_New Services and a Removal._
It would prove an endless task, were I to attempt an illustration of
the various characters I met at Tunbridge. I must however acknowledge,
there was a diversity in my employment, that exactly suited my
disposition.
If I was one day the slave of the froward and intemperate, the next
perhaps introduced me to those gentler spirits, to whom even a Donkey
is disposed to do justice. But I must not omit to mention the races
which took place during my sojourn in Kent.
The first day passed without any thing memorable or essential to
my history, excepting that a sort of emulative ambition swelled my
ass-like bosom, on seeing a really _ordinary_ Donkey receive many marks
of favour in consequence of his success as a racer. I rather imagine,
that my carriage and manner betrayed a desire for this distinction;
for Mr. Staples, on the ensuing morning, held a consultation in my
presence, which seemed to imply that he thought me _capable_ of an
attempt of the kind, with some regret for his remissness in not
proposing me as a candidate for a saddle, to be won that day. As ill
fortune would have it, the destined competitor for this prize was
missing at the appointed hour; every search was made, but without
success; and at a few minutes’ warning, a perfect stranger to my
jockey, and wholly untrained, I was called upon to exhibit myself on
the Donkey course. Conceive the delicacy of my situation when led
through a crowd of spectators, I took my place between two professed
racers! I saw them sneer contemptuously, and felt how complete their
triumph would be if I suffered myself to be frightened into inertness:
and though the object of a new saddle was to me a most desirable
prize, (whose back was already sore from the friction of my present
accoutrements,) I would gladly have borne with “the ill I knew,” rather
than venture on an attempt which might expose me to derision.
My jockey was certainly very encouraging, but I recollected, that
on the preceding day a most marked difference was observable in the
manners of the multitude when the horses ran and when the Donkies
displayed their agility. On the former occasion, a sort of interested
attention was visible, and in their applause was mixed some of those
expressions which implied sympathy for the animals that contributed to
their amusement. But when the Donkies started, nothing but laughter
ensued--loud, boisterous, unrestrained laughter! Now to me, this was
particularly offensive; I always had a dread of this species of mirth.
Whether I am really more nervous than the generality of my class, I
know not, but I confess the effect of this emotion has frequently
incapacitated me for exertion. As I could not hope to escape this
mark of distinction, I endeavoured to collect my harassed spirits;
and listening attentively to the opinion and expectations of my
appointed rider, hoped that I had acquired some portion of fortitude.
We started!--and the shouts of the spectators as instantly commenced. I
lost my self-possession, suddenly stopped, nor could the whip or spurs
of my rider move me until my competitors had reached their goal. I
never could (even to myself) satisfactorily account for this failure;
if I said the voices of _rational_ beings frightened me into cowardice,
you would call me an impertinent Ass:--yet, I have sometimes thought
the event would have been different, had my efforts been received
with more politeness. I know it _was_ insinuated that I took fright
at the sound of a penny trumpet blown by a little boy at the moment
I was passing; and some of my enemies went so far as to say, that my
ears were laid back;--in short, that I exhibited every symptom of
pusillanimity of which my species can be accused. But I positively
deny these slanders. Might not modesty, _genuine_ timidity be supposed
to have some influence on an Ass thus _suddenly_ brought into public
notice? Admitting that I had sighed to be distinguished, I only wished
to share the honours of my brethren; it never entered my imagination
that my master would elevate me to the highest post, without allowing
me to acquire some knowledge of the part I was to perform! Nor can I to
this day think I deserved the sarcasms that succeeded my defeat.
I can imagine the smiles of my readers at this epoch of my memoirs.
You will recollect my little vanities, and perhaps think I deserved to
be humbled. But I appeal to your _dispassionate_ judgments, ye gentle
judges! and would ask, if there is not some difference between the
animal that obtrudes his accomplishments upon the public, and one that
is involuntarily thrust into notice? You will say, my _secret_ wishes
stand in force against me.
I presume to controvert this position, and will obstinately maintain,
that a Donkey must be acquitted of all tendency to vain presumption
on this head, until something more near perfection is discoverable in
_your species_.
I am not such an Ass as to believe that vain wishes are not a
general foibles. I have seen too much of the world to be deceived in
this respect: and while my natural candour leads me to avow my own
defalcations, I would entreat my juvenile readers to be lenient in
their censure.
But to return. My master, who witnessed my disgrace, and whose awful
voice had too often been the harbinger of suffering to lose any of
its potency on this occasion, no sooner saw my failure than he rushed
forward and seizing the whip of my discomfited rider, beat me most
unmercifully. To what extremes his revenge might have been carried
it is impossible to say, had not a gentleman interposed, and, in an
authoritative tone, ordered him to desist.
“Inhuman man!” said the gentleman, “is it thus you abuse the faculties
with which your Maker has endowed you? Which is the greater brute--this
dumb animal, that fear or want of training has made unmanageable, or
you, who thus wantonly display the brutality of your heart?”
“He cou’d ha’ won it well enough if he’d chose,” replied my master,
“but he’s obstinate; and as he’s my own, I shall do as I please with
him.”
The whip was again raised, when my benevolent champion darted into the
crowd, and snatching the arm of Staples, wrested the weapon from his
hand.
“Master Staples,” said a countryman, in a low voice, “have a care what
you’re about, the gemmen’s a magistrate, and may commit you.”
“Oh!” thinks I to myself, “what a happy thing it is when such good
men are entrusted with power!” This was said in the simplicity of my
heart. I thought it impossible but my master would feel ashamed of the
conduct which had exposed him to the reproofs of the humane justice. I
may be mistaken; perhaps he was ashamed, and my ignorance of the way in
which this feeling exhibits itself in _your_ genus led me into error. I
will only add, that though his passion was restrained while we were in
public, he did not forget to give me a thrashing when we got home.
Balaam, who witnessed the inhuman revenge of my master, sympathized
most truly in my suffering.
“What a savage is man!” said he, when we were left to ourselves. “I
heard of your disgrace,” he continued, “if that can be called disgrace
in which we are machines and not free agents. But you were pleased with
the humane man who interfered between you and our master, Jemmy?”
“Yes,” said I, “I wish he were my master.”
“Aye, that would be well. Yet, rely upon it, you owe your second
drubbing to his kindness.”