[_Enter_] PEREGRINE [_disguised and_] _three_ Mercatori.
_Per._ Am I enough disguis’d?
_1 Mer._ I warrant you.
_Per._ All my ambition is to fright him only.
_2 Mer._ If you could ship him away, ’t were excellent.
_3 Mer._ To Zant, or to Aleppo!
_Per._ Yes, and ha’ his
Adventures put i’ th’ Book of Voyages, 5
And his gull’d story regist’red for truth.
Well, gentlemen, when I am in a while,
And that you think us warm in our discourse,
Know your approaches.
_1 Mer._ Trust it to our care. 9
[_Exeunt_ Merchants.]
[_Enter_ Waiting-woman.]
_Per._ Save you, fair lady! Is Sir Pol within?
_Wom._ I do not know, sir.
_Per._ Pray you say unto him
Here is a merchant, upon earnest business,
Desires to speak with him.
_Wom._ I will see, sir. [_Exit._]
_Per._ Pray you.
I see the family is all female here.
[_Re-enter_ Waiting-woman.]
_Wom._ He says, sir, he has weighty affairs of state, 15
That now require him whole; some other time
You may possess him.
_Per._ Pray you say again,
If those require him whole, these will exact him,
Whereof I bring him tidings. [_Exit_ Woman.] What might be
His grave affair of state now! How to make 20
Bolognian sausages here in Venice, sparing
One o’ th’ ingredients?
[_Re-enter_ Waiting-woman.]
_Wom._ Sir, he says, he knows
By your word “tidings,” that you are no statesman,
And therefore wills you stay.
_Per._ Sweet, pray you return him;
I have not read so many proclamations, 25
And studied them for words, as he has done——
But—here he deigns to come. [_Exit_ Woman.]
[_Enter_ SIR POLITIC.]
_Sir P._ Sir, I must crave
Your courteous pardon. There hath chanc’d to-day
Unkind disaster ’twixt my lady and me;
And I was penning my apology, 30
To give her satisfaction, as you came now.
_Per._ Sir, I am griev’d I bring you worse disaster:
The gentleman you met at th’ port to-day,
That told you he was newly arriv’d——
_Sir P._ Ay, was
A fugitive punk?
_Per._ No, sir, a spy set on you: 35
And he has made relation to the senate,
That you protest to him to have a plot
To sell the State of Venice to the Turk.
_Sir P._ O me!
_Per._ For which warrants are sign’d by this time,
To apprehend you, and to search your study 40
For papers——
_Sir P._ Alas, sir, I have none, but notes
Drawn out of play-books——
_Per._ All the better, sir.
_Sir P._ And some essays. What shall I do?
_Per._ Sir, best
Convey yourself into a sugar-chest;
Or, if you could lie round, a frail[1724] were rare; 45
And I could send you aboard.
_Sir P._ Sir, I but talk’d so.
For discourse sake merely. [_They knock without._]
_Per._ Hark! they are there.
_Sir P._ I am a wretch, a wretch!
_Per._ What will you do, sir?
Have you ne’er a currant-butt to leap into?
They’ll put you to the rack; you must be sudden. 50
_Sir P._ Sir, I have an engine[1725]———
_3 Mer._ [_within._] Sir Politic Would-be!
_2 Mer._ [_within._] Where is he?
_Sir P._ That I ’ve thought upon before time.
_Per._ What is it?
_Sir P._ I shall ne’er endure the torture.
Marry, it is, sir, of a tortoise-shell,
Fitted for these extremities: pray you, sir, help me. 55
Here I’ve a place, sir, to put back my legs,
Please you to lay it on, sir, [_Lies down while_
PER. _places the shell upon him_.]—with this cap,
And my black gloves. I’ll lie, sir, like a tortoise,
Till they are gone.
_Per._ And call you this an engine?
_Sir P._ Mine own device.——Good sir, bid my wife’s women 60
To burn my papers. [_Exit_ PER.]
_The three_ Merchants _rush in_.
_1 Mer._ Where is he hid?
_3 Mer._ We must,
And will sure find him.
_2 Mer._ Which is his study?
[_Re-enter_ PEREGRINE.]
_1 Mer._ What
Are you, sir?
_Per._ I ’m a merchant, that came here
To look upon this tortoise?
_3 Mer._ How!
_1 Mer._ St. Mark!
What beast is this?
_Per._ It is a fish.
_2 Mer._ Come out here! 65
_Per._ Nay, you may strike him, sir, and tread upon him;
He ’ll bear a cart.
_1 Mer._ What, to run over him?
_Per._ Yes, sir.
_3 Mer._ Let ’s jump upon him.
_2 Mer._ Can he not go?
_Per._ He creeps, sir.
_1 Mer._ Let ’s see him creep.
_Per._ No, good sir, you will hurt him. 69
_2 Mer._ Heart, I will see him creep, or prick his guts.
_3 Mer._ Come out here!
_Per._ Pray you, sir, creep a little.
_1 Mer._ Forth.
_2 Mer._ Yet further.
_Per._ Good sir!—Creep.
_2 Mer._ We ’ll see his legs.
_They pull off the shell and discover him._
_3 Mer._ Gods so, he has garters!
_1 Mer._ Ay, and gloves!
_2 Mer._ Is this
Your fearful tortoise?
_Per._ [_discovering himself._] Now, Sir Pol, we ’re even;
For your next project I shall be prepar’d: 75
I am sorry for the funeral of your notes, sir.
_1 Mer._ ’T were a rare motion[1726] to be seen in Fleet-street.
_2 Mer._ Ay, in the Term.
_1 Mer._ Or Smithfield, in the fair.
_3 Mer._ Methinks ’t is but a melancholic sight.
_Per._ Farewell, most politic tortoise!
[_Exeunt_ PER. _and_ Merchants.]
[_Re-enter_ Waiting-woman.]
_Sir P._ Where ’s my lady? 80
Knows she of this?
_Wom._ I know not, sir.
_Sir P._ Enquire.—
O, I shall be the fable of all feasts,
The freight of the gazetti,[1727] ship-boys’ tale;
And, which is worst, even talk for ordinaries.
_Wom._ My lady ’s come most melancholic home, 85
And says, sir, she will straight to sea, for physic.
_Sir P._ And I, to shun this place and clime for ever.
Creeping with house on back, and think it well
To shrink my poor head in my politic shell. [_Exeunt._]