TEMPTATION.
It was Sunday; and Clarissa had been nearly a week in Brussels--a very
quiet week, in which she had had nothing to do but worship her baby, and
tremblingly await any attempt that might be made to wrest him from her. She
lived in hourly fear of discovery, and was startled by every step on the
staircase and fluttered by every sudden opening of a door, expecting to see
Daniel Granger on the threshold.
She went to church alone on this first Sunday morning. Austin was seldom
visible before noon, dawdling away the bleaker morning hours smoking and
reading in bed. Bessie had a world of domestic business on her hands, and
the two boys to torment her while she attempted to get through it. So
Clarissa went alone to St. Gudule. There were Protestant temples, no doubt,
in the Belgian city wherein she might have worshipped; but that solemn
pile drew her to itself with a magnetic attraction. She went in among
the gay-looking crowd--the old women in wondrous caps, the sprinkling
of soldiers, the prosperous citizens and citizenesses in their Sunday
splendour--and made her way to a quiet corner remote from the great
carved-oak pulpit and the high altar--a shadowy corner behind a massive
cluster of columns, and near a little wooden door in one of the great
portals, that opened and shut with a clanging noise now and then, and
beside which a dilapidated-looking old man kept watch over a shell-shaped
marble basin of holy water, and offered a brush dipped in the sacred fluid
to devout passers-by. Here she could kneel unobserved, and in her ignorant
fashion, join in the solemn service, lifting up her heart with the
elevation of the host, and acknowledging her guiltiness in utter humility
of spirit.
Yet not always throughout that service could she keep her thoughts from
wandering. Her mind had been too much troubled of late for perfect peace or
abstraction of thought to be possible to her. The consideration of her own
folly was very constantly with her. What a wreck and ruin she had made of
her life--a life which from first to last had been governed by impulse
only!
"If I had been an honourable woman, I should never have married Daniel
Granger," she said to herself. "What right had I to take so much and give
so little--to marry a man I could not even hope to love for the sake of
winning independence for my father, or for the sake of my old home?"
Arden Court--was not that the price which had made her sacrifice tolerable
to her? And she had lost it; the gates of the dwelling she loved were
closed upon her once again--and this time for ever. How the memory of the
place came back to her this chill March morning!--the tall elms rocking in
the wind, the rooks' nests tossing in the topmost branches, and the hoarse
cawing of discontented birds bewailing the tardiness of spring.
"It will be my darling's home in the days to come," she said to herself;
but even this thought brought no consolation. She dared not face her son's
future. Would it not involve severance from her? Now, while he was an
infant, she might hold him; but by-and-by the father's stern claim would
be heard. They would take the boy away from her--teach him to despise and
forget her. She fancied herself wandering and watching in Arden Park, a
trespasser, waiting for a stolen glimpse of her child's face.
"I shall die before that time comes," she thought gloomily.
Some such fancy as this held her absorbed when the high mass concluded, and
the congregation began to disperse. The great organ was pealing out one of
Mozart's Hallelujahs. There was some secondary service going on at either
end of the church. Clarissa still knelt, with her face hidden in her hands,
not praying, only conjuring up dreadful pictures of the future. Little by
little the crowd melted away; there were only a few worshippers murmuring
responses in the distance; the last chords of the Hallelujah crashed and
resounded under the vaulted roof; and at last Clarissa looked up and found
herself almost alone.
She went out, but shrank from returning immediately to her child. Those
agitating thoughts had affected her too deeply. She walked away from the
church up towards the park, hoping to find some quiet place where she might
walk down the disturbance in her mind, so as to return with a calm smiling
face to her darling. It was not a tempting day for any purposeless
pedestrian. The sky had darkened at noon, and there was a drizzling rain
coming down from the dull gray heavens. The streets cleared quickly now the
services were over; but Clarissa went on, scarcely conscious of the rain,
and utterly indifferent to any inconvenience it might cause her.
She was in the wide open place near the park, when she heard footsteps
following her, rapidly, and with a purpose, as it seemed. Some women have
a kind of instinct about these things. She knew in a moment, as if by some
subtle magnetism, that the man following her was George Fairfax.
"Clarissa," said a voice close in her ear; and turning quickly, she found
herself face to face with him.
"I was in the church," he said, "and have followed you all the way here.
I waited till we were clear of the narrow streets and the crowd. O, my
darling, thank God I have found you! I only knew yesterday that you had
left Paris; and some happy instinct brought me here. I felt sure you would
come to Austin. I arrived late last night, and was loafing about the
streets this morning, wondering how I should discover your whereabouts,
when I turned a corner and saw you going into St. Gudule. I followed,
but would not disturb your orisons, fair saint. I was not very far off,
Clarissa--only on the other side of the pillar."
"Was it kind of you to follow me here, Mr. Fairfax?" Clarissa asked
gravely. "Have you not brought enough trouble upon me as it is?"
"Brought trouble upon you! Yes, that seems hard; but I suppose it was my
fate to do that, and to make amends for it afterwards, dearest, in a life
that shall know no trouble."
"I am here with my son, Mr. Fairfax. It was the fear of being separated
from him that drove me away from Paris. If you have one spark of generous
feeling, you will not pursue me or annoy me here. If my husband were to see
us together, or were to hear of our being seen together, he would have just
grounds for taking my child away from me."
"Clarissa," exclaimed George Fairfax, with intensity, "let us make an end
of all folly and beating about the bush at once and for ever. I do not say
that I am not sorry for what happened the other night--so far as it caused
annoyance to you--but I am heartily glad that matters have been brought to
a crisis. The end must have come sooner or later, Clary--so much the better
if it has come quickly. There is only one way to deal with the wretched
mistake of your marriage, and that is to treat it as a thing that has never
been. There are places enough in the world, Clary, in which you and I are
nameless and unknown, and we can be married in one of those places. I will
run all risks of a criminal prosecution and seven years at Portland. You
shall be my wife, Clarissa, by as tight a knot as Church and State can
tie."
She looked at him with a half scornful smile.
"Do you think you are talking to a child?" she said.
They had been standing in the chill drizzling rain all this time,
unconscious, and would have so stood, perhaps, if a shower of fire and
brimstone had been descending upon Brussels. But at this juncture Mr.
Fairfax suddenly discovered that it was raining, and that Clarissa's shawl
was growing rapidly damper.
"Good heavens!" he exclaimed, "what a brute I am. I must find you some kind
of shelter."
There was a cafe near at hand, the cafe attached to the Theatre du Parc,
with rustic out-of-door constructions for the accommodation of its
customers. Mr. Fairfax conducted Clarissa to one of these wooden arbours,
where they might remain till the rain was over, or till he chose to bring
her a carriage. He did not care to do that very soon. He had a great deal
to say to her. This time he was resolved not to accept defeat.
A solitary waiter espied them promptly, having so little to do in this
doleful weather, and came for orders. Mr. Fairfax asked for some coffee,
and waited in silence while the man brought a little tray with cups and
saucers and a great copper coffee-pot, out of which he poured the black
infusion with infinite flourish.
"Bring some cognac," said Mr. Fairfax; and when the spirit had been
brought, he poured half a wine-glassful into a cup of coffee, and entreated
Clarissa to drink it as an antidote to cold.
"You were walking ever so long in the rain," he said.
She declined the nauseous dose.
"I am not afraid of catching cold," she said; "but I shall be very glad if
you will let that man fetch me a fly. I ought to have been at home half an
hour ago."
"At home! Is it permissible to ask where you live?"
"I would rather not tell you my address. I hope, if my being here had
anything to do with your coming to Brussels, that you will go back to
Paris at once."
"I shall never go back to Paris unless I enter its gates with you some day.
I am going to the East, Clary; to Constantinople, and Athens, and all the
world of fable and story, and you are going with me--you and young Lovel.
Do you know there is one particular spot in the island of Corfu which I
have pitched upon for the site of a villa, just such a fairy place as you
can sketch for me--your own architecture--neither gothic nor composite,
neither classic nor rustic, only _le style Clarisse_; not for our permanent
dwelling--to my mind, nothing but poverty should ever chain a man to one
habitation--but as a nest to which we might fly now and then, when we were
weary of roaming."
He was talking lightly, after his nature, which was of the lightest,
but for a purpose, also, trying to beguile Clarissa from serious
considerations, to bring a smile to the pale sad face, if he could. In
vain; the hazel eyes looked straight forward with an unwonted fixedness,
the lips were firmly set, the hands clasped rigidly.
After this, his tone grew more earnest; again he pleaded, very much as
he had pleaded before, but with a stronger determination, with a deeper
passion, painting the life that might be for those two in the warmest,
brightest colours that his fancy could lend it. What had she to care for?
he argued. Absolutely nothing. She had broken with her husband, whom George
Fairfax knew by his own experience to be implacable in his resentment. And
oh, how much to gain! A life of happiness; all her future spent with the
man who loved her; spent wherever and however she pleased. What was he but
her slave, to obey her?
She was not unmoved by his pleading. Unmoved? These were words and tones
that went home to her heart of hearts. Yes, she could imagine the life he
painted so well. Yes, she knew what the future would seem to her, if it
were to be spent with him. She loved him dearly--had so loved him ever
since that night in the railway-carriage, she thought. When had his image
really been absent from her since that time?
He insisted that she should hear him to the end, and she submitted, not
unwillingly, perhaps. She had no thought of yielding; but it was sweet to
her to hear his voice--for the last time, she told herself; this must be
the last time. Even while he pleaded and argued and demonstrated that the
wisest thing in the world she could do was to run away with him, she was
meditating her plan of escape. Not again must they meet thus. She had a
certain amount of strength of mind, but it was not inexhaustible, and she
felt her weakness.
"You forget that I have a son," she said at last, when he urged her to
speak.
"He shall be my son. Do you think I do not love that rosy yearling? He
shall inherit Lyvedon, if you like; there is no entail; I can do what I
please with it. Yes, though I had sons of my own he should be first, by
right of any wrong we may do him now. In the picture I have made of our
future life, I never omitted that figure, Clarissa. Forget your son! No,
Clary; when I am less than a father to him, tell me that I never loved
you."
This was the man's way of looking at the question; the boy's future should
be provided for, he should have a fine estate left him by way of solatium.
The mother thought of what her son would think of _her_, when he grew old
enough to consider her conduct.
"I must ask you to get me a fly somehow, Mr. Fairfax," she said quietly.
"It is still raining, and I am really anxious to get home to Lovel. I am
sorry you should have taken so much trouble about me; it is quite useless,
believe me. I know that I have been very weak--guilty even--in many ways
since I have known you; but that is all over now. I have paid the penalty
in the loss of my husband's esteem. I have nothing now to live for but my
child."
"And is that to be the end of everything, Mrs. Granger?" asked George
Fairfax, with an angry look in his eyes. "Are we to part upon that? It is
such an easy thing to lure a man on to a certain point, and then turn upon
him and protest you never meant to go beyond that point. You have paid the
penalty! Do you think I have paid no penalty? Was it a pleasant thing to
me, do you suppose, to jilt Geraldine Challoner? I trampled honour in the
dust for your sake, Clarissa. Do you know that there is a coolness between
my mother and me at this moment, because of my absence from England and
that broken-off marriage? Do you know that I have turned my back for ever
upon a place that any man might be proud to call his home, for the sake of
being near you? I have cast every consideration to the winds; and now that
you have actually broken loose from your bondage, now that there is nothing
to come between us and a happy future, you set up your son as an obstacle,
and"--he concluded with a bitter laugh--"ask me to fetch you a fly!"
"I am sorry to wound you; but--but--I cannot bring dishonour upon my son."
"Your son!" cried George Fairfax savagely. "An east wind may blow your
son off the face of the earth to-morrow. Is a one-year-old baby to
stand between a man and his destiny? Come, Clary, I have served my
apprenticeship; I have been very patient; but my patience is exhausted. You
must leave this place with me to-night."
"Mr. Fairfax, will you get me a fly, or must I walk home?"
He looked at her fixedly for a few moments, intent upon finding out if she
were really in earnest, if this cold persistence were unconquerable even by
him. Her face was very pale, the eyes downcast, the mouth firm as marble.
"Clarissa," he cried, "I have been fooled from first to last--you have
never loved me!"
Those words took her off her guard; she lifted her eyes to meet his, eyes
full of love and despair, and again he told himself success was only a
question of time. His apprenticeship was not finished yet; he must be
content to serve a little longer. When she had tasted the bitterness of her
new life, its helplessness, its desolation, with only such a broken reed as
Austin Lovel to lean upon, she would turn to him naturally for comfort and
succour, as the fledgling flies back to its nest.
But if in the meantime Daniel Granger should relent and pursue her, and
take her back to his heart with pardon and love? There was the possibility
of that event; yet to press matters too persistently would be foolish,
perilous even. Better to let her have her own way for a little, since he
knew that she loved him.
He went to look for the depressed waiter, whom he dispatched in quest of a
vehicle, and then returned to the rustic shelter, where Clarissa sat like a
statue, watching the rain pouring down monotonously in a perpetual drizzle.
They heard the wheels of the carriage almost immediately. Mr. Fairfax
offered his arm to Clarissa, and led her out of the garden; the obsequious
waiter on the other side holding an umbrella over her head.
"Where shall I tell the man to drive?" he asked.
"To St. Gudule."
"But you don't live in the cathedral, like Hugo's Esmeralda. Am I not to
know your address?"
"It is better not. Austin knows that you were the cause of my leaving
Paris. If you came, there might be some misunderstanding."
"I am not afraid of facing Austin."
"But I am afraid of any meeting between you. I cannot tell you where I am
living, Mr. Fairfax."
"That seems rather hard upon me. But you will let me see you again, won't
you, Clary? Meet me here to-morrow at dusk--say at six o'clock. Promise to
do that, and I will let you off."
She hesitated, looking nervously to the right and left, like a hunted
animal.
"Promise, Clary; it is not very much to ask."
"Very well, then, I promise. Only please let the man drive off to St.
Gudule, and pray don't follow me."
Mr. Fairfax grasped her hand. "Remember, you have promised," he said, and
then gave the coachman his orders. And directly the fly containing Clarissa
had rattled off, he ran to the nearest stand and chartered another.
"Drive to St. Gudule," he said to the man, "and when you see a carriage
going that way, keep behind it, but not too near."
It happened, however, that the first driver had the best horse, and, being
eager to earn his fare quickly, had deposited Clarissa in the Place Gudule
before George Fairfax's charioteer could overtake him. She had her money
ready to slip into the man's hand, and she ran across the square and into
the narrow street where Austin lived, and vanished, before Mr. Fairfax
turned the corner of the square.
He met the empty vehicle, and dismissed his own driver thereupon in a rage.
"Your horse ought to be suppressed by the legal authorities," he said, as
he gave the man his fare.
She must live very near the cathedral, he concluded, and he spent a dreary
hour patrolling the narrow streets round about in the wet. In which of
those dull-looking houses has she her dwelling? He could not tell. He
walked up and down, staring up at all the windows with a faint hope of
seeing her, but in vain; and at last went home to his hotel crestfallen and
disappointed.
"She escapes me at every turn," he said to himself. "There is a kind of
fatality. Am I to grow old and gray in pursuing her, I wonder? I feel ten
years older already, since that night when she and I travelled together."
* * * * *