I
“I’s glad de kunnel an’ ole miss is gone to N’Awleens,” Hopey Prophet
remarked as she sank her thickly upholstered body into a deeply
upholstered chair in the Gaitskill drawing-room. “I likes to take a seat
an’ set down in de white folks’ parlor an’ ack white.”
“If de kunnel knowed we wus settin’ in dis boodwar, he’d bu’st our
necks,” Dazzle Zenor giggled as she sat down on the stool at the grand
piano and ran her slim ebony fingers over the white keys.
“I’ll shore fergit to tell him whar we spent our time while he wus
gone,” Hopey chuckled, as she raised herself from the chair and waddled
across the room to turn on all the electric lights. “Whut Marse Tom
ain’t know won’t hurt us.”
“I needs a beau to entertain me in dis nice room,” Dazzle smiled,
looking up at the chandelier now blazing with light. “All dis noble
arrangement is wasted on me ’thout no man to see me in de middle of it.”
“Dat remark shows dat Skeeter Butts is still pesterin’ yo’ mind,” Hopey
told her. “Ef he takes a notion to pay a call-visit, I’ll shore set
right here an’ chapperoon him.”
“Us won’t need you,” the girl remarked in a dreamy tone as she ran her
fingers down the keyboard of the piano. “Skeeter shore do look brave in
his soldier suit.”
“Brave!” Hopey snorted. “Brave! Dat Skeeter Butts is de biggest coward
in de Nunited States of Loozanny!”
“He ain’t!” Dazzle protested.
“He am!” Hopey insisted, nodding her big head on her fat shoulders.
“Skeeter ain’t never seed nothin’ in his life dat he wusn’t skeart of.
He’s a nachel-bawn ’fraid-cat!”
“I don’t b’lieve dat,” Dazzle snapped. “Didn’t he go off an’ jine de
army at de fust off-startin’ of de war?”
“Suttin he did!” Hopey chuckled. “But how come? Three nigger womens wus
in dis town on de very same day; each one had a weddin’ license to marry
Skeeter Butts—an’ you wus one of dem three womens! An’ whut did Skeeter
up an’ do?”
“He volunteered to jine de army.”
“Shore! He wus forced to volunteer! Don’t dat show he’s a coward an’ a
’fraid-cat?” Hopey howled. “Why didn’t he stay in Tickfall like a brave
man an’ marry dem three nigger womens?”
“He didn’t run because he wus skeart,” Dazzle asserted in Skeeter’s
defense. “He jined de army because a lifelong war wid three nigger women
wifes is too much of a muchness fer even a brave soldier like Skeeter.”
“I wish dat Mr. Bill Kaiser’s war had kotch him,” Hopey growled
disloyally. “I bet dem Hunches would ’a’ throwed a skeer into Skeeter
dat mought ’a’ skeart all de skeer out of him.”
“Skeeter wus a brave soldier,” Dazzle repeated obstinately.
“Soldier!” Hopey repeated with a contemptuous sniff. “Skeeter wusn’t
nothin’ but a boot-black in de army, totin’ pink notes to de kunnel fer
de lady folks.”
“Skeeter told me dat him an’ de military kunnel looked fer Mr. Bill
Kaiser eve’ywhar,” Dazzle informed her. “It wus Mr. Bill dat wus skeart
of Skeeter. He hid out, an’ Skeeter couldn’t connect up wid him or find
him nowhars. Skeeter is a dangersome nigger.”
“Skeeter wus jes’ tryin’ to locate Mr. Kaiser so he would know whut
place to stay away from,” Hopey growled. “He imagined he warn’t skeart
of de Hunches, but he warn’t aimin’ to let de Hunches _run_ him.”
“’Tain’t so,” Dazzle answered sharply. “I bet ef I wus in danger right
now, Skeeter would come up here an’ rescue me.”
“Suttinly,” Hopey grumbled. “Fust-off, he’d break a leg runnin’ up to
Sheriff Flournoy’s orfice to git de sheriff to he’p him, because he
growed up in Marse John’s house, an’ he is de sheriff’s little pet
nigger. Next-off, he’d git all de white folks an’ niggers in town and
lead ’em up on dis hill. Den he’d sneak aroun’ behime a tree an’ wait
till de rookus wus over, an’ at de last he’d hop in an’ ack like he done
it all!”
Dazzle was angry. She glared at Hopey with fine rage, and tried to think
of something to say that would crush the fat woman flat. But nothing but
a falling planet would ever flatten Hopey, so that young colored actress
with several histrionic manifestations of intense indignation flounced
out of the room, followed by the exasperating chuckles of the victorious
Hopey Prophet.
In the rear hallway Dazzle paused at sight of the telephone. Her
milk-white teeth gnawed at her lower lip as she debated something in her
mind. Then, with an air of decision, she sat down at the desk and lifted
the receiver from the hook.
“Central, I wants to talk to de Hen-Scratch saloon, please, ma’am!”
After a moment’s wait something popped in her ear, and a voice spoke:
“Hello!”
“Is dat you, Skeeter Butts? Listen! Dis here am Dazzle Zenor. I’s at
Marse Tom Gaitskill’s home wid Hopey Prophet. Somebody is tryin’ to
bu’st in dis house an’ rob it——”
A squealing shriek sounded so sharply in Dazzle’s ear that she jerked
her head away from the receiver, ceased speaking, and waited until the
vocal disturbances had subsided.
“Dey is tryin’ to bu’st in de front door, Skeeter!” Dazzle told him. “Me
an’ Hopey lef’ de kitchen door onlocked so Vinegar Atts could come in
when he got back. Ef dem robbers goes aroun’ to de back side de house,
dey’ll shore git in. Come up here right away an’ rescue us!”
A squealing interrogation sounded through the phone, and Dazzle smiled
as she answered:
“Dar ain’t more’n seven robbers, Skeeter. But you kin lick ’em like you
done in de army. Don’t git skeart!”
Although Skeeter’s reply was not intelligible, his shrieking voice, in
reply, was audible even in the drawing-room, where Hopey sat shaking
like a jelly-bowl with laughter.
“Come all alone by yo’se’f, Skeeter!” Dazzle implored him. “Us don’t
want no crowd up here an’ no excitemunt. Don’t tell no white folks!”
Dazzle paused to listen to a few more excited squawkings from the
telephone, then she commanded:
“Come by yo’se’f, an’ come in a hurry, befo’ I gits kilt! Fer Gawd’s
sake, hurry, Skeeter!”
She left the telephone and entered the room where Hopey sat, smiling
with great satisfaction.
“You done played a fool now!” Hopey told her.
Dazzle preened herself before a mirror in preparation for Skeeter’s
arrival.
“Skeeter’s comin’, Hopey,” Dazzle giggled. “’Tain’t no matter how big a
coward a feller is, he’s afraid to cornfess dat he’s a ’fraid-cat!”