writhing in a manner that made it almost impossible to hold her.
Watching his opportunity, Bruce leaped in and seized her disengaged
wrist. She fought furiously but together we half pushed, half
carried her into the passage, and then, wrenching ourselves loose,
leaped back into the room and slammed and locked the door.
I sank down on the sofa and gazed at Bruce, who leaned against a
table, mopping his forehead with a handkerchief.
Presently he found his voice.
"Lord!" he muttered in an awestruck whisper. "I never thought the
darn thing would work like this!"
That revived me.
"Don't be an idiot!" I cried sharply. "You don't suppose it's got
anything to do with your beastly green monkey? The wretched woman's
gone clean off her head. Something must be done at once."
At that moment there came a savage hammering on the panels of the
door.
"I know what I'm going to do!" exclaimed Bruce hastily, "and that's
get out of the window. She'll have Jones up in a moment if she goes
on like that, and the man's as jealous as Satan. He'd kill me for a
certainty before I had time to explain."
"Well, I'm not going to be left here with a couple of gibbering
lunatics!" I protested, jumping up from the sofa.
He caught me by the sleeve.
"Come on then; we can get out on the balcony and climb down by the
ivy. Anything's better than waiting for Jones."
By this time I was so bewildered that I think I should have fallen in
with any suggestion, however ludicrous. I remember some vague wonder
passing through my mind as to what the next-door people would think
if they saw us swarming down the front of the house; but with the
door threatening to yield every instant before Mrs. Jones's frantic
assault, there was no opportunity for detached reflection. Grabbing
my hat from the table, I followed Bruce out on to the balcony,
shutting the window behind me. One glance up and down showed us that
the road was empty.
"You go first," I said unselfishly; "you're in most danger."
He climbed the rail, and, clutching the stems of the ivy with both
hands, slid off into space. Leaning over, I watched him swaying
downwards in short, spasmodic jerks.
Suddenly from within the room came the crash of a splintering panel.
"Look out!" I yelled hurriedly. "I'm coming!" And, scrambling over
the rail, I, too, committed myself to that inadequate creeper.
I know that in books of adventure people swarm up and down an
ivy-clad house without the faintest inconvenience, but as one who has
tried it, I can only say that it's about the most poisonously
impossible feat ever attempted.
Bruce was luckier than I. He was within four feet of the ground when
the stuff gave way; I must have fallen at least twelve. And I landed
in a rose bush.
Bruce, who had scrambled to his feet, rushed up and pulled me out of
the wreckage.
"Hurt?" he inquired eagerly.
"Oh, no," I replied with some bitterness, "not in the least! I love
to come down sitting on a rose bush. It's a kind of hobby of mine."
We had no time to squabble, however. Before Bruce could answer, we
heard the window above flung violently open, and the furious panting
of Mrs. Jones, as she climbed out on to the balcony.
That was enough. With incredible celerity we dashed for the garden
gate, and nearly killed ourselves trying to get out at the same
moment. Then, turning to the right, we raced down the road towards
Haverstock Hill.
We must have covered at least half the distance before I regained
sufficient sanity to realize what we were doing. Then I clutched
Bruce by the arm.
"Steady on!" I gasped. "If there's any one looking they'll think
we're mad!"
Even as I spoke there came a sharp "teuf teuf!" and instinctively we
pulled up. Round the corner of Fitz-John Villas bowled a solitary
taxi, the driver leaning back comfortably in his seat and smoking a
big cigar.
"Hi!" we yelled in unison.
Some note of unusual urgency in our summons must have attracted him,
for he at once applied his brakes. Having done this, however, he
recollected himself, and, removing his cigar, spat pleasantly in the
roadway.
"Nothin' doin', guv'nor!" he said, with a kind of gloomy
satisfaction. "Just orf to the garrige."
"You must!" I said desperately. "We're in a hurry, we can't wait!
I'll give you a sovereign!"
"A suvrin!" he repeated dully. "Where d'yer want to go to?"
"Piccadilly Circus," I blurted out. It was the first place that came
into my head.
He stared at me, and then something like a look of sympathy crept
into his face.
"Ar!" he said. "Git in."
For about three minutes after the taxi started neither of us spoke.
Then Bruce broke the silence.
"Well," he said, "d'you believe it now?"