WILLIAM HOHENZOLLERN is reported to be busy sawing trees. Some declare
that his energy is due to an hallucination that they are German
generals. Others say the whole story is a clumsy attempt to discredit
him with the Labour party.
***
Dublin Corporation has decided to increase its revenue by eight
thousand pounds by raising the charge on water. Citizens are urged to
put patriotism before prejudice and give the stuff a trial.
***
The inconveniences that attend influenza reached their climax a few
days ago when an occupant of a crowded tube train blew the nose of the
man next to him in mistake for his own.
***
The beggar who has been going about telling a pitiful story of being
wounded by a trench-mortar during the Jutland battle is now regarded
by the police as an impostor.
***
A defendant in a County Court case at Liverpool last week stated in
his evidence that he had been on the telephone for the last twenty
years. In fairness to the Postal authorities he should have admitted
that it was a trunk call.
***
[Illustration: _Foreman (late R.S.M.)._ "'ERE! YOU AIN'T IN THE ARMY
NOW. THERE'S NO CALL FOR _YOU_ TO KEEP A WATCH ON THE RHINE."]
***
A lady-correspondent, writing to a daily paper, laments the fact
that the War has changed a great many husbands. Surely the wife who
receives the wrong husband can get some sort of redress from the War
Office.
***
All the main-line railways are to be electrified, Sir ERIC GEDDES told
the House of Commons. Meanwhile he has successfully electrified all
the old buffers.
***
A number of women are doing good work as mates on Medway sailing
barges. The denial of the report that one of them recently looked at
a Wapping policeman for five minutes on end without once repeating
herself may be ascribed to professional jealousy.
***
"The small car," says a trade contemporary, "has come to stop." We can
well believe it. It is an old habit.
***
It has been discovered that the new Education Act, which prohibits
boys under twelve being worked for more than two hours on Sunday, may
apply to choir-boys. A Commission, we understand, is to be called upon
to decide finally whether they are really boys or just little demons.
***
A man who applied to the Bloomsbury County Court for relief against an
eviction order stated that he could find no other suitable house, as
he had nine children under fourteen years of age. His residential
problem remains unsolved, but we understand, with regard to the other
difficulty, that the Board of Works has offered to sell him a card
index at considerably below cost.
***
"Bridegrooms," says a contemporary, "are discovering that weddings
cost more." The growing practice among fathers-in-law of delivering
their daughters "free at rail," instead of, as formerly, "from house
to house," may have something to do with it.
***
"Ramsgate," says _The Daily Mail_, "is racing Margate in Thanet's
reconstruction." At present Margate still claims to lead by one
nigger and two winkle-barrows.
***
The Colorado Legislature has passed a resolution in favour of Irish
independence. The remark attributed to Mr. A.J. BALFOUR, that he
always thought Colorado was the name of a twopenny cigar, has failed
to make the situation easier.
***
"A pupil at a West London 'out-of-work' school," says a news item,
"daily attends his studies in an opera-hat." On being informed of this
fact, Sir THOMAS BEECHAM is reported to have expressed the opinion
that its significance was obvious.
***
President WILSON, it is announced, hopes to visit Scotland shortly for
some golf. He believes that some adjustment of the dispute as to the
respective merits of the running-up and pitch-and-stop methods of
approach should be embodied in the Peace terms if international
harmony is to be really secured.
***
Primroses and crocuses are blooming in North London. Pending an
official announcement by _The Daily Mail_ people are requested to
accept this as a preliminary Spring.
***
Concrete ships, says a Government official, can be made in moulds. But
of course you must not forget to grease the tin.
***
A Sinn Feiner, arriving home in Crossgar, Co. Down, last week, had
a very hearty welcome. Thirteen spectators and seven policemen were
injured.
***
Many members of the Bar are greatly afraid that some learned judge
will ask, "What is the Jazz-step?" before the question has really been
settled by the dancers themselves.
***
The young lady who, on receiving a proposal of marriage over the
telephone last week, replied, "Yes, who's speaking?" turns out to be
an ex-typist recently demobilised from the Air Ministry.
***
It is interesting to note that to-day is the anniversary of the day
that was not a Flag-day last year.
* * * * *