(_Compiled by One thoroughly Conversant with the Necessities
of the Situation._)
1. The costume of every member of the Club shall be of the most
elegant description. The design shall not be governed by the
requirements of the game for which the uniform is required, but rather
by the characteristics of the wearer.
2. Red and blue shall be worn according to the complexion of the
player, and the choice of teams shall depend not upon prowess or
locality, but the colour of the hair and eyes and the formation of the
noses.
3. Patent leather shoes shall invariably form a part of the _grande
tenue_ of the Club, with high heels at discretion.
4. Football shall be played with a light india-rubber globe,
and "pushing" shall be strictly forbidden. However, it shall be
permissible for one player to hold an opponent tightly by the hands if
the former thinks the latter is about to give it "quite a hard kick"
with her toe.
5. No angry language will be allowed, but one member may tell another,
in the height of an exciting contest, that she is "a spiteful,
disagreeable old thing." On very special occasions the word "There!"
may be added with emphasis.
6. Cricket shall never be allowed to last for more than half an hour,
and cups of tea shall be served to the strikers between the overs.
7. Only ladies shall be permitted to watch the game of the members,
as a rule. However, at times when everyone is looking her best,
individuals of the inferior sex shall be admitted to the football
ground or cricket field, on the condition that they "promise not to
laugh."
8. Players at football, cricket, and other games sanctioned by the
Association, shall have full liberty to make their own rules and keep
their own appointments. They will be usually expected to wait until a
match is finished, unless called away to take a drive in the Park, or
do a little shopping.
9 and Lastly. As women are as excellent as men at field sports, the
members of the Club shall be entitled to the franchise.
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[Illustration: SEQUELÆ!
_The General._ "_YOU_'VE HAD IT, I SUPPOSE?"
_The Judge._ "I SHOULD THINK SO. I'M AS WEAK AS A RAT!"
_The General._ "THAT'S NOTHING. _I'M_ AS WEAK AS _TWO_ RATS!"
_The Judge._ "BUT _TWO_ RATS ARE STRONGER THAN _ONE_ RAT!"
_The General._ "IF YOU ARGUE, I SHALL CRY!"]
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