_Here have I found at last a home of peace,
To hide me from the world! far from its noise,
To feed that spirit which, though----
----linked to human beings by the bond
Of earthly love, hath yet a loftier aim
Than perishable joy! and through the calm
That sleeps amid this mountain solitude,
Can hear the billows of eternity,
And hear delighted!_
John Wilson.
'But seriously, Charlotte,' said I, when at a late hour we found
ourselves once more alone in our chamber, 'seriously, do you think it
was quite right in you to use this concealment with me?'
'Seriously, I think it was. Long before I knew you, I could have guessed
that you would dislike receiving even a trifling service from Mr ----.
No, I never yet called Henry Graham by that upstart mercantile name, and
I never will. To tell you the truth, Ellen, my brother had so far made
me his confidant, that, judging of you by myself, I thought you would
rather lose your money than owe it to his good offices.'
'I am sorry you thought it necessary to humour my pride at such an
expense. Humbled and mortified I might have been by any kindness from Mr
Maitland; but I have perhaps deserved the humiliation more than the
kindness. He owes me a little mortification, for drawing him into the
greatest folly he ever was guilty of.'
'Oh you must not imagine that all my discretion was exerted only to
humour your saucy spirit. I had a purpose of my own to serve. I dare
say we should never have slid into any real intimacy, if you had known
me to be the sister of a quondam lover; watching, no doubt, with a
little womanly jealousy, the character of one whom my favourite brother
_once_ loved better than me.'
'I am persuaded this could have made little difference; for my faults,
unfortunately, will not be concealed; and my good qualities I shall
always be willing enough to display.'
'Oh, to be sure, my dear humble Miss Percy would knowingly and wittingly
have come here to ingratiate herself with us all! No doubt, you would
have been much more at home with us, had you known our connection with
your old admirer! and no doubt, you would have quietly waited his
arrival here, that you might be courted in due form!'
'Pshaw, Charlotte, I am sure that it--I hope--I mean, I am quite certain
that your brother has no such nonsense in his thoughts. And I am sure it
is much better it should be so; for you know I have always told you that
I have a natural indifference about me--Heigho!'
'What! even after you have seen that "it was your duty to be in love
long ago!" Will you "deprive" yourself of "the honour," the
"happiness"----'
'Surely, Charlotte, you will never be so mischievous, so cruel, as to
repeat these thoughtless, unmeaning expressions to your brother! You
know they were spoken under entire misconception. And, besides, to be
sensible of what I ought once to have done is a very different thing
from being able to do it now.'
'Make yourself quite easy, my dear Ellen,' said Charlotte, with a
provoking smile, 'I have more _esprit de corps_ than to tell a lady's
secret. Besides, even for my brother's own sake, I shall leave him to
make discoveries for himself. But by the way, it is very good-natured in
me to promise all this; for I have reason to be angry, that you think it
necessary to warn me against repeating any thing uttered in the mere
unguardedness of chit-chat.'
I made no apology; for I have such an abhorrence of trick and
contrivance of every kind, that, to own the truth, I, at that moment,
felt half-justified in withdrawing part of my confidence from Charlotte.
'How in the world did such a scheme occur to you?' said I, after a
pause. 'Nothing like a plot ever enters my head.'
'It occurred to me in the simplest way possible, my dear. Henry writes
to me remitting your money; describing you so as to prevent any chance
of imposition; and charging me not to rest till I have found you. "It
will distress her," says he, "to owe this little service to me, but
perhaps there is no remedy." Now, was not the very spirit of
contradiction enough to make one devise a remedy? Then he goes on--stay,
here is the letter:--
'"If she be found, I do not ask you to receive her to your acquaintance,
to your intimacy. There is something in Miss Percy which will
irresistibly win you to both. But I do ask you to tell me, with perfect
candour, the impression which her character makes upon your mind. Tell
me, with minute exactness, of her temper, her sentiments, her
employments, her pleasures. Describe even her looks and gestures. There
is meaning in the least of them. Write fearlessly--I am no weak lover
now. I know you ladies are all firm believers in the eternity of love;
and one part of the passion is indeed immortal in a heart of ordinary
warmth and delicacy. My interest in Miss Percy's welfare and improvement
is not less strong than in yours, my own Charlotte. Perhaps the
precariousness of her situation even turns my anxieties more strongly
towards her. Of course, this will no longer be the case when I know that
she is safe at Eredine; for you must prevail upon her to visit Eredine.
She has a thousand little _womanlinesses_ about her, which you could
never observe in an ordinary acquaintance of calls and tea-drinkings;
and you must be intimate with her before you can know or value that
delightful warmth and singleness of heart, which cannot but attach you.
I am sure she will bewitch my father. There is a gladness in her smile
that will delight his very soul."
'Have not Henry and I shown a very decent portion of Highland
second-sight and discretion, think you, Ellen? His prediction has been
quite verified; and I am sure I have managed the plot incomparably.'
'Ah, but Charlotte, after all, I wonder how you found it practicable. It
was a hundred to one that somebody should have let me into the secret.'
'Hum! I might have been in some danger while we were in Edinburgh,
though few people there knew any thing of the matter. But, from the
moment we reached Glen Eredine, I knew we were safe. Nobody here would
mention to an inmate of our family the only shade that ever rested on
its name. Thank Heaven, even this stain is effaced now;--if, indeed, it
be a stain to submit to a temporary degradation in obedience to a
mother. You need not smile, Ellen. I am not so prejudiced as you think
me. I know that, if the name of those merchants had been mean as
obscurity could make it, it would have become honourable when borne by
Henry Graham. And to be sure, all professions are alike in the eye of
reason; only there are some which I think a gentleman should leave to
people who need money to distinguish them.'
'Well,' said I, laughing, 'now that you have convinced me that you have
no prejudice, tell me how you could be sure that I only knew your
brother by his "upstart mercantile name." If he had had the spirit of
his sister, he could not have refrained from hinting his right to be
called a Graham.'
'Oh, but Henry has nothing boastful in his disposition; and I knew that,
having given up his name to please his uncle, he scorned to make the
sacrifice by halves. The old gentleman hated us all as a clan of rebels;
and, while he lived, my mother would never even allow us to address our
letters to Henry under his real name; and I don't believe poor Henry
himself ever mentioned it to a human being. So, before I saw you, I
guessed that you might not be in the secret; and the moment I entered on
the business with you, I found I had guessed right. But I dare say Henry
will tell you his whole story now; for you must have many a confidential
_tete-a-tete_.'
Confidential _tete-a-tetes_ with Mr Maitland! The idea led me into such
a reverie, that before I spoke again Charlotte was in bed, and asleep.
I rose early; and yet, in three months of country negligence, my clothes
had all grown so troublesomely unbecoming, that, before I could make
them look tolerable, the family were assembled at breakfast. Maitland
took his place by me. 'I will sit between my sisters,' said he; and from
that time he called me, 'Sister Ellen.' The kindness of his manner made
me burn with shame at the recollection of my ungenerous purpose against
his peace. I held down my head, and was ready to thank Heaven that I saw
him well and happy. I was very glad, however, when I handed him his tea,
that my hand and arm were quite as beautiful as ever. My embarrassment
soon wore away. Maitland had evidently forgiven, he had almost, I
thought, forgotten my misconduct. So respectful, so kind were his
attentions, so equally divided between Charlotte and me, that I soon
forgot my restraint; and caught myself chattering and playing the fool
in my own natural manner.
The day was past before I was aware; and every day stole away I know not
how. Their flight was marked only by our progress in the books which
Maitland read with Charlotte and me; or by that of a large plantation
which we all superintended together. Yet I protest, I have suffered more
weariness in one party of pleasure, than I did in a whole winter in Glen
Eredine. For, though the gentlemen always spent the mornings apart from
us, Charlotte and I were at no loss to fill up the hours of their
absence in the duties consequent upon being not only joint housewives in
the Castle, but schoolmistresses, chamber-council, physicians,
apothecaries, and listeners-general to all the female inhabitants of
Glen Eredine. What endless, what innumerable stories did this latter
office oblige me to hear? I am persuaded that I know not only the
present circumstances and characters of every person in the Glen, but
their family history from time immemorial, besides certain prophetic
glimpses of their future fortunes.
I entirely escaped, however, the heavier labour of entertaining idle
gentlemen; for the bitterest storm of winter never confined Eredine or
Mr Graham to the fireside. Wrapped in their plaids, they braved the
blast, as the sports or the employments of the field required; and
returned prepared to be pleased with every thing at home. Our evenings
were delightful; enlivened as they were by Eredine's cheerfulness,
Charlotte's frank vivacity, and Henry's sly quiet humour.
How often in their course did I wonder that I could ever think Maitland
cold and stately? His extensive information, his acquaintance with
scenes and manners which were new to us all, did indeed render his
conversation a source of instruction, as well as of amusement; but no
man was ever more free from that tendency towards dogma and harangue,
which is so apt to infect those who chiefly converse with inferiors. He
joined his family circle, neither determined to be wise nor to be witty,
but to give and receive pleasure. His was the true fire of conversation;
the kindly warmth was essential to its nature, the brilliance was an
accident. Maitland, indeed--but I must bid farewell to that name, the
only subject on which I cannot sympathise with the friends whom I love
the best. To me, though it be coupled with feeling of self-reproach and
regret, it is associated too with all that is venerable in worth, and
all that is splendid in eloquence. I exchange it for a noble name,--a
name which has mingled with many a wild verse, and many a romantic
tale,--a name which the historian and the poet shall celebrate when they
blazon actions more dazzling, but not more virtuous than those which
daily marked the life of Henry Graham!
Spring came; and never, since the first spring adorned Eden, did that
season appear so lovely! So soft were its colours, so balmy its breezes,
so pure, so peaceful its moonlight,--such repose, such blest seclusion,
such confidential kindly home-breathing sweetness were in every scene! I
shall never forget the delightful coolness of a shower that dimpled the
calm lake, as Graham and I stood sheltered by an old fantastic fir-tree.
No sound was heard but the hush of the rain drops, and now and then the
distant wailing of the water-fowl. 'How often, both sleeping and awake,
have I dreamt of this!' said Graham, in the low confiding tone which
scarcely disturbed the stillness. 'And even now, I can scarcely believe
that it is not all a dream. This profound repose! every shadow sleeping
just where it lay, when I used to wonder what immeasurable depth of
waters could so represent the vault of heaven! And after my weary exile,
to be thus near to all that is dearest to me,--to feel their very
touch,--their very breath on my cheek----'
I know not how it happened, but at that moment, I breathed with some
difficulty, and moved a little away. But then I suddenly recollected
that Charlotte was standing at his other side; and I moved back again,
lest he should think me very silly indeed. For Mr Graham was no lover of
mine; that is, he never talked of love to me; but I had begun to feel an
odd curiosity to know whether he ever would talk of it, and when.
I pondered this matter very deeply for some days; and, after sundry
lonely rambles, and sederunts under the aforesaid fir-tree, I convinced
myself that, if Mr Graham chose to make love, I could not, without
abominable ingratitude, refuse to listen.
I had returned from one of these rambles, and was just going to enter
the parlour, when, as I opened the door, I was arrested by the voice of
Graham within, speaking in that impressive tone of suppressed emotion
which he had already fixed irrevocably in my recollection. 'If it be
so,' said he, 'I am gone to-morrow. This day se'nnight I shall be in
London.'
I was thunderstruck. He was going then without a thought of me! My hand
dropped from the lock; and I turned away, in a confused desire to escape
from his sight and hearing.
'Bless me! Ellen! what is the matter with you?' cried Charlotte, whom I
met on the stair. I hurried past her without speaking, and shut myself
into my own apartment.
'What _is_ the matter with me!' said I, throwing myself on a seat. The
question was no sooner asked than answered; and, though I was alone, I
could not help covering my face with my hands. The first distinct
purpose which broke in upon my amazement and consternation was, to see
Graham no more; to remain in my place of refuge till he was gone; and
then--it did not signify what then!--all after-life must be a blank
then!
However, I was obliged to yield to Charlotte's entreaties for admission;
and, though all the interests of life were so soon to close, I was
obliged to take my tea; and then I was half forced to try the open air,
as a remedy for the headach, to which, like all heroines, I ascribed my
agitation. I somewhat repented of this compliance, however, when I found
that Graham was to be the companion of my walk; and, though I could not
decently refuse to take his arm, I endeavoured to look as frozen and
disagreeable as possible. He spoke to me, however, with such kind
solicitude; such respectful tenderness, that I was soon a little
reconciled to myself and him; and when Charlotte declared that she must
stop to visit a sick cottager, and he would by no means allow me to
breathe the close air of the cabin, I must own that I began to feel an
instinctive desire to escape a _tete-a-tete_. But I had not presence of
mind enough to defeat his purpose, and we pursued our walk together.
He led me towards a little woody dell; I talking laboriously without
having any thing to say, he preserving an abstracted silence. But this
could not long continue; and, by the time we had lost sight of human
dwelling, our conversation was confined to short sentences, which, at
intervals of some minutes, made the listener start. In mere escape from
the awkwardness of my situation, I uttered some commonplace on the
beauty of the scenery; and desired Graham to look back towards the
bright lake, seen through the vista formed by the shaggy rocks, which
threw a twilight round us.
'Yes,' said he, with a faint smile; 'let us stand and look at it
together for a few short moments. Perhaps one of us will never again see
it with pleasure. Lean on me, dear Miss Percy, as you are used to do,
and let me be happy while I dare.'
He paused, but my eloquence was exhausted. I could not utter a word.
'This night, this very hour,' he went on, 'must make all these beauties
a sickening blank to me, or perhaps heighten their interest a thousand
fold! Before we part this night, Ellen, I must learn from you whether
duty and pleasure are never to unite for me. You know how long I have
loved you, but I fear you can scarcely guess how tenderly. Dearest
Ellen! think what the affection must be, which withstood your errors,
your indifference, your scorn;--which neither time nor absence, nor
reason, could overcome. Think what it must be now, when I see thee all
that man ought to love! To live without you now, to remember thy form in
every scene, and know that thou art gone:--oh, Ellen! do not force me to
bear this! Say that you will permit me to try what perseverance, what
love unutterable, can do to win for me such affection as will satisfy
your own sense of duty, your own innocent mind, in that blessed
connection which would make us more than lovers or friends to each
other.'
He paused in vain for a reply. If the fate of the universe had depended
on my speaking, I could have uttered nothing intelligible. I suppose,
however, the pleader began to conceive good hopes of his cause; for a
certain degree of saucy exultation mingled with the tones of entreaty,
as he said, 'Speak to me, dearest Ellen--only one word. Tell me that I
may one day hope to hear you own, that friendship, or habit, or call it
what you will, has made me necessary to your happiness.'
I would have given the world for some expression that should convey
decent security to the worthy heart of Graham, without quite betraying
the weakness of my own. 'I cannot promise,' said I, without daring to
look up, 'that ever you will bring me to actual confession.'
'Nay, Ellen,' said the unreasonable creature, 'think you this little
coquettish answer will content a man who asks his whole happiness from
you?'
'I am sure I do not mean to coquet. Tell me what you wish me--what I
ought to say, and I will say it,--if I can.'
'My own, my bewitching Ellen--' said Graham.
But hold! I will not tell what he said. If Henry Graham for once spoke
nonsense, it would ill become me to record it. Nor will I relate my
answer; because, in truth, I know not what it was. But Graham understood
it to mean, that I was no longer the arrogant girl whose understanding,
dazzled by prosperity, was blind to his merit; whose heart, hardened by
vanity, was insensible to his love; no longer the thoughtless being
whose hopes and wishes were engrossed by the most substantial of all the
cheats that delude us in this world of shadows;--but a humbled creature,
thankful to find, in his sound mind and steady principle, a support for
her acknowledged weakness;--a traveller to a better country, pleased to
meet a fellow-pilgrim, who, animating her diligence, and checking her
wanderings, might soothe the toils of her journey, and rejoice with her
for ever in its blessed termination.
I have now been many years a wife; and, in all that time, have never
left, nor wished to leave, Glen Eredine. Graham is still a kind of
lover; and though I retain a little of the coquettish sauciness of Ellen
Percy, I here confess that he is, if it be possible, dearer to me than
when he first folded his bride to his heart, and whispered, 'Mine for
ever.'
We are still the guests of our venerable father; and within this hour he
told me, that his heart makes no difference between me and his own
Charlotte. Some misses lately arrived from a boarding-school, have begun
to call my sister an old maid; yet I do not perceive that this
cabalistic term has produced any ill effect on Charlotte's temper, or on
her happiness.
I am the mother of three hardy, generous boys, and two pretty,
affectionate little girls. But far beyond my own walls extend the
charities of kindred. Many a smoke, curling in the morning sun, guides
my eye to the abode of true, though humble friends; for every one of
this faithful romantic race is united to me by the ties of relationship.
I am the mother of their future chieftain. Their interests, their joys,
their sorrows, are become my own.
Having in my early days seized the enjoyments which selfish pleasure can
bestow, I might now compare them with those of enlarged affections, of
useful employment, of relaxations truly social, of lofty contemplation,
of devout thankfulness, of glorious hope. I might compare them!--but the
Lowland tongue wants energy for the contrast.
* * * * *
Transcriber's note:
Punctuation has been standardized except on page 25, after "'the way
that Miss Elizabeth ...," where it is unclear where the quotation ends.
Hyphenation has been made consistent. Spelling has been retained as it
appears in the original publication, except as follows:
Page 2, doubless changed to doubtless
Page 5, perserverance changed to perseverance
Page 15, behavioiur changed to behaviour
Page 17, selon les regles changed to selon les regles
Page 23, pretentions changed to pretensions
Page 33, bienseances changed to bienseances
Page 33, "made some some" extra some removed
Page 36, waltze changed to waltz, twice
Page 38, father-in-aw changed to father-in-law
Page 45, decieving changed to deceiving
Page 52, "when we have have" extra have removed
Page 53, himsef changed to himself
Page 54, Mailtland changed to Maitland
Page 54, solider changed to soldier
Page 55, peculiuar changed to peculiar
Page 55, ambiguous check/cheek in original text changed to cheek
Page 62, digusted changed to disgusted
Page 79, nonchalance changed to nonchalance
Page 83, disappoiont changed to disappoint
Page 92, Mohametan changed to Mahometan
Page 99, curiousity changed to curiosity
Page 104, intellignce changed to intelligence
"she was was abroad" changed to "she was abroad"
Page 111, forebearance changed to forbearance
Page 117, "blot upon her frame" frame changed to fame
Page 135, teachery changed to treachery
Page 137, mainly changed to manly
Page 138, dictatated changed to dictated
Page 144, sounder changed to sounded
Page 147, publishng changed to publishing
Page 158, assunder changed to asunder
Page 162, upn changed to upon
Page 167, instrusion changed to intrusion
Page 173, "than when I could no longer repay..." than changed to that
Page 175, forebore changed to forbore
Page 180, forseen changed to foreseen
Page 186, incresased changed to increased
Page 193, sine qua non changed to sine qua non
Page 201, efficious changed to efficacious
Page 225, "(set) our immediately" our changed to out
Page 227, substracted changed to subtracted
Page 229, amd changed to and
Page 232, selon les regles changed to selon les regles
Page 242, reununciation changed to renunciation
Page 244, endeavourd changed to endeavoured
Page 253, stablity changed to stability
Page 259, nonchalance changed to nonchalance
Page 260, eleve changed to eleve
Page 266, acquaitnance changed to acquaintance
Page 266, "many a time I though," though changed to thought
Page 266, fetes changed to fetes
Page 268, (footnote 14) consecreted changed to consecrated
Page 270, sbroke changed to broke
Page 277, apearance changed to appearance
Page 303, relaxd changed to relaxed
Page 304, arrangmement changed to arrangement
Page 308, posssession changed to possession
Page 310, impertience changed to impertinence
Page 318, involuntairly changed to involuntarily
Page 322, recollet changed to recollect
Page 341, "valour of _out_ fathers." out changed to our
Page 342, grimvisaged changed to grim-visaged
Page 352, ptarmagans changed to ptarmigans
Page 358, ptarmagan changed to ptarmigan
Page 363, unfatihful changed to unfaithful
Page 366, foward changed to forward