_High Life._
Fortune had hitherto precluded me from any extensive acquaintance
with my own particular class; it was therefore with some timidity I
anticipated the greetings of my snoring companions; fatigue and hunger
had so completely subdued me, that contrary to our usual habits, I
stretched myself at full length, and no doubt added to the _harmony_ of
my associates.
Daylight was just peeping through our dilapidated shed, when my
slumbers were broken by the whispering of my neighbours.
“A fellow-labourer, of course,” said one.
“He little thinks what a life he will lead,” replied the other.
“My friends!” said I, starting up, “allow an inexperienced Donkey, the
benefit of your counsel?” I was proceeding in a strain of respectable
entreaty, when one of my new neighbours imperiously replied--
“Experience implies _age_, and from your height I should conclude you
were my senior.”
Hum, thinks I to myself, this is vanity, but of another kind; “But Sir,
or Madam,” I continued, “I presume not to judge by this light--you
_may_ be younger than myself, and you may be as old as my grandam.”
This unfortunate remark excited the indignation of my reprover, who
turning from me in disdainful silence left me to regret my silly
attempts at repartee. I was beginning to arrange a conciliatory
apology, when the ill-suppressed laughter of my other companion checked
my purpose,
“I certainly know that voice,” said he, “it can be none but the
thoughtless Jemmy.”
“My dearest Mr. Balaam,” said I, _now_ really glad to hear his rough
voice, “by what fortunate event do we meet at Tunbridge?”
“The _fortune_ of the thing rests with yourself, Jemmy, for I will
answer for my visit being wholly involuntary; of course the love of
novelty brings you hither; still a seeker after fashions I suppose,
though by the langour of your voice, I conclude you do not find smart
saddles and white bridles constitute the entire happiness of an Ass.”
With a sigh of heart-felt anguish I assented to this, simply stating
the long fast I had been necessitated to keep.--Balaam generously
cheered my spirits by assuring me I should fare tolerably well in
my present service, but it was equally certain my fatigue would be
extreme. The high minded Juba, who had treated me so cavalierly, now
advanced and appeared desirous of my friendship.
I was too great a novice in the ways of the Donkey world, to understand
that the countenance I received from Balaam had raised me in the
estimation of this worldly Ass.
It might be a proof of _his discernment_ to value those whom
Balaam esteemed, but my ideas of _friendship_ were at this period
purely romantic, perhaps _you_ will call them vain; I looked for
a congeniality of sentiments, similar tastes, in short, all those
nothings which make up the tottering fabric of juvenile attachments. Of
course while under this delusion, the advances of Juba met my sovereign
contempt.--Balaam laughed at us, called us a pair of idiots, and by
bidding me relate my precious adventures diverted my rising indignation.
The sincerity of my nature would not suffer me to gloss over my faults;
I told my tale briefly, but faithfully.
“Well,” said Balaam, as my narration closed, “it must be confessed you
merit your present degradation,--to leave Penrose paddock for you knew
not what? silly, ungrateful Ass!”
“But, my dear Mr. Balaam,” said I, “I fully intended to return; I only
wished to enjoy a morning ramble, and pray take into consideration that
geography is not our fort.”
“Silence,” retorted Balaam,--“no quibbling Sir; instinct is bestowed
upon _us_: let me tell you, Mr. Jem, that the Ass enjoys a large
portion of this gracious gift;--what animal is quicker at scenting
his master than an Ass? more readily knows his home, or is more
sagacious in discovering the best track in a mountainous soil?--but
you have carved your own fortune, and must abide by it, only beware
of murmuring, nor by stepping out of your character as an Ass expose
yourself to contempt.”
My heart was full, the severity of Balaam seemed peculiarly ill-timed,
it was not in nature that a young hungry Donkey could bear such cutting
language.
“I may have been faulty,” said I, “but all Asses are not as wise as Mr.
Balaam.”
Balaam brayed most ironically, then in a softened tone added,--“It is
my regard for you leads me to reprove your vanity; I know that the
animal who offers advice is generally considered an Ass, but it shall
not deter me from warning the offspring of an old friend.”
My feelings were instantly subdued, and with a tremulous voice I
inquired after my parents. Balaam assured me my father was well when
he last met him, and that my mother was most happily situated in the
family of a farmer Adams.--The door of our hovel was now unbarred;
after a glance at Juba, whose exterior by no means justified his
_juvenile_ presumption, and regaling on the soft luxuriant pasturage
that abounds in this pleasant country, we were called to work. A
saddle, at least half a foot too long, disgraced my back; I saw Balaam
smile as I curved and evinced my dissatisfaction at the unfitness of my
dress; the thing was irremediable, we were led to the hill where ponies
and donkeys of all sizes and descriptions were assembled.
It was quite a new scene to me; ladies and children mounted on ponies,
while nursing maids and footmen were gallopping away upon donkeys: they
seemed more able to carry than to guide; at length my turn came, and it
was necessary to change the saddle, for my rider was a lovely little
girl, about six years of age. A man and maid servant attended our
progress; the dear creature was so light, and her attendants appeared
so careful of her, I was convinced I carried no common burthen.
“Jane,” said my fair equestrian, “I wish mama could see me on this nice
Donkey.”
“As we are to have him for an hour, Lady Harriet,” replied the maid,
“suppose we lead him down to the cottage.”
The footman instantly took the hint, and walked by my side; as we
approached the residence of Lady Harriet, a lady from a chamber window
exclaimed,
“Well, how does my Harriet like her ride, are you sure you are not at
all afraid?”
“Oh, no mama, it is so quiet, I wish it was my very own.”
“A likely matter to be sure Miss,” rejoined a young gentleman, who had
just risen from his bed, and apparently roused to the exertion by a
motive which did not do him honour, “if papa buys it, it will be for
me, so make yourself easy as to that.”
At this moment a gentleman with a book in his hand issued from behind
a tree.--“And pray Sir, who told you I was disposed to give any
indulgence to a selfish sluggard?” said he.
“Why I thought to be sure, you would never buy a Donkey for a girl,”
pouted the young gentleman; “but if I make haste and come down may I
have a ride papa?”
“Certainly not,” replied his father.
“If I get up early to-morrow morning may I ride?”
“I make no terms with my children,” resumed the gentleman turning
towards me: “it is a very fine Donkey, Philip,” he continued,
addressing the footman, “does he go well?”
“Remarkably well, my Lord, quiet as a lamb, his paces are very good
indeed.”
“What do you say Caroline, shall we make a purchase for Harriet?”
“Think how far we are from home,” said Lady Hampton,--“but do as you
please my dear, at all events we can have him for a week or two.”
“True; well then, suppose we send Philip to make an agreement with his
master;” Lady Hampton assenting, I was in less than an hour admitted
into the temporary service of Lady Harriet Fancourt. It may be a silly
remark I am going to make, but to me, there is not in existence,
so laughable an animal as a male pet.--Judging by what is expected
to constitute the masculine character in our class, I can make no
allowance for the irritable petulances, the tearful complaints, and the
jealous whims these creatures exhibit towards the softer sex, and until
these weaknesses are totally disowned by the masculine gender, I beg
leave to say, the word Hero must remain an indefinite expression.
I would call the month I passed in the Earl of Hampton’s family
a blissful dream, had not the caprices of Master Hubert Fancourt
occasionally interrupted my happiness.
It might sound harsh, to say this boy did not love his sister, but to
judge from appearances such really was the case.--If my little mistress
was enjoying a morning ride, Hubert was sure to interrupt us; and when
strictly interdicted not to mount my back, but get a pony whenever he
chose to rise at the hour his father appointed, though this mandate
was by the Earl considered decisive, the undutiful boy continually
infringed.
It was in vain that Philip interposed,--the poor nursery maid’s arms
more than once suffered severely from his unmanly pinches, while the
frightened Lady Harriet was threatened with a “good licking,” if she
ever told her papa or mama that he rode the Donkey.
I used to wonder the servants did not betray this young tyrant, till
I heard them say, “They could not find in their hearts to grieve such
good parents; that it was quite impossible to make out how Mr. Hubert
had grown such a tyrant, but they knew, when his brother, Lord Fancourt
came home for the holidays, he would either make him better, or explain
his thoughts to the Earl and his Lady.”
This event did not take place during my service in the Hampton family;
thus it is my painful task to speak only of the foibles of Master
Hubert. Lady Harriet was so gentle and affectionate in all respects,
that the servants were always disposed to please her, and I observed in
this sweet child a peculiarity of language I had never heard before.
“Philip, if you please, will you saddle the Donkey?” And “Jane, if you
have had your dinner, I should like a little ride.” These prettinesses
of speech sounded remarkably harmonious to my ears;--it did not appear,
that the words in _themselves_ were difficult of pronunciation, on
the contrary, I _had_ witnessed considerable efforts in children of
_different_ dispositions, who by the adoption of peremptory commands
laboured to make themselves ridiculous.
And how different was the effect! Alas! if young ladies and gentlemen
could know how much their characters suffer by such disgraceful
ebullitions, I think they would endeavour to be cautious, though they
considered their inferiors to be Asses.
But I was speaking of Hubert Fancourt; he had played us so many tricks,
I never saw him that I did not anticipate mischief. We were returning
from a pleasant airing one morning, Philip employed in making a
daisy chain for Lady Harriet, and Jane listening to the dear little
creature’s recitation of some beautiful verses; when this young ruffian
rushed through a hedge, and seizing my tail threw me of my guard, I
kicked up my heels, my lovely burthen with astonishing presence of mind
grasped the pommel of her saddle, and was thus spared from harm, but
the screams of Master Hubert assured me I had done mischief.
“You deserve it Sir,” said Philip, raising the boisterous boy from the
ground,--“I only hope you are more frightened than hurt.”
“Frightened you Booby, do you think I’m afraid of an Ass?” replied the
struggling Hubert, “get away, I want none of your assistance.”
“Lead the Donkey, Philip,” said Jane, “and let me look at that cruel
boy’s cheek.--Sir, I must wipe your face; it is bleeding,” continued
Jane, as the young gentleman strove to evade her purpose.
“Oh dear me Jane, is my cheek really bleeding?” rejoined the alarmed
Hubert. “What shall I do; will papa see it?”
“To be sure Sir, but you did not think perhaps, that your cruel trick
might have been the death of your sister.”
“Well but she is not hurt you see, so dont stand chattering about
what _might_ have been; what shall I say to papa? Help me out of this
scrape, for I know he will make such a row if he hears the truth.”
“Why I hope you dont intend to tell a story about it, Sir, and indeed,
if I am asked, depend upon it I shall tell the whole truth.”
“You nasty, cross, ill-natured thing, get out, I want none of your
assistance,” replied Hubert, pushing the conscientious Jane on one
side, and hastening home.
I certainly regretted that any branch of Lord Hampton’s family should
suffer through _me_, yet I put it to all, and every description of
animals, not to impute it to a _criminal_ intention.--Against an _open_
attack, the most simple Ass might guard, but there is no saying how
_any_ creature will conduct himself, who is _covertly_ assailed. I
hope I shall stand acquitted to my readers, for I should blush to
think that even a momentary resentment had led me into the error of
ingratitude.
My little Mistress expressed her fears least her papa should be angry
with Hubert.
“We cannot help it my dear if he is,” said Jane; “Master Hubert is so
thoughtless and passionate, he must expect to suffer for it sometimes.”
Poor Lady Harriet could not understand the justice of this remark;
her affectionate heart took alarm; I was dismissed, and I saw her
sorrowfully approach the house.
Circumstances conspired to make me acquainted with the result of this
accident. Master Hubert’s wound, though slight, left some traces on his
cheek. In his hurry to avoid his father, he stole through the library
window and unexpectedly encountered the Earl just issuing from his
dressing-room.
“What has happened?” said my Lord, discovering that the linen of the
young rebel was stained with blood.--
“I, I was playing--that is--I took hold of the Donkey’s tail, and he
kicked me,” said Hubert, surprised into an acknowledgement of the truth.
“That is to say, you have been cruel Sir?” replied my Lord, “and the
animal in his own defence has retaliated; it is very fair, I hope it
will teach you humanity.”
Master Hubert discomfited, retreated to his chamber; and it is with
conscious pride I add, this _involuntary_ avowal precluded the young
gentleman from being admitted into the presence of Lord and Lady
Hampton for three days.
“We must check this pernicious propensity,” said the Earl to his Lady,
“or heaven knows where it will end. Cruelty to animals is a cowardly
vice, almost indicating a bad heart;--indeed, I wholly doubt the
existence of good feelings in any point, where this habit is suffered
to take deep root.”
I have heard, that Lady Hampton shed tears upon this occasion, and
while she lamented the misconduct of her son, wisely participated in
the judgment of my Lord, and banished him from her presence for the
prescribed term.--Had these excellent parents known the danger to which
their little girl had been exposed by the mischievous Hubert, it is
probable his punishment had been more severe.
The anger of this boy was now levelled at the servants, and during his
disgrace, I heard them frequently lament, that however contrite Master
Hubert might appear while he thought his papa and mama could hear him,
he was, if possible, more passionate and overbearing than ever.