called "The Social Trumps." What a Swivellerian title! The dispute which
made these trumps Police Court Cards turned on a question of money, and
the Magistrate, Mr. LUSHINGTON (could there have been a more
significantly appropriate name for a justice having to decide a
Swivellerian case?) recommended the Social Trumps to settle their little
difficulty amicably among themselves. We hope the Trumps went and had a
jolly blow out together, enlivened with songs about "The Rosy" and
"Glorious Apollo," and sentiments to the effect that none of them "might
ever want a friend or a bottle to give him." The "Social Trumps" must be
enjoying their Christmas festivities. Their Christmas, of course, is The
King of Trumps.
* * * * *
[Illustration: INTERIORS AND EXTERIORS. No. 56.
MR. PUNCH'S NEW YEAR'S DAY RECEPTION.]
* * * * *
CHRISTMAS CRIMES.
(_Dedicated to the unfortunate Concocters of Sensational Leading
Articles._)
"A merry Christmas! And why not a Merry Christmas, we should like to be
informed? Is it not far better to be joyous and mirthful than to be----"
(&c. Supply vigorous epithets here). "A black-souled tyrant like CÆSAR
BORGIA could, no doubt, spend his Yule-tide in----" (&c., &c. Invent
some revolting anecdote about CÆSAR B.) "Yet even those insufficiently
clad progenitors of ours, the ancient Druids, seem to have understood as
though by instinct the solemn nature of the season which to-day ushers
in, and in what Mr. FREEMAN----" (or was it Lord TENNYSON? Never
mind--chance it!)--"calls the 'dateless dawn of history,' they first
employed the mistletoe bough for ritual, and perhaps even for osculatory,
purposes, and habitually gave themselves an extra coat of paint on the
25th of each recurrent December. And who can blame them?" (Recollect
that interrogatories, addressed to nobody in particular, add force to a
style.) "What though our modern Yule-tide ceremonies are a mere survival
of----" (Here bring in anything you know about the Roman Saturnalia, say
something pretty about holly being Scandinavian, and that "Waits" were
quite common in Athens in SOPHOCLES' time, especially on the stage. Then
go on triumphantly and truculently, as if you had proved your point down
to the ground)--"What difference does it make? It is the great holiday
of the Winter----" (This will be a novel idea to most of your readers.)
"For the children, who gather round the cheerful fire, and listen to the
ghost-story invented by some eloquently mendacious uncle, the season
positively sparkles and scintillates with happiness."
"How exquisitely pleasant it is to hear the childish voices," &c., &c.
(to any amount).
"Even for the elders, too, there is a mirth and joy about the Sacred
Season, as they calmly retire to their beds just when the row
down-stairs is becoming unbearable, and locking their doors, look
carefully round the room to see that the jug is filled in readiness for
the midnight serenaders of this blissful time.
"When DICKENS drew his immortal picture of----" (&c., &c. Here gush at
length about _Gabriel Grubb_, _Tiny Tim_, and anybody suitable, from
_The Christmas Chimes or Carols_), "or when WASHINGTON IRVING depicted
the more than feudal merry-makings at"--(&c., &c. Try to cook up as much
about _Bracebridge Hall_ as you think the public will stand. Perhaps a
few practical words at the end would be advisable, as follows):--
"And after our traditional Yule-tide offerings are over; after the
preposterous claims of the postman and the lamp-lighter have been
liquidated by liquor or satisfied by sixpences; then can we forget that
besides this private bounty we also have a duty to our country? Lives
there the man with soul so dead, Whose heart within him has not bled,
And who, quite promptly has not fled, at mention of that grandest of
Nineteenth Century inspirations, the Jubilee Imperial Institute? The
Imperial Institute is----" (Here mention what it is. If you don't quite
know, you can count upon none of your readers being any the wiser. Then
add appeals for cash, a few more Yule-tide common-places, and a general
and genial wind-up.)
* * * * *
When a judgment is re-versed, ought not the original to have been in
rhyme?
* * * * *
[Illustration: hand] NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions,
whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description,
will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and
Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no
exception.
[Illustration: INDEX]
ABSURD to a Degree, 13
Actor's Progress (The), 203
Adam Slaughterman, 88
Addio, Adelina! 286
Advice Gratis, 246
Albert Hall Concert, 244
All in Play, 49, 88, 100, &c.
All the Difference, 82, 222
"All the Talents," 300
Almost too Good to be True, 251
Alteram Partem, 278
Amen! 253
American China, 146
American Chorus, 249
Another "Butler;" or, A Thorne in his side, 301
Another Chance for Joe and Jesse, 215
Arms and the (Police) Man, 17
'Arry at the Sea-side, 111
'Arry on Angling, 45
'Arry on his Critics, 280
'Arry on Law and Order, 249
'Arry on Ochre, 169
Artist's Holiday (The), 94
At Hawarden, 226
At Home with Atoms, 114
At the Lyceum, 26
At the Naval Review, 30
At the Oval, 61
Autumn Lay (An), 189
BABES in the Christmas Wood (The), 267
Backing Baco, 126
Bacon Again, 288
Bacon v. Shakspeare, 286
Bad News for Tea-Drinkers, 192
Ballade of the House (A), 82
Ballade of the Timid Bard, 185
Ballet (The), 97
Bard at Henley (The), 5
Barr Drink (A), 137
Bartlett's Baby, 214
Battle of the Way (The), 157
"Bearing of it lies in the Application" (The), 219
Bicyclists of England (The), 145
Big Work and Little Hands, 184
Bishop and Port, 254
Black Affair at Hayti (A), 217
Blessings in Disguise, 29
Bob Sawyer Redivivus, 179
Bogey in Bond Street, 190
"Bon Voyage!" 93
Bounties to Foreigners, 205
Boy and the Bear (The), 142
Brigand's Doom (The), 129
Burly Gentleman (A), 232
Burning Question (A), 96
By a Canterbury Belle, 69
By George! 231
CASE-o'-my-Banker, 118
Chairs to Mend, 190
Change, 75
Change of Name, 106
Channel Talk, 81, 191
"Charles our Friend," 222
Chess-shire Cheese (A), 58
Chimes (The), 294
Christmas Crimes, 310
"Christmas is Coming!" 243
Circular Note (A), 293
Circus Performances, 117
Clear as Crystal; or, All about it, 29
Cloud of Yachts (A), 193
"Cold id by Doze," 196
Complaint of the Cockney Clerk (The), 167
Confessor's Costume (A), 244
Conscientious Apparition (The), 298
Conventional Politeness, 210
Cornet and Piano, 301
Correct Card (The), 62
Country Cousin's Vade Mecum (The), 46
Court Circular (The), 40
Crossing the Bar, 165
Cry from the Counting-house (A), 285
DARK Look-out (A), 17
Day Out (A), 26
Dear Departed (The), 298
Derby and Gladstone, 203
Despatch with Economy, 38
Difficult Navigation, 54
Disputed Will (A), 273
Doll-ce Domum, 309
Down-y Philosopher (A), 261
Dramatic Oratorio (A), 269
Drury Lane with Pleasure, 113
Duke's Motto (The), 123
Dustman and the Barge-Owner (The), 239
'EAT of Discussion (The), 145
Echoes from St. James's Palace, 178
Elegant Extracts by Eminent Men, 61
End of the Jubilee (The), 62
End of the Summer (An), 133
Epitaph (An), 40
Essence of Parliament, 11, 23, 35, &c.
Euthanasia, 203
Eviction, 74
Extra Special, 246
FATHER of the Man (The), 123
Ferdinand and Ariel, 76
"Finis Coronat Opus," 76
Fire and Water, 78
First in the Field, 112
Fishers (The), 219
Fistic Crack, Smith (The), 286
Fling at Fair Traders, 277
Floreat Maschera! 3
Fly and the Farmers (The), 106
For an Irish Trip, 118
Foreign Language Competition, 70
Forest Talk, 166
Foul is Fair, 40
Founded on Fact, 291
Four Noble Burglars (The), 216
From a Country Cousin, 303
From Mr. Henry Irving's Note-Book, 201
Furnishing Fictionists, 292
Future Position of the Army (The), 276
GARDEN, Lane, and Market, 5
Garden Talk, 153
Gentle Johnny Bull, 208
Gentle Shepherd! 173
"Gesta Grayorum," 16
Gladstone Bait (The), 230
"Glass Falling!" 66
Gog and Magog at the Ball, 9
Gold and Steel, 158
"Good Gun" (A), 90
Grandolph's Teachings, 21
Grasp your Thistle, 161
Great News for the Impecunious, 141
Great Thirst Land (The), 40
HAVOC! 61
Hazard of A-dye (The), 66
Heavy Lightning, 145
Henry Mayhew, 53
Hibernia to the Queen, 9
Hints for the Unemployed, 202
Hint to the Howlers (A), 113
His First Appearance at the Café des Ambassadeurs, 218
Holiday Hints, 105
"Homes in the Hills," 102
"Home, Sweet Home!" 12
House and Home, 129
How Then? 166
How to Escape the Fog, 258
Humility, 221
Hydropathic Art, 278
Hygienic, 153
IMPERIAL Institutors, 204
Important Summing-Up (An), 255
In Convocation, 24
Infant Phenomenon (The), 306
Ingratitude of Grandolph (The), 227
Insurer's Phrase-Book (The), 77
In their Crackers, 297
In the Nick of Time, 292
Invitation (An), 87
Irish Net Profit, 108
"Irish Prosecutions," 183
JACK'S Response, 38
Jaw-holding, 220
Jenny Lind, 219
Jest in Earnest, 63
Jills in Office, 4
Joe's Jaunt, 189
Jupiter Tonans! 102
KEPT In, 250
Knight Thoughts, 197
LADIES' Law, 65
Lady Godiva and her Portraits, 14
Laissez-Faire, 110
Land Measure, 73
Lane and Garden, 33
Larks and the Roses (The), 261
Larks for Legislators, 34
Last of the Go-he-cans (The), 221
Last (Signal) Man (The), 162
Last Visit (but One) to the Academy (The), 9
Latest Addition to Fairy Land, 250
Latest and Best from Berlin (The), 270
Latest from Lord's (The), 2
Latest Street Improvement, 15
Lawful (?) Latitude, 84
Lay of Lawrence Moor! 292
Learned Protest (A), 297
Learning the Language, 117
Legion of Dishonour (The), 182
Lesson for the Day (The), 242
Lesson of the Royal Review (The), 28
Letter-Bag of Toby, M.P., 173, 184, 196, &c.
Lichfield House of Call (A), 180
Light from the Wind, 133
Lighting the Dublin Beacon, 258
Line for Browning (A), 237
Literary Find (A), 252
Loaded with Presents, 174
"Long expected come at Last!" 5
Lord Mayor's Day in Dublin (A), 170
Lord Salisbury's Shakspeare, 273
Lords and Ladies, 21
Lost Record (The), 130
MAGAZINES in Bulk, 205
Making it Easy, 42
Manners and Customs of the City of London, 228
Marble Arch (The), 73
"Margarine," 34
May in November, 242
Measure for Measure, 96
Medical New Year's Day (The), 166
Messenger of Peace (The), 186
"Mi Lor Maire," 240
Mixed Pickles; or, A Very Late Party, 14
More Advice Gratis, 130
More Jills in Office, 17
More Realism, 221
More Reminiscences, 232
Morning's Reflections (The), 157
Mr. Gladstone on the Fifth of November, 208
Mr. Punch's Manual for Young Reciters, 25, 37, 64, &c.
Muse in Manacles (The), 192
"My Lawyer," 26
Mysterious Paper (A), 225
NAPPY Holiday (A), 228
Necessary Explanation (A), 278
Negative Results, 238
Ne Plus Ulster, 191
New, and Bad, "Hatch" (The), 6
New North-West Passage (The), 174
New Quixote (The), 194
New Sixpence (The), 274
Newton and the Apple, 18
New Version, 231
New Wersion of an Old Song (A), 72
New Year Mems, 305
New Year's Card (A), 302
Not a "Deus ex Machinâ," 150
(Not at all) Bad Homburg, 155
(Not so) Bad Homburg, 143
Nottingham v. Sunderland, 201
Novel Reader's Vade Mecum (The), 105
Nu Dikshonary (The), 165
Nuggets in North Wales, 304
O'BRIEN'S Breeches, 274
Obviously, 237
Octopus of Romance and Reality (The), 171
Official Object Lessons, 22
Of the Maske-aline Gender, 28
Old Doggerel Adapted, 22
Oldest Sketching Club in the World (The), 270
"On his Own Hook!" 114
On the Stump, in Two Senses, 141
On the Wing, 138
On the Wrong Scent, 270
Open Question, 264
Operatic Confusion, 1
Our Advertisers, 149, 197, 209
Our Booking-Office, 165, 180, 192, &c.
Our Christmas Booking-Office, 281
Our Debating Club, 245, 268
Our Exchange and Mart, 49, 69
Our Ignoble Selves, 121
Our Theatrical Picture-Posters, 275
PALACE of (Advertising) Art (The), 263
Papers from Pumphandle Court, 241
Parliamentary Ballyhooly (The), 62
Parliamentary Notices, 61
Paving the Way for him, 22
"Paying their Shot," 147
Peccant Member (The), 114
Philosopher's Stone (The), 252
Philosophy at the Popping-Crease, 25
Piccadilly Players, 293
Plea for the Birds (A), 125
Pleasant Traveller's Conversation-Book (The), 73
Plentiful Lac (The), 226
Pluck of Gggrrandddolllmann's Camp (The), 285
Point of Law (A), 161
Poor Old England! 162
Powers that be (The), 245
Pretty Centenarian (A), 122
Pretty Kettle of Fish (A), 154
Price of Support (The), 85
Private Banker's Pæan (The), 77
Privileged Pistols, 73
Pro Bono Publico, 197
Professor at the Dinner-Table (The), 287
Progressive Programme (A), 193
Promenading, 246
Protest (A), 186
QUEEN at Hatfield (The), 26
Quite a Little Holiday, 179, 193
Quite Chrismassy, 281
Quite English, 134
"Quite English, you know," 282
RALEIGH too Bad, 6
Rapture, 93
Rasher Theory of Bacon (A), 278
Rather Mixed, 232
Real Grievance Office (The), 170
Real "Inky Flood" (A), 110
Real Sporting Event (A), 118
Reasons Why, 246
Recent Prize-Fight (The), 303
Regular Cell (A), 137
"Re-Joyce!" 278
Reminiscence of the Naval Review (A), 52
Richard Jeffries, 93
Rise in Balloons (A), 89
Robert at Lillie Bridge, 159
Robert at Kilburn, 255
Robert at Marlow, 125
Robert at the Academy, 13
Robert at the American Exhibition, 10
Robert at the Guildhall Ball, 33
Robert at the Ministerial Bankwet, 81
Royalty at the Palace, 4
Robert at Spithead, 57
Robert on Lord Mayor's Day, 237
Robert on Luxury, 206
Robert on Spelling, 183
Robert on the French Tung, 309
"Room and Verge," 75
Roses in December, 289
Row in the Gallery (A), 221
SAILOR'S Slip (The), 57
Salubrities Abroad, 65, 76, 86, &c.
Sardou and Sara, 258
Scarcely Worth While, 25
Scarletina at Truro, 225
Schoolmaster of the Future (The), 234
Sea-Dreams, 70
Seeing his Way, 39
Shakspeare Up Again, 289
Shakspearian Question (The), 274
Shows Views, 185, 208, 220, &c.
Shrimp Cure (The), 240
Sidonian Shakspeare, 46
Sigh of the Season (The), 106
Social Romance, 304
Society Sibyls, 279
Some More Official Jills, 50
Some Notes at Starmouth, 97, 120, 132, &c.
Something to Swallow, 303
Song by Sir Abel Handy, 24
Songs at Stamboul, 21
Soothing Song for August (A), 69
So Seasonable, you know, 245
Sound Opinion (A), 285
"Special" Reasons, 243
Stable Companion (A), 167
Straight Tip (The), 277
Strange Adventures of Ascena Lukin-glass, 109
Strictly Private, 232
Studies from Mr. Punch's Studio, 41, 204
Summer Boating Song, 58
Summer Soliloquy (A), 108
Suspiria, 229
Swivellerianism, 309
TALE of Terror (A), 110
Testimonial (A), 18
Theatrical Noes to Queries, 168
Theatrical Reciprocity, 277
Theory and Practice, 233
To a Lady Dentist, 195
To his Mistress, 249
Tom Brown & Co.'s Schooldays, 256
Too Clever by Half, 293
Too Much of a Good Thing, 3
"To Tea-pot Bay and Back," 121
To the Incomplete (Political) Angler, 209
To the Modern Men of Gotham, 281
To the Unemployed, 245
Town Mouse's Trials (The), 231
Toying with Truth, 286
Traveller's Vade Mecum (The), 64
Turning to the Left, 169
'Twill Illume, 243
Two Goats (The), 180
Two Canons and Bean-Baggers (The), 258
Two French Presidents rolled into One, 254
Two Voices (The), 198
Tympanum (The), 156
UNCOMMON, 306
Unemployed, 298
VENICE Unpreserved, 98
Verb Sap., 33
Very Annoying, 26
Very like a Wales, 62
Very Pretty Tale by Anderson (A), 124
Vicarious Whipping, 159
Visit to "The Licensed Vistlers", 291
Virtues of Omission 99
Voces Populi, 201, 214, 226, &c.
WAIL of Messrs. Burt and Fenwick, 145
Wail of the Male (The), 126
Wail of the Wire (The), 242
Waiting his Orders, 300
Wanted, a Theseus, 150
Way of the Wind (The), 99
Well Protected, 280
Welsh for the Welsh, 73
What was it? 138
Whistling Relief (The), 106
Whitman in London, 101
Why he Went, 82
Woes of the Water Consumer (The), 250
Words in Season, 123
Worth Cultivating, 290
Worth Mentioning, 14
Would-be "Literary Gent" (A), 274
LARGE ENGRAVINGS.
All the Difference, 223
Chimes (The), 295
Convention-al Politeness, 211
Difficult Navigation, 55
"Final Tableau" (The), 127
"Fire Fiend" (The), 79
"Glass Falling!" 67
"Good Gun" (A), 91
Grand Old Janus (The), 247
Infant Phenomenon (The), 307
Jupiter Tonans! 103
Justice at Fault, 163
Lighting the Dublin Beacon, 259
Making it Easy, 43
Messenger of Peace (The), 187
New "Hatch" (The), 7
New North-West Passage (The), 175
Newton and the Apple, 19
"On his own Hook!" 115
On the Wrong Scent, 271
"Overlooked!" 139
"Quite English, you know," 283
Schoolmaster of the Future (The), 235
Spithead, July 23, 1887, 31
Two Voices (The), 199
Wanted, a Theseus, 151
SMALL ENGRAVINGS.
Academy Pictures, 9, 13
Alderman's Reason for drinking Champagne, 226
Amateur Vocalist at a Penny Reading (An), 306
'Arry, 'Arriet, and the Indians, 18
Artist and his Rich Patron (An), 94
Artists and School-Board Notice, 46
Aunty and the Policeman, 231
Babes in the Christmas Wood (The), 266
Baby Bottesini (The), 38
Baby Gorilla (The), 214
Birds on the Telegraph Wires, 155
Boatman's Opinion on a Dress-Improver, 126
Bogeyish Pictures, 190
Boulanger-Ferry Duel (The), 63
Brown's Boarhound and the Rabbit, 270
Brown's Experience of Squalls, 118
Bulgar Boy and the Bear, 142
Buying Grouse, 135
Cannibal Uncle (A), 70
Chamberlain and the Gladstone Bait, 230
Children's Day in the Country (A), 30
Chimney-Sweep not in Black, 130
Chinaman on Tricycle (A), 50
Chorister Boys with the Mumps, 217
Churchill at the Battle of the Estimates, 39
Clergyman and the Widow (The), 263
Colour of the Gorse (The), 111
Comte de Paris and his Manifesto, 134
Costumes for the Recess, 143
Country Ladies and Street Boys, 291
Cricket at Lord's, 12, 28
Dachshund's Sore Throat (A), 278
Darwinian Ancestor (A), 265
Débutante's Series of Suppers (A), 222
Disadvantage of being an Aristocrat, 110
Division Lobbies (The), 11
Don Chamberlain Quixote, 194
Duke evicting the Volunteers (The), 74
Dumb Crambo's School-Book Review, 37
East Countrymen on Disestablishment, 219
English and American Yachts, 157
Fag-end of the Session (The), 83
Family Starting for the Seaside, 90
Finding the Law Courts, 129
First Meet of the Season (The), 227
F.-M. Punch's Parliamentary Review, 23
Footman's Opinion of the Unemployed, 243
German Belle's English (A), 62
Gladstone and Jenny Jones, 290
Gladstone's Sale of Chips, 202
Gondolier and the Steam-launch, 98
Good-woodcuts, 48
Grandpapa, Johnny, and the Irish Stew, 298
Grand Parliamentary Cricket-Match, 71
Grouse Prospects, 60
Guest's Departure and the little Trees, 210
Hampstead Ponds (The), 198
Hansom Cab in a Hampstead Pond, 246
Honeymoon Riddle (A), 75
Host treading on Lady's Skirt, 213
House "Up" at Last (The), 131
How We Advertise Now, 262
Hungry Professor at a Pic-nic, 186
Improvised Butler and Distinguished Guest at Dinner-Table, 309
In Lowther Arcadia at Christmas Times, 299
Innings of the Two Bills, 2
"Instantaneous Photography" in Ireland, 238
Irish Waiter and Bow-legged Traveller, 195
Jack and Effie on the Sea-shore, 78
Japanese and the Lady's Feet (A), 267
John Bull and Miss Columbia, 122
John Bull and the Jubilee Gifts, 178
King of the Belgians and Ostend Fishery, 154
Ladies wilfully mistaking Identity, 42
Lady's Long-lasting Voice (A), 82
Laurie growing too rapidly, 159
"London Quite Empty!" 167
Long Sight or Short Arms? 203
Lordly Cecil and his Queen (The), 87
Lord Lytton translated into French, 218
Madame France's Next Fashion, 27
Making Good Use of the Square, 6
Mamma and her Selfish Daughters, 102
Matthews and the Police, 207
McScrew's Glasgow Friends, 179
Minister's Retort on Free Kirk Elder, 251
Missionary who couldn't convert the Sultan, 45
Miss Tomkyn's return from the Concert, 66
Modern Autolycus (The), 182
Money-making Schoolboy (The), 256
Mother-in-law's Return (A), 286
Mr. Punch's Parliamentary Naval Review, 35
Nelson as a Special Constable, 243
New French President (The), 279
Newly-titled Lord and an Old Chum, 225
New Shylock (The), 285
Nizan of Hyderabad and Britannia, 158
Northern Belle and Provincial Masher, 22
Not in Love--this Season, 274
Octopus of Romance and Reality, 171
Old Butler and Her Ladyship's Music, 234
Old Gent and Small Boy on Beach, 137
Old Lady and Cabman, 183
Old Lady forgets where she Dined, 26
Parliamentary Alpine Club, 59
Parliamentary Cattle-Show (The), 275
Parliamentary Harvest (The), 107
Pic-Nic Parties disturbed by Rain, 150
Pigheaded Attack on the Immortal Bard, 273
Pricing an Artist's Masterpiece, 3
Probable Pictures for Christmas, 250
Professional Cricketers, 53
Professor's Opinion on Long Words (The), 255
Public School Boy and his Grandfather, 123
Punch and the Police Recruit, 191
Punch as Apollo, 1
Punch at Portsmouth, 54
Railway Station Puzzle, 93
Record of the Session--Dead Heat, 133
Regretting not having eaten more Oysters, 294
Returning Home from Seaside, 162
Robert and Stingy Old Gent, 81
Rough Day at the Sea-side, 138
Sacred Music in French, 189
Salisbury awaking the Crocodile, 160
Science appealing to John Bull, 51
Scotch Wife and the Minister's Tricycle, 166
Seeing the Blondin Donkey, 99
Set Fair at Whitby, 114
Several Boxing Encounters, 287
Sharp Boy and Papa's Sixpence, 209
Sir W. V. Harcourt as Falstaff, 254
Sketching a Lady Sketcher, 174
Snap-shots for the Twelfth, 69
Society's Pugilistic Pet, 282
Speaker using the Birch (The), 47
Special Constable and Lady Cook, 258
Speechifying on Railway Platforms, 215
Street Puzzle--in the Strand, 117
Sultan's Appeal to Mr. Punch, 153
Teacher of Shorthand (A), 170
Times, Salisbury, and National League, 40
Toby's New Year's Greeting, 302
Tradesmen clearing Regent Street, 15
Triangular Duel of Operatic Managers, 21
Turning on Whiskey and Water, 106
Unemployed Man's Shovel (An), 206
University Coach and Volatile Pupil, 34
Unwelcome Lady Visitor (An), 86
Utilising a Theatrical Poster, 216
Watching a Couple on the Balcony, 58
Wearing a Real Engagement Ring, 239
Whim-buildin', 17, 29
Willow-Pattern Plate (The), 146
Wolff and the Sultan, 29
Wonderful Sporting Dog (A), 147
Woolly Landscape, but not Woolly Sheep (A), 303
[Illustration]
LONDON: BRADBURY AGNEW & CO., PRINTERS WHITEFRIARS.
[Illustration: PUNCH VOL 93
LONDON:
PUBLISHED AT THE OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET,
AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS.
1887.]
LONDON:
BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS.
[Illustration]
SCENE--_A snug and sequestered if cloudy corner of the Elysian Fields.
Present, the Shades of_ SHAKSPEARE _and_ BACON, _engaged in reading_ Mr.
DONELLY'S _egregious lucubrations, not without such mild and mitigated
mirth as becomes the locality. To them enters a small and sprightly
Personage, light-footed, but of seeming cis-Stygian solidity._
_Bacon_ } (_together_). Hillo!
_Shakspeare_ }
_Mr. Punch._ _That_ sounds human. Savours rather of my own Fleet Street
than of the realms of the _other_ Rhadamanthus. What cheer, sweet WILL?
How fare you, Brother FRANCIS? [_Salutes courteously._
_Bacon._ 'Twere affectation to ask _who_ you are, Sir. The question,
"How gat you here?" may perchance be more pertinent--and pardonable.
_Mr. P._ (_airily_). Oh, I had been for--say, the _x_th time--to see
"Our MARY" in _The Winter's Tale_, and being more inclined for
profitable talk than for sleep, I just took you on my way home.
_Bacon_ (_smiling_). Marry, Mr. PUNCH, were the statement of sequence
equivalent to the explanation of causation, yours would be a most
satisfactory answer.
_Shaks._ (_mildly_). Be not too scientifically scrutinising, Brother
BACON. Mr. PUNCH, _Puck_ and _Ariel_ in one, is free of all places, lord
of all latitudes, penetrator of all spheres, permeator of all elements.
_Mr. P._ True, sweet WILL! How much more catholic, in comprehension, as
in charity, is the creative mind than the merely critical one!
_Bacon._ Humph! That sounds Sphinxian. HERACLITUS the Obscure was
pellucid in comparison.
_Mr. P._ And yet, I warrant you, Master SHAKSPEARE here could play the
"Diver of Delos" where your pundit's plummet should not find bottom.
However, "broad-browed VERULAM," let not that brow's breadth cloud or
corrugate in vexation at my persiflage. What do you read, Sir?
_Shaks._ "Words, words, words!"
_Mr. P._ "I mean the matter that you read."
_Shaks._ "Slanders, Sir." For the coney-catching rogue--one
DONELLY--says here----but of course you know _what_ he says. [_The trio
laugh Homerically, until the asphodels wag their white heads and
convulse their starry corollas in sheer sympathy._
_Bacon._ By DEMOCRITUS, laughter in these latitudes is seldom enough of
this sort and compass.
_Mr. P._ To succeed in shaking the sides--of BACON, _here_, is somewhat
indeed, the greatest triumph, be sure, that awaits the incongruous
Cryptogrammatist.
_Shaks._ Would that BEN JONSON were with us to join in the glorious
guffaw.