_A Scene from "Peregrine Pickle"_
The painter betook himself to the house of the Flemish Raphael, and
the rest of the company went back to their lodgings; where Peregrine,
taking the advantage of being alone with the physician, recapitulated
all the affronts he had sustained from the painter's petulance,
aggravating every circumstance of the disgrace, and advising him, in the
capacity of a friend, to take care of his honour, which could not fail
to suffer in the opinion of the world, if he allowed himself to be
insulted with impunity by one so much his inferior in every degree of
consideration.
The physician assured him, that Pallet had hitherto escaped
chastisement, by being deemed an object unworthy his resentment, and
in consideration of the wretch's family, for which his compassion was
interested; but that repeated injuries would inflame the most benevolent
disposition; and although he could find no precedent of duelling among
the Greeks and Romans, whom he considered as the patterns of demeanour,
Pallet should no longer avail himself of his veneration for the
ancients, but be punished for the very, next offence he should commit.
Having thus spirited up the doctor to a resolution from which he could
not decently swerve, our adventurer acted the incendiary with the other
party also; giving him to understand, that the physician treated his
character with such contempt, and behaved to him with such insolence, as
no gentleman ought to bear: that, for his own part, he was every day put
out of countenance by their mutual animosity, which appeared in nothing
but vulgar expressions, more becoming shoe-boys and oyster-women
than men of honour and education; and therefore he should be obliged,
contrary to his inclination, to break off all correspondence with them
both, if they would not fall upon some method to retrieve the dignity of
their characters.
These representations would have had little effect upon the timidity of
the painter, who was likewise too much of a Grecian to approve of single
combat, in any other way than that of boxing, an exercise in which he
was well skilled, had they not been accompanied with an insinuation,
that his antagonist was no Hector, and that he might humble him into any
concession, without running the least personal risk. Animated by this
assurance, our second Rubens set the trumpet of defiance to his mouth,
swore he valued not his life a rush, when his honour was concerned, and
entreated Mr. Pickle to be the bearer of a challenge, which he would
instantly commit to writing.
The mischievous fomenter highly applauded this manifestation of courage,
by which he was at liberty to cultivate his friendship and society,
but declined the office of carrying the billet, that his tenderness of
Pallet's reputation might not be misinterpreted into an officious desire
of promoting quarrels. At the same time he recommended Tom Pipes, not
only as a very proper messenger on this occasion, but also as a trusty
second in the field. The magnanimous painter took his advice, and,
retiring to his chamber, penned a challenge in these terms,--
Sir,--When I am heartily provoked, I fear not the devil
himself; much less----I will not call you a pedantic
coxcomb, nor an unmannerly fellow, because these are the
hippythets of the wulgar: but, remember, such as you are, I
nyther love you nor fear you; but, on the contrary, expect
satisfaction for your audacious behaviour to me on divers
occasions; and will, this evening, in the twilight, meet you
on the ramparts with sword and pistol, where the Lord have
mercy on the soul of one of us, for your body shall find no
favour with your incensed defier, till death.
'Layman Pallet'
This resolute defiance, after having been submitted to the perusal, and
honoured with the approbation of our youth, was committed to the charge
of Pipes, who, according to his orders, delivered it in the afternoon;
and brought for answer, that the physician would attend him at the
appointed time and place. The challenger was evidently discomposed at
the unexpected news of this acceptance, and ran about the house in
great disorder, in quest of Peregrine, to beg his further advice and
assistance: but understanding that the youth was engaged in private with
his adversary, he began to suspect some collusion, and cursed himself
for his folly and precipitation. He even entertained some thoughts
of retracting his invitation, and submitting to the triumph of his
antagonist: but before he would stoop to this opprobrious condescension,
he resolved to try another expedient, which might be the means of saving
both his character and person. In this hope he visited Mr. Jolter, and
very gravely desired he would be so good as to undertake the office
of his second in a duel which he was to fight that evening with the
physician.
The governor, instead of answering his expectation, in expressing
fear and concern, and breaking forth into exclamations of, 'Good God!
gentlemen! what d'ye mean? You shall not murder one another while it is
in my power to prevent your purpose.' I will go directly to the governor
of the place, who shall interpose his authority,' I say, instead
of these and other friendly menaces of prevention, Jolter heard the
proposal with the most phlegmatic tranquillity, and excused himself from
accepting the honour intended for him, on account of his character
and situation, which would not permit him to be concerned in any such
rencounters. Indeed this mortifying reception was owing to a previous
hint from Peregrine, who, dreading some sort of interruption from his
governor, had made him acquainted with his design, and assured him, that
the affair should not be brought to any dangerous issue.
Thus disappointed, the dejected challenger was overwhelmed with
perplexity and dismay; and, in the terrors of death or mutilation,
resolved to deprecate the wrath of his enemy, and conform to any
submission he should propose, when he was accidentally encountered by
our adventurer, who, with demonstrations of infinite satisfaction, told
him, in confidence, that his billet had thrown the doctor into an agony
of consternation; that his acceptance of his challenge was a mere effort
of despair, calculated, to confound the ferocity of the sender, and
dispose him to listen to terms of accommodation; that he had imparted
the letter to him, with fear and trembling, on pretence of engaging him
as a second, but, in reality, with a view of obtaining his good offices
in promoting a reconciliation; but perceiving the situation of his
mind,' added our hero, 'I thought it would be more for your honour to
baffle his expectation, and therefore I readily undertook the task of
attending him to the field, in full assurance that he will there humble
himself before you, even to prostration. In this security you may go and
prepare your arms, and bespeak the assistance of Pipes, who will squire
you to the field, while I keep myself up, that our correspondence may
not be suspected by the physician.' Pallet's spirits, that were sunk to
dejection; rose at this encouragement to all the insolence of triumph;
he again declared his contempt of danger; and his pistols being loaded
and accommodated with new flints, by his trusty armour-bearer, he
waited, without flinching, for the hour of battle.
On the first approach of twilight, somebody knocked at his door,
and Pipes having opened it at his desire, he heard the voice of his
antagonist pronounce,--'Tell Mr. Pallet, that I am going to the place
of appointment.' The painter was not a little surprised at this
anticipation, which, so ill agreed with the information he had received
from Pickle; and his concern beginning to recur, he fortified himself
with a large bumper of brandy, which, however, did not overcome the
anxiety of his thoughts. Nevertheless, he set out on the expedition with
his second, betwixt whom and himself the following dialogue passed, in
their way to the ramparts.--
'Mr. Pipes,' said the painter, with disordered accent, 'methinks the
doctor was in a pestilent hurry with that message of his.'--'Ey, ey,'
answered Tom, 'I do suppose he longs to be foul of you.' 'What!' replied
the other, 'd'ye think he thirsts after my blood?' 'To be sure a does,'
(said Pipes, thrusting a large quid of tobacco into his cheek with great
deliberation). 'If that be the case,' cried Pallet, beginning to shake,
'he is no better than a cannibal, and no Christian ought to fight him
on equal footing.' Tom observing his emotion, eyed him with a frown of
indignation, saying,
'You an't afraid, are you?' 'God forbid!' replied the challenger,
stammering with fear, 'what should I be afraid of? the worst he can do
is to 'take my life, and then he'll be answerable both to God and man
for the murder: don't you think he will?'--'I think no such matter,'
answered the second: 'if so be as how he puts a brace of bullets through
your bows, and kills you fairly, it is no more murder than if I was to
bring down a noddy from the main-top-sail-yard.' By this time Pallet's
teeth chattered with such violence, that he could scarce pronounce this
reply.--'Mr. Thomas, you seem to make very light of a man's life; but I
trust in the Almighty I shall not be so easily brought down. Sure many a
man has fought a duel without losing his life. Do you imagine that I run
such a hazard of falling by the hand of my adversary?' 'You may or you
may not,' said the unconcerned Pipes, 'just as it happens. What then!
death is a debt that every man owes, according to the song; and if you
set foot to foot, I think one of you must go to pot,' 'Foot to foot!'
exclaimed the terrified painter, 'that's downright butchery; and I'll
be damned before I fight any man on earth in such a barbarous way. What!
d'ye take me to be a savage beast?' This declaration he made while they
ascended the ramparts. His attendant, perceiving the physician and his
second at the distance of an hundred paces before them, gave him notice
of their appearance, and advised him to make ready, and behave like a
man. Pallet in vain endeavoured to conceal his panic, which discovered
itself in an universal trepidation of body, and the lamentable tone in
which he answered this exhortation of Pipes, saying,--'I do behave like
a man; but you would have me act the part of a brute.--Are they coming
this way?' When Tom told him that they had faced about, and admonished
him to advance, the nerves of his arm refused, their office, he could
not hold out his pistol, and instead of going forward, retreated with
an insensibility of motion; till Pipes, placing himself in the rear, set
his own back to that of his principal, and swore he should not budge an
inch farther in that direction.
While the valet thus tutored the painter, his master enjoyed the terrors
of the physician, which were more ridiculous than those of Pallet,
because he was more intent upon disguising them. His declaration to
Pickle in the morning would not suffer him to start any objections when
he received the challenge; and finding that the young gentleman made
no offer of mediating the affair, but rather congratulated him on the
occasion, when he communicated the painter's billet, all his efforts
consisted in oblique hints, and general reflexions, upon the absurdity
of duelling, which was first introduced among civilized nations by the
barbarous Huns and Longobards. He likewise pretended to ridicule the
use of fire-arms, which confounded all the distinctions of skill and
address, and deprived a combatant of the opportunity of signalizing his
personal prowess.
Pickle assented to the justness of his observations; but, at the same
time, represented the necessity of complying with the customs of this
world (ridiculous as they were), on which a man's honour and reputation
depend. So that, seeing no hopes of profiting by that artifice, the
republican's agitation became more and more remarkable; and he proposed,
in plain terms, that they should contend in armour, like the combatants
of ancient days; for it was but reasonable, that they should practise
the manner of fighting, since they adopted the disposition of those iron
times.
Nothing could have afforded more diversion to our hero than the sight of
two such duellists cased in iron; and he wished that he had promoted the
quarrel in Brussels, where he could have hired the armour of Charles the
Fifth, and the valiant Duke of Parma, for their accommodation; but as
there was no possibility of furnishing them cap-à-pee at Antwerp, he
persuaded him to conform to the modern use of the sword, and meet the
painter on his own terms; and suspecting that his fear would supply him
with other excuses for declining, the combat, he comforted him with some
distant insinuations, to the prejudice of his adversary's courage, which
would, in all probability, evaporate before any mischief could happen.
Notwithstanding this encouragement, he could not suppress the reluctance
with which he went to the field, and cast many a wishful look over his
left shoulder, to see whether or not his adversary was at his heels.
When, by the advice of his second, he took possession of the ground, and
turned about with his face to the enemy, it was not so dark, but that
Peregrine could perceive the unusual paleness of his countenance, and
the sweat standing in large drops upon his forehead; nay, there was
a manifest disorder in his speech, when he regretted his want of the
_pila_ and _parma_, with which he would have made a rattling noise, to
astonish his foe, in springing forward, and singing the hymn to battle,
in the manner of the ancients.
In the mean time, observing the hesitation of his antagonist, who, far
from advancing, seemed to recoil, and even struggle with his second, he
guessed the situation of the painter's thoughts, and collecting all the
manhood that he possessed, seized the opportunity of profiting by
his enemy's consternation. Striking his sword and pistol together, he
advanced in a sort of a trot, raising a loud howl, in which he repeated,
in lieu of the Spartan song, part of the strophe from one of Pindar's
Pythia, beginning with _ek theon gar mekanai pasai Broteais aretais,
&c_. This imitation of the Greeks had all the desired effect upon the
painter, who seeing the physician running towards him like a fury, with
a pistol in his right hand, which was extended, and hearing the dreadful
yell he uttered, and the outlandish words he produced, was seized with
an universal palsy of his limbs. He would have dropped down upon the
ground, had not Pipes supported and encouraged him to stand upon his
defence. The doctor, contrary to his expectation, finding that he had
not flinched from the spot, though he had now performed one half of his
career, put in practice the last effort, by firing his pistol, the noise
of which no sooner reached the ears of the affrighted painter, than
he recommended his soul to God, and roared for mercy with great
vociferation.
[Illustration: 064]
The republican, overjoyed at this exclamation, commanded him to yield,
and surrender his arms, on pain of immediate death; upon which he threw
away his pistols and sword, in spite of all the admonitions and even
threats of his second, who left him to his fate, and went up to his
master, stopping his nose with signs of loathing and abhorrence.
The victor, having won the _spolia opima_, granted him his life,
on condition that he would on his knees supplicate his pardon,
acknowledging him inferior to his conqueror in every virtue and
qualification, and promise for the future to merit his favour by
submission and respect. These insolent terms were readily embraced by
the unfortunate challenger, who fairly owned, that he was not at all
calculated for the purposes of war, and that henceforth he would contend
with no weapon but his pencil. He begged, with great humility, that
Mr. Pickle would not think the worse of his morals for this defect of
courage, which was a natural infirmity inherited from his father, and
suspend his opinion of his talents, until he should have an opportunity
of contemplating the charms of his Cleopatra, which would be finished in
less than three months.
Our hero observed, with an affected air of displeasure, that no man
could be justly condemned for being subject to the impressions of fear;
and therefore his cowardice might easily be forgiven: but there was
something so presumptuous, dishonest, and disingenuous, in arrogating
a quality to which he knew he had not the smallest pretension, that
he could not forget his misbehaviour all at once, though he would
condescend to communicate with him as formerly, in hopes of seeing
a reformation in his conduct. Pallet protested that there was no
dissimulation in the case: for he was ignorant of his own weakness,
until his resolution was put to the trial: he faithfully promised
to demean himself, during the remaining part of the tour, with that
conscious modesty and penitence which became a person in his condition:
and, for the present, implored the assistance of Mr. Pipes, in
disembarrassing him from the disagreeable consequence of his fear.