DIANA'S HIGH FENCE
David Rivers sprang to his feet, and faced Diana.
"I cannot do that," he said.
Diana had expected this. She waited a moment, silently; while the
atmosphere palpitated with David's intense surprise.
Then: "Why not, Cousin David?" she asked quietly.
And, as he still stood before her, speechless, "Sit down," she
commanded, "and tell me. Why not?"
But David stood his ground, and Diana realised, for the first time, that
he was slightly taller than herself.
"Why not?" he said. "Why not! Why because, even if I wished--I mean,
even if you wished--even if we both wished for each other--in that
way--Central Africa is no place for a woman. I would never take a woman
there!"
Diana's face flushed. Her white teeth bit sharply into her lower lip.
Her hands clenched themselves suddenly at her sides. The fury of her
eyes flashed full into the blank dismay of his.
Then, with a mighty effort, she mastered her imperious temper.
"My dear Cousin David," she said--and she spoke slowly, seating herself
upon the sofa, and carefully arranging the silken cushions to her
liking: "You totally mistake my meaning. I gave you credit for more
perspicacity. I have not the smallest intention of going to Central
Africa, or of ever inflicting my presence, or my companionship, upon
you. Surely you and I have made it pretty clear to one another that we
are each avowed celibates. But, just because of this--just because we
both have everything to gain, and nothing to lose by such an
arrangement--just because we so completely understand one another--I can
say to you--as frankly as I would say: 'Cousin David, will you oblige me
by witnessing my signature to this document?'--'Cousin David, will you
oblige me by marrying me on the morning of the day upon which you return
to Central Africa?' Do you not see that by doing so, you take no burden
upon yourself, yet you free me at once from the desperate plight in
which I am placed by Uncle Falcon's codicil? You enable me to give the
gold and the frankincense, and you yourself have told me over and over,
that you never expect to return to England."
David's young face paled and hardened.
"I see," he said. "So _I_ am to provide the myrrh! I could not promise
to die, for certain, you know. I might pull through, and live, after
all; which would be awkward for you."
This was the most human remark she had, as yet, heard from David; but
the bitterness of his tone brought the tears to Diana's eyes. She had
not realised how much her proposal would hurt him.
"Dear Cousin David," she said, with extreme gentleness; "God grant
indeed that you may live, and spend many years in doing your great work.
But you told me you had nothing to bring you back to England, and that
you felt you were leaving it now, never to return. It was not _my_
suggestion. And don't you see, that if you help me thus, you will also
be helping your poor African people; because it will mean that you can
have your church, and your schools, and all the other things you need,
and a yearly income for current expenses?"
"So these were all bribes," cried David, and his eyes flamed down into
hers--"bribes to make me do this thing! And you called them gifts for
the King!"
Diana flushed. The injustice of this was hard to bear. But the indignant
pain in his voice helped her to reply with quiet self-control.
"Cousin David, I am sorry you think that of me. It is quite unjust. Had
there been no codicil to my uncle's will, every penny I hope to offer
for your work would have been gladly, freely, offered. Since I knew that
my gold could be useful in helping you to bring light into that
darkness, the thought has been one of pure joy. Oh, Cousin David, say
'no' to my request, if you like, but don't wrong me by misjudging the
true desire of my heart to bring my gifts, all unworthy though they be.
Remember you stand for the Christ to me, Cousin David; and He was never
unjust to a woman."
David's face softened; but instantly hardened again, as a fresh thought
struck him.
"Was this plan--this idea--in your mind," he demanded, "on that Sunday
night when you first came to Brambledene Church?" Then, as Diana did not
answer: "Oh, good heavens!" he cried, vehemently; "say it wasn't! My
Lady of Mystery! Say you came to worship, and that all this was an
after-thought!"
Diana's clear eyes met his. They did not flinch, though her lips
trembled.
"I cannot lie to you, Cousin David," she said, bravely. "I had heard you
were never coming back--it seemed a possible way out--it seemed my last
hope. I--I came--to see if you were a man I could trust."
David groaned; looked wildly round the room, as if for a way of escape;
then sank into a chair, and buried his face in his hands.
"I cannot do it, Miss Rivers," he said. "It would be making a mockery of
God's most holy ordinance of matrimony--to wed you in the morning,
knowing I should leave you forever in the afternoon. How could I
promise, in the presence of God, to love, comfort, honour and keep you?
The whole thing would be a sacrilege."
He lifted a haggard face, looking at her with despairing eyes.
Diana smiled softly into them. A moment before, she had expected to see
him leave the room and the house, forever. That he should sit down and
discuss the matter, even to prove the impossibility of acceding to her
request, seemed, in some sort, a hopeful sign. She held his look while
she answered.
"Dear Cousin David, why should it be a mockery? Let us consider it
reasonably. Surely, in the best and highest of senses, it might be
really _rather_ true. I know you don't love me; but--you do _like_ me a
little, don't you?"
"I like you very much indeed," said David, woefully; and then, all of a
sudden, they both laughed. The rueful admission had sounded so funny.
"Why of course I like you," said David, with conviction; "better than
any one else I know. But----"
He paused; looked at her, helplessly, and hesitated.
"I quite understand," said Diana, quickly. "_Like_ is not _love_; but in
many cases 'like' is much better than 'love,' to my thinking. I know a
very Christian old person, whom I once heard say: 'We are commanded in
the Bible to love the brethren. I always _love_ the brethren, though I
cannot always _like_ them.' Now I had much rather you liked me, and
didn't love me, Cousin David, than that you loved me, and didn't like
me! Wouldn't you?
"And remember how St. John began one of his epistles: 'The Elder unto
the well belovèd Gaius, whom I love in the truth.' I am sure, if you had
occasion to write to me, and began: 'David, unto the well belovèd Diana,
whom I love in the truth,' no one could consider it an ordinary
love-letter, and yet it would answer the purpose. Wouldn't it, Cousin
David?"
David laughed again, in spite of his desire to maintain an attitude of
tragic protest. And, as he laughed, his face grew less haggard, and his
eyes regained their normal expression of steadfast calm.
Diana hurried on.
"So much for love. Now what comes next? Comfort? Ah, the comfort you
would bring into my life! Comfort of body; comfort of mind; the daily,
hourly, constant comfort wrought by the solving of this dark problem.
And then--'honour.' Why, you can honour a woman as much by your thought
of her at a distance, as by any word or action in her presence. Not that
I feel worthy of honour from such a man as you, Cousin David. Yet I know
you would honour all women, and all women worth anything, would try to
deserve it. What comes next? Keep? Oh, what could be a truer form of
keeping, than to keep me from a lowering marriage, on the one hand; or
from poverty, and all the ups and downs of strenuous London life, on the
other; to keep me in the entourage of my childhood's lovely home? It
seems to me, Cousin David, that you would be doing more 'keeping' for me
than falls to the lot of most men to do for the girls they marry. And,
best of all, you would be keeping me true to the purest, highest
ideals."
David's elbows had found his knees again. He rumpled his hair,
despairingly.
"Miss Rivers," he said, "I admit the truth of all you say. I would
gladly do anything to be--er--useful to you, under these difficult
circumstances; anything _right_. But could it be right to go through the
solemn marriage service, without having the slightest intention of
fulfilling any of the causes for which matrimony was ordained? And could
it be right for a man to take upon himself solemn obligations with
regard to a woman; and, a few hours later, leave her, never to return?"
"It seems to me," said Diana, "that the cause for our marriage would be
a more important and vital one than most of those mentioned in the
Prayer-book. And, as to the question of leaving me--why, before the Boer
war, several friends of mine married their soldiers on the eve of their
departure for the front, simply because if they were going out to die,
they wished the privilege of being their widows."
David's eyes softened.
"That was love," he said.
"Not in every case. I know a girl who married an old Sir Somebody on the
morning of the day his regiment sailed, making sure he would be killed
in his first engagement; he offered such a vast, expansive mark for the
Boer sharpshooters. She wished to be Lady So-and-So, with a delicate
halo of tragic glory, and no encumbrance. But back he came unscathed,
and stout as ever--he did not even get enteric! They have lived a cat
and dog life, ever since."
"Abominable!" said David. "I hate hearing such stories."
"Well, are not our motives better? And are they not better than scores
of the loveless marriages which are taking place every day?"
"Other people's wrong, does not constitute our right," said David,
doggedly.
"I know that," she answered, with unruffled patience; "but I cannot see
any wrong in what we propose to do. We may be absolutely faithful to one
another, though continents divide us. I should most probably continue
faithful if you were on another planet. We can be a mutual help and
comfort the one to the other, by our prayers and constant thought, and
by our letters; for surely Cousin David, we should write to one
another--occasionally? Is not our friendship worth something?"
"It is worth everything," said David, "except wrong doing. Look here!"
he exclaimed suddenly, rising to his feet. "I must go right away, by
myself, and think this thing over, for twenty-four hours. At the end of
that time I shall have arrived at a clear decision in my own mind. Then,
if you do not object, and can allow me another day, I will run up to
town, and lay the whole matter--of course without mentioning your
name--before the man whose judgment I trust more than that of any man I
know. If he agrees with me, my own opinion will be confirmed; and if he
differs----"
"You will still adhere to your own opinion," said Diana, with a wistful
little smile.
She rang the bell.
"I am beginning to know you pretty well, Cousin David.--The dogcart,
Rodgers.--Who is this Solon?"
"A London physician, who has given me endless care, refusing all fees,
because of my work, and because my father was a doctor. Also he gives a
more hopeful report than any."
"Really? Does he think you will stand the climate after all?"
David smiled. "He gives me a possible three years, under favourable
circumstances. The other people give me two, perhaps only one."
"I think you must tell me his name. He may be my undesirable suitor!"
"Hardly," said David. "He has a charming wife of his own, and two little
children. But of course I will tell you who he is."
David named a name which brought a flush of pleasure to Diana's face.
"Why, I know him well. He is honourary consulting physician to our
Hospital of the Star, and is constantly called in when we have specially
interesting or baffling cases. You couldn't go to a better man. Tell him
everything if you like--my name, and all. He is absolutely to be
trusted. But--Cousin David--" They heard the horse's hoofs on the drive,
and she rose and faced him--"Ah, do remember, how much this means to me!
Don't make an abstract case of it, when you consider it alone. Don't
dissolve it from its intensely personal connection with you and me. We
are so unlike ordinary people. We are both alone in the world. Your
work is so much to you. We could make your--your _three_ years so
gloriously fruitful. You would leave such a strongly established church
behind you, and I would go on supporting it. My home is so much to me;
and I am just beginning to understand the influence I possess. Think if,
as these four livings become vacant, I can put in really earnest men.
Think of the improvements I could make in the condition of the villages.
At present I have been able to do so little, because Mr. Inglestry is
holding back as much as possible of this year's income, to which I have
any way the right, in order to buy me a small annuity when I lose all.
For, let me tell you frankly, Cousin David, if you cannot do as I ask,
that is what it will mean. I have no intention whatever of selling my
body into slavery, or my soul to hopeless degradation, by marrying
Rupert Rivers, or any of the others. I lose all, if you say 'no'; and I
lose it on the Feast of the Star. At the same time, ah, God knows, I do
not want to do wrong! Nor do I want to urge you to do violence to your
own conscience. You know that?"
David took her hand, holding it very firmly in his.
"I know that," he said; "and I think you can trust me, Miss Rivers, not
to forget how much it means to us both. If it meant more, there could be
no doubt. If it meant less, there would be no question. It is because it
means exactly what it does mean, that the situation is so difficult. I
believe light will soon come; and when it comes, it will come clearly. I
think it will come to me to-night. If so, I need not keep you waiting
forty-eight hours. I will go up to town early to-morrow morning, and see
Sir Deryck, if possible, in time to catch the 2.35 for Riversmead. Could
you be here, alone, at that hour to-morrow?"
"I will send to meet the 2.35," said Diana; "and I will be here alone.
Good-bye, Cousin David."
"Good-bye, Miss Rivers."
Diana went into the hall, watched him climb into the dogcart and be
driven rapidly away without looking back.
Then she entered the library, closed and locked the door, and stood on
the hearthrug looking up at the portrait of Falcon Rivers. The amber
eyes seemed to twinkle kindly into hers; but they still said: "I shall
win, Diana."
"Oh, Uncle Falcon," she whispered "was this the way to secure my
happiness? Ah, if you could know the loneliness, the pain, the
humiliation, the shame! To have had to ask this of any man--even of
such a saint as David Rivers. And how cruelly I hurt him, by seeming to
build the whole plan upon the certainty of his death."
Suddenly she broke down under the prolonged strain of the afternoon's
conversation. Kneeling at her uncle's empty chair--where she had so
often knelt, looking up into his kind eyes--she buried her face on her
arms and wept, and wept, until she could weep no longer.
"If only he had cared a little," she whispered between her paroxysms of
sobbing; "not enough to make him troublesome; but enough to make him
pleased to marry me, on any terms. Why was he so indignant and aghast?
It seemed to me quite simple. Well, twenty-four hours of suspense are
less trying than forty-eight. But--what will he decide? Oh, what will he
decide!... Sorry, but you can't come in, Chappie; I am not visible to
any one just now." This in response to a persistent trying of the
handle, and knocking at the door.... "Yes, he went some time ago."...
"Yes, in the dogcart."... "I wish you would not call him _my_
missionary. I am not a heathen nation!"... "No, he did not propose to
me. How silly you are!"... "Oh, I am glad the tea was good. Yes, we will
find out where those tea cakes can be had."... "No; he has not once
called me 'Diana.'"... "Why, 'Miss Rivers' of course! Chappie, if you
don't go away this very moment, I shall take down Uncle Falcon's
shot-gun and discharge both barrels through the panel of the door at the
exact height at which I know your face must be, on the other side!"...
"Of course I can tell by your voice, even had I not heard the plump,
that you are now on your knees. I shall blow out the lower panel."...
"No, I am not communing with spirits, but _you_ soon will be, if you
don't go away!"... "Chappie! In ten seconds, I ring the bell; and when
Rodgers answers it, I shall order him to take you by the arm, and lead
you upstairs!"
As Mrs. Vane rustled indignantly away, and quiet reigned once more,
Diana buried her head again in the seat of the chair. She laughed and
wept, alternately; then cried bitterly: "Ah, it is so lonely--so lonely!
Nobody really cares!"
Then, suddenly she remembered that she could pray--pray, with a new
right of access, to One Who cared, Whose love was changeless; Whose
wisdom was infinite. If _He_ went on before, the way would become clear.
Her morning letters lay on the library table From a pile of Christmas
cards, she drew out one which held a motto for the swiftly coming year.
She breathed it, as a prayer, and her troubled heart grew still.
"Dear Christ, move on before!
Ah, let me follow where Thy feet have trod;
Thus shall I find, 'mid life's perplexities,
The Golden Pathway of the Will of God."
After that, all was peace. In comparative rest of soul, Diana waited
David's answer.