_House of Lords, Monday, March 25._--Impossible to avoid noticing
depression of the MARKISS when he entered House to-night. At first
thought feelings of a father had overcome him. CRANBORNE, immediately
after eloquent and energetic attack in other House of Welsh
Disestablishment Bill, was struck down by indisposition, reported to
be measles. That all very well. Do not wish to suggest anything wrong;
but coincidence at least remarkable. Measles, the Member for SARK
tells me, can be conveyed in various apparently innoxious guises. In
a controversy so acrid that GEORGE OSBORNE MORGAN has been publicly
accused of profligacy, men will, it is too obvious, go any lengths.
At present there is nothing that can be called evidence to connect
CRANBORNE'S sudden indisposition with current controversy. But if this
mysterious attack is followed by symptoms of croup, rickets, teething,
or any other complaint usually associated with happy days in the
nursery, the public will know what to think.
Happily it turned out that the depression of the MARKISS had nothing
to do with the condition of the heir of Hatfield. His sympathetic
heart been touched by difficulties that environ a worthy class of
men whom LORD CHANCELLOR, conscious that COBB'S eye is upon him,
has recently been making magistrates. "Excellent persons," says
the MARKISS; "self-made men. But unfortunately the process of
self-manufacture does not include knowledge of the statutes at large."
There is the Parish Councils Act, for example; one of those pieces of
legislation with which a reckless Radical majority has embarrassed an
ancient State. This law has to be administered by people unlearned
in Acts of Parliament. They cannot take a step without having sixteen
volumes of the statutes at large tucked under their arms. What the
benevolent and thoughtful MARKISS suggested was, that in all future
legislation there shall be reprinted sections of Acts of Parliament
referred to in text of Bill.
House listened with admiration to statesman who, his mind engrossed
by imperial cares, could find time to think out schemes for easing the
pathway of working-men magistrates, and assisting operation of Parish
Councils Act. Only, somehow, there was left on minds of hearers a
strong impression that working-men magistrates are a mistake, and the
Parish Councils Act a public injury, of which the Government ought to
be more than ordinarily ashamed.
_Business done._--More speech-making round Welsh Disestablishment Bill
in Commons. Direfully dull.
_House of Commons, Tuesday._--"Speakers may come, and Speakers may
go," said the Member for SARK, "but as long as the House of Commons
produces men like VICARY GIBBS the institution is safe, and the
State rocks safely on its everlasting foundations. It was, you will
remember, VICARY who directly, though undesignedly, led to the row
on that famous night in June when Home-Rule Committee was closured.
VICARY shares with Heaven the peculiarity that order is his first
law. On that particular night somebody had said something, and
VICARY wanted to have his words taken down. Amid growing uproar
his observations were inaudible to the Chair, and his presence
undistinguishable. Some men would thereupon have resumed their seat.
VICARY, his soul athirst to have something 'taken down,' moved on to
the Front Opposition Bench, and shouted his desire in MELLOR'S left
ear. Then LOGAN suddenly loomed large on the scene. HAYES FISHER
reached forth a red right hand and shook him by the collar. Next an
anonymous Irish Member fell over the bench on to SAUNDERSON'S knee,
and was there incontinently but heartily pummelled. After that chaos;
all arising out of VICARY GIBBS'S insatiable, uncontrollable desire to
have something 'taken down' in the sacred name of order."
These musings on the mighty past were occasioned by VICARY once
more unexpectedly, but sternly and effectively, interposing as the
custodian of order. WEIR broken out in epidemic of questions;
puts down eleven on the paper; runs them up to the full score by
supplementary questions, invariably prefaced by the formula "Is the
right hon. gentleman A. WEIR that----?" A poor joke, its only flash of
humour being in the subtly varied tone with which the SPEAKER eleven
times pronounced the words, "Mr. WEIR." Also grotesquely funny to hear
the reverberation of the deep chest notes, in which WEIR, with tragic
sweep of _pince-nez_ on to his nose, said in succession, "Ques-ti-on
one," "Ques-ti-on two," and so on.
Touch of tragedy came in when VICARY, managing to throw into tone and
form of question conviction that SQUIRE OF MALWOOD was secretly at
bottom of the whole business, asked him whether this was not abuse
of forms of the House, calculated to lead to curtailment of valuable
privilege. No use SQUIRE assuming air of innocence. House knew all
about it. Refreshed and revived by VICARY'S timely vindication of law
and order, proceeded to business.
_Business done._--Fourth night's Debate on Welsh Church
Disestablishment Bill. The still prevalent dulness varied by speech
from PLUNKET; witched the House by music of stately though simple
eloquence.
_Thursday._--Desperate dulness of week further relieved by discovery
of new game. TOMMY BOWLES, _Inv._ House just got into Committee of
Supply; Vote on Account under discussion; this covers multitudinous
items; every spending department of State concerned. When Committee
of Supply deals with Army Estimates, CAWMELL-BANNERMAN and the WINSOME
WOODALL in their places. The rest of Ministers may go away, knowing
that everything is well. The same when Navy Estimates are on, or
when particular votes in the Civil Service Estimates are to the fore.
Ministers of particular departments affected in their place; the rest
at liberty.
To-night, as no one knew who might be called on next, all agreed to
stop away--all but the faithful HIBBERT. Cap'en TOMMY, as usual, aloft
in the Crow's Nest, perceived this weak point. Hauling on the bowline,
and making all taut, he bore down swiftly on the Treasury Bench, and
hailed it for the President of the Board of Trade. Wanted to talk to
BRYCE, he said, about lighthouses. No one knew better than TOMMY that
BRYCE wasn't aboard. According to regulations, he ought to have been.
Search made for him. Presently brought in with hands in pockets,
trying to whistle, and otherwise present appearance of indifference.
But a poor show.
Encouraged by this success, Private HANBURY, observing ROBERTSON was
among absentees, addressed question to Civil Lord of Admiralty about
Peterhead Harbour. HIBBERT'S agony of mind at this juncture would have
softened harder hearts. An elderly hen, that has counted its brood
seven times, on each occasion finding one or two missing, not more
perturbed. Looked up and down Treasury Bench. ROBERTSON, not within
sight; might be below the Gangway. Vain hope. For Members opposite
interest in Peterhead Harbour growing keener and more urgent. FRANCIS
POWELL, usually mild-mannered man, went so far as to move to report
progress. MELLOR declined to put question.
"Very well," said the Blameless BARTLEY, with air of martyr. "We must
go on talking about Peterhead Harbour till the Minister comes in."
So he did, and when he ran dry TOMLINSON (having meanwhile ascertained
where Peterhead Harbour is) took up the wondrous tale. Talking when
HIBBERT reappeared, his breast now swelling with maternal pride and
satisfaction. He had found the lost chick, and clucked low notes of
supreme content as he brought him back to the roost. Pretty to see
how, Civil Lord in his place, all interest in Peterhead Harbour
subsided, Busy B's turning their attention to alleged felonious
underrating of Government property.
[Illustration: Sir John Leng strongly objects to Lion-taming
Exhibitions.]
_Business done._--Vote on Account through Committee. Sir JOHN LENG
calls ASQUITH'S attention to dangerous occupation of lion-tamers.
"All very well," he says, "for doughty knight like me. But these poor
fellows with families shouldn't be allowed to run risks."
_Friday Night._--"What's the business at to-night's sitting?" asked
SQUIRE OF MALWOOD, looking over Orders of the Day. "Home Rule all
round? Very well. Shall give practical proof of adherence to principle
by stopping at home."
JOHN MORLEY did same, most other Ministers following suit.
CAWMEL-BANNERMAN sacrificed himself on altar of country. But insisted
that he might at least dine out in interval between morning and
evening sitting that made last day of Parliamentary week. His snowy
shirt front gave air of almost reckless joviality to desolate Treasury
Bench. PRINCE ARTHUR, not to be outdone in chivalry, also looked in
after dinner, brightening up Front Bench opposite Minister for War.
But two swallows don't make a summer, nor two gentlemen in evening
dress a festive party. TREVELYAN only man in earnest, and he terribly
so.
_Business done._--Home Rule all round decreed by majority of 26 in
House of 230.
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