Mr. PUNCH _and_ Mr. J. L. TOOLE _discovered smoking a last cigar_.
_Mr. P._ And so, my dear JOHNNIE, you are leaving us at once?
_Mr. J. L. T._ Yes, Sir, but I hope soon to be back again. I am looking
forward to the voyage as an excellent digestive to all the luncheons,
dinners, and suppers I have been taking for the last five or six weeks.
_Mr. P._ I have no doubt they have been a little trying--eh, JOHNNIE?
_Mr. J. L. T._ And yet, as I have observed in the _Upper Crust_, "they
were very welcome." But, Sir, how did I get through my oratory? Did you
notice my speeches at the Garrick and the Savage? Which did you prefer?
_Mr. P._ I heard the first, and read a report of the second, and can
conscientiously declare they were equally good.
_Mr. J. L. T._ I am glad to hear you say so, Sir. I confess I didn't
think there was _much_ to choose between them. And now (_with deep
emotion_), will you excuse my glove?
_Mr. P._ No; I won't say good-bye; for wherever you may roam, my dear
JOHNNIE, you will have this consolation--you will find me there before
you!
* * * * *
[Illustration: "There is now a strong impression that the Money Market
has at last tided over the period of tightness."--_Daily News_, Feb. 4.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE IMPERIAL SOCIALIST.]
_A Song of a Strange Development._
Will you walk into my Congress? says the Emperor unto Labour;
'Tis the nicest little Congress; I'm inviting many a neighbour.
The way into my Congress by this Rescript I prepare,
And we shall have some curious things to show you--when you're there.
Then won't you, won't you, little International Working-Man?
We've already done a little to improve poor Labour's lot,
Shorten its hours, insure its life, and help to fill its pot.
But the poorer and the weaker yet fall short of the reality
Of "conformity to the principles of Chris-ti-an morality."
Then won't you, &c.
'Tis one of the State's duties, friends, to regulate the time,
The duration and the nature of your work,--a task sublime;
And you'll find we'll do it better, if you only won't resist,
Than that most obnoxious personage, the shouting Socialist.
Then won't you, &c.
I'm an Emperor by profession, but I have my little plan
For improving the position of the German Working-man.
But the International Question stands a little in the way,
So I've asked the Nations to convene--I only hope they may.
Then won't you, &c.
And when they get together they will do--well, we shall see;
But the Socialists shan't have _all_ their own way with Industry.
_I_ recognise the justice of the Workmen's aspirations,
And upon their wants and wishes I would start "negotiations."
Then won't you, &c.
Oh, I know my plan will bring up all the fogies in full blast,
And Coercion and Protection I see looking on aghast.
But I'm game to turn deaf ear to them, if _you_ will only list,
To that latest, strangest birth of time, the Imperial Socialist!
Then won't you, &c.
* * * * *